Once Aboard the Lugger Part 46

"Address, please," said Miss Ram with a pistol-snap.

George withdrew the signs of confidence with a jerk. He gave the information. Then waited Miss Ram to give him a lead. He had twice been shot; was in no desire again to expose his person.

Miss Ram fixed her small black eyes upon him. She said nothing. The intrusion of a young man into matters essentially domestic she strongly disapproved. Under "D" in "Aphorisms" this woman had a trenchant note touching this matter. "_D. Domesticity. Domesticity_,"

said this note, "_is the offspring of all the womanly virtues. The virtues impregnate the woman, and domesticity is the resultant child.

Absence of a single womanly trait aborts or debilitates the offspring.

Men have nothing whatever to do with it, and nothing is more abominable than a man who meddles with domestic matters._"

The rays of Miss Ram's disconcerting eye pushed George steadily backwards from the rock of such small confidence as remained to him.

a.s.sailed by the inquiring bows with which she now interrogated his further purpose, he slipped from it, plunged wildly into the sea of what he required, and for five minutes beat this way and that, hurling the splash of broken sentences at Miss Ram's unbending countenance.

Beginning a description of Mr. Marrapit's household, he floundered thence to a description of the required lady's duties; abandoning that unfinished, splashed to a description of the manner of person for whom he sought.

It was his object to paint a character and appearance as near to his Mary's as he could master; to induce Miss Ram to suggest her as likely candidate for the post. He could not introduce his Mary to his uncle unless she came under the auspices of some recognised inst.i.tution.

So he floundered on.

Miss Ram did not move. His struggles grew less; he caught at haphazard words; flung them desperately; at last relapsed; sat sweating.

Miss Ram poked him with a questioning bow. He did not stir.

With a further bow she accepted his defeat; handed him a pink paper.

"Now, kindly fill up this form. State precisely what you require.

Write clearly, please."

George obeyed. Miss Ram studied the answers to her printed interrogations; opened her ledger. "I have several suitable ladies."

She started to read a list. "Miss Minna Gregor; aged 25; daughter of the late Humphrey Gregor, stockbroker; three years' character from Mrs. Mountsaffron of Charles Street, to whom she was lady-help and from whom an excellent reference may be obtained."

"Too old," said George.

Miss Ram frowned; returned to the ledger. "Miss Ellen Hay; aged 20; daughter of Lieutenant Hay, late R.N. For two years with Mrs. Hoyle- Hoyle of Knightsbridge."

George squeaked, "Too young." He had not antic.i.p.ated this ordeal.

Miss Ram read on. At the fifteenth name George was in desperate agitation. His list of objections was exhausted. Each protest had narrowed his field.

"This is the last upon my books," Miss Ram severely told him. "She fills all your requirements. None of your objections applies. You will certainly engage her."

"I feel sure I shall," George brightly said. If this was the last name it must be Mary.

"I am glad to hear that," Miss Ram announced. "You are hard to please.

This is a most admirable young woman."

George leaned forward with an expectant smile. Miss Ram read: "Miss Rosa Brump--"

George's smile died. An "Eh?" was startled out of him.

"Brump," said Miss Ram testily. "Brump. B-r-u-m-p, _Brump_."

George said "Oh!"; ran a finger around the inside of his collar.

Miss Ram read on, emphasising the Brumps with the suggestion of a ball bouncing from rock to rock:

"Miss Rosa _Brump_; aged 21; daughter of the late Selwyn Agburn _Brump_, barrister-at-law. Companion to Miss Victoria Shuttle of Shuttle Hall, Shuttle, Lines, until that lady's death. The late Miss Shuttle dying suddenly, Miss _Brump_ has no reference from her. What that reference would have been, however, is clearly evidenced by the fact that in her will Miss Shuttle bequeathed 'to my faithful companion Rosa _Brump_,' her terra-cotta bust of the late Loomis Shuttle, Esq., J.P., inventor of the Shuttle liquid manure."

Miss Ram wagged a finger at George. "That speaks for itself," she said.

George did not answer. He was in a confusion of fear. This terrible woman would force Miss Brump upon him. He was powerless in her hands.

He was in chains.

"Does it not?" poked Miss Ram.

"Rather," said George. "Oh, rather."

"Very good. I congratulate your uncle upon obtaining this estimable young woman. She should call here in a few minutes. You can then make final arrangements. Meanwhile, this form--"

George hurled himself free from this hypnotic panic. Anything must be done to shake off this intolerable Brump.

"One moment," he said. "I had forgotten--"

"Well?"

"What colour is Miss Brump's hair?"

"Her _what?_"

"Hair. Her hair."

"How extraordinary! Brown."

George effected an admirable start. He echoed: "_Brown?_ Oh, not brown?"

"Certainly. Brown."

George mournfully shook his head. "Oh, dear! How unfortunate! I'm afraid Miss Brump will not suit, Miss Ram. My uncle--extraordinary foible--has a violent objection to brown hair. He will not have it in the house."

"Unheard of!" Miss Ram snapped. "Unheard of!"

George rubbed together his sweating palms; blundered on. "None the less a fact," he said impressively. He dropped his voice. "It is a very sad story. He had fifteen brothers--"

"Fifteen!"

"I a.s.sure you, yes. All were black-haired except one, who was brown-- the first brown-haired child in the history of the house. 'Bantam'

they used to call him when they were girls and boys together-- 'Bantam.'"

"_Girls_! You said brothers!"

"Ah, yes. Girls as well. Twelve, twelve girls."