Once And Forever: Virtually Impossible Part 23

When we reached our floor, I held the door and then followed Clare into the apartment. I looked around the place, unsure what to do with it. It was too much for me, but if Clare didn't want it... "We could sell it."

"Where would you live?" she asked.

"Somewhere else. Where would you live?"

She smiled bitterly and tossed her bag onto a chair. "Somewhere else. I don't know how to not have money, but I hear some people do it. G.o.d, I never realized how ungrateful I am."

"I'll give you alimony." I had plenty of money, even without a job. When my father died, I'd inherited more than I could ever spend. Like my brother, I'd given most of it away, but I'd also invested some of it. Added to the holdings I'd acc.u.mulated over the years from other sources, and it would be a very long time before my grandchildren ran out. If I ever had grandchildren.

Of course, I didn't know what I'd do with myself if I didn't work. What could possibly eat up ninety-plus hours of my week? Then I thought of the one thing that could fill up that time and more, and keep me happy throughout. If only she felt the same.

30.

Hayden "What time is it?" Sira's voice was groggy.

I looked at my watch. "It's 1:00 am. I'm sorry. Go back to sleep." I should've called earlier, before Clare had broken out the drinks for our 'coming out, getting divorced, being disowned, and getting fired' celebration. But then, earlier, I hadn't had a half a bottle of champagne and a few gla.s.ses of bourbon in me, and would probably have thought it was a bad idea to call Sira at all.

"Is everything okay?"

Yes. No. Kind of. "It will be, eventually." That was a good bet. Pat yourself on the back for that one.

"Hang on."

I heard ruffling, probably of her bedding. I didn't want to think about it too much-her in bed, what she was wearing, how she looked when she first woke up. "Go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you."

"Shut up. I'm awake and won't be able to go to sleep until I know why the h.e.l.l you called me this late. And it better not be that portfolio thing because I haven't finished it yet, and I will let you know when I do."

"I was fired."

"Seriously?" All remnants of sleep left her voice. "Oh, no! What happened?"

"I can't tell you everything because it's not my place to share certain information with you. I would if I could because I don't want to keep things from you, but I can't." Great, I had just enough alcohol in me to not make sense. "What I can tell you is that Clare's father is a complete and total a.s.shole. He found out that I'd kept something from him, so he fired me over dessert at their house. Not literally over dessert, mind you."

She didn't answer right away, making me wonder if I'd over-explained myself into total confusion or an insult. But Clare wasn't ready to come out. When, or if, she ever was, I'd never keep another secret again.

"Wow," she said. "I can't believe you just called your boss an a.s.shole."

"I think it all the time. I've just never said it before."

"So what does that mean for you?"

"That I'm beginning to trust someone with things I've never shared before."

"Actually, I meant about your career," she said shyly. "But thanks, though. That means a lot."

"And is something I probably shouldn't have said." I felt the heat the booze brought to my face get hotter from embarra.s.sment.

"I'm okay with it."

Good. That meant I could try saying what I needed to. "The reason I called you is because, unfortunately and fortunately, I don't need an a.s.sistant anymore. Obviously, I intend to find other employment, but until then...you no longer work for me."

"Huh. Which means...?"

"Which means that due to forces beyond either of our control, anything that happens between the two of us from this point on will have no bearing on your job."

"Huh."

"You already said that." I waited impatiently, not knowing what I expected her response to be, but hoping it would be more than 'huh.'

"So your boss fired you, and you're letting me go."

Never. I'd never let her go, not until I'd done everything in my power to convince her to at least try.

"But Clare still has her position, right?" she asked.

"Her position?"

"As your wife?"

Oh s.h.i.t. "d.a.m.n, I meant to start with that. The reason Clare and I were at her father's house was to officially announce our separation. We're talking to a lawyer tomorrow. The paperwork might take a little while, but it will be simple and amicable. Although, we may have a rough Ro-Sham-Bo compet.i.tion for the China."

"Huh."

I swallowed. Yeah, I'd really expected more than a 'huh' for that part. "In light of all this, I'd like to know if any of your guidelines are still standing, and if so, how I can rip them down."

"Have you been drinking?"

"Yes. But that's not-"

"How drunk are you?"

I sighed and closed my eyes. This wasn't going like I'd imagined it would. "Not enough to say things I don't mean."

"How much did you drink?"

"Four gla.s.ses of champagne and two small gla.s.ses of bourbon. But I'm a big man. Four champagne flutes filled mostly with bubbles and two short gla.s.ses filled mostly with ice consumed over a few hours isn't enough to make me say anything I don't mean."

"Maybe, but after being fired, making an announcement about the end of your marriage, and a few gla.s.ses of booze, you're probably not in a good state of mind to judge that."

I shook my head. It wasn't the alcohol that made me feel this way or know it was true. "Do you actually think these feelings are new? A result of some bad news and liquor?" I was tired of being in control of everything I said or did. Tired of holding it together for reasons I didn't understand. Clare had admitted a truth after a lifetime of holding it inside, knowing there was a big chance she'd lose. If there were a chance I'd win-a life I'd never expected with a woman I'd never expected-I had to go for it.

"I've never been happier," I said. "Because all I can see is a better future. Provided you're in it."

"I'd like to wait and see if you feel the same when you've sobered up."

"Nothing will be different."

"You've been drinking, Hayden. So hang up right now and call a cab. You can sober up on the way here."

"I-" Stopped. Did she just say-? "What did you just say?"

"I agree with you-you're a big man. Can you sober up in the twenty-minute cab ride to my house?"

I took a breath, a completely sober one. "Definitely."

"If you can't, then you can sleep it off on the couch. 'Cause I don't want a drunk in my bed."

"I'm going to hang up on you right now." I jumped out of my chair. "I have to call a cab...and find my shoes."

"You won't need your shoes, Hayden." She laughed. "I'll see you soon."

I ended the call before she could change her mind, then grabbed my wallet and headed for the door.

Clare stopped me, looking concerned. "Where are you going?"

My shoulders slumped when I saw my wife-ex-wife, for all intents and purposes. I couldn't leave her tonight, not after everything she'd gone through.

"Nowhere." I reached into my pocket for my phone.

"Really? Because it seemed like you were in a hurry to get somewhere."

"It's not important." Lie. Nothing had ever been more important to me, which was why I knew Sira would understand why I couldn't be there right now. "I was supposed to meet someone."

"Did you get a new job already?" she asked, smiling. When I didn't answer right away, she took a long look at me, ending at my feet. "No one forgets to put on shoes when they're going to an interview, Hayden. At least not you. Who were you going to meet?"

"She's someone I work-worked-with. But I'll reschedule."

"Oh, no. You're worried about me, aren't you?" She rolled her eyes. "Well, stop it. You've rescheduled your love life for three years, Hay. I'll be fine. You should go."

"Are you sure?" I pressed my lips together so they wouldn't give away how desperately I wanted to go.

"Of course. Besides, I told Shannon what happened, and she's coming over. Just to talk, but with you gone, who knows. Maybe we'll both get lucky tonight."

"d.a.m.n, I hope you're right."

"Go make your woman happy. Really happy."

I kissed her on the cheek. "You're amazing."

Before I closed the door behind me, I heard her say, "It's been a couple years, Hayden. So make sure you think about baseball because I don't want to see you until tomorrow." And then she laughed.

Baseball. Right. I really hoped that worked.

31.

Andi I stood in the middle of my living room, glancing around to check for anything with my name on it, kind of hoping there was. Maybe if Hayden just happened to find something incriminating, then I could come clean. As many times as I'd wanted to tell him, I hadn't. Because I was terrified of what came after. The name itself wasn't a big deal-why I used it was.

And now, in the smartest/dumbest move I'd ever made, I'd basically promised him s.e.x if he hurried over. A h.o.r.n.y man wasn't something to be trifled with. His ability to converse would be at half-capacity. Max. And, with the idea of us sleeping together bouncing around my head, there went the other half.

I blew out a breath. Obviously, I had to tell him. It didn't matter that it hadn't already happened-that was in the past. If we had any chance of a future, I needed to be honest.

I jumped when I heard the knock on the door. Did he pay the cabbie extra to drive at light-speed? c.r.a.p, I wasn't ready. I hadn't decided what to say yet, and I was still in my pajamas-boxer shorts and a tank top. Maybe my incredibly un-seductive clothing would temper the mood enough so we could talk before anything else happened. Right.

I needed another few breaths, another few days, and another few brain cells before opening that door. Hopefully, he'd brought some of that booze with him.

Hayden stood there-no smile, no booze, but so incredible I wondered if I'd actually fallen back asleep and was just dreaming again. I opened my mouth to say h.e.l.lo, but the next thing I knew his lips were on mine, blocking any speech or thought. His grip was firm on the nape of my neck, his tongue like silk on mine. He bent slightly and slipped his arm under my knees, scooping me up and kicking the door shut behind him. Mumbling what I thought was the word "control," he carried me to the couch and sat down, setting me beside him and pulling his mouth from mine.

"Were you going to say something?" he asked, running his thumb across my lower lip.

Do it. Say it. I adjusted myself to face him straight on, sitting on my heels. "Hayden, I need to tell you something."

"Okay, but before you do..." He held up a finger. "I really want to hear whatever you're going to say, but, a big part of my focus is on your mouth, and it's...um..." He leaned toward me then shied back, clenching his teeth together. "Your mouth is...d.a.m.n, your mouth is...very distracting." He blinked. "I'm having a really hard time focusing on words right now-yours and mine. This is something I've been fantasizing about since what seems like forever ago, and now that it's even remotely possible, I'm...um..." He shut his eyes completely. "I want to know what you were going to say, so I think it would be better if you slid over to the other end of the couch."

I smiled, feeling incredibly powerful. I'd brought Hayden Bennett to the edge of logical behavior. "Should I cover myself up with a blanket, too?"

"That'd be great. Thanks."

Instead of moving away like he'd asked, I threw my leg over his and straddled his lap, enjoying his rapid inhalation. "How's this?"

His hands moved to my waist, feeling their way, bunching up my tank top as he caressed up my side and then halfway up my back. When they came back down, they made it all the way to my a.s.s. He lifted me slightly and slid down on the couch a bit so his c.o.c.k rubbed against me. We both groaned.

"I thought you wanted to talk," he said, his eyes clenching even tighter.

Did I? "What about?" There was something I was going to say.

"I'm not sure," he said, opening his eyes only to go right back to staring at my lips. "But you'd better remember quick because your mouth is about to be busy."

"With what?" I teased, licking my bottom lip and looking down at his c.o.c.k.

"Stop making it so much harder-"

"I don't think it can get any harder."

"-for me to be a gentleman."

"I don't want you to be a gentleman, Hayden." I laughed and ground against him, daring him, wanting him.