Ore no Kanojo to Osananajimi ga Shuraba Sugiru Vol 4 Chapter 2

#2: Love Test is Mayhem

File:Oreshura v04 047.jpg

Onigiri[1], sausages, fried eggs.

Once I placed these dishes on the table, they quickly disappeared from the edge of it and went straight into Saeko-san's stomach. And as usual, she didn't chew properly.

As I continued to cook another leek and some miso soup, I said:

"If you were that hungry, couldn't you have eaten some fast food to sustain yourself?"

"But I rarely see Eita at home, and I want to eat your hand-made dishes~"

Seeing Saeko-san's smile with grains of rice stuck on her cheek, I felt quite happy. Learning about cooking really had been a worthwhile choice.

I invited Masuzu and the rest of them to sit on the sofa in the living room, but because it could only accommodate three people, Chiwa kneeled on a cushion by the carpet.

Apart from Chiwa, the remaining three girls were all stunned by Saeko-san's eating manners. Well, it would scare the average person, since her speed at rice devouring easily surpa.s.sed Chiwa's.

Saeko-san drank the miso soup like water, and gave a huge sigh, 'Buuhaaa~'.

"Well, that's all… Good night!"

"Good night."

Saeko-san laid her head down on the table and began to snore loudly. Her irrational ability to fall asleep anywhere never changed.

Masuzu's eyes were round and wide as she asked:

"Has she fallen asleep?"

"Yeah, she's always like this after eating."

I took an unb.u.t.toned cardigan sweater from the living room wall and draped it over Saeko-san's shoulder.

"She says that sleeping on the table is the best, especially for short-term elimination of sleepiness."

'This is an occupational disease[2]—', Saeko-san would always smile as she said so.

Hime tilted her head.

"Should we move somewhere else?"

"Don't worry about it. She'll wake up in about thirty minutes anyway."

"But I want to see Eita's room."

"Not happening."

I refused flat-out.

Because you'd definitely rummage through someone else's house! You'd try to find p.o.r.n magazines!

Ever since earlier, Fuyuumi had also been looking around the living room with her hands on her knees, sometimes clenching into a fist and sometimes relaxing. She was completely restless.

Then it dawned on me.

"Let me say it first, this room doesn't have any official seals[3]. Understood?"

"A-Are you picking a fight? Why would I want that kind of thing?"

Naturally, you'd take it and stamp the marriage registration form, isn't that right?

When the dialogue was about to digress, Masuzu cleared her throat.

"It's about time we started the meeting. After all, we came here for a reason."

"Hey, wait a minute."

Thus, Chiwa started.

"What's with this? Aren't you already sick and tired of seeing my room?"

"Not that! Before we start, I want to clarify one thing."

Chiwa turned her gaze directly at Masuzu:

"Earlier, what did Saeko-san meant when she was talking about 'fake'?"

Guh!

…As expected, we have to continue with that topic, of course.

"I'm also interested. What's the deal with the president being 'fake'?"

"Either Impostor or Imitation[4], does it have to do with something like that?"

Even Hime and Fuyuumi voiced their doubts.

Masuzu gave a big sigh.

"If it's about that, I would also like to know about it. Even though it's clearly our first meeting, she just said something like that. I'm very troubled."

Chiwa glared at me and spoke:

"But Ei-kun also seems rather nervous?"

"W-What are you talking about?"

I originally wanted to play dumb, but my pitch went unnaturally high.

But...

Recently Chiwa really had been quite sharp. At least with issues regarding Masuzu and me.

But as Chiwa was unable to find any more evidence, she had to drop the subject for the time being.

"So, we have to discuss how to manage the budget for the summer training camp."

"Right, is there any way we can quickly ama.s.s money?"

Hime raised her hand in response to Masuzu's question and said:

"And if everyone gets a Palt Daime?"

"…You surely mean Part Time, right?"

"Correct."

When Hime said 'Part Time', it sounded like the name of some spell or weapon. It really was unfathomable.

"We won't have time. In order to work, we need to get the school's permission first."

Fuyuumi said, very straitlaced.

"Eeh— no one actually follows that rule, right?"

"That won't do! Since I'm a club member now, I won't let you break the school rules."

'Phuu—', Chiwa stretched out her face.

"Besides, we won't make it 'til next week. There aren't that many offers for high school girls to look for part time jobs."

Chiwa shook her head and said, 'That's not the case at all'.

"A few days ago I saw an advertis.e.m.e.nt. It said that all you have to do is eat snacks and listen to an old man whine, and the salary is thirty thousand yen. I don't know what type of snacks are included, though."

"…Chiwa, please absolutely do not go to that place, okay?"

I firmly and unyieldingly urged her. This girl could really make people worry.

"Since it has come to this."

Masuzu's eyes shifted towards me.

"I guess I can only ask Eita-kun to put his body in use."

"Hm? What would be good about this at this time?"

"Everyone has two kidneys, and losing one is no big deal after all."

"You expect me to sell it?!"

This clearly was not me putting my body to good use. Rather, it would be my internal organs.

Why did I have to take this kind of risk for the sake of a summer training camp...

"You guys have been saying whatever you please from the beginning! Can you only come up with this kind of dangerous ideas? There's plenty more simple solutions!"

"Oh, like what?"

"Just have the training camp someplace nearby."

"Nearby?"

"How about the family restaurant in front of the station?"

The four of them booed when they heard this. What? Are you guys that dissatisfied with the family restaurant business? They are facilities with fine air-conditioning, an unlimited supply of drinks for one hundred eighty yen, and it's also within a day's trip.

"A family restaurant is of course out of question. When we're talking about a summer training camp, then of course it has to be the sea."

Masuzu a.s.serted, and just when the discussion was about to hit the rocks—

"—Fine then. I will take all of you there then."

Saeko-san suddenly stood up.

Her eyes that were shut to narrow strings before, were now open perfectly wide. It seemed after that short sleep, she switched to awaken mode.

Masuzu, Hime, and Fuyuumi stared blankly, unable to be anything but stunned.

Saeko-san lazily brushed her hair up:

"What's wrong? Didn't you all want to go to the beach? My company has a health resort facility at Funase Beach. You can use it for two or three nights without a problem."

Fuyuumi leaned close to my ear and whispered:

"Err, that's really your oba-sama[5], right? Doesn't she look like a completely different person?"

"Yeah. Earlier, she was just in her 'sleep mode' after staying up all night."

The first time Chiwa and I had met Saeko-san, we were also astounded like this. Both her atmosphere and way of speaking changed like she was different person. Saeko-san in 'awaken mode' could be considered quite a beautiful woman. One would never think that this was a person capable of saying 'Kyun-Kyun' like she did before.

Masuzu had a stiff and wary expression.

"May I ask if you are implying that you will provide free accommodation for us?"

"That's not what I'm saying. You will need to provide an equivalent compensation."

Saeko-san looked at Masuzu's sharp eyes, smiled and said:

"Hey, Chihuahua, what do I do for a job?"

The sudden change of topic took Chiwa by surprise and she responded in a daze:

"A game creator, right?"

"No, I don't if you put it in such a formidable way."

Saeko-san banged on the table.

 

"I am— someone who makes lots of cute girls and hot boys appear in games, so they make people 'squuueeeeeaaaal!', that's the type of game I'm after!"

 

"[...]"

Even though there wasn't any need to say it in a formidable manner, there also was no need to say it so vulgarly… right?

"That would be gal-games[6] and otome-games[7]?"

"Ah, the pony-tailed girl over there seems to get it."

After being praised, Hime blushed somewhat happily. After all, she liked video games. Maybe she even played a game that Saeko-san had worked on.

On the other hand, the stiff disciplinary committee member only furrowed her eyebrows.

"I heard these kinds of works had a lot of shameless content. Could this be related to X-rated games?"

"My current project is rated 'appropriate for all ages'. Is the tsundere over there very familiar with those kinds of games?"

"O-O-Of course I'm not familiar with them! I only know about them due to my duties as a disciplinary committee member!"

Fuyuumi denied vehemently. But that being said, you should have protested about that 'tsundere' part.

With her eyes still probing, Masuzu asked:

"May I ask how gal-games are related to the offer of our accommodation?"

"Well, in short I'll let you take a look at this..."

Saeko-san took a flyer out of her bag, and we all leaned forward to take a look.

 

★ Use your 'Love Points' to Cool the Summer ❤ 'OreDere' Beauty Pagent ★

 

Organizer: SoftDunk (Inc.)

Venue: Funase Second Beach

Date: X/X/XX at X o'clock. Registration begins at X o'clock rain or shine.

Eligibility: a dere-dere girl between 10~20 years old

 

"Right now my company is making a new game called 'My Girlfriend Loves me Too Much!' or 'OreDere' for short. The purpose of this event is to draw interest and get some publicity."

"OreDere."

This abbreviation doesn't seem to reflect the existence of a 'girlfriend', but rather it seems to suggest 'I'm' dere[8]. But then again it's fine either way.

"If you're willing to partic.i.p.ate in this compet.i.tion, then I'll offer the accommodations I mentioned earlier."

Chiwa looked up at Saeko-san's face:

"What does the 'dere-dere girl' in the compet.i.tion eligibility mean?"

"The compet.i.tors have to be on the stage and demonstrate 'how dere they are'. That's the main feature of this compet.i.tion. That's why this compet.i.tion is restricted to 'girls who feel dere to someone' as in 'girls who are in the middle of experiencing love'. Unfortunately, not many people have registered so it's a little bit of a problem—"

Saeko-san looked at Chiwa, Hime, and Fuyuumi, one by one.

 

"You three have all fallen for Eita, am I right?"

 

"——?!"

The three of them didn't make any noise, but there was an obvious change of atmosphere in the living room.

Chiwa's expression suddenly became very serious.

Hime blushed and lowered her head.

Fuyumi however… covered her face with her hands and started to pound on the ground wildly with her feet, causing the floor to shake. A-chan, please stop. Do you want to destroy my house?

"Fufu, you're very maidenly. Looks like you all satisfy the compet.i.tion requirement."

Saeko-san very happily nodded her head in the direction of those three.

"Please wait."

Masuzu let out a firm voice.

"As I said before, I am Eita-kun's girlfriend. Why am I the only one you are excluding?"

"It's not due to reason, but rather due to intuition."

"Intuition, is it...?"

"Don't try to fool my intuition. I've created a ma.s.sive number of all sorts of character types, and the story of how all these characters fell in love. All of this was made by me. In my shoes, it's not hard at all to understand how you guys rank in a 'dere scale'."

Masuzu frowned, unconvinced.

"However that's merely talk about a game, isn't it? It's just a fake reality, right?"

"It's exactly because it's fake."

Saeko-san's words were full of enthusiasm.

"In order to make the fake look real, you need to 'make the fake look more real than the real thing'. This is the most important detail in the game industry. As a result, I am very sensitive to whether the Romantic FeelingDere is authentic or not."

Masuzu's expression had originally been very stern, but it suddenly looked like it realized something.

At nearly the same time, I also realized it.

About this 'making the fake look more real than the real thing' earlier— Wasn't that more or less the same thing Masuzu had said to me a few times before?

"How about we run a little test?"

Saeko-san thus said.

"This is a simple psychological test that will measure your love points. It's a rare opportunity, so are Chihuahua and company up for it?"

The four of them looked at each other in confusion.

Not caring about their reactions, Saeko-san took her smart phone out again and began to read the questions aloud to herself.

 

Q:

There is a boy here that you hold very dear and think of very well.

Let's name him 'A'-ta— ...-kun.

 

"THAT'S NOT AN ALIAS!"

I said with a hoa.r.s.e voice.

I wished that it could have been changed to 'B'-ta or 'C'-ta at least…!

 

Then 'A'-ta-kun says: 'This manga here is really interesting and totally awesome! This is the thing! Read it, read it!'— Suppose that he just won't shut up about it.

How would you react?

 

"So, let's start with Chihuahua."

Saeko-san completely ignored my protests and continued with the subject.

Chiwa's worried, 'um~', about ten seconds later came:

"Ei-kun's manga interests and mine don't really match."

"No, it's not about me. Remember that the topic is about 'A-ta-kun', all right?"

Chiwa responded, 'Oh, right', and nodded her head.

"Well, then I guess I'd give a try reading it? But if it's really boring, I'd just tell him so."

It was a very ordinary response.

But the manga that I'd recommend would definitely not be boring!

"Then the next, the pony-tailed girl."

"As long as Eita was the one who recommended it, I would read it no matter how boring it is."

Oh dear, Hime was as tender as always.

…But it was saddening that the subject still was on how boring it'd be.

Saeko-san tapped at the touchscreen as she nodded.

"Next up is the 'tsun' girl."

"Manga is just boring enough. I won't read that kind of thing!"

"Well, and the 'dere' girl."

"The Manga will give me an opportunity to speak more with Ta-kun, I ~ will definitely read it♪———— Wait, WHO'S THE DERE GIRL?!"

It seemed like Fuyuumi-san had developed a habit of being a 'Nori-Tsukkomi[9]', ergo there was no place for me to b.u.t.t in myself.

"Finally, Natsukawa Masuzu."

Masuzu was the only one who she did not call by a nickname, somehow that beat being called out 'wicked tongue girl' in public, I guess.

I casually approached Masuzu from behind, and whispered to her:

 

—Hey, please give a good answer.

—Who do you think I am? Just leave it to me.

 

Thus, Masuzu's answer was...

"I would certainly take a look at the manga that 'A-ta-kun' recommended, but I would also lend him a manga that I would recommend."

"Reason being?"

"Even though it's important to understand the preferences of the person you love, it's also important to let him get to know you. I believe that this is most important in the relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend."

Chiwa and the rest of them all exclaimed, 'Wow'. As expected of Masuzu, she always responded with the most proper answer.

Saeko-san nodded and said, 'I see', as her fingers tapped away on the smart phone.

A little curious, I spoke up:

"Um, what have you been doing ever since we started?"

"This is an app game that my company is developing, and I borrowed the question from here. This game already has more than a million users who have responded, all of whom are girls in their teens and twenties."

"Heh…"

Girls certainly seemed to love psychological test problems like this pretty much.

Chiwa's body was shaking from anxiety.

"Then, Saeko-san, how were the results? Who has got the most love?"

"Ah, in first place is... [...] ...tsundere girl."

Fuyuumi's face turned alarmingly red.

"W-W-What is this!? W-W-Why would I be interested in someone li-li-liee Kidou-kun—"

No, it's A-ta-kun we're talking about, isn't it?

Saeko-san couldn't help but chuckle:

"When you said, 'an opportunity to speak more with him', isn't it obvious that this point would score rather highly? The innocent and sweet love can even be felt in the air, totally maiden-like."

Fuyuumi shook her head forcefully, her hair disheveled:

 

"It's absolutely a lie, lie, lie, lie, lie— It's a lie! I definitely don't just like Ta-kun! I la-like so much!"

 

The air around the scene instantly froze.

Chiwa's eyes seemed to overflow with the intent to kill, Hime's eyes were puzzled, and Masuzu gave a blank stare.

I was also extremely surprised.

Hey, you, you forgot about the existence of Michel again…

"That's what I said, it isn't like thiiiiiiiiiiiiiis! What I just said doesn't cooooouuuunt! Ai-chan is going to run outside!"

A-chan pounded her reddened face with both hands and quickly ran outside. She forgot her bag again, so I'd try to return it the day after in cram school.

"Then, in second place is Chihuahua."

As expected of Saeko-san, she was completely unmoved after the exposure of the tsundere heart.

"As for why you're ranked lower than the tsundere girl, that's because you're too intimate. Even though such sincere words signify that your relationship is very good, if the distance between you two is too close, the other party won't be able to see you in terms of love. You need to pay attention to that stuff."

"Ah-!"

Chiwa sank into silent contemplation, maybe because she felt that what had been said was reasonable.

"In third place is the pony-tailed girl. Your situation is the opposite of Chihuahua's, you should take a step closer to cut down the distance. Don't let your feelings lead everything. You still need to have everyday conversations, so that Eita… No, the point is that you need to get closer to 'A'-ta. This way you'll gradually enter a better relationship."

Hime eyes shined honestly and she nodded repeatedly. This almost felt like it was some kind of life consultation.

Then was— Masuzu.

"I'm in last place, is it?"

Even though her tone was indifferent, one could still see the frustration underneath.

This was maybe the first time I ever saw Masuzu with this expression.

"It's because your answer might be considered the 'exemplar answer'. And since it's too perfect, there is just no feeling of 'dere'."

"Too perfect?"

"If you were a couple going out for more than a year, then this answer would be absolutely right. However— You've only gone out for three months, right? Moreover, you're 15-year-old first year high school students, and this kind of answer is simply too beautiful."

I see.

There really is no flaw in Masuzu's answer. To try and share our feelings with our partners...

But compared to the real couples around us in our environment, it doesn't usually go like that.

I occasionally listen to Kaoru talk about the situations of the boys with a relationship that are in our cla.s.s. The unpredictable highs and lows in their relationship are very intense. The usual case, where the girlfriends are nothing but filled with talks about their boyfriends, and the opposite also happens when the boyfriends do nothing but speak about their girlfriends. They keep doing nothing but 'praising' their loved one.

If we wanted to act like a high school couple, then the correct answer would need to leak a even more 'lovestruck mind' than what's normal.

"When one uses a cell phone or smart phone to do this kind of test, it will ask the respondent to provide their age, s.e.x, occupation, and the number of years they've been in a relationship, and questions like that. Thus even if the responses are identical, the score may still vary."

Masuzu stared unwaveringly at Saeko-san's eyes.

"I refuse to accept this. What can this kind of test possibly tell you about us?"

So, with that att.i.tude it looks like she isn't going to surrender, no matter want.

"…Hooo? Okay."

Saeko-san contemplated as she stroked her chin.

"If you are willing to say that much, then why don't you, Natsukawa Masuzu, also partic.i.p.ate in the compet.i.tion? After all, I'm the host, so if you can win the championship, then I'll admit that you're his 'girlfriend' or whatever. I'll attest that as Eita's guardian."

"That condition won't be changed in hindsight, right?"

"Of course not."

It seemed like there were invisible sparks scattering between Masuzu and Saeko-san.

Maybe because she was roused, Chiwa also stood up:

"I'm also partic.i.p.ating!"

She declared, her eyes re-ignited with that raging fire.

"Even though this time we were a little careless and allowed things to get too intimate, this is an excellent opportunity to settle things with Natsukawa!"

I felt like the situation just kept growing stranger and stranger.

"I also want to partic.i.p.ate."

Even Hime raised her hand.

She used her other hand to hold onto my shirt tightly.

"If I win the compet.i.tion, then will I get a rank upgrade from ex-girlfriend to current girlfriend?"

She radically said. Anyway, was that some kind of confession?

Saeko-san, being very satisfied, nodded repeatedly.

"Let's go with that, the girl that wins the crown in this compet.i.tion will be recognized as Eita's bride. I'll give my seal of approval as Eita's guardian."

"—Really? So you will seal it?"

This voice came from the living room door. I turned my head to look, and it was A-chan sweating from head to foot, her shoulders undulating up and down as she panted. It seemed like she noticed that she forgot her bag and thus had turned back.

She pointed straight at us:

"I-It can't be helped! I'll also partic.i.p.ate!"

Haha, things are really heating up here.

Things are heating up.

Yeah...

I wish I could run away… I really do…

 

Translator notes and references Jump up↑ Onigiri: Can be seen here. Jump up↑ Occupational Disease: See here. Jump up↑ Official Seals: Equal a signature. Jump up↑ She's translating the English "fake" into its j.a.panese equivalents. Jump up↑ Oba-sama: Respectful for "aunt". Jump up↑ Gal-Game: See here. Jump up↑ Otome-Game: See here. Jump up↑ OreDere is very similar to the abbreviations "OreShura" and "OreImo". In each case, "Ore" means "I/me/my". The original name is "Ore no kanojo ga deredere sugiru". Jump up↑ Nori-Tsukkomi: Sometimes plays along with the 'boke', but right after jumping back to 'tsukommi' him.