Olla Podrida Part 47

_Clem._ I am as anxious as you, Mrs Jellybags. You may have wheedled my poor uncle to make the will in your favour; if so, depend upon it, I shall expect nothing from your hands.

_Jel._ I should rather think not, Miss. If I recollect right, you threw the carminative mixture in my face.

_Clem._ And made you blush for the first time in your life.

_Jel._ I shall not blush to slam the door in your face.

_Clem._ Rather than be indebted to you, I would beg my bread from door to door.

_Jel._ I expect that you very soon will.

_Enter Edward._

_Edw._ My dearest Clementina, I have come to support you on this trying occasion.

_Jel._ And ascertain how matters stand, before you decide upon marrying, I presume, Mr Edward.

_Edw._ Madam, I am above all pecuniary considerations.

_Jel._ So everybody says, when they think themselves sure of money.

_Edw._ You judge of others by yourself.

_Jel._ Perhaps I do--I certainly do expect to be rewarded for my long and faithful services.

_Clem._ Do not waste words upon her, my dear. You have my solemn promise, nothing shall change my feelings towards you.

_Jel._ That may be; but did it never occur to you, Miss, that the gentleman's feelings might alter?

_Edw._ Detestable wretch!

[_Hands Clementina to a chair on the right, and sits by her._

_Enter Nephews John, Thomas, William, and James, all with white pocket-handkerchiefs in their hand--they take their seats two right and two left._

_Jel._ (_Aside._) Here they all come, like crows that smell carrion. How odious is the selfishness of this world! But here is Mr Gumarabic. How do you do, sir? (_Curtsies with a grave air._)

_Gum._ Very well, I thank you, Mrs Jellybags. Can't say the same of all my patients. Just happened to pa.s.s by--thought I would step in and hear the will read--odd, that I should pop in at the time--very odd. Pray, may I ask, my dear Mrs Jellybags, were you present at the making of the will?

_Jel._ No, my dear sir; my nerves would not permit me.

_Gum._ Nerves!--odd, very odd! Then you don't know how things are settled?

_Jel._ No more than the man in the moon, my dear sir.

_Gum._ Man in the moon!--odd comparison that from a woman!--very odd!

Hope my chance won't prove all moonshine.

_Jel._ I should think not, my dear sir; but here comes Mr Seedy, and we shall soon know all about it.

_Enter Mr Seedy--Mrs Jellybags, all courtesy, waves her hand to a chair in the centre, with a table before it. Mr Seedy sits down, pulls the will out of his pocket, lays it on the table, takes out his snuff-box, takes a pinch, then his handkerchief, blows his nose, snuffs the candles, takes his spectacles from his waistcoat pocket, puts them on, breaks the seals, and bows to the company; Mrs Jellybags has taken her seat on the left next to him, and Doctor Gumarabic by her side. Mrs Jellybags sobs very loud, with her handkerchief to her face._

_Seedy._ Silence, if you please.

_Mrs Jellybags stops sobbing immediately._

_Edw._ (_putting his arm round Clementina's waist._) My dearest Clementina!

_Mr Seedy hems twice, and then reads._

"The Last Will and Testament of Christopher Cadaverous, Gentleman, of Copse Horton, in the county of c.u.mberland.

"I, Christopher Cadaverous, being at this time in sound mind, do hereby make my last will and testament.

"First, I pray that I may be forgiven all my manifold sins and wickedness, and I do beg forgiveness of all those whom I may have injured unintentionally or otherwise; and at the same time do pardon all those who may have done me wrong, even to John Jones, the turnpike man, who unjustly made me pay the threepenny toll twice over on Easter last, when I went up to receive my dividends.

"My property, personal and real, I devise to my two friends Solomon Lazarus, residing at No. 3 Lower Thames-street, and Hezekiah Flint, residing at No. 16 Lothbury, to have and to hold for the following uses and purposes:--

"First, to my dearly-beloved niece, Clementina Montagu, I leave the sum of one hundred and fifty pounds, 3-1/2 per cent, consols, for her sole use and benefit, to be made over to her, both princ.i.p.al and interest, on the day of her marriage.

[_Edwards withdraws his arm from Clementina's waist--turns half round from her, and falls back in his chair with a pish!_

"To my nephew, Thomas Montagu, I leave the sum of nineteen pounds nineteen shillings and sixpence--having deducted the other sixpence to avoid the legacy duty.

[_Thomas turns from the lawyer with his face to the front of the stage, crossing his legs._

"To my nephew, John Montagu, I leave also the sum of nineteen pounds nineteen shillings and sixpence.

[_John turns away in the same manner._

"To my nephew, once removed, James Stirling, I leave the sum of five pounds to purchase a suit of mourning.

[_James turns away as the others._

"To my nephew, once removed, William Stirling, I also leave the sum of five pounds to purchase a suit of mourning. [_William turns away as the others._

"To my kind and affectionate housekeeper, Mrs Martha Jellybags----"

[_Mrs Jellybags sobs loudly, and cries "Oh dear! Oh dear!"_

_Mr Seedy._ Silence, if your please. [_Reads._

"In return for all her attention to me during my illness, and her ten years' service, I leave the whole of my----

[_Mr Seedy having come to the bottom of the page lays down the will, takes out his snuff-box, takes a pinch, blows his nose, snuffs the candles, and proceeds._

--"I leave the whole of my wardrobe, for her entire use and disposal; and also my silver watch with my key and seal hanging to it.

"And having thus provided for----"