Once: An Eve Novel Part 13

She opened the door to the building and gestured for us to go inside. The hallway was quiet except for the low hum of the generators. I stamped the water off my feet as we hung up our coats in the closet. "The girls are waiting for you in the main dining hall," Headmistress continued. "You can imagine how confused they were when you disappeared the night before graduation. First Arden, then you. It raised a lot of questions for them, especially these younger ones."

"I understand."

"Your father reached out to me regarding this visit. I've been told that you're speaking tonight on the value of your education and your royal duties in The New America. And that you will rea.s.sure these young women of the gift they have been given just by being here."

"That's correct," I said, the heat creeping into my cheeks. "Are these all the girls in the School?" I glanced sideways at Beatrice.

"Yes," Headmistress said, turning on her heel. "Shall we begin then? There's only an hour until lights out."

We went down the same tiled corridor I'd walked through hundreds of times before, Pip and Ruby arm in arm as we went to breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We'd crept in late one night, trying to sneak extra puddings from the kitchen, when Ruby had screamed, swearing a rat had darted over her feet. We ran all the way back up to the dorm room, not stopping until we were crowded in my cot, the blanket pulled over our heads.

Beatrice was wringing her fingers together. I set my hand on her back to calm her, but it didn't help. I could feel each breath, short and fast, beneath her sweater. We finally reached the main hall, a giant room with metal tables bolted to the floor. More than one hundred girls sat there, all over the age of twelve. The youngest ones had probably been given over by parents who now lived in the City-parents like Beatrice who'd believed their daughters would have a better life. The oldest were orphans like me.

They straightened up in their seats when they saw me, their whispers giving way to complete silence. "You all know Princess Genevieve," Headmistress Burns said, her voice drained of all enthusiasm. "Please rise and show her your respect."

The girls stood and curtsied at the same time. They were wearing the same jumpers I'd worn every day that I was here, the New American crest pasted unflatteringly over the front. "Good evening, Your Royal Highness," they said in unison. I recognized a black-haired eleventh year in the front. She'd played in the band the night before graduation, the music swirling in the air above the lake.

I gestured for them to sit. "Good evening," I said, my voice echoing in the room. I scanned the crowd, recognizing the faces of some of the students who had been below me in School. Seema, a dark-eyed girl with smooth, almond-colored skin, offered me a tiny wave. She'd helped Teacher Fran in the library, checking out the weathered art history books I'd loved. She was always apologizing for the missing volumes. "Thank you for inviting me back. I recognize many of you from my time here. For so many years this place was my home. I felt so safe here, and well loved." Headmistress Burns crossed her arms over her chest, watching me from the side of the room. Beatrice stood beside her, worrying the b.u.t.tons on her dress as she scanned the crowd, studying each girl, searching each face. "I know my leaving School caused some confusion for all of you. And now you've heard the news from the City-my father is the King, and I am the Princess of The New America."

At that, the girls cheered. I stood there, trying to smile, but my face felt stiff. My stomach was twisted and tense, my dinner threatening to come up. "I've wanted to speak to you directly and tell you that there will be no greater champion for you inside the City of Sand. I will do everything I can to advocate for your needs." It was sincere. It was vague enough to invite interpretation. I couldn't lie to them, their excited faces reminding me of my own so many years before.

"I was given so much time for my studies. I became an artist, a pianist, a reader, a writer, among many other things. Take advantage of that." A hand shot up in the back of the crowd, then another, then a third, until a quarter of the girls had theirs raised, waiting for me to call on them. "I guess we're ready for questions," I said. It's just a matter of time, I kept telling myself, looking into their faces. The tunnels would be finished, the rest of the weapons smuggled through. The dissidents would organize soon. We just had to wait.

I called on a short girl in the back with a long black braid. "What are your duties as Princess?" she asked.

I picked at the skin on my finger. I wanted to tell her how all power had been taken from me the moment I'd stepped inside the Palace, how the King would only let me speak if it was to support the regime. "I've been visiting a lot of the people in the City, in all different places, to tell them about the King's vision for The New America."

"Who are your friends?" another girl asked.

I turned to Beatrice, who was standing beside Headmistress Burns. She bit down on her finger as she looked over the front row of girls, searching each face for Sarah. I couldn't speak, hardly noticed the girl's Excuse me, Princess? As Beatrice reached the end of the row her hands shook, her features twisting in a pained expression. Then she started to cry, the tears coming so fast she didn't have time to stop them. Instead she turned and ran out, wiping at her eyes with her sleeve.

I didn't think. I just darted out into the hall, past the two soldiers who stood on either side of the door. "Beatrice?" I called, starting down the tile corridor. "Beatrice?" But the only sound was my own voice, echoing in the hall, repeating her name in a question.

thirty-eight.

"YOU'LL BE STAYING ON THE THIRD FLOOR," TEACHER AGNES said as we started up the stairs. She glanced every now and then at Beatrice, whose face was still swollen and red. "It's good to see you again," she added. Her gaze met mine.

Teacher Agnes's shoulders hunched forward as she conquered each step, moving slowly beside me, her knotted fingers clutching the railing. She had been a constant presence in my life, even after I'd left School. I heard her voice sometimes when Caleb touched the nape of my neck, when his fingers danced over my stomach. I had hated her, the fury coming to me as I remembered everything she had said in those cla.s.ses, how she'd spoken of the manipulative nature of all men, how love was just a lie, the greatest tool wielded against women to make them vulnerable.

But now she looked so small beside me. Her neck was bent, making it seem like she was always looking at the ground. Her breaths were raspy and slow. I wondered if she had really aged or if it was the time that had pa.s.sed, the months in the wild that allowed me to see her through a stranger's eyes. "Yes, it's been quite awhile," I said.

I reached out and took Beatrice's hand in my own as we started on to the third floor. I'd found her hiding in the doorway to the kitchen, her sweater pressed to her face, trying to quiet her sobs. Sarah wasn't here. There was nothing I could say, nothing I could do except hold her, her cheek pressed against my chest as she cried. After a few minutes I'd returned to the girls and Headmistress Burns, answered their questions and a.s.sured them my friend was fine, just sick from all those hours trapped in the Jeep's stuffy cab.

"The guards have brought up your bags." Teacher Agnes turned in to a room on the right, moving through it, lighting the lanterns on the bedside tables. The familiar sounds of the students filled the corridor. The girls were huddled in the bathroom, brushing their teeth, their laughs louder against the tile walls. A Teacher strode out of the bathroom, turning when she noticed me. We stared at each other a moment before her face broke into a smile, which disappeared so quickly I wondered if I'd imagined it.

It was Teacher Florence.

"I'll just be a minute," I said, holding up a finger to Beatrice, who had settled down on the bed. Teacher Florence was still in her red blouse and blue slacks, her gray hair wavy from the humidity. "I was wondering if I would see you." I glanced down the hall to the staircase to make sure Headmistress Burns was not in sight. "You're all right?"

We were standing in the hall, where I'd stood so many times, those nights when Ruby and I hovered outside the bathroom, waiting for a free sink. Teacher Florence gestured to a door at the end of the corridor-my old room-and we ducked inside. It was empty. She didn't speak until we were alone, the metal door shut behind us. "I'm doing well," she said. "And so are you, I hope." Her eyes searched my face.

I didn't answer. I couldn't stop looking at the room. They'd moved our beds so they were in a row against one wall. All three were unmade, strewn with tattered books and crumpled uniforms. A notepad on one bedside table was covered with doodles. Pinned to the wall above the desk was a paper with a black-and-white drawing of two girls, the words ANNIKA & BESS: FRIENDS FOREVER written below it in big puffy letters. All traces of Pip, Ruby, and me were gone.

"I am. Life's much different in the City," I said, ignoring the lump in the back of my throat.

"I didn't know you were the King's daughter," Teacher Florence stated. "It was something only Headmistress Burns knew." She sat down on a narrow bed, her fingers picking at the stiff gray blanket.

I wondered if that would've changed things-if she still would've helped me escape that night, taking me out through the secret door in the wall. "I figured as much," I said slowly.

"I heard that Arden was brought back, that she's on the other side of the lake now. Did you know?" she asked.

I sat down beside her. "I did." We both stared ahead, not meeting each other's eyes. "I saw her when I was in the wild. She saved me." I looked at the broken tile in the floor, the one that Pip and I used to hide notes under. The cracked piece was missing now, the dirty grout exposed.

She stood, fidgeting with the keys in her pocket. "I was the one who brought the girls to the graduation ceremony. Pip didn't want to leave. She started crying. She swore something had happened to you-that you never would've left. She kept asking Headmistress Burns to have the guards search outside the wall. It made me wonder about what I had told you ..." She trailed off, her hand moving in her pocket, filling the quiet with the jingling of keys. "... maybe it could've been different."

I had replayed that moment in my head so many times before, recounting Teacher Florence's words, her orders that I must go alone. I had imagined all the different things I could've done, imagined myself waking Pip and Ruby, or hiding out somewhere beyond the wall. I imagined coming back the next day when they congregated on the lawn, yelling to them about the Graduates and all the King's plans.

Teacher Florence walked to the far corner, where a single chair sat against the wall. She slid it forward. "It wasn't until after the girls went over the bridge that I discovered this. I'd come back to clear out the room."

I kneeled behind the chair with her, my fingers running over the carved letters. EVE + PIP + RUBY WERE HERE, it said. I'd forgotten all about it. Pip had come into the room one morning after breakfast excited about Violet, another girl in our year who had written on her closet wall, behind the clothes where no one would discover it. She'd put our bed against the door as we sat there with a stolen knife, etching out our names. I stared at it now, my eyes blurry, remembering the way she had smiled that day, so satisfied when we'd completed our little masterpiece.

Before I could say anything, Teacher Florence's hand was in mine, pressing a cool object into my palm. She nodded at me as if to affirm what it was. Then she pushed my fist down, gesturing for me to put it away. I tucked it into the pocket, feeling immediately that it was a key. The key.

The door flew open, the metal banging against the cement wall. "You were too scared to ask her!" A girl's voice broke the silence between us. "You're such a chicken sometimes."

Two fifteen-year-old girls had come in, the fronts of their nightgowns wet from washing their faces. They froze when they saw us. One of the girls was blushing so much her ears turned red.

"Did you want to ask me something?" I said, smiling as I stepped out from behind the chair. The girls didn't answer. "This was my old room when I was at School. I hope you don't mind; Teacher Florence was showing me around."

The girl who'd been talking had thick black bangs that fell in her eyes. "No," she muttered, shaking her head. "Of course not."

I grabbed Teacher Florence's hand, wanting to thank her-for understanding, for helping me, for not asking me to explain anything-but then Headmistress Burns appeared in the doorway, her lips pursed. "I was looking for you, Princess," she said, her eyes darting to me, then Teacher Florence. "I'd like to speak with you in my office, alone." She turned to Teacher Florence. "Please see to it that these girls get to bed in a timely manner."

Then she disappeared into the hall, not bothering to see if I would follow her. I didn't dare look at Teacher Florence as I left. Instead, I felt the key in my pocket, turning it between my fingers, the weight of it calming me. Just before I crossed the threshold into the hall, I pulled it out and stuck it down the collar of my dress.

The hall lights shut off. Headmistress Burns held a lantern as we started down the stairs to her office. My cheeks burned at the thought of sitting in that room. No one went there unless they were being punished. I felt like a child now, nervous and afraid, wanting to confess everything I had ever done to displease her.

When we reached her office she set the lantern on the desk, then gestured for me to sit. The door slammed shut, making the light inside the gla.s.s flicker. I kept my eyes on her, my shoulders back, refusing to look away. "Can I help you with something, Headmistress?" I asked. "The trip has taken a lot out of me. I'm eager to get to bed."

She let out a small laugh. "Yes, Princess," she said, a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "I'm sure you are." She sat down in front of me, her plump haunches squeezed onto the corner of the desk. Her leg swung back and forth, back and forth, a metronome keeping time.

My hands were slicked with sweat. I kept my eyes on hers. She could accuse me of whatever she wanted. It didn't matter now. I thought only of Pip, Arden, and Ruby, and the key pressed against my breast-their only chance. "You must've thought you would outsmart us all," she said coldly. "That we were liars, that we had deceived you. But now here you are, your father's daughter, raving about the education you received."

"Do you have a point?" I asked. "Did you call me in here just to chastise me?"

Headmistress leaned down, her face level with mine. "I called you in here because I want to know who helped you. Tell me who it was."

"I didn't have help," I muttered. "I don't-"

"You're lying to my face." She laughed. "You expect me to believe that you got over that wall by yourself?"

So she thought I had scaled it. That was impossible-it was nearly thirty feet high-and yet I didn't correct her, saw my opening and went with it. "I had found rope in the Teacher's closet. Yards of it. I cut my arm on the wire on top." I showed her where the warehouse door had sliced my skin when I was trying to escape the Lieutenant. The scar was still pink.

She tilted her head as if considering it. "How did you know about the Graduates?" she asked.

"I'd always had suspicions," I said coolly. The control was shifting, my voice calmer as each question was answered to her satisfaction. "But it doesn't matter how I escaped. What matters is that I'm here. And I addressed the girls. I explained away my disappearance and spoke highly about your School. Tomorrow morning, I'd like to see my friends."

"That cannot be arranged," she said quickly. She stood and went to the window, her arms crossed over her chest. Outside, the compound was dark. A few lamps shone on the top of the wall, the barbed wire glinting in the light. "That would raise all sorts of questions. It would confuse the students."

"Wouldn't it be more confusing for them if I left for the City and never returned, if I didn't even want to see my friends to know how they were doing in their trade school across the lake?"

Headmistress Burns faced me. She let out a deep breath, her thumb running over the thick veins on the back of her hand. I stared at the figurines lined up on her shelf-shiny, garish children that seemed menacing now, their features contorted in a strange, unnatural ecstasy. She didn't speak for a long while.

"Do I have to remind you that one day I will be Queen?" I hardened my voice as I said it.

Her face changed then. She took a few steps forward, her nose scrunching as if she'd caught a whiff of something rotten. "Fine. You will see your friends tomorrow." She turned to the door and opened it, indicating that I should leave.

I stood, smoothing my dress. "Thank you, Headmistress," I said, trying to keep from smiling. I strode out the door and down the dark corridor, feeling my way as I had so many times before.

"But remember, Eve," she called when I'd nearly reached the stairs. She was still standing in the doorway, the lantern casting shadows on her face. "You aren't Queen yet."

thirty-nine.

BY THE FOLLOWING MORNING, THE STORM HAD CLEARED. I took the bridge one step at a time, feeling the thin wood planks give slightly beneath my feet. It was just wider than my shoulders, with ropes strung up on either side; a lightweight thing extended over the lake's still surface. Joby, one of the School guards, followed behind me. I glanced back every so often at the girls studying on the lawn. Beatrice was standing by the dining hall building, talking to Teacher Agnes.

I imagined what it must've been like that day, with the chairs set up on the gra.s.s, the podium standing in front of the lake. The Teachers would line up along the sh.o.r.e, toes at the edge of the water, as they had every year before. Who had given the speech, telling the girls about the great promise of their future? Who had led them to the other side? I imagined Pip turning back, waiting for me, certain I would appear at the last possible moment.

When we reached the other sh.o.r.e the ground was still wet. Joby stepped ahead and circled around the building, gesturing me to follow. The two guards on sh.o.r.e pulled the rope to raise the bridge to the other side. We turned the corner and I saw the high windows, the ones I'd peered through the night I'd escaped. The bucket I'd stood on was gone.

"It must be strange to be back here again," Joby said, her long black hair tucked under the guard's hat. She met my eyes, as if to acknowledge the last day I'd seen her, in this same place, when Arden was being taken out of the Jeep and I was driven away by Stark.

I nodded, not wanting to risk a response. Before Joby had patted me down on the other side of the bridge, I'd slipped the key under my tongue. Now it sat there, waiting to be delivered to Arden, filling my entire mouth with a strong metallic taste.

She approached the high fenced-in section where they'd taken Arden. Joby opened the first door and led me across the short gravel driveway. We kept going, through the next door and into the gra.s.sy yard where I'd seen Ruby. Two stone tables sat outside, but there were no signs of the Graduates. "Wait here," she said. "She'll be out in a moment." Then she disappeared inside the building.

I walked the length of the yard, trying to calm my nerves. Just beyond the fence, by the closed gate, two more guards watched me, their rifles hanging at their sides. I rolled the key in my mouth. I hadn't slept. Instead, I'd imagined Pip as I'd last seen her, spinning around the lawn, the torches casting a warm glow on her skin. I remembered her teasing me as she stood beside me at the sink or hooting wildly, arms raised in the air, after she'd won a game of horseshoes.

The door swung open and Arden walked out, Joby following close behind. Her eyes were clear as she looked me up and down, taking in my short blue dress, the gold earrings that hung from each ear. My dark hair was brushed back in a bun. "I hope you didn't get all dolled up just to see me," she said, her cracked lips letting on just the slightest smile. The green paper gown fell just below her knees.

I looked down at my dress, wishing I was allowed to wear more casual clothing in public. I didn't speak, but went to her, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her on the cheek. All the while I kept my eye on Joby and the two guards who stood by the closed gate, aware that they were always watching us.

I grabbed her hand and held it up in front of me. I closed my eyes as I kissed her palm, releasing the small key into it. Then I clutched her fist to my chest. "Of course I did." I laughed.

Arden sat down on the bench. Her hair had grown out, her scalp no longer visible. Her pale arms were covered with tiny circular bruises from all the injections. She kept her fist on the table, palm down, the key clutched inside it. "I'm relieved to see you," she said. "He hasn't hurt you, has he?" Behind her, Joby shifted to get a better view of us.

I shook my head. "I've been worried about you, too." I studied the plastic wristband she wore, covered with numbers. "Are you ...?" I didn't finish the sentence.

"Not yet," she said. "I don't think so." We sat in silence for a moment. I kept nodding, the tears in my eyes, thankful that she wasn't pregnant.

Joby checked her watch. I touched my fingers to the top of Arden's hand. "Remember when we used to play by the apple tree in the yard?" I asked, knowing that Arden would remember no such thing. We'd hated each other when we were here together, had made a point of avoiding one another those last few years. But the first nights we'd been in the dugout I'd told her how Teacher Florence had helped me, how I'd gone through a secret door. I wondered if she remembered, or if she'd been too sick to process the details. "We used to play right there, beside the wall. I loved when they let us out on the lawn."

Arden smiled, a faint laugh escaping her lips. She looked down at our hands, acknowledging the key beneath them. "Yeah, I remember that," she said.

I looked into her eyes, searching for recognition. She nodded. "I don't know when my next visit will be," I added, not looking away. "I have a lot of obligations in the Palace, duties to the King. I wanted to come now, because I might not be back for some time." My voice trembled as I spoke. "I wanted you to look after Ruby and Pip for me."

"I understand." Arden's eyes were red and wet. She covered my hand with hers, the stone table hot on our skin. "It's just really good to see you," she said, nodding. "I didn't know if I ever would again." She wiped her face with her gown.

We sat like that for a minute. Above us a flock of birds wheeled in the sky, their tiny bodies scattering, then coming back together, then scattering again. "I've missed you," I said. Arden would be able to get out, I kept telling myself. She'd gotten beyond the School walls once before. She had made it to Califia. If anyone would be able to get out of that brick building, if anyone could help Ruby and Pip escape, she could.

Joby stepped forward, gesturing for Arden to stand. "I'll bring the others," she said.

Arden hugged me. Her body felt much smaller beneath mine. With her back turned to Joby she brought her fingers to her mouth and slipped the key inside, like she was popping a sucking candy. Then she smiled, squeezing my hand before she walked away.

I stood there, watching her return to that building, her hands behind her back so Joby could see them. I thought of her subtle smirk as she flattened the key under her palm, as she listened to me speak of the apple tree and the wall beside it. She had understood. I knew she had. But looking around the fenced-in yard, at the guard's rifles, I wondered how long it would be before she escaped, if the days would pa.s.s too quickly. If, soon, she'd be stuck here indefinitely.

The door swung open, the rusty hinges letting out a terrible, screeching sound. Ruby appeared first. Her steps were even, her long black hair secured in a ponytail. "You came back," she said. She squeezed the breath from my body. Her stomach pressed against mine, the small lump not yet noticeable under her loose green gown. When she pulled back, her eyes were a little sad. "I knew you were still alive. I knew you hadn't disappeared. I had this memory of you. You were standing right over there, by the gate." She pointed to the place I'd last seen her, where she'd held onto the fence, staring vacantly beyond me.

"I did," I said, squeezing Ruby's arm. Whatever pills they'd given her then no longer had a hold on her. "I saw you that day. It was the day they brought Arden here."

"I kept telling Pip that I'd seen you." Ruby nodded. "I kept telling her but she didn't believe me."

Pip was walking out of the building, her head down. She kept her hands behind her back. The door banged shut, the sound loud enough that I flinched. She played with the ends of her curly red hair, which had grown so much longer in the months that had pa.s.sed.

"Pip, I'm here," I said. She didn't respond. "I came to see you." She inched closer. I hugged her, but her body felt like stone. Instead she pulled back, freeing herself from my grip.

She rubbed her arm where I'd touched her. "That hurt," she said softly. "Everything hurts."

"Sit down on the bench," Joby said, guiding Pip by the elbow.

"Why are you wearing that?" Ruby asked, pointing to my dress. "Where have you been?"

My mouth was dry. I didn't want to tell them the truth-that I'd been living in the City of Sand. That I was the daughter of the same person who had put them here, in this building. The man who had lied to them-to all of us-for so many years. It wasn't how I wanted things to begin, this short meeting between us. "I was taken to the City of Sand," I said. "I found out I'm the King's daughter."