One Year Book of Devotions for Men Part 12

The key to successful argument is to know what is worth arguing about, to be sure of what youare talking about, to know when to speak and when to be silent, to express yourself graciously, and to be willing to be proved wrong. That is a good argument for good arguing.

March 21

TO READ: Proverbs 27:1-10

Friends

Wounds from a friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

Proverbs 27:6

Julius Caesar was attacked by sixty conspirators in the entrance to the Roman Senate on March 15, 44 B.C. As this was happening, he saw Marcus Junius Brutus rush at him with drawn dagger. He was shocked and in anguish cried out, aEt tu, Brute?aa"aYou, too, Brutus?a Brutus, a former enemy, had been forgiven, trusted, and genuinely loved by Caesar. But he had joined the a.s.sa.s.sins, and he plunged his dagger into the dictatoras breast. While Caesar had forgiven many of his defeated opponents, he had not made genuine friends.

Harry S. Truman, the thirty-third President of the United States, had a similar problem. He said, aIf you want a friend in Washington, D.C., get a dog!a While emperors and presidents face special problems in making friends, most men find difficulty in establishing and maintaining genuine friendships. The reason may be that friendships require time, effort, and vulnerability. Work demands a great part of a manas time and effort, and vulnerability is seen by many men as unmanly. So men tend to settle for acquaintances and colleagues, and friendships remain undeveloped.

That this is a serious omission in a manas life can be seen from the teaching of Proverbs: aWounds from a friend are better than many kisses from an enemya (Prov. 27:6). The kiss of Judas in the Garden of Gethsemane was, on first appearances, a greeting and a blessing, but in fact it was the infamous act of an unscrupulous enemy. Better to have been wounded by Peteras flailing sword than betrayed by Judasas deceitful kiss.

Not that a friendas wounding has to come from a sword; it can come from being told hard truthsa"things we need to hear, that only those who love us enough to be more concerned about our well-being than about our good feelings and their own status as friends would be willing to tell us. But athe heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incensea (27:9). Unpalatable counsel from a true friend is aheartfelt,a genuine, and therefore sweet. Only one who trusts and has been trusted knows the motives behind the critical evaluation and the corrective advice.

A genuine friend is of inestimable worth. So anever abandon a frienda"either yours or your fatherasa (27:10). The time will come in the uncertainties of life when support, encouragement, counsel, and help are in short supply. That is the time when long-standing friendships pay off. In Washington, and elsewhere, a dog is okaya"he will lick your face and bring your slippers. But only a friend will deliver what you really need.

March 22

TO READ: Proverbs 28:1-13

Honestya" the Best Policy?

It is better to be poor and honest than rich and crooked.

Proverbs 28:6

Honesty is the best policya is a well-known aphorism. But it does not convey what Richard Whately, the Archbishop of Dublin, actually meant. The complete quotation is as follows: aHonesty is the best policy; but he who is governed by that maxim is not an honest man.a15 In the Archbishopas mind, to say aHonesty is the best policya is to speak from a purely pragmatic point of view, not necessarily to be guided by the principle that honesty is intrinsically right and dishonesty is innately wrong!

It is true that ahonesty is the best policya can be nothing more than a hard-nosed, calculating conclusion. The person who believes ahonesty is the best policya may not be making a moral statement at all, and he may even be ready to engage in dishonest behavior if he thinks it will pay dividends. That is how a fundamentally dishonest man can subscribe to the idea that ahonesty is the best policy.a Proverbs says, aIt is better to be poor and honest than rich and crookeda (Prov. 28:6). This is not to suggest that all the poor are honest or that all the rich are crooked. But, all things being equal, being crooked has been known to lead to economic advantage, and being honest has at times been a financial disadvantage.

The point at issue, however, is that the advantages gained by dishonesty demand a heavy price from the dishonest man. That price is the disturbance of conscience, the fear of disclosure, the compounding of the problem by cover-up and further lies, and the ultimate accounting to G.o.d. The honest man pays no such pricea"while he may be financially impoverished, he is morally rich.

Dishonesty in financial dealings is robbery, and dishonesty in business is arrogance. What could be more arrogant than the att.i.tude of the liar who lies to gain advantage and says, in effect, aYou do not deserve the truth and I am the one who determines what you deservea?

Dishonesty in the marriage bond, though, is destruction. The adulterer uses the body of his paramour without thought for her person and destroys her self-esteem. He abuses the love of his wife without thought for her heartbreak and destroys her ability to trust. It is fundamentally wrong!

The honest man will pay his taxes and be poorer, will deal fairly in business and may miss a deal, and will be true to his wife and never taste forbidden fruit. But he will know that in the eyes of his G.o.d he did right, that he did not contribute to the amoral rota (28:2) of his society, and he did not lead athe upright into sina (28:10). For him, it is not a matter of pragmatic policya"it is a matter of spiritual integrity.

March 23

TO READ: Proverbs 29:11-18

Children and Discipline

Discipline your children, and they will give you happiness and peace of mind. When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild. But whoever obeys the law is happy.

Proverbs 29:17-18

The cultivated rose, that most fragrant and most beautiful of flowers, has captured the imaginations of poets and songwriters down through the centuries. But roses left to themselves soon run wild. They lose their fragrance, the blooms deteriorate, thorns and brambles take over, and no one writes of their beauty. They need the pruneras knife to cultivate them and make them beautiful again.

Children arun wilda when they are not exposed to helpful discipline (Prov. 29:18). This creates problems for their parents, for themselves, and for anyone else who crosses their paths. Their parents experience embarra.s.sment and public disgrace by their behavior (29:15). The children themselves, not obeying G.o.das law or even their parentsa, are not happy (29:18). So if parents want to do the right thing for their children, and at the same time save themselves some grief, they should listen to Scripture, which says, ato discipline and reprimand a child produces wisdoma (29:15) and adiscipline your children, and they will give you happiness and peace of minda (29:17).

Discipline is not designed for the benefit of parents, so that they can work out their frustrationsa"it is for the good of the children. It is intended to save young people from foolishness and lead them into wisdom. It is meant to show them the right way and encourage them to follow it.

Many children appear to have a nose for folly and an aversion to wisdom. This is because they have a built-in bias toward doing their own thing, being their own person, and satisfying their own desires. Discipline is designed to help them see that, as responsible members of the human race, they cannot live wisely and well if they become absorbed with themselves, focused on getting their own way, and determined to brook no opposition. That kind of living is an affront to G.o.d, an embarra.s.sment to parents, and, ultimately, destructive of the young person.

A big question in modern Western culture is aWhat is the right way to discipline a child?a In Old Testament times, the answer was to use the arod of correctionaa"to apply physical punishment to the anatomy of the offending youngster. In recent times, this has been frowned upon as a form of child abuse. Some would respond, aThat is why we have created a permissive society.a Both have a point!

More recently, the emphasis in child-rearing has been on explaining to the child what is unacceptable, pointing out the natural consequences, and appealing to the childas better nature. Perhaps a paraphrase of Proverbs would be a suitable response to this approach: aFor a [child], mere words are not enougha"discipline is needed. For the words may be understood, but they are not heededa (29:19).

Parents who are careful to show children what they need to heed will find that they themselves are blessed with what they desperately needa"peace of mind! More importantly, the child will have peace of heart and life.

March 24

TO READ: Proverbs 30:1-16

Satisfaction

O G.o.d, I beg two favors from you before I die. First, help me never to tell a lie. Second, give me neither poverty nor riches! Give me just enough to satisfy my needs.

Proverbs 30:7-8

As late as the nineteenth century, leeches were used by physicians in the treatment of a variety of ailments. The green and brown worms were attached to the patient, and the sucker at each end of the leechas anatomy went to work. The leechas saliva contains an anticoagulant to stop the blood clotting, an anesthetic so the patient (victim!) feels no discomfort, and a substance which dilates the vessels to facilitate the blood flow. Leeches are highly sophisticated suckers!

Dissatisfaction is a leech. Agur, a writer of proverbs, said, aThe leech has two suckers that cry out, aMore, more!a There are three other thingsa"no, four!a"that are never satisfied: the grave, the barren womb, the thirsty desert, the blazing firea (Prov. 30:15-16). The person who is never satisfied, who cries out continually for amore, morea is probably anesthetized to the fact that, because he concentrates on what he doesnat have, he is incapable of enjoying what he does have. And all the time, joy, delight, contentment, and thanksgiving flow freely away from his thoughts, leaving him depleted and spiritually anemic.

The picture of the leech is sufficient to portray the att.i.tudes and condition of the dissatisfied man. But the further a.n.a.logies of grave, barren womb, thirsty desert, and blazing fire serve to underline his serious condition. Not only does his dissatisfied soul find no satisfaction, but his dissatisfaction creates further dissatisfaction and he sinks into the grave of deadened delight while the fires of insatiable longings consume him. His life becomes barren like a desert, and the inner longings of his soul cry out unheeded, unanswered, and unmet. So what can be done about it?

Agur prayed a mature prayer, which should be echoed by every person concerning his financial status and spiritual condition: aO G.o.d, I beg two favors from you before I die. First, help me never to tell a lie. Second, give me neither poverty nor riches! Give me just enough to satisfy my needs. For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, aWho is the Lord?a and if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult G.o.das holy namea (30:7-9). The poor man, who, understandably, is not satisfied with his poverty, may be tempted to steal in order to have enough to survive. His dissatisfaction can lead him into an endless cycle of trouble. So Agur wisely prays to be delivered from poverty. But the pathologies of abundance need to be addressed as well. For abundance and affluence not only create a desire for more, but also a dangerous tendency to self-sufficiency. For the man who has everythinga"even if he wants morea"may decide he doesnat need G.o.d. So Agur prays to be delivered from abundance, and asks for just enough to satisfy his needs (30:8).

The leeches of dissatisfaction will drain youa"but the vitamins of contentment will sustain you.

March 25

TO READ: Proverbs 31:10-31

A Virtuous Woman

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies.

Proverbs 31:10

Naomi Wolf wrote in a recent book, aThere are no good girls; we are all bad girls.a She went on to suggest that, since this is the case, women should admit it, society should accept it, and everybody should get on with their lives. Presumably, traditional thoughts of feminine virtue and decorum, grace, and beauty should be jettisoned, and women should be allowed to behave likea"well, like men!

Should that happen, the search for a virtuous woman will become even more of a challenge than it apparently was in the days that the book of Proverbs was written. There we read, aWho can find a virtuous and capable wife?a (Prov. 31:10). Given her stated worth as being amore precious than rubies,a it appears that there were not enough avirtuous and capablea women to go around. But men were nevertheless well-advised to search for such a woman, because a virtuous and capable womanas ahusband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her lifea (31:12).

As this aProverbs 31a woman is described, her virtues and capabilities come clearly to the fore. In fact, she appears to be a superwoman. It is no wonder that such a woman, once discovered, would be a precious treasure! Perhaps no one woman is expected to display all the characteristics of the woman described here. Her trustworthiness, her industry, her foresight, her wisdom, her generosity, her reputation, her faith, her wisdom, her kindness, her childcare, and her love for her husband are the characteristics that a man should look for in a wife and virtues that he should nurture and nourish once she has agreed to share her life with him.

Unfortunately, men often tend to look on the physical attractiveness of a woman as her most significant a.s.set, and they may overlook more important aspects of her person. They should remember that acharm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praiseda (31:30). In other words, a womanas outward appearance is not insignificant, but her inward disposition is profoundly more significant. And this disposition stems from a heart for the Lord. In other words, her faith matters more than her face!

Feminists like Naomi Wolf may be convinced that all girls are bad, but theyare wrong. G.o.d has his women, and a wise man who has sought one of them, wooed her, won her, and cherished her will never let her goa"and he will treat her in such a way that sheall never want to stray.

March 26

TO READ: Psalm 121

Mountains

I look up to the mountainsa" does my help come from there? My help comes from the LORD, who made the heavens and the earth!

Psalm 121:1-2

Some men regard mountains as sacred residences of spiritual beings. They treat the peaks with deference. So a British expedition stopped just short of the summit of Kanchenjunga at the request of the Sikkim government because it was believed the G.o.ds lived there. Other men, like the great military leader Hannibal, see the mountains as a hindrance to be overcome. In the third century B.C. he marshaled his army and led them over the Alps from Spain into northern Italya"a spectacular feat made even more dramatic by the fact that the armyas supplies were carried over the mountains by elephants! Still other men, when they look at the soaring peaks, see a challenge to be accepted. So when a mountaineer was asked why he tried to climb Everest, he said simply, aBecause it was there.a The psalm writer, on viewing the mountains, asked the question, aDoes my help come from there?a (Ps. 121:1). As he was on a pilgrimage journey, climbing the rough road to Jerusalem, which lies nestled in the mountains, perhaps the psalm writer asked himself whether Jerusalem, and all it stood for, was the answer to his feelings of insecurity. Or perhaps the psalm writer had just completed a time of festival worship in the Holy City, and as he contemplated the mountainous terrain lying between him and his home, this question came to mind.

The answer is forthcoming, and serves to direct the psalm writeras attention to the Lord, who made the mountainsa"in fact, he is the one awho made the heavens and the earth!a (121:2). The Lord is the one from whom all things come, in whom all things consist, and because of whom all things continue to be.

As we face lifeas mountains, our help comes from the Lord. The mountains are austere, forbidding, and immovable. Because of this, men may be excused if they gain the impression that the One who made the mountainsa"and everything elsea"is similarly austere, forbidding, and immovable. But the psalm writer insists otherwise. The Lord himself is the one who awatches over youa (121:5). He is not remote; he is aat hand.a He is not uncaring; he is alert to our condition and aware of our needs. He is not callous and indifferent; his ears are attentive to our cries.

The mountains of life may hold promise of adventure or cast grim shadows of foreboding, but nothing they offer or threaten can alter the fact that aThe Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forevera (121:8). Hannibal crossed his mountains with the help of elephants. To cross our mountains, we have the Lord!

March 27

TO READ: Mark 6:6b-13

Learning by Doing