Olla Podrida Part 33

_Enter Lady Etheridge._

Lady Etheridge, my sister has just quitted the room far from well. If you will permit me, I will inquire after her, leaving Captain Mertoun to cultivate your acquaintance. [_Exit Capt. Etheridge._

_Capt. Mer._ An honour, madam, I have long courted.

_Lady Eth._ O sir! if your leisure is now, as it were, unoccupied, I should be most happy to be your cicero. There are such grounds----

_Capt. Mer._ (_ogling Lady Etheridge_). For admiration, when I cast my eyes that way.

_Lady Eth._ The quintessence of politeness, I declare. This way, sir.

_Capt. Mer._ The arm of the humblest of your slaves.

(_Offering his arm._)

_Lady Eth._ Infinitely honoured.

[_Exeunt ambo, ceremoniously, and mutually complimenting each other in dumb show._

_Scene IV._

_A Drawing-Room at the Hall._

_Enter Sir Gilbert and Captain Etheridge._

_Capt. Eth._ Well, my dear father, where is Agnes?

_Adm._ She has been here just now; she appears to be much distressed about something. She will return directly.

_Capt. Eth._ What can have annoyed her?

_Adm._ That I don't know. Perhaps my Lady Etheridge. She wishes her to break off with Lucy Bargrove, but that I will resist--that is--that is--as much as I can.

_Capt. Eth._ My dear father, why do you submit to such tyranny? You, that have led fleets to victory, to be governed by a woman! A little firmness on your part would soon relieve you from your thraldom, and bring my mother to a proper sense of her duties.

_Adm._ (_shaking his head_). Too late--too late, Edward.

_Capt. Eth._ Never too late, sir. Take courage for once, and I'll answer for the success. With all respect to my mother, bullies are always cowards.

_Adm._ Why, really, Edward, your advice is good; and, as I must always keep up a running fight, I don't see why we shouldn't have a general action.

_Capt. Eth._ Bravo, sir, a decisive engagement to your honour, if you only bring decision into play. I agree with you, in respect to Lucy Bargrove, heartily.

_Adm._ Edward, this girl has been so long with me, and has so entwined herself about my heart, that I cannot bear that she should be used ill.

Your sister is fond of her, and I dote upon her.

_Capt. Eth._ Why, yes, sir, I acknowledge that she is a nice girl, but still, there is a line to be drawn. You would not, for instance, like to see her my wife.

_Adm._ Indeed but I would, Edward, for your own sake. You would have a fair prospect of matrimonial bliss. Talking about marriage, Edward, I again repeat, if, as you say, the happiness of Agnes depends upon her union with Mertoun, from the character you have given him, I shall raise no objections; but, as I do think in the disposal of her children, the mother has some claim to be consulted, I suppose he must be permitted to follow up your plan, rather a novel one, of bearding the father to gain the daughter.

_Capt. Eth._ You forget, sir, that you are to have a general action, and then it will be no longer necessary.

_Enter Captain Mertoun._

Here comes Mertoun.

_Adm._ True, true, I forgot that. Well Captain Mertoun, I hope you have found amus.e.m.e.nt.

_Capt. Mer._ I have, sir, been walking with my lady, who has just gone into her room to take off her bonnet.

_Enter Lady Etheridge and Agnes._

_Lady Eth._ I am quite exhausted with my pedestrian performance.

(_Captain Mertoun hands a chair, she sits._) Sir Gilbert, I am sorry to request that you will reprove your daughter for disobedience, for, notwithstanding my command of this morning, I find that she has again visited Lucy Bargrove. You say that you have no objection, but I tell you it shall not be, so there is an end of the matter, and of the discussion; and I insist upon it, Admiral, I insist that you give her a proper lecture in my presence. Now, Sir Gilbert.

_Capt. Eth._ (_aside_). Now, sir, this is your time, we'll support you.

_Adm._ My dear Lucy is concerned--I don't feel that I want any support.

Agnes, your mother has expressed her disapprobation at your visit to Lucy Bargrove.

_Agnes._ My dear father!

_Adm._ And I don't agree with your mother.

_Lady Eth._ Sir Gilbert!

_Adm._ I consider Lucy Bargrove a very amiable, good girl. I am partial to her, and have no objection to your visiting her whenever you please.

_Lady Eth._ (_more loudly_). Sir Gilbert!

_Capt. Eth._ (_aside_). Excellent, Sir Gilbert.

_Adm._ I repeat again, Agnes, that so far from agreeing with, I totally disagree with Lady, and, in this matter, I will not allow her to interfere in future. I intend to be _master of my own house_!

_Lady Eth._ (_screaming_). Sir Gilbert!!!

_Capt. Eth._ (_aside_). The day's our own.

_Adm._ (_angrily_). Yes, my lady, master of my own house! and expect humility and submission on your part. (_Softening_). Although I never shall forget that I have advanced you to the dignity of Lady Etheridge.

_Lady Eth._ Captain Mertoun! Captain Mertoun! Oh! Oh! will n.o.body a.s.sist me? Oh! lead me to my room.

_Adm._ Edward, help your mother to her room, Captain Mertoun will a.s.sist you. [_Exeunt Lady Etheridge, Captains Mertoun and Etheridge.

Manent, Sir Gilbert and Agnes._

_Adm._ I have, my dear Agnes, as you perceive, made a resolution to be no longer second in my own house, but your good sense will point out to you, that your mother deserves your respect.