Our Deportment Part 18

AVOIDING CARRIAGES.

For a lady to run across the street to avoid an approaching carriage is inelegant and also dangerous. To attempt to cross the street between the carriages of a funeral procession, is rude and disrespectful. The foreign custom of removing the hat and standing in a respectful att.i.tude until the melancholy train has pa.s.sed, is a commendable one to be followed in this country.

KEEP TO THE RIGHT.

On meeting and pa.s.sing people in the street, keep to your right hand, except when a gentleman is walking alone; then he must always turn aside to give the preferred side of the walk to a lady, to anyone carrying a heavy load, to a clergyman or to an old gentleman.

SOME GENERAL SUGGESTIONS.

If a gentleman is walking with two ladies in a rain storm, and there is but one umbrella, he should give it to his companions and walk outside.

Nothing can be more absurd than to see a gentleman walking between two ladies holding an umbrella which perfectly protects himself, but half deluges his companions with its dripping streams.

Never turn a corner at full speed or you may find yourself knocked down, or may knock down another, by the violent contact. Always look in the way you are going or you may chance to meet some awkward collision.

A young lady should, if possible, avoid walking alone in the street after dark. If she pa.s.ses the evening with a friend, provision should be made beforehand for an escort. If this is not practicable, the person at whose house she is visiting should send a servant with her, or some proper person--a gentleman acquaintance present, or her own husband--to perform the duty. A married lady may, however, disregard this rule, if circ.u.mstances prevent her being able to conveniently find an escort.

A gentleman will always precede a lady up a flight of stairs, and allow her to precede him in going down.

Do not quarrel with a hack-driver about his fare, but pay him and dismiss him. If you have a complaint to make against him, take his name and make it to the proper authorities. It is rude to keep a lady waiting while you are disputing with a hack-man.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

[Ill.u.s.tration: SUMMER AFTERNOON, CENTRAL PARK.]

CHAPTER XIII.

Etiquette of Public Places.

All well-bred persons will conduct themselves at all times and in all places with perfect decorum. Wherever they meet people they will be found polite, considerate of the comfort, convenience and wishes of others, and un.o.btrusive in their behavior. They seem to know, as if by instinct, how to conduct themselves, wherever they may go, or in whatever society they may be thrown. They consider at all times the fitness of things, and their actions and speech are governed by feelings of gentleness and kindness towards everybody with whom they come into social relations, having a due consideration for the opinions and prejudices of others, and doing nothing to wound their feelings. Many people, however, either from ignorance, thoughtlessness or carelessness, are constantly violating some of the observances of etiquette pertaining to places of public a.s.semblages. It is for this reason that rules are here given by which may be regulated the conduct of people in various public gatherings, where awkwardness and ostentatious display often call forth unfavorable criticism.

CONDUCT IN CHURCH.

A gentleman should remove his hat upon entering the auditorium.

When visiting a strange church, you should wait in the vestibule until an usher appears to show you to a seat.

A gentleman may walk up the aisle either a little ahead of, or by the side of a lady, allowing the lady to first enter the pew. There should be no haste in pa.s.sing up the aisle.

People should preserve the utmost silence and decorum in church, and avoid whispering, laughing, staring, or making a noise of any kind with the feet or hands.

It is ill-mannered to be late at church. If one is unavoidably late, it is better to take a pew as near the door as possible.

Ladies always take the inside seats, and gentlemen the outside or head of the pew. When a gentleman accompanies a lady, however, it is customary for him to sit by her side during church services.

A person should never leave church until the services are over, except in some case of emergency.

Do not turn around in your seat to gaze at anyone, to watch the choir, to look over the congregation or to see the cause of any disturbing noise.

If books or fans are pa.s.sed in church, let them be offered and accepted or refused with a silent gesture of the head.

It is courteous to see that strangers are provided with books; and if the service is strange to them, the places for the day's reading should be indicated.

It is perfectly proper to offer to share the prayer-book or hymn-book with a stranger if there is no separate book for his use.

In visiting a church of a different belief from your own, pay the utmost respect to the services and conform in all things to the observances of the church--that is, kneel, sit and rise with the congregation. No matter how grotesquely some of the forms and observances may strike you, let no smile or contemptuous remark indicate the fact while in the church.

When the services are concluded, there should be no haste in crowding up the aisle, but the departure should be conducted quietly and decorously.

When the vestibule is reached, it is allowable to exchange greetings with friends, but here there should be no loud talking nor boisterous laughter. Neither should gentlemen congregate in knots in the vestibule or upon the steps of the church and compel ladies to run the gauntlet of their eyes and tongues.

If a Protestant gentleman accompanies a lady who is a Roman Catholic to her own church, it is an act of courtesy to offer the holy water. This he must do with the ungloved right hand.

In visiting a church for the mere purpose of seeing the edifice, one should always go at a time when there are no services being held. If people are even then found at their devotions, as is apt to be the case in Roman Catholic churches especially, the demeanor of the visitor should be respectful and subdued and his voice low, so that he may not disturb them.

INVITATION TO OPERA OR CONCERT.

A gentleman upon inviting a lady to accompany him to opera, theatre, concert or other public place of amus.e.m.e.nt, must send his invitation the previous day. The lady must reply immediately, so that if she declines, there shall yet be time for the gentleman to secure another companion.

It is the gentleman's duty to secure good seats for the entertainment, or else he or his companion may be obliged to take up with seats where they can neither see nor hear.

CONDUCT IN OPERA, THEATER OR PUBLIC HALL.

On entering the hall, theater or opera house the gentleman should walk side by side with his companion unless the aisle is too narrow, in which case he should precede her. Upon reaching the seats, he should allow her to take the inner one, a.s.suming the outer one himself.

A gentleman should, on no account, leave the lady's side from the beginning to the close of the performance.

If it is a promenade concert or opera, the lady may be invited to promenade during the intermission. If she declines, the gentleman must retain his position by her side.

There is no obligation whatever upon a gentleman to give up his seat to a lady. On the contrary, his duty is solely to the lady whom he accompanies. He must remain beside her during the evening to converse with her between the acts, and to render the entertainment as agreeable to her as possible.

During the performance complete quiet should be preserved, that the audience may not be prevented from seeing or hearing. Between the acts it is perfectly proper to converse, but it should be done in a low tone, so as not to attract attention. Neither should one whisper. There should be no loud talking, boisterous laughter, violent gestures, lover-like demonstrations or anything in manners or speech to attract the attention of others.

It is proper and desirable that the actors be applauded when they deserve it. It is their only means of knowing whether they are giving satisfaction.

The gentleman should see that the lady is provided with a programme, and with libretto also if they are attending opera.

In pa.s.sing out at the close of the performance the gentleman should precede the lady, and there should be no crowding or pushing.

If the means of the gentleman warrant him in so doing, he should call for his companion in a carriage. This is especially necessary if the evening is stormy. He should call sufficiently early to allow them to reach their destination before the performance commences. It is unjust to the whole audience to come in late and make a disturbance in obtaining seats.

The gentleman should ask permission to call upon the lady the following day, which permission she should grant; and if she be a person of delicacy and tact, she will make him feel that he has conferred a real pleasure upon her by his invitation. Even if she finds occasion for criticism in the performance, she should be lenient in this respect, and seek for points to praise instead, that he may not feel regret at taking her to an entertainment which has proved unworthy.