Only a Girl Part 77

"Do not evade my question. I begin to remember it exactly. My uncle deceived me. And Mollner,--yes, that was the evening when he told me I must die--and the skull fell down and struck my poor head just here,"--and she put up her hand to the scar that had remained since her childhood from her terrible fall,--"just here. It was very painful, but I hardly felt it, in my hurry to read all that there was in the book about diseases of the heart. And then those terrible thoughts of eternal night and eternal silence--and then--then--I remember nothing more. Oh, Willmers, pray draw aside the curtains, and let me enjoy the light as long as I may."

Willmers opened the curtains of both the windows. The bright rays of the autumn sun streamed into the room. Ernestine stretched out her arms towards them, and said, "Oh, glorious light! How long shall I look upon you? How soon will your warm rays kiss the flowers upon my grave? Shall the blest look upon the face of G.o.d? This beautiful smiling world is His face, and blessed indeed are they who may still look upon it and recognize G.o.d. Ah, Willmers, life is such a gift! It is truly valued by those who stand looking down into their open graves, as I do, and I think I was never so worthy to live as now when it is too late."

She clasped her hands over her eyes and burst into tears. "If I could only hope to go to eternal peace upon a Father's loving, forgiving heart, I would gladly die, I long for His love. All feel His presence, and look to Him. But I dare not approach Him. I should be thrust out."

"Dear Fraulein Ernestine," said Willmers, "you are still ill, and that is the cause of these gloomy thoughts. If you would only talk with Professor Mollner, he would know better how to answer you than such a simple old woman as I."

"When is Dr. Mollner coming again?"

"He is here with his mother. They came here to stay, that they might take care of you, and the Frau Staatsrathin has done all that she could to help her son. Oh, how anxious and unhappy they have been about you!

The Herr Professor would not stir from your bedside, and he looks quite ill with constant watching."

Ernestine cast down her eyes with emotion.

"May I not ask him to come in now?" asked Willmers.

"Pray do so."

Willmers did not have to go far to call him. He was already at the door.

"Ernestine, how are you?" he said, doing his best to appear composed.

"Well, dear friend." And she smiled, and held out her hand to him.

"What have you not done for me! How can a dying woman thank you for such self-sacrifice?"

"Ernestine," cried Johannes, pressing her hand to his lips, "you are in error. I myself led you into it, and severely has G.o.d punished me for my imprudence. Everything that I told you of your physical condition was founded upon mistaken suppositions. What I thought a symptom of chronic disease was nothing but the approach of an acute attack of illness. Two physicians, Heim and Moritz Kern, p.r.o.nounce your heart sound, and you are now out of danger. Oh, Ernestine, you cannot dream what my sufferings have been! I saw you writhing in mortal agony. All your fancies betrayed the terror into which I had plunged you. I would have rescued you from it, but you could not hear nor understand me. I offered you the truth that would save you from destruction, and you could not open your lips to receive it. It was too much, too much!"

"Then I need not die?" asked Ernestine with a long breath, as if awaking from an oppressive dream.

"On my honour, Ernestine, you are quite out of danger."

She could not speak. She could only look fondly and gratefully at the blue heavens outside the window. Then she silently pressed Mollner's hand to her breast, and the large tears gathered in her eyes.

The Staatsrathin then entered. "May I come in?" she asked. "May I say good-morning to the invalid?"

Ernestine drew the old lady towards her, put her arm around her, and whispered, "You have so much to forgive, but you granted me your forgiveness before I could ask you for it. I feel so humiliated in comparison with you, I will not conceal the shame this confession causes me. It is your only reward for all that you have done for me."

"How she has been purified in the terrible furnace that she has pa.s.sed through!" the Staatsrathin said to Johannes, who was looking down enraptured upon the pale, beautiful features, once more informed by the clear light of reason.

"I thank you all, and you, too, dear Willmers. Every breath that I draw of this new gift of life shall be full of grat.i.tude to you and"--she looked timidly upwards--"to G.o.d. In that dark, dark night of horror, I felt that His hand prostrated me, and now His hand lifts me up again.

Oh, yes, He is a merciful G.o.d!"

"Then, Ernestine," said Johannes, "a blessing has come even from the terror that I caused you,--the blessing of faith."

"Yes, dear friend, you were right when you said, 'To some G.o.d comes in fear.' You were right in everything, and I am only a woman!" Her head drooped. She was exhausted.

Johannes and his mother looked significantly at each other, joy in their eyes. It seemed to them that Ernestine was born again.

The blessed relief that followed this brief conversation kept the invalid sunk in profound sleep all the rest of the day.

When Heim came, towards evening, he would not even see her, lest he should disturb the repose which was, he said, the best medicine for a convalescent.

At nightfall she opened her eyes and saw Johannes sitting beside her.

"Are you still with me?" she asked.

"I am always with you, Ernestine. I shall never leave you," he said with fervour.

Her eyelids closed, and she was silent, but her breath came quickly. He saw that his words had excited her, and he resolved carefully to avoid in future every syllable that could possibly disturb the perfect repose of her mind.

He left the room, that she might become composed. Willmers persuaded her to take some nourishment, and she fell asleep again without a word.

She was so much refreshed the next morning that Johannes breakfasted with his mother for the first time for many days, and a.s.sured her that he confidently hoped now for Ernestine's speedy recovery.

"Thank G.o.d!" e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed the Staatsrathin fervently. "Since yesterday I have seen how dear she may become to me. I acknowledge now that you, my son, understood this rare creature better than I did. But where are Gretchen and Hilsborn? Why do they not come to breakfast?"

"They are taking a turn together in the garden. How happy they are!"

"G.o.d willing, we shall soon have a double wedding in N----."

"Ah, mother, yours are bold dreams!" cried Johannes.

"But why not? Be sure, my son, she will soon be well again. Her const.i.tution, both mental and physical, is strong. In two weeks your holidays will be at an end, and then we will carry her back to town with us, and when her trousseau, that I shall provide, is complete, where will there be any need of delay?"

"Why, mother, you yourself have just said that her mind is vigorous as well as her body. I shall never believe she can be mine until she is actually my affianced bride."

"Ah, Moritz and Angelika!" cried the Staatsrathin, rising to meet them as they entered.

Angelika kissed her mother and brother. She was, if possible, plumper and rosier than ever.

"Aha!" laughed Moritz, "we frightened you for nothing yesterday. I know--I know all about it from Heim. Your coy damsel has come to her senses--congratulate you! If she can be cured of the rest of her brain-sickness, why, Heaven speed the wooing! There'll be no getting any good out of you until you are married."

Angelika put her plump, dimpled little hand over his mouth. "Can you not let poor Johannes have some peace?"

Moritz kissed the soft, warm fetter placed upon his lips and freed himself from it.

"'Poor' Johannes! Why poor? He's sure of her now. She hasn't a groschen. Let her thank Heaven that there is a comfortable home ready for her, and she will,--no one can accuse her of stupidity," said Moritz.

Johannes and his mother looked grave, but did not speak, and he went on. "I can't conceive how she withstood you so long. You're the very hero for a novel,--too sentimental for my taste, but that's just what women like, and if I were a woman I'd have you on the spot."

"Thank you kindly, Moritz," said Johannes gaily, "but make your mind easy,--I certainly would not have you."

"Oh, do stop! you do nothing but quarrel and fight when you are together," said Angelika merrily. "You are both good and true, each after his own fashion, and I love you both dearly. What more do you want?"

"All right," said Moritz, contemplating the fair little figure with immense satisfaction. "If you love us, I am entirely content. It is only your discontented brother who is not satisfied."

"Angelika knows well enough," said Johannes, "what she is to me!"

Here Willmers appeared. "Herr Professor, Fraulein Ernestine is awake, and is asking for her 'pretty young nurse,' as she calls her. Shall I go for Fraulein Gretchen?"