Only Series - Only Mine Part 19

aItas all right, Jessi. The wolves are gone.a She focused on Wolfe, blinked, and smiled sleepily. aAll save one, and he is my very own Lord Wolfe. Iam safe with him.a Pain went through Wolfe like black lightning, scoring his soul in ways he couldnat name. He could feel it, though, a kind of agony he had never known before. Jessica trusted him without reservation, yet he had brought nothing but unhappiness and harm to her.

aMy stupidity nearly killed you, elf. When I think how close you came to being torn apart by wolvesaa aYouare a fine shot,a she murmured, sliding back into sleep.

aIam a fool.a Though Wolfeas voice was harsh, he was very gentle as he lifted Jessica into his arms. When she realized he meant to carry her from the stall, she woke up in a rush.

aWait. You havenat even looked at the steeldustas foal,a she protested. aSheall be a wonderful foundation mare for our herd. Iave never seen so fine a head on a foal, nor such a deep chest. Itas a filly. Isnat that grand? In a few years shea"a aTo h.e.l.l with the steeldust and her filly both,a Wolfe interrupted savagely. aDonat you understand? You could have died.a Jessica blinked. aSo could you.a aThatas different. It ends here, Jessi.a aWhat?a aIam taking you back to London as soon as the pa.s.ses are safe.a aGoing to give that carriage another shot at me, is that it?a aWhat are you talking about?a Jessica smiled and nuzzled Wolfeas hard jawline. aI nearly got run down by a carriage in London, remember?a Wolfeas mouth flattened. aI remember.a aYou should. You beat that driver to within an inch of his life.a aI would rather have killed the drunken b.a.s.t.a.r.d.a aThere are a lot more like him,a Jessica pointed out.

aSo?a aSo Iam no safer in London than I am here, am I?a The tip of Jessicaas tongue drew a line of sensual fire down Wolfeas jaw.

aThatas not the point,a he said roughly.

aThen what is?a aIave nearly killed you trying to make you admit that you arenat cut from Western cloth. Youare a British aristocrat and you deserve to have the elegant life of ease for which you were bred, born, raised, and trained.a As Wolfe spoke, he stepped out of the barn into the brilliant moonlight. The ground was cold and shiny with melting snow. The air was like warm silk.

aNonsense,a Jessica said, yawning. aYou wouldnat be happy in England.a aThat wonat be a problem.a Jessica went very still in Wolfeas arms. All sleepiness fled before the wave of unease that swept through her.

aWhat are you saying?a she whispered.

aIall leave England as soon as our marriage is annulled.a aI havenat agreed to ana"a aYou donat have to,a Wolfe interrupted savagely. aIall be the one to seek the annulment.a aBut why?a she whispered. aWhat have I done to make you hate me so?a aI donat hate you. I never have, even when I wanted to throttle you for trapping me into marriage.a aThen why area"a Jessica got no farther in her question, for Wolfeas mouth descended on hers. By the time he lifted his head once more, both of them were breathing quickly, hungrily.

aItas over, Jessi. It never should have begun.a aWolfe, listen to me,a she said urgently. aI want to be your wife in all ways. I want to live with you, work beside you, bear your children, care for you when you are ill, and laugh with you when the rest of the world is a hundred shades of gray.a The words were knives turning in Wolfe, tempting him unmercifully, slicing away at his self-control, making him bleed with all that could never bea"an aristocratic elf and a halfbreed mustang hunter. He had known it was impossible since she was fifteen.

And since she was fifteen, he had known what h.e.l.l was: living with what he wanted forever just beyond his reach, forever calling to him across an abyss he must not cross, for if he did, he would destroy the very thing he wanted.

He had nearly done just that despite his best intentions.

aI love you,a Jessica said. aI lovea"a aNo more,a Wolfe interrupted savagely, cutting across the words that were more painful to him than any blow he had ever received. aI am Tree That Stands Alone. You are Lady Jessica Charteris. You have nothing to fear in England any longer. Iall see that you get a suitable husband or none at all.a Wolfe would have preferred none at all. The thought of another man touching Jessica added another dimension to his own personal h.e.l.l. He wasnat sure he could bear it. Yet he must. He took in a deep breath, let it out, and spoke more gently.

aI should be hung for ever bringing you to this wilderness.a aButa"a aNo more.a Jessica flinched at the raw pain in Wolfeas voice. It stopped her as nothing else could have. Fear went through her in a cold wave. She closed her eyes and turned her face against Wolfeas neck, not wanting him to see her despair.

His anger she could fight, and had. His pain defeated her.

When Wolfe opened the kitchen door, Willow took one look at his dark face and breathed a wordless prayer. Wolfe walked right by her as though only he and Jessica existed.

aWhat is it? Is she hurt?a Willow asked anxiously, following.

aJust exhausted.a As Wolfe kicked the bedroom door shut behind him, he saw that food, brandy, and pans of warm water had been set out in the bedroom. The hearth was alive with the dance of flame.

aCan you stand?a he asked quietly.

Jessica nodded.

Wolfe set her down near the hearth he had built for Calebas home and began undressing her with gentle hands. Jessica neither looked up nor objected. She simply stood with a docility that made Wolfe glance sharply at her from time to time. Soon she was wearing nothing but her filmy pantelets and camisole. They looked startlingly clean, fragile, and feminine after the condition of her outer clothing. He eased the undergarments from her body as delicately as though they were made of moonlight.

Jessica shivered when the last bit of lace fell to the hearth, leaving her naked before the fire and the man she loved, the man she had hurt in ways she had never intended.

Wolfe swept the fur coverlet from the bed and wrapped it around her.

aWarm enough?a he asked.

Without looking at him, she nodded.

aAre you hungry?a She shook her head.

aWhen did you last eat?a he asked.

aI donat remember.a The tone of Jessicaas voice went through Wolfe like an icy wind. There was no music, no laughter, none of the mischief and warmth that had danced in her voice since he had become her lover in all ways but one. The barrier of her maidenhead still lay between them, the abyss that must not be crossed.

Aristocrat and halfbreed b.a.s.t.a.r.d.

aJessiaa Wolfe whispered.

But there was nothing more he could say. It had all been said. All that remained was to return her to the land and the life for which she had been born; a land and a life that were impossible for him to share.

In silence, Wolfe found Jessicaas hairbrush and went back to the fire where she stood. Without a word, he began combing her snarled hair.

aIam no longer so useless I canat brush my own hair.a Wolfeas eyes narrowed at the loss of color and life in Jessicaas voice. It was the same for her body. Like gra.s.s flattened by a storm, she was defeated. Yet like gra.s.s, she would regain her resilience after the storm pa.s.sed. He was certain of it. All she needed was rest and a return to her own place, her own people.

aI like brushing your hair,a Wolfe said. aItas both cool and fiery, and it smells of roses. The feel and scent of you will always haunt me.a Jessica made no other objection, because to speak would have been to reveal the tears aching in her throat. Wolfe was standing very close to her, yet he was withdrawing from her with every breath, every instant, and the brush was whispering his good-byes through her hair.

Eyes closed, Jessica stood with the patience of the d.a.m.ned while the man she loved tormented her with all she would never have of life and of him. If she could have died, she would have, but she could not. She could only endure the pain and pleasure of his touch and pray that tomorrow would never come, separating her from the only man she would ever love.

When Jessicaas hair swirled about her in a shining, softly curling cloud, Wolfe reluctantly put aside the brush. Air stirred by the movements of his body disturbed her hair, weaving firelight through the silky strands.

Wolfeas breath came out in a soundless rush as he memorized the picture of Jessica standing in front of the fire. He wanted to see the aquamarine gems of her eyes, but they were hidden behind half-closed lids and thick eyelashes, as though she were too weary to bear even the sight of the man who had dragged her through h.e.l.l.

Wolfe brought the basins of warm water to the hearth. He wrung out a small, soft cloth in one of the basins, soaped it lightly, and began washing Jessicaas face. The fragrance of a summer rose garden slowly expanded through the room.

aIam not so useless that I canat wash myself,a she said quietly, looking at the stone hearth rather than at the man who was so gently and so completely tearing the heart from her body.

aI know. Youare tired. Let me take care of you as I should have from the beginning.a Jessicaas eyelids flinched at the brush of the cloth on her cheek.

aSore?a Wolfe whispered.

She shook her head wearily.

aAre you certain? Those welts look tender. How did you get them?a aI donat remember,a she said tonelessly.

Wolfeas fingertips caressed Jessicaas cheek with great tenderness. Her breath hesitated, then frayed. When he eased the fur coverlet down to her waist, she made a tiny sound.

aDonat worry, elf. Iam not going to demand any sensual games from you. Youare too tiredaand I came too close to seeing you die to trust my own control tonight.a Jessicaas eyes widened, seeking Wolfeas for the first time. He didnat notice. He was looking at the picture she made with the silver fur wrapped around her hips and her hair a mahogany glory spilling over the creamy curves of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s.

Slowly, Wolfe rearranged Jessicaas hair until it fell down her back. Even before the washcloth touched her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, the nipples gathered into tight velvet crowns, contrasting starkly with the pale satin of her skin.

aYouare more beautiful than fire itself,a Wolfe said huskily. aIall remember you like this until I die.a And Iall want you until I die.

Yet Wolfe said nothing of that, for the knowledge had just come to him in another stroke of black lightning, another raw wound burning in the depths of his soul.

Breath trembled out of Jessica when she saw the harsh lines of Wolfeas face. She wanted to ask what was wrong, but didnat trust herself to open her mouth without crying out her need and her love for the man who didnat love her. So she stood silently, unable to speak for the sadness locked within her throat.

The fur wrap slid from Jessicaas hips into Wolfeas hands and from there to the floor. He ignored the luminous beauty of the coverlet, for the curves of Jessicaas legs and the dark mahogany cloud concealing her feminine core were far more compelling to him than the rare arctic fur.

Slowly, Wolfe raised the washcloth and resumed bathing Jessica in a hushed silence. The first warm touch of water made her breath unravel in a soundless rush. When Wolfe asked wordlessly for more freedom of her body, she shifted, allowing him the intimacy. For long minutes, there was only the liquid dance of water, the whispering of flame, and the glide of cloth over skin. Finally, reluctantly, Wolfe rinsed away the last bit of soap, leaving behind the mingled fragrance of rose and warm woman.

aAll done,a he said huskily.

He stood up in a rush and closed his eyes, unable to look at Jessica any longer without touching her in a way that had nothing to do with unspoken apologies and everything to do with the hunger whose fiery claws had long since raked him into readiness for the coupling that must never occur.

Jessica saw Wolfeas need and felt her own, both physical hunger and something far more complex. Without a word she began unb.u.t.toning Wolfeas shirt.

His eyes snapped open.

aWhat are you doing?a he asked roughly.

aUndressing you.a aI can see that.a aThen youall be able to see me bathing you as gently as you bathed me.a aNo.a aWhy not?a aYouare too tired.a Jessicaas elegant fingers didnat so much as pause in their work. aIam no more tired than you.a aJessiaa Her eyes met his. For a moment he didnat know if he could bear what he saw in their clear, light blue depths.

aYou have done as Lady Victoria asked,a Jessica said quietly. aYou have taught me not to fear your touch. Now you are exiling me from your life. Will you deny me this night, too?a Wolfe knew he should do just that, but he couldnat force the words past his lips. Jessica finally had accepted the end that he had always known must come: She would fight the annulment no longer.

He hadnat expected victory to be so painful.

You are exiling me from your life.

Silently, Wolfe removed his boots and socks, then closed his eyes and stood motionless while Jessica undressed him. With a distant sense of surprise, he realized that he had never given himself to a woman in this way, trusting her enough to surrender sensual control to her hands.

The feel of Jessica removing his shirt was exquisite. The tug and release of his belt, followed by the slow, inevitable slide of his remaining clothes down his body was extraordinary, like being naked for the first time. With a feeling of unreality, he stepped out of his clothes and brushed them aside with his foot.

The first touch of the warm washcloth against Wolfeas face made his eyelids flinch.

aSore?a she asked softly, echoing Wolfeas earlier question.

aYou flinched the same way when I first touched you with the washcloth. Were you sore?a aNo. I wanted you so much that even the lightest touch was almost more than I could bear.a aYes,a Wolfe said simply, opening his eyes, hiding from Jessica no longer.

He felt her breath as a warm rush over his chest when she looked into his eyes.

aIn this, at least, we are well matched,a Jessica whispered.

Wolfe didnat answer. He couldnat. The feel of warm water against the pulse on his neck had taken his breath. The sound of the cloth being rinsed was a quicksilver music in the silence. The fragrance of a roseas softly opening petals filled his senses. The slight roughness of the washcloth brought his body to excrutiating fullness.

He closed his eyes once more, absorbing Jessicaas presence into his very pores while the cloth moved slowly over his arms and shoulders, washing away fatigue with slow sweeps of warmth, dissolving everything but the certainty of Jessicaas touch, her soft breathing, her scent wrapping him in a sensuality he had never known before. For an immeasurable time, he lived suspended between firelight and an elf whose touch created a new, magical world.

Water made gentle silver sounds as first the cloth and then his skin was rinsed. He sensed Jessica kneeling before him. When the cloth returned, it was to wash him without hesitation or inhibition. He couldnat hide, for wherever she touched him, she would discover his pa.s.sion.

But Wolfe no longer cared about hiding, for he knew Jessica burned for him in the same way. She was touching him as if he were a dream condensing out of firelight, cherishing him in a hushed silence that was itself another kind of caress.

The washcloth slipped from her fingers and fell forgotten onto the hearth. The feel of her hands on his thighs was both relief and another turn of pa.s.sionas rack. The glide of her palms over him was a pleasure so great it was pain. The gentle rush of her breath over his heavy arousal was Heaven and h.e.l.l in one.

Wolfe couldnat prevent the low sound he made when Jessicaas hand cupped him. Nor could he prevent the single silver drop that condensed, speaking so deeply of the need within him.

When she kissed away the evidence of his need, she brought him to his knees.

aYouare burning me alive,a Wolfe said hoa.r.s.ely.

aNo more than youare burning me,a she whispered, pulling Wolfeas hands down her body. aTouch me. Know how much I want you.a It was like sliding into fire. There was no withdrawal, no coy retreat, nothing but the sultry rose opening at his first touch, weeping for him and yielding to him at the same instant. She clung to him, watching him, seeing the shivering rush of her own pa.s.sion in the expanding center of his eyes, feeling it in the silky heat gilding his hand.

Then Jessica could support her own weight no longer. With a husky moan she sank down onto the fur, drawing Wolfe with her, keeping his hand pressed deeply to her.

aYou have taught me so much about a manas body,a Jessica whispered. aI never would have guessedaa Her voice frayed into another husky cry as Wolfeas hand cupped her and stole into her in the same sweet motion. Unable to help her response, she moved her hips in slow counterpoint to his motions, deepening his presence within her body.

Wolfe closed his eyes and tested the heart of the flower that had been given to him. He found only clinging ease and secret rain shielded by a maidenhood as fragile as flame. She wanted him as he had never been wanted by anyone, and she was telling him with each sultry drop, calling to him in a silence that was infused with hunger and the scent of roses.

aWhat would you never have guessed?a Wolfe asked when he could trust himself to speak.

aThat you were made of honey and fire.a aItas you, not me. Honey and fire.a Wolfe breathed Jessicaas name and withdrew from the satin sheath of her body, heard her cry out at the loss of him. For two seconds he endured it, for three seconds, then he could take no more of their shared pain. He slid within her again, and felt the sweet agony of her response all the way to his soul.

aHold me,a Jessica whispered. aI need to feel you pressed against me. Please, Wolfe. I need you.a aI shouldnat.a aWhy?a aYouare too dangerous when you burn. You make me forgetaeverything.a Yet even as Wolfe was speaking, he was moving over Jessica, crushing her gently into the fur. The feel of her along his naked body went through him in a soundless explosion of heat. When she shifted to draw him even closer, he pinned her hips with his own.

aLie still,a Wolfe breathed against Jessicaas mouth. aYouall make me lose control. I donat want that yet.a aWhat do you want?a aYour kiss.a aItas yours, Wolfe. Only yours.a He took what she gave, giving himself in return. It was like no other kiss he had known. He felt her as though he was in her skin, burning, and she was in his, on fire. Slowly, his body moved against hers, pleasuring both of them in the same gliding motions. She answered instinctively, opening herself, seeking him blindly, needing him until she wept.

Yet no matter how she struggled, he withheld himself.

aWolfe,a Jessica said, her voice strained. aDonat you want me? Youave taught me so much about your body and my own. Teach me about the shared body of love.a aNo, elf.a aIs coupling that painful? Is that what you donat want me to know? Is that what youare sending me back to England to face alone, knowing that someday your elf will lie screaming and bleeding beneath a rutting man?a Wolfe shuddered with a combination of rage at the thought of Jessica lying beneath another man and desire because she was lying beneath him now with her legs open and her hungry softness pressing against him, licking over him with honey and fire.

aJessi, no,a he groaned. aIt must not be.a But whether he meant her coupling with another man in the future or having Wolfe buried within her now, even Wolfe couldnat say.

aThen Iam right,a Jessica accused wildly. aI will be ripped apart. You have seduced me with everything but the truth!a aTaking a man within your body wonat hurt you.a aI donat believe you,a she raged. aI have seen a man aroused. I have felt myself tight around no more than your finger. You are lying to me!a Jessicaas body twisted beneath Wolfe, inciting him beyond bearing. Even as he told himself to roll aside, he caught her mouth beneath his and sank down over her body, absorbing her struggles with his much greater strength. His tongue thrust heavily into her mouth and filled it as he longed to fill her body. His hips moved, dragging his hardened flesh over the softness he had called from her.

Heat pulsed through Jessica and spilled over to Wolfe, increasing the stunning sensitivity of flesh sliding across flesh. He made a throttled sound as every muscle in his body clenched with pa.s.sion and a need that was destroying him.

With a low moan, Jessica arched against him, for she needed the heaviness of his body more than she needed air.

aHold still,a Wolfe said in a hoa.r.s.e voice. aDonat move unless I tell you. Do you hear me, Jessi? Iam going to show you how little you will have to fear from a man. But you must lie still.a She shuddered and became motionless.

Wolfe took a breath and then another, trying to get a grip on the wild, seething violence of his need for her. It was impossible. Control kept sliding away by hot increments, leaving no reality but that of the girl who lay ready beneath him, watching him with eyes that were black with pa.s.sion.

aWrap your legs around my hips. Slowly, Jessi. Very slowly.a Watching him, she shifted in slow motion until her legs circled his hips.

aLike this?a Jessi whispered.

Wolfe locked his jaw as he brushed against the sultry woman heat that lay open to him. A long shudder racked his restraint, threatening to tear it apart. He took several careful breaths.

aYes, like that.a His voice was low, almost a groan. aJust like that. Donat move, Jessi. Not one bit. Iam going to show you how easily youall accept a man.a aNow?a aNow. Just for a moment. Just a little bit. Just so you wonat be afraid. I wonat take your maidenhead, but you must lie very, very still.a Jessicaas eyes widened as Wolfeas fingers caressed her, parted her very gently, eased into her so slowly that she couldnat believe it was happening at all.

And then she realized it wasnat his fingers pressing into her.

aDear G.o.d,a Jessica whispered.

aYes. Dear G.o.d.a Another shudder racked Wolfe as he eased a bit farther into the petal softness of Jessicaas body. He watched the center of her eyes expand into glittering blackness, tasted the unraveling of her breath against his lips, felt her hot, supple yielding to him, heard the small sound she made at the back of her throat as her nails scored sweetly on his arms.

aAm I hurting you?a he breathed.