Our Deportment Part 11

Long arguments or heated discussions are apt to be tiresome to others, and should be avoided.

It is considered extremely ill-bred for two persons to whisper in society, or to converse in a language with which all persons are not familiar.

Avoid talking too much, and do not inflict upon your hearers interminably long stories, in which they can have but little interest.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

CHAPTER IX.

Dinner Giving and Dining Out.

Dining should be ranked among the fine arts. A knowledge of dinner-table etiquette is all important in many respects; but chiefly in this: that it is regarded as one of the strong tests of good breeding. Dinners are generally looked upon as entertainments for married people and the middle aged, but it is often desirable to have some young unmarried persons among the guests.

WHOM TO INVITE.

Those invited should be of the same standing in society. They need not necessarily be friends, nor even acquaintances, but, at dinner, as people come into closer contact than at a dance, or any other kind of a party, those only should be invited to meet one another who move in the same cla.s.s of circles. Care must, of course, be taken that those whom you think agreeable to each other are placed side by side around the festive board. Good talkers are invaluable at a dinner party--people who have fresh ideas and plenty of warm words to clothe them in; but good listeners are equally invaluable.

INVITATIONS.

Invitations to dinner parties are not usually sent by post, in cities, and are only answered by post where the distance is such as to make it inconvenient to send the note by hand. They are issued in the name of the gentleman and lady of the house, from two to ten days in advance.

They should be answered as soon as received, without fail, as it is necessary that the host and hostess should know who are to be their guests. If the invitation is accepted, the engagement should, on no account, be lightly broken. This rule is a binding one, as the non-arrival of an expected guest produces disarrangement of plans.

Gentlemen cannot be invited without their wives, where other ladies than those of the family are present; nor ladies without their husbands, when other ladies are invited with their husbands. This rule has no exceptions. No more than three out of a family should be invited, unless the dinner party is a very large one.

MANNER OF WRITING INVITATIONS.

The invitations should be written on small note paper, which may have the initial letter or monogram stamped upon it, but good taste forbids anything more. The envelope should match the sheet of paper. The invitation should be issued in the name of the host and hostess. The form of invitations should be as follows:

[Ill.u.s.tration: Mr. and Mrs. Potter request the pleasure of Mr.

and Mrs. Barton's company at dinner on Thursday, the 13th of October at 5 o'clock.]

An answer should be returned at once, so that if the invitation is declined the hostess may modify her arrangements accordingly.

INVITATION ACCEPTED.

An acceptance may be given in the following form, and may be sent either by post or messenger:

[Ill.u.s.tration: Mr. and Mrs. Barton have much pleasure in accepting Mr. and Mrs. Potter's invitation for October 13th.]

INVITATION DECLINED.

The invitation is declined in the following manner:

[Ill.u.s.tration: Mr. and Mrs. Barton regret that a previous engagement (_or whatever the cause may be_) prevents their having the pleasure of accepting Mr. and Mrs. Potter's invitation at dinner for October 13th.]

Or,

[Ill.u.s.tration: Mr. and Mrs. Barton regret exceedingly that owing to (_whatever the preventing cause may be_), they cannot have the pleasure of dining with Mr. and Mrs. Potter on Thursday, October 13th.]

Whatever the cause for declining may be, it should be stated briefly, yet plainly, that there may be no occasion for misunderstanding or hard feelings.

INVITATION TO TEA-PARTY.

The invitation to a tea-party may be less formal. It may take the form of a friendly note, something in this manner:

[Ill.u.s.tration: Dear Miss Summer:

We have some friends coming to drink tea with us to-morrow: will you give us the pleasure of your company also? We hope you will not disappoint us.]

FAILING TO FILL AN ENGAGEMENT.

When it becomes absolutely necessary to break an engagement once made for dinner or tea, a note must be sent at once to the hostess and host, with full explanation of the cause, so that your place may be supplied, if possible.

PUNCTUALITY.

The hour generally selected in cities is after business hours, or from five to eight o'clock. In the country or villages it may be an hour or two earlier. To be punctual at the hour mentioned is obligatory. If you are too early you are in the way; if too late you annoy the hostess, cause impatience among the a.s.sembled guests, and perhaps spoil the dinner. Fifteen minutes is the longest time required to wait for a tardy guest.

THE SUCCESS OF A DINNER.

A host and hostess generally judge of the success of a dinner by the manner in which conversation has been sustained. If it has flagged often, it is considered proof that the guests have not been congenial; but if a steady stream of talk has been kept up, it shows that they have smoothly amalgamated, as a whole. No one should monopolize conversation, unless he wishes to win for himself the appellation of a bore, and be avoided as such.

THE TABLE APPOINTMENTS.

A snow-white cloth of the finest damask, beautiful china, glistening or finely engraved gla.s.s, and polished plate are considered essential to a grand dinner. Choice flowers, ferns and mosses tastefully arranged, add much to the beauty of the table. A salt-cellar should be within the reach of every guest. Napkins should be folded square and placed with a roll of bread upon each plate. The dessert is placed on the table amidst the flowers. An _epergne_, or a low dish of flowers, graces the centre; stands of bon-bons and confectionery are ranged on both sides of the table, which complete the decorations of the table. The name of each guest, written upon a card and placed one on each plate, marks the seat a.s.signed.

a.s.sIGNING PARTNERS FOR DINNER.

The number at a dinner should not be less than six, nor more than twelve or fourteen. Then the host will be able to designate to each gentleman the lady whom he is to conduct to the table; but when the number exceeds this limit it is a good plan to have the name of each couple written upon a card and enclosed in an addressed envelope, ready to be handed to the gentleman by the servant, before entering the drawing-room, or left on a tray for the guests to select those which bear their names.

If a gentleman finds upon his card the name of a lady with whom he is unacquainted, he requests the host to present him immediately after he has spoken with the hostess, also to any members of the family with whom he is not acquainted.

INTRODUCTIONS.