Olla Podrida Part 45

_Cad._ You are a good woman, Mrs Jellybags; and I shall not forget you in my will.

_Jel._ Don't mention wills, my dear sir. You make me so miserable.

(_Puts her handkerchief to her eyes._)

_Cad._ Don't cry, Mrs Jellybags. I wo'n't talk any more about it.

(_Sinks back exhausted._)

_Jel._ (_wiping her eyes._) Here comes Doctor Gumarabic.

_Enter Gumarabic._

_Gum._ Good morning, Mistress Jellybags. Well, how's our patient?--better?--heh? [_Mrs Jellybags shakes her head._

_Gum._ No: well, that's odd. (_Goes up to Mr Cadaverous._) Not better, my dear sir?--don't you feel stronger?

_Cad._ (_faintly_). Oh, no!

_Gum._ Not stronger! Let us feel the pulse. [_Mrs Jellybags hands a chair, and Gumarabic sits down, pulls out his watch, and counts._]

Intermittent--135--well, now--that's very odd! Mrs Jellybags, have you adhered punctually to my prescriptions?

_Jel._ Oh yes, sir, exactly.

_Gum._ He has eaten nothing?

_Cad._ Nothing at all.

_Gum._ And don't feel stronger? Odd--very odd! Pray, has he had anything in the way of drink? Come, Mrs Jellybags, no disguise,--tell the truth;--no soup--warm jelly--heh?

_Jel._ No, sir; upon my word, he has had nothing.

_Gum._ Humph!--and yet feels no stronger? Well, that's odd!--Has he taken the pill every half-hour?

_Jel._ Yes, sir, regularly.

_Gum._ And feels no better! Are you sure that he has had his draught with his pill?

_Jel._ Every time, sir.

_Gum._ And feels no better! Well, that's odd!--very odd, indeed! (_Rises and comes forward with Mrs Jellybags._) We must throw in some more draughts, Mrs Jellybags; there is no time to be lost.

_Jel._ I'm afraid he's much worse, sir.

_Gum._ I am not at all afraid of it, Mrs Jellybags,--I am sure of it;--it's very odd,--but the fact is, that all the physic in the world won't save him; but still he must take it,--because--physic was made to be taken.

_Jel._ Very true, sir. (_Whispers to Gumarabic._)

_Gum._ Ah! yes;--very proper. (_Going to Mr Cadaverous._) My dear sir, I have done my best; nevertheless, you are ill,--very ill,--which is odd,--very odd! It is not pleasant,--I may say, very unpleasant,--but if you have any little worldly affairs to settle,--will to make,--or a codicil to add, in favour of your good nurse, your doctor, or so on,--it might be as well to send for your lawyer;--there is no saying, but, during my practice, I have sometimes found that people die. After all the physic you have taken, it certainly is odd--very odd--very odd, indeed;--but you might die to-morrow.

_Cad._ Oh dear!--I'm very ill.

_Jel._ (_sobbing._) Oh dear! oh dear!--he's very ill.

_Gum._ (_comes forward, shrugging up his shoulders._) Yes; he is ill--very ill;--to-morrow, dead as mutton! At all events he has not died for WANT of physic. We must throw in some more draughts immediately;--no time to be lost. Life is short,--but my bill will be long--very long!

[_Exit as scene closes._

_Act II. Scene I._

_Enter Clementina, with a letter in her hand._

_Clem._ I have just received a letter from my dear Edward: he knows of my uncle's danger, and is anxious to see me. I expect him immediately. I hope he will not be seen by Mrs Jellybags as he comes in, for she would try to make more mischief than she has already. Dear Edward! how he loves me! (_Kisses the letter._)

_Enter Edward._

_Edw._ My lovely, my beautiful, my adored Clementina! I have called upon Mr Gumarabic, who tells me that your uncle cannot live through the twenty-four hours, and I have flown here, my sweetest, dearest, to--to----

_Clem._ To see me, Edward: surely there needs no excuse for coming?

_Edw._ To reiterate my ardent, pure, and unchangeable affection, my dearest Clementina; to a.s.sure you, that in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, as they say in the marriage ceremony, I am yours till death us do part.

_Clem._ I accept the vow, dearest Edward. You know too well my heart for me to say more.

_Edw._ I do know your heart, Clementina, as it is,--nor do I think it possible that you could change;--still, sometimes--that is for a moment when I call to mind that, by your uncle's death, as his favourite niece, living with him for so many years, you may soon find yourself in the possession of thousands,--and that t.i.tled men may lay their coronets at your feet,--then, Clementina----

_Clem._ Ungenerous and unkind!--Edward, I almost hate you. Is a little money, then, to sway my affections? Shame, Edward, shame on you! Is such your opinion of my constancy? (_Weeps._) You must judge me by your own heart.

_Edw._ Clementina! dearest Clementina!--I did!--but rather--that is,--I was not in earnest;--but when we value any object as I value you,--it may be forgiven, if I feel at times a little jealous;--yes, dearest, jealous!

_Clem._ 'Twas jealousy then, Edward, which made you so unkind? Well, then, I can forgive _that_.

_Edw._ Nothing but jealousy, dearest! I cannot help, at times, representing you surrounded by n.o.ble admirers,--all of them suing to you,--not for yourself, but for your money,--tempting you with their rank;--and it makes me jealous, horribly jealous! I cannot compete with lords, Clementina,--a poor barrister without a brief.

_Clem._ I have loved you for yourself, Edward. I trust you have done the same toward me.

_Edw._ Yes; upon my soul, my Clementina!

_Clem._ Then my uncle's disposition of his property will make no difference in me. For your sake, my dear Edward, I hope he will not forget me. What's that? Mrs Jellybags is coming out of the room. Haste, Edward;--you must not be seen here. Away, dearest!--and may G.o.d bless you.

_Edw._ (_kisses her hand._) Heaven preserve my adored, my matchless, ever-to-be-loved Clementina. [_Exeunt separately._

_Scene II._

_The sick-room--Mr Cadaverous, lying on a sofa-bed--Mr Seedy, the lawyer, sitting by his side, with papers on the table before him._

_Seedy._ I believe now, sir, that everything is arranged in your will according to your instructions. Shall I read it over again; for although signed and witnessed, you may make any alteration you please by a codicil.