Painted Moon Part 11

Leah's fingers were more certain with Jackie's b.u.t.tons and she slowly pulled the silk blouse open and carefully reached around to unhook Jackie's bra.

Jackie shrugged the blouse down her shoulders and impatiently pulled her bra down.

"You're getting tangled," Leah started to say, but Jackie pulled her head down, bringing Leah's mouth to her b.r.e.a.s.t.s.

"Dear G.o.d," Jackie murmured. She inched back on the bed and Leah's mouth followed her hungrily, then Leah was kneeling over her, feasting on Jackie's b.r.e.a.s.t.s even as Jackie crushed Leah's mouth to her.

Jackie wrapped her legs around one of Leah's, bringing herself urgently against Leah's hips. Her own pa.s.sion was frightening. She couldn't stop herself to wonder if Leah felt the same desperate need. She worried that her desire would repulse Leah, but she couldn't slow down. Her mind told her that she didn't know what to do, but her body knew. Her hands went to Leah's shirt again and when the b.u.t.tons wouldn't give way she tore them.

Leah groaned and her mouth left Jackie's b.r.e.a.s.t.s. She stood up for only a moment, shaking off her torn shirt, and kicking off her slacks. Then she was kneeling over Jackie again.

She rolled Jackie over, unb.u.t.toned and unzipped her skirt, then rolled her face up again. Jackie was dizzy. She didn't care, just lifted her hips so Leah could pull her skirt down. She heard her pantyhose shred and then her clothes. .h.i.tting the floor. She opened her legs and grabbed Leah's hand and guided it to the burning heat.

Her own groan drowned out Leah's. She had never been this wet and this ready. "Show me," she said hoa.r.s.ely. "Show me what it's like between women."

Her body was rigid with sensation; only her hips felt like liquid, rippling in response to the strength of Leah's fingers. Leah murmured something incoherent as Jackie lifted her hips to meet her. Her body was an aching blur soothed by Leah's fingers inside her, quicker now, harder now.

Something would explode, she had no idea what. She couldn't stand this pleasure-it was almost agony. She writhed to meet Leah, heard Leah murmuring in her pa.s.sion and then knew - she was exploding with deep, wrenching moans, frighteningly primal, sounds she'd never made before. Her body spasmed, her lungs felt as though they would burst.

She crested at a peak she hadn't even dreamed could be so incredibly high. She sank sobbing for air into the bed, Leah's fingers deep within her. She felt, with a tremor that left her muscles aching, Leah's tongue on her.

Her whole body was liquid now. Leah's tongue swept through her, into her. Jackie whimpered as Leah's fingers left her, then sighed as Leah wrapped her arms tightly around her hips, crushing Jackie's wetness to her mouth. Jackie melted into the bed, her body a river of sensation, seeking equilibrium. She was at peace for a moment, then Leah's tongue flickered over the tender nerves between her legs and Jackie began the long climb to ecstasy again, unsure she could rise that high again, not a second time. But Leah's mouth drove her higher, lifted her to a new peak.

The air was thin, her head spun, but she was anch.o.r.ed to reality by Leah's tongue on her. She grabbed Leah's hands, held them bruisingly tight as she surged against Leah's mouth. She came in a moment of perfect stillness, her muscles balanced against Leah's, eyes clenched to purple fireworks. Then Leah released her hands and Jackie let her head fall back. Her legs slid limply down onto Leah's shoulders and she rested, sublimely aware of her breath filling her lungs and the silk of Leah's hair on her thigh.

Leah shivered as the fine film of perspiration on her back chilled. Sharla had never needed her like that. Constance had been needy, but self-contained at all times. And they had been all she had known, until now. Until Jackie brought her almost to the point of tears.

She wanted to concentrate on Jackie, but Sharla crowded in - how could she help but think of her? Was it wrong to compare them? She and Sharla had developed their s.e.xual communication gradually, finding in each other the needs that shaped their pa.s.sion. It had been several years before the s.e.x was staggeringly powerful, but that had been different from what she felt now, her fingers and face covered with Jackie's scent. Right now she was scared she had gone too far and too fast for her, but Jackie had stunned Leah with the powerful contractions of her body, pulling Leah in, asking for more until Leah wasn't sure she could keep up.

She was exhausted and could have slept, leaving the moment of having Jackie perfect unto itself. Her body reminded her of her own needs and she quelled them, not sure what Jackie would be ready to do. Jackie seemed to be asleep.

Then Jackie stirred with a long, deep sigh. "Thank you for that," she said, her voice drifting softly down around Leah's ears. "So that's what I've been missing."

"I'm sorry I was mean that morning-"

"Don't be! Oh G.o.d, don't be."

Leah wanted to admit that she wasn't a vastly experienced lover and that she was feeling brand new sensations. And that she was scared. Should she tell Jackie that she wanted to bury her face between Jackie's thighs again and stay there, that she wanted in the worst way to feel Jackie's fingers inside her, that she was ready to give all control to Jackie in the same degree Jackie had given it to her? Too soon. It was too far to jump.

Fear made her cautious and she tried for a joking tone. "Have you got it out of your system?"

Jackie was quiet and then she reached for Leah's hand, drawing the coated fingers to her mouth. Her tongue slowly traced a line up Leah's palm and index finger, then she put Leah's hand on her breast. "I want it in my system for always."

Leah trembled as Jackie's hips moved in a tiny circle, echoing the rhythm of Leah's hand stroking her breast. She closed her eyes and inhaled Jackie's scent, then Jackie sat up and pushed Leah onto her back.

She took Leah in her arms with a deep, sensuous kiss. One hand played over Leah's b.r.e.a.s.t.s, then her lips left Leah's mouth to tease the small, erect tips. Leah felt the caresses in every nerve, crowding out all other sensation. She almost didn't hear Jackie's whispered question.

"Is this okay?"

"Yes," Leah murmured. She looked down and felt a rush of pa.s.sion at the sight of Jackie's mouth on her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. "I like that."

Jackie raised her head slightly. "You'll tell me, won't you? If I do something you don't like?"

Leah nodded, unable to speak, then she pulled Jackie's head down to her b.r.e.a.s.t.s again. She closed her eyes and arched her back and let the exquisite teasing apply layer after layer of pa.s.sion to her trembling body. Jackie's mouth became demanding, her caresses frantic and Leah's hips jerked in response.

Jackie raised her head again and Leah looked down, met her burning gaze. "Is it okay?" She licked her lips. "Can I... I want to..." Her glance flickered down Leah's body.

Leah pushed herself up on one elbow and ran one hand over Jackie's hair, tracing the ripples where the braiding began. Her hand cupped Jackie's neck as Jackie kissed her thigh. Gently, she pressed Jackie's head toward her, trying to say without words that she wanted Jackie to taste her.

Jackie nodded slightly, her eyes closed. Leah watched Jackie lower her mouth to her and heard Jackie's hungry groan. Her vision swam at the sight of Jackie's beautiful body curved over her own, the pale cream of Jackie's throat against the darker tint of her own thighs. Her arms gave out, she fell back and felt Jackie gather her more fiercely into her arms.

Jackie began gently, but with a sure touch that deepened. She shifted her position and held Leah open, her tongue exploring folds and ripples, then sinking into the font of Leah's wetness. She teased until Leah was thrusting her hips up and moaning and then her mouth sank deeply into Leah's flesh, holding Leah to her with crushing strength. Leah bucked, stifling the cry that was building in her chest. She felt Jackie's hips jerk in response as Leah's body tensed once, twice and a third time with enough force to break Jackie's grip and paint the back of Leah's eyelids with crimson lightning.

She wasn't prepared for the soft glide of Jackie's fingers into her. She moaned. "I can't."

Jackie whispered, "I want to taste you again. While I do this to you." Her fingers moved slowly and her tongue was the lightest caress.

"I don't think I can. I... one's usually enough -" Leah tried to roll on her side, but Jackie pinned Leah's weak, trembling legs easily. Leah relented, too weak to struggle and not wanting to disappoint her.

"I'll go slow," Jackie said. Her tongue whispered over Leah again, her fingers moved languidly. "Just let me taste you and feel you."

Leah raised herself to look at Jackie again. Jackie's eyes were closed, her concentration seemingly devoted to the feel of Leah around her fingers and the taste of Leah on her tongue. Her expression was rapturous, ravenous - Leah flooded with desire again. And saw Jackie pause, become aware of the welcome of Leah's new wetness.

Jackie smiled with sensuous success and her touch grew firmer.

Leah gave herself up to Jackie's gentle demands and found, to her wonder, that she could respond again, not as fiercely, but this time with a complete awareness of each place Jackie touched her and Jackie's unmistakable pleasure.

Jackie pulled the bedclothes over them, what she could find, anyway. Nothing was anch.o.r.ed anymore. "Are you comfortable?" To her own ears, her voice was different. Less breathy, a little deeper in pitch. Adult.

Leah's hips shifted toward her. "I'm fine. Very comfortable."

Jackie let her arm fall across Leah's ribs again and she lightly kissed Leah's back. "Me, too."

She slid into a light sleep where she had just enough control to direct her thoughts to the past hours. To relive the intense moments and feel the la.s.situde of satisfaction seep through her body again. Utterly satisfied, yet invigorated. She felt, under her fatigue, as though she could run a marathon with brand new muscles and stamina. She felt as if she had finally discovered the strength of her own body and what she was capable of feeling and giving.

Surprising, she mused as she drifted to sleep. Strength from loving a woman. She smiled into Leah's soft shoulder. Was it the love or the woman, she wondered. Or both?

12.

"What's your favorite color?" Leah pulled gently on Jackie's earlobe and memorized the soft pink.

Jackie stretched her arms in the morning sunlight and rolled over to face Leah. "The lavender of African violets. And flag red." She smiled impishly. "What's your favorite book?"

"Nature. It's Emerson. What's your favorite food?"

"Creme brulee with blueberries. What's your favorite kind of music?"

"Jazz, when it's live."

"Yeah?" Jackie plumped up her pillow and grinned. "Me too."

They traded insights into their private likes and dislikes while Leah decided what mixture of paints would match the color of Jackie's eyes. Blue alone wouldn't do it. A dash of black and a startling ring of yellow.

An hour pa.s.sed in talk and laughter. Leah felt more at ease with Jackie than she had at the cabin.

A door slammed downstairs, breaking their comfortable coc.o.o.n. Leah didn't want to acknowledge the pa.s.sage of time, but it was inevitable. She sat up and her stomach growled.

"That's a hint, I think," Jackie said. "I can make coffee and toaster biscuits, if you like." Jackie wrapped a sheet around her body and padded to the little kitchen area. "I'll turn on the heater, too."

"I'd like that very much." Leah watched the thick braid sway against the white of the sheet as Jackie walked away from her. She glanced around the tiny apartment with pleased chagrin. The blankets and comforter were tangled, in marked contrast to tidy bookshelves, a coffee table with what had to be a Jellica Frakes sculpture, and the bright, clear lines of a large Jasper Johns print. Their clothes were strewn from the doorway to the bed. She caught sight of her shirt with its torn b.u.t.tons and a tingle of new want made her tremble. It wouldn't take much to be ready again for Jackie's touch and her kisses.

She closed her eyes and unexpectedly she saw Sharla's haunting face illuminated with pa.s.sion, heard her murmuring that Leah was her G.o.ddess, that there could never be anyone else. They had pledged each other their faith and loyalty forever. She trembled again, this time from a chill that bit into the pit of her stomach.

Leah wrapped herself in a blanket and stumbled to the bathroom. In the shower she ran the water as hot as she could stand and scrubbed herself vigorously, trying to drown out memories of Sharla.

They had never talked about what they would want a survivor to do. She knew that Sharla would not have wanted her to be alone. She was-had been-too generous. So why did she feel disloyal now? When she hadn't with Constance?

"I don't love Sharla less. I never will," she said to the shampoo bottle. A dancing ache started in her stomach. Was is possible to have loved someone as much as she had Sharla and find a new place in her heart with as much depth and feeling for Jackie? Did she really deserve such love twice in one lifetime? It was more likely that she was missing coupledom. What she had had with Sharla had been lasting and true. She didn't want to give or receive anything less than that. It wasn't in her nature.

She asked herself if she had a whole heart to offer Jackie.

Yes, it was possible. But she wasn't in love. Falling in love with Jackie would be a selfish thing to do. Jackie was nine or so years younger than she was, and younger than that in lesbian years. Attractive and fun and intelligent and caring, Jackie could have her choice of anyone, while she herself had already had a lifetime of love with Sharla. That Jackie had needed to have s.e.x was evident-but that was just closure on what they had started over Thanksgiving.

No doubt Jackie would be ready to play the field now and experience what being a lesbian in San Francisco had to offer. She would not stand in her way.

She combed her hair and repeated her resolve. She would make no demands. She wasn't in love.

When she saw Jackie sitting on the bed, unbraiding her hair, with the sheet revealing the delicate curve of her spine, she felt her body flinch from the onslaught of desire.

Jackie looked up and smiled, then clutched the sheet modestly around her as she went into the bathroom.

Leah poured herself coffee and listened to the thrum of the shower, then the hair dryer. When Jackie opened the bathroom door she was wearing a white robe and holding ma.s.ses of her hair to the mouth of the dryer.

"This will take another ten minutes or so," she said. "I often think of having it cut."

"Don't," Leah said. "It's too beautiful."

"It's heavy and unruly," Jackie said, swirling most of it up onto her head and drying her scalp. "I have to braid it or it's constantly snarled. It takes forever to do your own French braid, too."

"It's still beautiful," Leah said, smiling.

Jackie smiled back and Leah retreated to the bed, wondering if she should get dressed. She really should. She would not stake any claims for Jackie by staying with her through the day - another night. Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s tightened with a sudden ache.

She sipped her coffee and calmed herself. Tried to, at least. She focused on the prosaic and picked up her torn shirt. Behind her, the hair dryer stopped.

"I'm sorry about that," Jackie said, crossing the room. "A waste of good cloth."

Leah returned Jackie's smile. "Don't be."

"I couldn't get the b.u.t.tons undone and I couldn't wait," Jackie said shyly. She sat down on the bed. "I could tell you didn't have a bra on ... I'm... I've never been in such a hurry before."

".I don't really-need a bra. Not like you."

A delicate pink swelled up Jackie's throat. "You're... there's enough to enjoy." She slowly slid her hands under the blanket and cupped Leah's b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Leah heard Jackie's breath catch, perhaps surprised to find her so erect.

"I love the way your body feels," Jackie said. The color in her face deepened. "And the way it makes my body feel."

Leah shivered and hot coffee splashed onto the bed. She swore mildly and got up, dabbing at the spill with the blanket.

"It's okay, it was only a little," Jackie said. "Put the cup down."

Leah looked at Jackie, knowing if she let go of the coffee cup all her resolutions would go up in a puff of pa.s.sion.

"Put it down," Jackie said again, her voice more forceful. "Come back to bed." She rose to her knees and untied her robe, letting it slide down her body. Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s were points of carnation pink through the thick curls of her unbraided hair. She shrugged her hair impatiently over her shoulders and Leah swayed, recalling how Jackie's b.r.e.a.s.t.s tasted when they were as aroused as they had been last night.

Desperate desire was crowding out good sense. She told herself that Jackie needed her freedom or else she'd always wonder about what she hadn't explored. Jackie was just getting her out of her system, to be able to go on to women who could offer her an undamaged heart and a fresh spirit. And what about Sharla, she asked herself. She needed to think it through. Certainly she could put aside her own throbbing needs - good G.o.d, had she ever wanted Sharla like this? Yes, but at the moment it didn't seem possible. She flushed and her composure wavered in a tangle of guilt and pa.s.sion.

"Is something wrong?" Jackie pulled her robe back to her shoulders and stepped off the bed. She put her arms around Leah's waist. "What are you thinking about?"

"Sharla." She stopped. She could have bitten her tongue off.

Jackie went pale and stood stock still for a moment, then she wrapped the robe tightly around her. "I'm sorry. I forgot." She went into the kitchen and poured herself coffee, her manner brisk.

Leah stood there miserably for a moment. You fool, she cursed herself. You, stupid, stupid fool.

"I'm afraid I'll need to borrow a T-shirt," Leah said before her throat completely seized up. Why had she brought Sharla into it? How could she have been so cruel again - what had she expected Jackie to do? Everything had turned into a mushy, ugly gray. All the contrasts were gone. No light, no shadow. She clenched her eyes for a moment and saw nothing.

When she opened them, Jackie was the picture of composure: She had found Leah a shirt and when she handed it to her, a lock of soft, curling hair trailed over Leah's wrist. It was heavy, like sewing silks. Leah wanted to feel that hair sweeping over her body, to wallow in the sensuous delight of it in her hands. She envisioned herself on her back, Jackie's hair spread over her thighs, Jackie's mouth on her.

Jackie didn't say anything, which was just as well. Leah couldn't have spoken except to beg Jackie to take her to bed. But it was too late for begging and she was too proud. She had begged G.o.d to bring Sharla back. G.o.d hadn't answered. Sharla had stayed dead. Sharla...

She gathered her clothes and shakily dressed in the bathroom. Jackie said she had called a taxi for Leah. Leah took the dismissal in stride. She'd asked for it. She promised to call.

Later, she was amazed that her legs supported her down the three flights of stairs.

By kneeling on the dresser, Jackie could see down into the street. She waited until the cab came and went, then she sank down onto the ball of linens and bedspread and let the tears leak out of her tightly closed eyes.

She found herself crying like she had never cried before. She tried to chide herself out of it, reminding herself that her life wasn't over, there were plenty of women who weren't recovering from the death of their only love. She wanted to hate Sharla for having ruined Leah for anyone else, but Sharla wasn't the one who had hurt her - Leah had.

Maybe it was one of those things - a quick flare of pa.s.sion that was over for both of them. But that was a lie, on her part at least. She had ached to go to bed with Leah again, offered and been refused. Had she been too bold? She had never done that before, tried to initiate s.e.x. Parker had always been the one to start things, as had her first boyfriend. But she had wanted to let Leah know how she felt. That she wanted to spend the day with Leah, talk, go out, begin a life together. For a brief hour she had been invincible, secure in the power of her love of women, of this woman.

Her body was hot from her crying and memories of how bold she had been by telling Leah what she wanted to do last night. She'd believed she could sense what Leah wanted. She flushed as she recalled teasing Leah, making her wait, but Leah had responded. Jackie couldn't have mistaken the signs. She'd had so few lovers - had Leah found her inexpert? Worse yet, was she just a novelty? A way to forget about Sharla?