Once And Forever: Virtually Impossible Part 28

"Yeah, except him." He stopped at the door. "Look, I don't know what's going on between you and Andi, but you've both had a rough time of it. It'd be a nice change to see two good people actually get what they deserve."

"Yeah," I said slowly. "Yeah, it would."

36.

Andi At the last minute, Emilia texted me something about Morning Grill being closed, and asked if we could meet at her favorite lunch spot instead.

Unfortunately, she'd neglected to mention the dress code of this particular lunch spot. Since I was heading to the police station right after brunch, I had on my best slacks and a silk top, but the only jacket I owned was old and, unlike every other woman in the place, I didn't have a single diamond anywhere on my person. At least, I'd stopped crying and, as long as Hayden didn't come up as a topic of conversation, I could control myself. Most of the day yesterday-and all last night-had left me too dehydrated for more tears. No more liquids for me today-I shouldn't refuel. And, hey, if all this ended up with me going to prison, at least the system would save money on water.

Every time I thought about how Hayden's voice had sounded when I'd told him it wouldn't work out, my chest felt like it was wrapped up in a python's coils, and I lost the ability to breathe. He'd be fine, though. He'd look back on me and our night together as a small stepping stone to a more plausible relationship. And eventually, I'd be able to breathe again.

It was a cruel irony that on the day I might be arrested for murder, other things weighed more heavily on my mind. I actually wished I could start worrying about the police. But Hayden had taken control of my thoughts just like he'd controlled my body. If anyone could help me refocus, Emilia could. She'd probably lay out a few scenarios that all had happy endings.

I told the hostess who I was looking for and was led through the crowded restaurant. Food I wouldn't be eating looked incredible, but I applauded myself for being such a mess that I'd killed my appet.i.te. At least I'd be a skinny mess.

Emilia lifted her hand as soon as we saw each other. A woman I'd never met but who looked really familiar sat next to her. The woman was gorgeous-long blond hair, flawless face, perfect teeth. I smiled back as I thanked the hostess and sat down.

"I'm so glad you could come," Emilia said. "Order whatever you want, it's on me."

I cringed inside. "I'm good. Thanks." I wasn't embarra.s.sed about being poor, but I didn't want strangers to hear about it. If nothing else, it made them look at me differently, like I was a stray dog Emilia had picked up somewhere and was now feeding regularly. But the woman didn't look surprised or pitying. What she looked was nervous, intense. Strange that Emilia hadn't introduced her yet. She was usually the epitome of social skillfulness.

To fill the awkward silence, I faked a grin and stuck out my hand. "I'm Andi."

The woman glanced at Emilia, looking confused. Emilia nodded and put her napkin on the table. "She goes by both names."

Oh, s.h.i.t. Why hadn't Emilia mentioned that this was a work meeting? If I'd known, I wouldn't have used my real name. "Andi is a nickname I use with friends." c.r.a.p. With all the lying I'd done, you'd think I'd be better at it.

"Then that's what I'll call you," the woman said as she shook my hand lightly. "I'm Clare. Clare Bennett."

My heart stopped for a moment, and my stomach dropped a lot. I knew my face must have gone white, and all I could do was concentrate on not throwing up. Granted, the last time I'd seen her was only the back of her head, and the time before that, I'd been too busy gawking at Hayden to really notice her in the picture, but c.r.a.p!

Hayden must have lied about his marriage being over. Why else would his wife want to talk to me? Served me right.

"I'm glad I could finally meet you," Clare said, taking a sip of water as if this were something she did every day-the talking to the woman who'd slept with her husband, not the water.

I didn't know what to say. 'Glad to meet you, too,' or 'Your husband talks about you a lot,' or...

Oh, man. How bad would it be if I just got up and left now?

Before I could decide, Emilia stood. "I'm going to let you guys talk. See you later." She nodded at me and smiled. What the h.e.l.l? She'd just set me up for a roasting, and now she was leaving? With me on a spit with an apple in my mouth. I watched her walk away without saying a word. But I stayed. Because I deserved whatever tongue-lashing Clare would give me. If she threw a gla.s.s of water, or even a fist, in my face, I would accept it. I hoped Hayden had gotten worse, but I knew what I'd done. And now I had to pay.

"You know who I am?" Clare said.

I kept my gaze down. "Yeah, I know who you are."

"I've wanted to meet you ever since I found out about the two of you."

"I'm..." I looked her in the eyes because it was the right thing to do. And the least she deserved. "I'm sorry. What happened was..." I glanced at the fork in front of me. Would it be more or less painful to end this conversion by shoving it in my eyeball? "I'm not sure what Hayden told you, but I know he loves you very much and doesn't want to hurt you. But regardless, he did. I did. And I'm sorry. It's over now, though. I mean, it barely began really, but it's totally over now."

"Oh." Her brow furrowed. "That's too bad."

"Excuse me?"

"What did he do?"

"Um..."

"It couldn't have been too bad because I don't think Hayden can do anything too bad, but then, he is a man and men are stupid. Even the good ones. So what did he do to you?"

I shook my head. "He didn't do anything to me."

"So you screwed it up?"

I wanted to say no, wanted to scream no. But it would be a lie. "Yeah, I screwed it up."

"Okay," Clare said, leaning forward. "From what I know about Hayden and from the look on your face right now, my guess is that you don't know very much about our marriage. I bet he did that annoyingly n.o.ble thing he does and didn't lay it all out for you. I swear, sometimes he can be the biggest idiot on the face of the earth."

"No, I am."

"You guys can fight for the t.i.tle if you want to, but that's not why I asked Emilia to set this up." She sighed. "Right now, Hayden is a total mess. I've never seen him even close to this, and he's been through a lot. I want him to be happy. He's been nothing but great to me for years, and I've been nothing but a burden to him. I need to make it up to him somehow, and the only way I know how is through you. So...if that means I need to help you get your s.h.i.t together, then that's what I'll do."

Hearing the word 's.h.i.t' come out of such a sophisticated woman's mouth threw me a bit. But not nearly as much as the rest of what she'd said. "I'm sure there's another way to help him that doesn't involve me."

"You are the first thing he's shown any pa.s.sion about in...probably ever. He liked his job, and it won't be long until he finds another, but he can do that kind of thing in his sleep. In fact, until recently, I think he did do it in his sleep. He did everything in his sleep. But he's awake now, and you're the reason he is. So, now that you understand I'm not in the picture anymore, what's the problem? Are you mentally unstable? An ax murderer? Frigid?" Her jaw tightened. "Gay?"

"No." I took a breath. This was all so surreal-Hayden's wife, or ex-wife, trying to figure out a way to get us together. "I lied to him."

She shrugged. "So did I. For a lot longer than you could have. But he forgave me. Just tell him the truth."

What could she have possibly lied about? Whatever it was couldn't have been as bad as what I had. Our entire relationship, if you could call it that, had started with a lie. "Did you lie about your past, your problems, your life? Who you even are?"

"Yes, yes, yes, and yes. And Hayden forgave me because that's who he is. Because he can look through all the bulls.h.i.t and find something in you that you didn't know existed. Because, even though he'll never admit it, his heart is as big as the ocean. The problem with Hayden is that he doesn't let people see it. His walls go on for miles in all directions. But for some reason, he let the two women sitting at this table in. So don't screw that up because it may never happen again. We can't do that to him. He deserves to be happy. Really happy. And something in you makes him happy." She sat back and studied me for a moment. "Well, it did until yesterday. I didn't understand how much I was holding him back, but now I do. Now he's finally free to think of himself and what he wants. And, in case you missed it, he wants you."

"I didn't mean to hurt him. I want him to be happy, too."

"Then what's the problem?"

I wrung the tablecloth in my hands. "I don't know if I can tell him the truth."

"Here's what you do: You suck it up and do it. Either he forgives you and all is well, or he doesn't." She sat back in her chair. "Am I supposed to call you Andi or Sara?"

"I'm Andi." For better or for worse.

"Andi," she repeated, nodding. "One honest conversation with that man changed my life. It could for you, too."

The server came over to take our order, but Clare shooed him away. I just sat there. Even if she was right, I couldn't do it. All I wanted was to run away and not deal with it-my lies, his disappointment, our feelings.

"If you tell him and he ends up hating you," she said, "then you go your separate ways, never see each other again, and be miserable for a long time. That's what you're planning to do right now anyway, isn't it?" Gee, that was an awesome way to look at it.

"I guess."

"But if you tell him and he forgives you, then no one has to be miserable."

I hated that she made sense. But these were emotions, and since when did emotions ever make sense? "It would never work out between us. We're too different."

"I think that's why he fell for you. Because you're so different." She took out her wallet, tossed enough money onto the table to cover the bills of our table and the one next to us, and stood. "Come on."

I got up slowly. I wanted to leave, but not with Clare. "I need to think about it."

"Time for thinking is long over, my dear. All thinking does is confuse things. Now we act. Well, you act, and I block the door so you can't escape."

"I really need to think about it first. Plus, I need to be somewhere in a little while. But I promise to call him." Eventually.

"One thing you need to know about both Hayden and me is that we don't give up. So if you're planning to sneak away and never be heard from again, you should come up with a better plan. It's like I always say: if you throw enough money at something, you'll eventually find what you're looking for."

"I'm not something you can buy," I snapped.

Clare smiled. "I know. If you were, he wouldn't want you so much." She slid her hand into mine as if we were old friends and led me out of the restaurant.

I was too confused to react, to pull away, to question what Clare was planning. By the time I found my voice again, the valet was pulling Clare's Mercedes up. "I can't go with you. Not now." Or hopefully ever. "I have to be somewhere."

"I'll take you there."

"No." The last thing I needed was Clare hovering over my shoulder during an interrogation. Although after Clare's interrogation, I think I'd feel more comfortable with the cops.

"Where is it? I'll drop you off. Around the corner if you want me to. Unless you're going shopping-then I'm going with."

I stopped. "Why are you doing this?"

"I owe him for the last three years of his life. I'm counting on you to make the next three better."

I slipped into the pa.s.senger side. My heart was racing for all the wrong reasons. Primarily because it was encouraged, hopeful even, and that wasn't good. Because it meant that I had to come clean to someone who currently believed I was a decent person. And as much as I would love to be with him, I hated the idea that his belief, even from a distance, would no longer exist.

"Where to, Andi?"

Clare's expression-calm, determined, relentless-gave me strength. I didn't ask what she'd lied to him about for so long because then I'd have to confess my own sins. And if I could build up the courage to tell the truth, it was going to be a one-shot deal. And it would be to him.

I took a deep breath and gave her the street address, then I added, "It's the police station."

Clare's only reaction was a single nod. "So who is Sira?"

37.

Andi "Like I said, if you throw enough money at something, you can get whatever you want." Clare's longer legs meant she only had to take one stride for every two of my shorter ones, but she still struggled to keep up with me. My steps were louder, too-the added bonus of stomping in boots. "Can you slow down a little, Andi?"

Nope. I was too furious. And the faster I got out of the police station, the faster I could freak out without getting shot.

"What is wrong with you?" she asked. "Burton is a great lawyer."

"Yeah, but he's not my lawyer. I didn't hire him, and I can't pay for him."

"Andi, you need to calm down. So what if someone else hired him? He's going to handle everything for you." Then her voice dropped to a mumble. "If you actually talk to him, that is."

"He wouldn't even tell me who was paying him. How am I supposed to trust someone who won't be honest with me?" Forever trapped in that f.u.c.king irony, wasn't I?

I'd gone in prepared to speak to the police. Instead, some guy in an expensive suit who I'd never seen or spoken to before came in claiming he was my attorney and that I had nothing to say. But I did, and it was so simple, even an idiot like me could've done it without a.s.sistance. I hadn't done what I was being accused of. I didn't know anything about the hacking or the murder. That's it.

Instead, my new lawyer who wasn't my lawyer-and whose name wasn't something Italian sounding, although his suit probably was-shuffled me outside, refusing to let me speak and telling me I should meet him at his office in two hours to talk about the case. My first thought was that Clare had hired him, but she didn't know anything about me or why I was here. When I saw her in the lobby, unfortunately waiting for me, she looked as lost as I did...almost. The lawyer had files and information on the case, which meant he'd known for at least a few hours.

It had to be Emilia. Again, Emilia had stuck her well-meaning but completely inappropriate nose into my business. I already owed her way too much. Honestly, if I went to jail for breaking the conditions of the agreement I'd signed, that was no less than I deserved. All she was doing was getting herself more involved and making it harder for me to prove that she didn't know what I'd done.

I glanced at my watch. She'd be heading to the park for her run now. If I waited until she was back home to call, I'd have to steam for another hour. And taking the bus to get there would probably take most of that hour.

I turned to Clare. "If I talk to Hayden in the mood I'm in right now, there's no way I'll be able to stay civil. I need to calm down, talk to Emilia, and then calm down some more. Maybe with a drink or two. So can you drive me somewhere else first?"

Clare grimaced. "One stop?"

I nodded.

"Had I known I would be driving so much I would've worn different shoes." She rolled her eyes. "Okay, one stop, but then no more stalling."

After we'd driven around the park for about ten minutes, we saw Emilia. She was sweating and oblivious to the wrath that was about to outrun her. Clare pulled over to the side of the road, and I jumped out. I stood in the middle of the path, waiting for Emilia to see me. As soon as she did, she slid to a stop, took her earbuds out, and walked forward hesitantly.

"Since you look like you're about to kill me," she said breathlessly, "I'm taking that it didn't go well with Clare."

I didn't say anything because what I had to say wasn't the kind of thing that should be shouted in the middle of a public place.

She stopped just a few feet away. "I knew you wouldn't be happy I set it up, but I didn't think you'd be this unhappy."

"Clare's really great."

"Then why are you looking at me like that?"

"I met my lawyer."

"Good. What'd he say?"