Nature Of Desire: Worth The Wait Part 9

And homemade wine.

A WWII vet makes airplanes out of beer cans.

In the time she sat there staring at the phone and wrestling with her own responses, he sent her a list of twenty perks a.s.sociated with the farmers' market. She was smiling and near tears both. I can't afford you, Des. I just can't.

She wanted to type that, but she was struggling between cowardice and desire. He made her feel good, he made her laugh. As a Dom, he made her tremble and ache in all the right ways. So what if he could do the same thing for a million other women? Didn't make it less true for her, did it?

Don't make me use the 'I saved your life' card.

She snorted. Do you have no shame?

Let me check all my pockets. Nope, none here.

That did make her laugh. She leaned against the wall, beat her head against it and groaned. Pressed the phone to her forehead until it buzzed with one more text.

Please, Julie.

"You just never learn, do you?" she demanded of herself in the darkened hallway. Yet even as she loathed her weakness, she was typing.

Okay. Nine o'clock. But pick me up here. She'd have Logan drop her off on the way to the hardware store, which opened early. She wanted to be back in her own s.p.a.ce before she saw Des again. No matter how unsteady he made her feel, she wasn't going to forget how to stand on her own two feet.

Chapter Five.

"This is me, take it or leave it. My own girl, better believe it..."

She was pleasantly off tune, with feminine pride and gusto. Des grinned as he followed the sound of her voice through the theater to her makeshift dressing room apartment, where she appeared to be sorting laundry and shaking her very fine booty to the beat of the Mindy McCready song.

He watched her dance to the music through her earbuds, arms and hips gyrating, her glossy thick brown hair swinging with her movements, her b.r.e.a.s.t.s bouncing. He knew she thought herself too heavy by about fifteen to twenty pounds. Most women weren't happy with their bodies, and women with generous curves like hers, almost always. It baffled him, though he expected it was because they saw themselves the way women did, not men. It was one of the many reasons he loved tying up a woman and topping her. He could show her how she looked through his eyes with no white noise, everything driven out of her mind but honest, pure reaction.

He loved Julie's energy, her quirky nature, her responsiveness. She brought out protective instincts in him, more than his usual response to a woman who'd given him the privilege of adorning her in his rope. He noted she did have some residual bruising on her throat, but it wasn't as severe as he'd feared it would be, and her loose hipped dancing said she'd taken some good pain meds. It still made him want to choke the life out of Pablo with a p.r.i.c.kly coconut twine.

He shouldn't be pursuing this. He'd spent his life knowing down to the minutiae what was good and bad for him. Sometimes the lines were fuzzy, yet when it came to getting close to other people, there was no mistaking the boundaries. He had no desire to hurt anyone.

But G.o.d, look at her. Her life. Her joy. She embraced everything around her. People, new experiences. From the things she tried so hard not to say but ended up stumbling over, he knew she'd been hurt too often. Those clueless b.a.s.t.a.r.ds' loss was his gain. At least for as long as he could keep this inside the box he always kept his relationships.

You're already outside the box, a.s.shole. Don't be the next one to break her heart.

He wasn't going to do that. They were both adults. They could have fun. He could help her learn more about BDSM. She was here only temporarily, anyway. She wasn't looking to set up house.

Wow, feeding yourself a major line of bulls.h.i.t there, buddy.

He wanted to slide up behind her, take off the earbuds and ravish her neck with lips, tongue and teeth. He wanted to hold her heart-shaped a.s.s against his c.o.c.k and grind. He wanted to hear her laugh, gasp and whisper, feel her tremble, all because of what he could do to her.

Proving he had restraint, he leaned in the doorframe, giving himself a private moment to enjoy. He'd met women who put effort into an eccentric persona. Goth, off center, social justice warrior, name your role or emotional costume. That didn't bug him. They weren't pretentious. They were merely donning the clothes that best helped them handle their world, same as everyone did. Yet his favorite gift to his Dom side was stripping the physical and emotional clothes off each woman and finding out who she really was. In return, he learned more about himself. It was a two way street of pleasure and emotional satisfaction.

Julie was his first experience where the inner core of the woman was open, dazzling to see in all its honesty. Nothing proved it more than her reaction when she discovered she wasn't alone.

She'd executed an enthusiastic spin, fist pumped the air, and saw him watching her. She gave a surprised yelp, but recovered fast, as he somehow knew she would. She did another shimmy and shake for him, belted out the last chorus with impressive lip synching skill, and finished on another spin. When she popped out the earbuds, she fixed an accusing look on him. "You're an hour early."

"I brought coffee." He lifted the flat from behind the door, in the hallway where he'd stashed it. "And flowers."

The bouquet of yellow daisies had looked playful and bright, like her. "I'm a traditional guy."

She took the flowers just as he'd expected and hoped she would, with clear delight, but as she sniffed the flowers, she tossed him a mild glare.

"Didn't you say this was a non-date?"

"I lied about that. Figured after you had time to think about it, you'd realize a date would be much nicer."

She smiled, but he saw wariness in her eyes, a woman who didn't trust herself, whose heart was fragile from past wounds. It took an unusual grip on him.

She's different, you idiot. Back away from this.

We're just going to a farmers' market. Not running away to Vegas.

There was no harm in enjoying her company and using his skills to help her trust again. He'd done it with other women, the lines of care and affection clean.

You're going to the farmers' market to prove to her she's different, because she thinks she's just another rope bunny to you. How is that not crossing the line into relationship territory? Lying a.s.shole.

His conscience was a persistent b.a.s.t.a.r.d. It didn't help that every moment they stood in what was essentially her bedroom, he wanted to grab her around the waist, press her luscious body against the wall and kiss her until she was writhing against him in that nice, c.o.c.k-hardening way she did.

This might be a date, but it couldn't be that kind of date. She was skittish, relationship-shy. Even if he had to rubber band his d.i.c.k in a choke hold, he was going to make sure she felt less skittish around him. Then maybe he'd reward his tremendous restraint by tying her up on that cot and f.u.c.king her brains out.

"Want to help me fold some towels?" she asked. "That way we can get out of here even sooner."

"It'd be my pleasure." He'd do his best not to think about how folding towels would clear the mattress. She was right. The sooner they got out of here, the better.

"Those are the biggest chocolate chip cookies I've ever seen," Julie said, pointing to a stall.

"Yeah. They're hard as rocks and taste like c.r.a.p. The lady you want is over here." He drew her over to a table where the cookies were much smaller but wrapped a half dozen to a pack, brightly colored curly ribbon tied around cellophane. "Trust me, they're worth every cent of your $3." He bought her a couple of them and dropped them in the tote she'd brought. He gave the bedazzled Tinkerbell design a bemused look.

"Everyone loves sparkly things," she told him. "Even if they don't admit it."

"I'd bedazzle all my jeans if it wouldn't blind the roofing crew and cause accidents," he agreed.

"Safety first." She chuckled and glanced back at his truck in the parking lot. "Weren't you going to bring your cooler for the meats?"

"I buy perishables at the end. No fun lugging around a cooler when you're looking at other things. This is all I need right now." He gripped the strap of the pack he seemed to always have with him, now on his shoulder. Then he squeezed her hand. "And this."

"Being a roofer must pay pretty well if you can buy food like this regularly," she observed, covering the absurd desire to dimple like a teenager. They'd moved into the stalls where the organic, humanely raised meats were advertised.

"Well, yes and no. Subcontractors often get paid c.r.a.p, but I've run my own roofing business for some time now. I hire the crews that work with me and pay them fair, and it works out well for all of us. Plus, meats are higher priced, yeah, but I don't buy a lot of it. It's a small part of my diet. And a lot of stuff here isn't as expensive as you'd expect, like the fresh fruits and vegetables." He shrugged. "I don't carry any debt. I rent a small place on my landlady's property and she doesn't charge much because I help her take care of her horses."

He c.o.c.ked his head. "So, if you think about ratios of income to expenses, I'm doing a lot better than most millionaires. Keep that in mind if you're looking to be a kept woman. As long as your needs are small."

"It has ever been my goal in life to be a kept woman. I did offer myself as a s.e.x slave to a very wealthy gay man and his partner, but they didn't go for it. Even though they agreed keep me anyway, as a friend, I didn't want to be a charity case. I wanted the s.e.x slave job."

"Well, that's good news. I can offer you a s.e.x slave position immediately. I have a current opening. I just didn't want to scare you off."

Julie made a face at him, then her attention was caught by something else. "Oh, look at all the colors."

While she wandered into another stall, Des gestured. "I'm going to double back and tell the meat guy what to hold for me. I won't be far."

"Okay. Ask him to set aside a pack of the burgers for me. I'll pay you for them."

His noncommittal gesture as he walked away told Julie she'd probably have to stuff some money in his truck console when he wasn't looking. She wasn't going to let him pay for everything today. Especially since they'd walked through ten stalls and she'd already seen twenty things she'd love to have. A bunch of them were in front of her now.

The colorful kites, windsocks and chimes made a delightful symphony of rustling fabric and striking metal as she ambled through them. The proprietress, a stocky woman with brush cut hair and a giant tattoo of Snoopy on her biceps, was more than willing to talk to her about how she created her wares.

"Do you have a bunch of these where you sleep?" Julie asked at length, turning around in a circle. "I'd keep a fan running so they could make music all night."

The vendor laughed. "It would be a little much every night, but I do have a hammock in my workshop to take naps there. I open up the windows in the fall for just that reason." She winked. "There's a ceiling fan for winter."

Julie trailed her fingers through a field of filmy wind socks that looked like snakes, dragons and rainbows, and left the stall as more customers entered it. She found Des sitting under a tree, knees bent and head against the trunk as he watched her. His expression suggested she pleased him merely by giving him the opportunity to watch her, which brought back that silly teenage dimpling urge again.

"Tired you out already?" she asked, sitting down next to him.

"Just enjoying you," he said. "I spend so much time on rooftops, I forget how nice the view is at eye level."

"Hmm." She linked her fingers over his bent knee and considered him. "I'd like to ask you a question. Conceptual, not personal."

He cast her an intrigued look. "Okay."

"If your dog was trapped in a burning house, and a little boy you didn't know ran out into a busy street, who would you try to save?"

"My dog," he said.

"Really? Why?"

Des ticked off the points on his fingers. "A kid runs into the street, cars will wreck to avoid hitting him, and other pedestrians will run after him to help. Very few might run into a burning house to save my dog, but lots will run into the street to save the child."

"Do you think you'd think it through that fast?"

"My dog only has me," he observed, "and I'm his person. By adopting him, I made a covenant to care for and protect him. He's the most helpless one in that situation, so instinct would take me toward him." He studied her. "Why did you ask me that?"

"It tells me whether you give expected answers, or if you give it straight from the heart."

"Why else?"

"I like being surprised. You manage to impress a girl by not trying to impress her."

"I've fooled you, because everything I'm doing is about impressing you. My turn. What's your biggest fear?"

She tilted her head up to look into his face. "About relationships or life in general?"

"Your choice."

"Typical stuff. Death, getting older, being alone. Normal for hitting the forty year range." She shifted uncomfortably. He touched her hand.

"Why death?"

"It's the ultimate unknown, the biggest loss of control we face."

"So how do you deal with it?"

Her gaze lifted back to his face. She'd been worried he'd zero in on the "alone" part, yet it was the death part that interested him. His expression was neutral, but she wondered how he'd dealt with it through his formative years. Death was a specter that usually grew in size as one aged. As a child, it was a barely understood concept; as a teen, a fly brushed away, inconsequential to their misguided sense of immortality. Yet he'd had to live under its shadow in a way different from a healthy child, teen or adult with typical fears about the ephemeral nature of life.

"I think about Skye Bartusick and James Garner."

"Excuse me?"

She grinned. "It's rare to see a clueless look on your face. It's cute."

"Annoying woman." He snorted and flicked her fingers, still linked over his bent knee. "Who is Skye Bartusick?"

"She was in the movie The Patriot with Mel Gibson. She played his youngest daughter, Sara. The actress died at twenty-one, complications related to seizures, or something like that. When I saw a picture of her on the Internet, she still had that sweet little girl's face she had in the movie. It upset me, thinking how panicked she might be, how afraid, when she wasn't expecting death to happen so suddenly. Then I found out that James Garner died on the same day."

Julie paused as a man walked by with a trio of Australian shepherds. She went to her knees to pet the enthusiastic threesome, and asked the man for their names. When she settled back, she was feeling a little foolish about her complicated answer and was going to drop it, but she saw Des was waiting for her to continue, his expectant look asking for more.

"James Garner was so rea.s.suring and fatherly in a lot of the roles he played later in his life. I saw the two of them arriving at the gates of Heaven together, this little girl from The Patriot and James Garner, maybe like in his older Maverick reprise role, also with Mel Gibson. Seven degrees of separation, right?" She plucked at a couple blades of gra.s.s, wondering if Des was thinking she was nuts, but she was going to finish the story, because he'd asked.

"When you get to Heaven I think you can be any age you need or want to be, so I could see James deciding to step into that rea.s.suring fatherly role for Skye one more time. He'd hold her hand so she wouldn't be scared. Even if he was looking forward to being young again in Heaven, and knew she had nothing to fear now, he'd want her to feel safe, and nothing does that like holding someone's hand."

"Hmm." He was looking at her, but his eyes weren't focused, as if he was thinking about her words. So she finished her thought.

"I thought, if the Powers That Be took them on the same day, there has to be something making sure we're all okay, right? No matter how dumba.s.s a theory it is, it makes me feel better."

"It's a good theory." He stroked her hair away from her cheek. "I like it. I like you."

Suddenly nervous, she rose to her feet and offered him her hand. "I like you, too. Want to go walk by the lake?"

He grasped her hand but used his own strength to pull himself up. He retained his grip on her, though. Holding hands. "Sure."

"My turn again," she said, seeking to fill in the silence. "Your most embarra.s.sing moment?"

"Why would you want to know that?"

"Because I want to know you're not perfect."

Des laughed. "I've never been called or considered perfect in my entire life." He stopped and put his hands on her face in a caress, but like he was removing gla.s.ses.