Olla Podrida Part 31

_Lady Eth._ Edward, I have been a martyr to painful anxiety and maternal sentiment; but my sighs are accomplished now that I embrace my only son.

(_Turning to Mertoun, and curtseying haughtily._) Your friend?

_Capt. Eth._ My friend is Captain Mertoun, who is most anxious to pay his homage, and I trust will find favour in the sight of Lady Etheridge.

_Capt. Mer._ That were indeed antic.i.p.ating bliss. (_Bowing very low._)

_Lady Eth._ Captain Mertoun, you may approximate our kindly feelings.

_Capt. Mer._ Lady Etheridge, I duly appreciate the distinction. (_Aside to Etheridge._) Why don't you ask after your sister?

_Capt. Eth._ Where is my sister Agnes, my dear mother? How is it that she is not here to receive her brother?

_Lady Eth._ Indeed, Edward, I am ashamed to say that, forgetful of her aristocratic birth, she has permitted herself to be seduced by bad company.

_Adm._ (_aside_). Whew! now for a breeze!

_Capt. Eth._ Bad company. Did I hear rightly? Surely, my lady----

_Lady Eth._ I have said it, Edward; and I am sorry to add, that the admiral eggs her on. O pardon, Captain Mertoun, the plebeian slip of the tongue! I mean to say corroborates the mesalliance.

_Capt. Mer._ (_aside to Etheridge_) For Heaven's sake, ask her to explain.

_Capt. Eth._ What would you infer, my lady? Surely my sister cannot so far forget herself, much less my father approve of such conduct.

_Adm._ Edward, this bad company is--Lucy Bargrove.

_Lady Eth._ Yes, Sir Gilbert, I am sorry to retort before strangers; but just as you have confessed, it is even so. My daughter has formed an unequal connection, and, and dissipates her rank among unequal a.s.sociates.

_Capt. Eth._ I am truly glad that it is no worse, my lady.

_Lady Eth._ What can be worse, sir? Rank is rank; but your father has absorbed notions which disgrace his baronetage.

_Adm._ Lady Etheridge, if I never disgrace my t.i.tle by any other act, I shall be proud of the manner in which I have supported it. (_Aside._) I won't give up this point if I can help it.

_Lady Eth._ You hear, Edward--I am quite cagged--I am all confusion--stigmatised, I mean, by his conduct. His infatuation is quite adulterous!

_Capt. Eth._ (_aside_). Now, Mertoun, coincide with her. Never mind me or my father.

_Lady Eth._ Did you speak, Captain Mertoun?

_Capt. Mer._ I did, my lady, but venture to express to Captain Etheridge my admiration of the elegance and elevation of your sentiments.

_Adm._ (_aside_). What the devil does he interfere for? confounded puppy.

_Lady Eth._ Captain Mertoun, I conceive at once that you are of _Oh tone_. I am sorry that family squabbles--pardon the low word--Captain Mertoun, we cannot touch pitch without being defiled--(_looking at Sir Gilbert._)

_Adm._ Sorry you ever meddled with a _tar_.

_Lady Eth._ I am grieved, Captain Mertoun, that domestic fractions should be promulgated on our first meeting, and feel much prepossession for your corroboration of the Admiral's folly.

_Capt. Mer._ I cannot but a.s.sert that his conduct is most indefensible.

Sir Gilbert, allow me to take the privilege of an early friend, and to express my regret at your infatuation, and my hope that you will be swayed by superior judgment.

_Adm._ Sir, I am much obliged to you for your friendly and polite interference. Does your friend stay dinner, Edward?

_Lady Eth._ Admiral, a.s.suredly. I trust that Captain Mertoun will do us the honour of taking many dinners with us. At present, Captain Mertoun, you will excuse me; but when you are at leisure, I do not say that I will show you the grounds, as Sir Gilbert would have expressed himself; but I shall, as we of the _Oh tone_ say, be most happy to be your cicero. [_Exit Lady Etheridge._

_Adm._ (_angrily to Captain Mertoun._) And pray, sir, what do you mean by offering your opinion so confounded freely, and disapproving of my conduct?

_Capt. Eth._ My dear father, you must blame me, and not him. Let us retire to your library, and I will explain everything. You will find that Captain Mertoun has no other object in view than the happiness of all parties.

_Adm._ Then I can tell Captain Mertoun, that interfering between man and wife is not the way to secure his own.

_Capt. Mer._ Your son will soon offer a satisfactory explanation. It is most true that the liberty I have taken with you is most essential to my happiness.

_Adm._ (_going up and lifting his cane_). The devil it is! but not to all parties, Captain Mertoun; and I am sorry to say this to any friend of my son's--but you are a d----d impudent puppy, and I expect satisfaction.

_Capt. Eth._ That you shall have, sir, from me, who requested Captain Mertoun to follow that line of conduct. Do me the favour to retire to the library.

_Adm._ You requested him to insult your father? I am not so old as to be insulted with impunity; and I hope, as you are a party, that the explanation will be satisfactory. (_Walks about in a rage._) Captain Mertoun, you'll excuse us. There are the grounds, and as you have been so very a.s.siduous to fall out with me, you may be equally so to fall in with Lady Etheridge. (_Bowing in derision very low, then exit, attended by Captain Etheridge._)

_Capt. Mer._ Well, this is excellent, that a man, who is henpecked till he has not a decent feather left, should be jealous about such a woman.

But I feel a.s.sured that Etheridge will make all right. I shall take the advice of the old gentleman, and walk about the grounds, perhaps, as he says, I may fall in with Lady Etheridge and improve my acquaintance.

[_Exit._

_Scene II._

_The Gipsy encampment in the wood._

_Nelly comes forward._

_Nelly._ Lady Etheridge, you spurned me! you chased me from your doors!

what! shall humanity in any shape be worried by your pampered dogs? when youth was fresh upon our brows, our steps light upon the green, and our hearts still more light with innocence, had then the Lady Etheridge more admirers than the poor outcast gipsy, Nelly Armstrong? Have you forgotten your origin, proud lady of the Hall? Had his partial eyes fallen upon me when Sir Gilbert chose his wife from among the cottage maidens, and you, proud lady, had come hungry and in rags to my door, should I have unslipped the hounds upon your cry for charity? No, no, no! You have given insult--expect retaliation. But here comes one of my instruments. Unbend, Eleanor Armstrong, from this lofty carriage, and be again the miserable--the cheating gipsy.

_Enter young Bargrove._

_Nelly._ A fine morning, most fortunate sir.

_Peter._ Well, my good woman, have you found it out?

_Nelly._ What, youth of a brilliant horoscope, do you mean the starlit mystery? It is revealed, but the planets have been very cross. I watched--and watched--and watched--

_Peter._ Well, and what did you discover?

_Nelly._ The discovery, sir, is precious. Golden, sir, golden! A guinea!

it is worth twenty!