Our Deportment Part 20

READING WHEN TRAVELLING.

If a gentleman in traveling, either on cars or steamboat, has provided himself with newspapers or other reading, he should offer them to his companions first. If they are refused, he may with propriety read himself, leaving the others free to do the same if they wish.

OCCUPYING TOO MANY SEATS.

No lady will retain possession of more than her rightful seat in a crowded car. When others are looking for accommodations she should at once and with all cheerfulness so dispose of her baggage that the seat beside her may be occupied by anyone who desires it, no matter how agreeable it may be to retain possession of it.

It shows a great lack of proper manners to see two ladies, or a lady and gentleman turn over the seat in front of them and fill it with their wraps and bundles, retaining it in spite of the entreating or remonstrating looks of fellow-pa.s.sengers. In such a case any person who desires a seat is justified in reversing the back, removing the baggage and taking possession of the unused seat.

RETAINING POSSESSION OF A SEAT.

A gentleman in traveling may take possession of a seat and then go to purchase tickets or look after baggage or procure a lunch, leaving the seat in charge of a companion, or depositing traveling-bag or overcoat upon it to show that it is engaged. When a seat is thus occupied, the right of possession must be respected, and no one should presume to take a seat thus previously engaged, even though it may be wanted for a lady.

A gentleman cannot, however, in justice, vacate his seat to take another in the smoking-car, and at the same time reserve his rights to the first seat. He pays for but one seat, and by taking another he forfeits the first.

It is not required of a gentleman in a railway car to relinquish his seat in favor of a lady, though a gentleman of genuine breeding will do so rather than allow the lady to stand or suffer inconvenience from poor accommodations.

In the street cars the case is different. No woman should be allowed to stand while there is a seat occupied by a man. The inconvenience to the man will be temporary and trifling at the most, and he can well afford to suffer it rather than to do an uncourteous act.

DISCRETION IN FORMING ACQUAINTANCES.

While an acquaintance formed in a railway car or on a steamboat, continues only during the trip, discretion should be used in making acquaintances. Ladies may, as has been stated, accept small courtesies and favors from strangers, but must check at once any attempt at familiarity. On the other hand, no man who pretends to be a gentleman will attempt any familiarity. The practice of some young girls just entering into womanhood, of flirting with any young man they may chance to meet, either in a railway car or on a steamboat, indicates low-breeding in the extreme. If, however, the journey is long, and especially if it be on a steamboat, a certain sociability may be allowed, and a married lady or a lady of middle age may use her privileges to make the journey an enjoyable one, for fellow-pa.s.sengers should always be sociable to one another.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

CHAPTER XV.

RIDING AND DRIVING.

One of the most exhilarating and enjoyable amus.e.m.e.nts that can be indulged in by either ladies or gentlemen is that of riding on horseback, and it is a matter of regret that it is not partic.i.p.ated in to a greater extent than it is. The etiquette of riding, though meagre, is exact and important.

LEARNING TO RIDE.

The first thing to do is to learn to ride, and no one should attempt to appear in public until a few preliminary lessons in riding are taken.

Until a person has learned to appear at ease on horseback, he or she should not appear in public. The advice given in the old rhyme should be kept in mind, viz:

Keep up your head and your heart, Your hands and your heels keep down; Press your knees close to your horse's sides, And your elbows close to your own.

THE GENTLEMAN'S DUTY AS AN ESCORT.

When a gentleman contemplates riding with a lady, his first duty is to see that her horse is a proper one for her use, and one that she can readily manage. He must see that her saddle and bridle are perfectly secure, and trust nothing of this kind to the stable men, without personal examination. He must be punctual at the appointed hour, and not keep the lady waiting for him clad in her riding costume. He should see the lady comfortably seated in her saddle before he mounts himself; take his position on the lady's right in riding, open all gates and pay all tolls on the road.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

a.s.sISTING A LADY TO MOUNT.

The lady will place herself on the left side of the horse, standing as close to it as possible, with her skirts gathered in her left hand, her right hand upon the pommel, and her face toward the horse's head. The gentleman should stand at the horse's shoulder, facing the lady, and stooping, hold his hand so that she may place her foot in it. This she does, when the foot is lifted as she springs, so as to gently aid her in gaining the saddle. The gentleman must then put her foot in the stirrup, smooth the skirt of her riding habit, and give her the reins and her riding whip.

RIDING WITH LADIES.

In riding with one lady, a gentleman takes his position to the right of her. When riding with two or more, his position is still to the right unless one of them needs his a.s.sistance or requests his presence near her. He must offer all the courtesies of the road, and yield the best and shadiest side to the ladies. The lady must always decide upon the pace at which to ride. It is ungenerous to urge her or incite her horse to a faster gait than she feels competent to undertake.

If a gentleman, when riding alone, meets a lady who is walking and wishes to enter into conversation with her, he must alight and remain on foot while talking with her.

a.s.sISTING A LADY TO ALIGHT FROM HER HORSE.

After the ride, the gentleman must a.s.sist his companion to alight. She must first free her knee from the pommel, and be certain that her habit is entirely disengaged. He must then take her left hand in his right, and offer his left hand as a step for her foot. He then lowers his hand slowly and allows her to reach the ground gently without springing. A lady should not attempt to spring from the saddle.

DRIVING.

The choicest seat in a double carriage is the one facing the horses, and gentlemen should always yield this seat to the ladies. If only one gentleman and one lady are riding in a two-seated carriage, the gentleman must sit opposite the lady, unless she invites him to a seat by her side. The place of honor is on the right hand of the seat facing the horses. This is also the seat of the hostess, which she never resigns. If she is not driving, it must be offered to the most distinguished lady. A person should enter a carriage with the back to the seat, so as to prevent turning round in the carriage. A gentleman must be careful not to trample upon or crush a lady's dress. In driving, one should always remember that the rule of the road in meeting and pa.s.sing another vehicle is to keep to the right.

a.s.sISTING LADIES TO ALIGHT.

A gentleman must first alight from a carriage, even if he has to pa.s.s before a lady in doing so. He must then a.s.sist the ladies to alight. If there is a servant with the carriage, the latter may hold open the door, but the gentleman must by all means furnish the ladies the required a.s.sistance. If a lady has occasion to leave the carriage before the gentleman accompanying her, he must alight to a.s.sist her out, and if she wishes to resume her seat, he must again alight to help her to do so.

In a.s.sisting a lady to enter a carriage, a gentleman will take care that the skirt of her dress is not allowed to hang outside. A carriage robe should be provided to protect her dress from the mud and dust of the road. The gentleman should provide the lady with her parasol, fan and shawl, and see that she is comfortable in every way, before he seats himself.

TRUSTING THE DRIVER.

While driving with another who holds the reins, you must not interfere with the driver, as anything of this kind implies a reproof, which is very offensive. If you think his conduct wrong, or are in fear of danger resulting, you may delicately suggest a change, apologizing therefor.

You should resign yourself to the driver's control, and be perfectly calm and self-possessed during the course of a drive.

CHAPTER XVI.

Courtship and Marriage.

The correct behavior of young men toward young ladies, and of young ladies toward young men, during that portion of their lives when they are respectively paying attention to, and receiving attention from, one another, is a matter which requires consideration in a work of this nature.