Out Of Love Part 41

"I haven't decided."

Pressing the phone to her ear, Judith rose from her chair slightly to locate her boss. He was in his office with the door closed.

"I have everything now, Jules. I can send the packet to you by courier this afternoon, or I can drop it in the mail . . . Okay, but someone has to be there to sign." She folded the doc.u.ments and stuffed them inside the sleeve. "You guys are going to have a great time. I want to see a picture of Phoebe in the helicopter."

She chuckled amiably and hung up.

It was too bad Todd couldn't hear her falling all over herself to be nice to people. Then he could take the credit for her so-called att.i.tude adjustment and feel like a great manager, or whatever other delusions he wanted to entertain. She was back in the hunt for a better job, and a lot less picky than she had been before last week.

She checked her e-mail again to see if Carmen had responded to the note she had sent last night asking when they could talk.

The sooner they settled things, the better, especially since she 283 now had a mountain of doubts about Carmen's feelings after the way she was shuffled out of Chicago so fast on Sunday. Carmen's easy agreement had been a shock. Maybe she felt she was being abandoned in her time of need. Or that Judith was choosing Victor again, just as she always had.

But today was a new day. With her mother finally able to fill in the gaps, Judith had newfound freedom. She had awakened this morning with the thought she could even move to a new job in Chicago. Carmen could handle it if she came back to New York on her own a couple of times a month to see Victor and her mother. Those barriers to things working out didn't have to exist anymore if they could just smooth over what had happened on Sunday.

It was unsettling that Carmen wasn't answering her e-mail.

She had always been very quick about that in the past. Surely, she wasn't traveling again already after just getting out of the hospital. Unfortunately for Judith, the alternative was that she was being ignored.

Too bad. She was determined to get through, whatever it took. She checked her watch and grabbed her purse. It was a bit early for lunch, but she wasn't about to try to have a phone conversation with Carmen from her desk. She dropped the travel packet in the courier box and scooted out before Todd even knew she was gone.

Two blocks from the office, she ran into Agnes, who was rummaging through a pile of garbage bags at the curb.

"h.e.l.lo, Agnes."

The old woman smiled a toothless grin, but said nothing.

Judith opened her purse and gave her a five dollar bill. She had no idea how Agnes used money, but the woman accepted it eagerly.

"Look, I might be changing jobs soon, so I won't be around as much anymore." If Agnes understood her, she gave no sign. "You take care of yourself, okay?"

284.

Judith smiled and started to walk away, but the old woman caught her arm. No words pa.s.sed between them, but Agnes's heartening look was unmistakable.

"Yeah, I'll try to do the same."

Judith felt buoyed by the encounter, her mind made up that she could take her life in her hands and mold it into what she wanted. Whatever shape it took, she wanted Carmen at the center.

She reached Washington Square and settled on a park bench, well away from the street noise. Taking a few deep breaths for courage, she dialed the number for The Delallo Group. After only one ring, the line cut to voice mail, where a generic voice said the office was closed.

On a Tuesday?

Her mind raced for a possible explanation. Carmen hadn't said anything about closing the office in the middle of a work week. Even if she was out of town, they wouldn't shut down the whole business.

She quickly dialed Carmen's cell phone, only to have it go straight to voice mail also. It was probably turned off, or lying in a drawer, its battery dead. And there was no answer at Carmen's home.

She had Cathy's home number from the time she had called a couple of weeks ago, and she dialed it nervously with hands that had begun to shake. After twelve rings, she hung up, her anxiety mounting.

She stood up and started to pace, trying to imagine any reasonable explanation for the office to be closed and everyone in The Delallo Group to be out of reach. No matter how many ideas she came up with, none seemed more plausible than the worst-case scenario-an emergency, like the one involving Carmen last week, but more serious. Maybe she had a heart attack for real this time.

Panic took over as her mind's eye conjured images of the 285 whole staff at the hospital, frantically awaiting word on their boss.

Carmen cut the chicken breast into small pieces and placed it in Prissy's dish. "What am I going to do with you when you get so rotten you stink?"

The dachshund twitched her tail and pranced on the kitchen floor in antic.i.p.ation of her special treat. It was hard to deny how excited she was to have her mistress at home.

"I know. I'm going to enroll you in obedience cla.s.ses where they make you sit perfectly still until I give you permission to move."

She lowered the bowl and sat cross-legged beside it as Prissy dug in. "Who loves you, sausage dog?"

In only the last couple of days, she had started to feel as if she was getting control of her life again. Here she was relaxing at home, and back into her exercise and diet regimen. The world was lifted from her shoulders when she made the decision to sell out to Art Conover, especially since getting quite a bit of money for the business she had built was far better than watching it circle the drain.

There was one last piece to put into place. She stretched upward and plucked the phone from its stand. With one hand gently stroking Prissy's back as she ate, Carmen dialed the familiar number with her thumb.

"Hey, sweetie." On the other end of the line was a voice she would never tire of hearing. "I was hoping we could have lunch this week . . . Because I blew you off in the hospital the other night when Judith was coming in."

Prissy finished her treat and crawled into Carmen's lap.

"I'm fine. I feel great and I'm doing everything the doctor said . . . Yes, the auditors came today. I should know something by tomorrow, but I can't imagine it isn't going to go through."

286.

Brooke was showing an uncharacteristic interest in her business dealings, especially when Carmen told her she was considering a sale.

"No, she went back on Sunday night. What about you? How are things at home?" Brooke gave her an upbeat answer without going into detail, pressing Carmen instead for more information on Judith.

"My news isn't so good. We sort of reached an impa.s.se, but I'm going to try to talk to her again and see if we can work things out . . . No, I think we still love each other. But you should have seen the look on her face, Brooke. I felt awful . . . Because of her brother. If she isn't there to see him every Sunday, he gets wild.

Then she feels guilty about it. I think it got to be too much for her last weekend."

Brooke surprised her with a defense of Judith, suggesting Judith's real reason for backing away was that she felt responsible for Carmen's stress.

"I don't know where she would have gotten that idea. The only time I ever felt relaxed was when I was with her. It didn't matter if it was here or New York."

Carmen listened with growing dismay as Brooke described her brief conversation with Judith at the hospital.

"No wonder she took off. She thought this was her fault."

Carmen stood and began to pace the kitchen. "She probably thought I wanted her to because I-s.h.i.t, I have to go . . . No, I'm not mad, but I have to call her."

Judith slung her duffle bag over her shoulder and scooted to the taxi door, straining to see signs of life in Carmen's apartment.

In the twilight, it was difficult to tell if the lights were on.

She thumbed through her wallet and pulled out several bills.

"Here's an extra twenty. I want you to wait for me. If no one is home, I'll be right back down and I'll need you to take me some-287 where else."

The driver nodded toward a metered s.p.a.ce in the street. "I'll wait there."

"Thanks. If I'm not back in ten minutes, that's a tip. Okay?"

She got out with her bag and headed for the lobby, where the doorman met her with a smile.

"Miss O'Shea."

"Hi, Luis." It was a good sign that he was smiling, she thought. If something terrible had happened, he would have shown more concern . . . if he knew about it, that is. She wanted to ask if Carmen was home, but if he didn't know, he might ask her to wait while he called up to the apartment. Instead, she forged ahead to the elevator as though she was expected.

"Please be home," she mumbled several times before the elevator reached the fifteenth floor.

When the doors parted, she charged out and down the hall, her heart racing at a frantic pace. The instant she knocked on Carmen's door, Prissy began to bark. She waited anxiously for what seemed like an eternity. She was about to knock again when the door suddenly opened.

"Judith?" Carmen's face broke into a broad smile.

"Oh, my G.o.d!" Judith rushed forward into her arms, burying her face into Carmen's neck, where she smothered it with kisses.

"I was so scared."

"Scared? What were you scared about?" Carmen put her hand on the back of Judith's head and held it in place against her neck. "Keep doing that. I like it."

Prissy stood on her hind legs, scratching first Carmen, then Judith in a vain plea for attention.

"I've called you all day and couldn't get an answer anywhere.

I thought something happened."

"Something did happen, but it wasn't anything scary. Please say h.e.l.lo to my dog before she tears our legs to shreds."

Judith didn't want to let go, but she complied with Carmen's 288 request.

"I was about to call you," Carmen said. "I was talking to Brooke and she said the most ridiculous thing. She said you broke up with me because you thought you were causing my stress."

"It wasn't good for you to be running back and forth so much.

I heard them say so in the kitchen, and they're doctors."

"Heard who?"

"Your dad and Chris. They said you might have a heart attack."

Carmen grabbed her and pulled her again into an embrace.

"That's not going to happen. I let things get out of control, but I've got a handle on them."

"I can move to Chicago. Todd fired me today when I told him I had to go, so I need a new job anyway. Mom's helping with Victor." Her words were coming in a tangled rush. "I just need to go back a couple of times a month."

"Or I can move to New York."

"I'll send my resume to all the big agencies here and-" She stopped short. "What did you say?"

"I have a lot to tell you. But the most important thing is this."

Carmen hugged her tightly, brushed her lips along Judith's temple before whispering in her ear. "Don't leave your shoes there."

289.

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