Our American Cousin Part 20

Enter Dundreary and Vernon, L. 1 E. Dundreary stops, C., and is seized with an inclination to sneeze. Motions with his hand to Vernon.

Ver My lord! [Business Dundreary sneezing.] Your lordship! [Dundreary same bus. Louder.] My lord!

Dun There you go; now you've spoiled it.

Ver Spoiled what, my lord?

Dun Spoiled what? why a most magnificent sneeze.

Ver I'm very sorry to interrupt your lordship's sneeze, but I merely wanted to express my grat.i.tude to you for getting me a ship.

Dun Sir, I don't want your grat.i.tude, I only want to sneeze.

Ver Very well, my lord, then I will leave you, and this gives you an opportunity for sneezing. [Crosses to R.] But in return for what you have done for me, should you ever want a service a sailor can offer you, just hail Harry Vernon, and you'll find he'll weigh anchor and be alongside. [Hitches up breeches and exits, R. 1 E.]

Dun Find him alongside? What does he mean by a long side? and he always wants to weigh anchor. What funny fellows the sailors are. Why the devil won't they keep a memorandum of the weight of their anchor? What's the matter with the sailor's side? [Imitates Vernon.] Oh I see, he's got the stomach ache. [Exit, R. 1 E.]

Change Scene

Scene 5--Library in Trenchard Manor in 3 or 4.

Enter Buddicombe, R. 1 E., following Lord Dundreary.

Bud A letter, my lord.

Dun [Takes letter.] You may go. [Exit Buddicombe, R. 1 E. Opens letter.]

''My dear Frederick.'' He calls me Frederick because my name is Robert.

''I wrote you on my arrival.'' Why, I never heard from him. ''But I am afraid you didn't get the letter, because I put no name on the envelope.'' That's the reason why I didn't get it, but who did get it?

It must have been some fellow without any name. ''My dear brother, the other day a rap came to my door, and some fellows came in and proposed a quiet game of porker.'' A quiet game of porker, why, they wanted to kill him with a poker. ''I consented and got stuck--'' Sam's dead, I've got a dead lunatic for a brother--''for the drinks.'' He got on the other side of the paper, why couldn't he get stuck all on one side. ''P. S.--If you don't get this letter let me know, for I shall feel anxious.'' He's a mad lunatic. [Exit, R. 1 E.]

Change Scene

Scene 6--Coyle's Office in 2. High desk and stool, R. Modern box center against flat. Cabinet, L.

Asa discovered looking over papers on box. Murcott looking in desk.

Asa Have you found it?

Mur No, Mr. Trenchard. I've searched all the drawers but can find no trace of it.

Asa What's this?

Mur That's a cabinet where his father kept old deeds, the key he always carries about him.

Asa Oh, he does, does he? Well I reckon I saw a key as I came in that will open it. [Exit, R. 1 E.]

Mur Key, oh, my poor muddled brain, what can he mean!

Asa [Re-enters with axe.] Here's a key that will open any lock that Hobb ever invented.

Mur Key? what key?

Asa What key, why, Yankee. [Shows axe, begins to break open Cabinet.]

Enter Coyle, R. 2 E.

Coyle Villains! would you rob me?

Mur Stand off, Mr. Coyle, we are desperate. [Now seizes him.]

Asa Here it is a sure as there are snakes in Virginia. Let the old cuss go, Murcott.

Coyle Burglars! oh, you shall dearly pay for this.

Asa Yes, I'll pay--but I guess you'll find the change.

Coyle The law--the law shall aid me.

Asa Wal, perhaps it would be as well not to call in the law just yet. It might look a little further than might be convenient.

Mur It's no use to blunder, Mr. Coyle, you are harmless to us now, for we have that, that will crush you.

Coyle Well, what are your conditions? money, how much?

Asa Wal, we warn't thinking of coming down on your dollars. But you have an appointment with Sir Edward at two, haven't you?

Coyle Well?

Asa Well, I want you to keep that appointment.

Coyle Keep it?

Asa Yes, and that's all I do want you to keep of his, and instead of saying you have come to foreclose the mortgage, I want you to say, you have found the release which proves the mortgage to have been paid off.

Coyle I accept. Is that all?