Myth-Nomers And Im-Pervections Part 19

"It's all right," I said hastily. "He's a friend of mine.

He' s coming over because I waved at him as we pulled up."

157.

The weapon vanished as she gave the street vendor a hard, appraising look.

"Interesting friends you have."

"He was the one who saved my bacon-in last night's encounter with the local wildlife. Hang on a few ... I've got a little business to transact with him."

Pookie nodded and began scanning the immediate area with a watchful eye as I turned to J.R.

"Interesting friends you've got," he said, staring at my bodyguard.

"Funny, she was just saying the same thing about you.

She's my new bodyguard. After last night, it seemed like a good idea. Incidentally, sorry about that welcome. I forgot to warn her you were coming over."

"No problem. What's up?"

"I paid a little visit to the bank today," I explained, holding up my checkbook. "Now I've got the funding for that little venture of ours."

"Hey! That's terrific! That's all I need to start making us some real money."

"Not so fast," I cautioned. "Let's settle the details and paper this thing first."

. "What for? You've already said you trust me and I sure trust you."

"It's cleaner this way. Contracts are the best way to be sure we're both hearing the same thing in this arrangement ... not to mention it doc.u.ments the split at the beginning instead of waiting until we're arguing over a pile of profits.''

He was still a bit- reluctant, but I managed to convince him and we scribbled down the details in duplicate on some pieces of paper he produced from one of his many pockets.

I say 'we' because I couldn't read or write Pervish, and he was equally ignorant of Klahdish, so we each had to make two copies of the agreement in our own language. To say 158.

the least, I didn't drive a particularly hard bargain . . . 25% of the profits after expenses. I figured he would be doing all of the work, so he should get the bulk of the reward.

All I was doing was funding him. I even put in a clause where he could buy out-my share if things went well. When it was done, we each signed all the copies and shook hands.

' 'Thanks, Skeeve," the vendor beamed, stuffing one copy of each translation into a pocket. "Believe me, this is a sure money maker."

"Any idea yet where your storefront is going to be?"

"No. Remember I said I was going to start out small?

Well, I figure to start by supplying the other street vendors, then using the profits from that to lease and stock the store- front. It'll probably be three weeks to a month before I'm ready for that move."

A month wasn't too bad for start-up time. I admired his industry and confidence.

"Well, good luck!" I said sincerely. "Be sure to leave word for me at the bank when you have a permanent address.

I'll be in touch."

He gathered his wares and headed off down the street as I joined Pookie once more.

"I'd like to apologize for that mix-up," I said. "I should have let you know he was coming over."

"I figured he was okay," the bodyguard replied, still watching the street. "He didn't move like a mugger. It just seemed like a good time for a little demonstration, so I did my thing."

"You really didn't have to put on a demonstration for me. I don't have any doubts about your abilities."

Pookie glanced at me.

"Not for you," she corrected. "For them . . . the folks watching here on the street. It was my way of announcing 159.

that you're covered now and they should keep their dis- tance."

That possibility had never occurred to me.

"Oh," I said. "Well, I guess I should stick with my business and let you handle yours."

"Agreed," she nodded, "though I'll admit the way you do business puzzles me a bit. Sorry, but I couldn't help but overhear your dealings there."

' 'What? You mean my insisting on a contract? The reason I pushed for it there and not for our deal is that it was a long-term investment as opposed to a straight-forward pur- chase of services."

"That isn't it."

"What is it then .

little more generous is ..."

the contract terms? Maybe I was a than I had to be, but the situation I broke off as I realized the bodyguard was staring hard at me.

"What I meant," she said flatly, "was that before I put money into a business, I'd want to know what it was."

"You heard him. It's a wholesaleIdealer operation."

"Yes, but what's he selling?"

I didn't answer that one because I didn't have an answer.

In my eagerness to do J.R. a good turn, I had completely forgotten to ask what kind of business he was starting!

Chapter Seventeen:.

"Bibbity . . . bobbity ..."

-S. STRANGE, M.D.

BRIGHT AND EARLY the next morning, I launched into the next phase of my search for Aahz. The b.u.t.terfly had con- vinced me it was unlikely I'd find him traveling in financial circles. That left the magicians.

As Edvick had warned, the sheer volume of Pervects in the magik business made the task seem almost impossible.

It was my last idea, though, so I had to give it a try and hope I got lucky. By the time I had visited half a dozen or so operations, however, I was nearly ready to admit I was licked.

The real problem facing me was that the market glut had made the magicians extremely compet.i.tive. No one was willing to talk about any other magicians, or even acknowl- edge their existence. What I got was high-powered sales pitches and lectures on "the layman's need for magikal a.s.sistance in his day-to-day life". Once I admitted I was in the business myself, I either got offered a partnership or was accused of spying and thrown out of the office. (Well, 161.

162 a couple of them threatened, but thanks to Pookie's presence I got to walk out with dignity.) What I didn't get was any leads or information about Aahz.

Despite my growing despair of succeeding with my quest, it was interesting to view magikal hype as an outsider.

Kalvin had admonished me for being too insecure and down- playing my abilities. What I learned that day after sitting through several rounds of bragging in close succession, was that the louder someone blew his own horn, the less im- pressed the listener, in this case, me, was apt to be. I thought of the quiet confidence exuded by people such as the But- terfly and Pookie, and decided that, in general, that was a much wiser way to conduct oneself in business situations .. .

or social ones for that matter. As far as I could tell, the goal was not to impress people, but rather to be impressive.

In line with that, I resolved to not only discourage the "Mister Skeeve" t.i.tle, but to also drop "The Great Skeeve"

hype. I had never really believed it anyway. What I was was "Skeeve," and people could either be impressed or not by what I was, not by what I called myself.

If this seems like a sudden bolt from the blue to you, it isn't. The area of Perv I was covering was large enough that I was spending considerable time riding back and forth in Edvick's taxi, and it gave me lots of time to think and reflect on what I was seeing and hearing. What's more, the advice given me by the b.u.t.terfly and Kalvin, not to mention the questions I had to ask myself about trying to fetch Aahz, had given me cause to reexamine my own att.i.tudes and priorities, so I had plenty to think about.

Dealing with what seemed to be an endless parade of people who had never heard of me before, much less met me, gave me a unique chance to observe how people in- teracted. More and more I found myself reflecting on how I reacted to them and they reacted to me.

163.

Pervects had a reputation for being nasty and vicious, not to mention arrogant. There was also ample evidence that they could be more than slightly rude. Still, I had also encountered individuals who had been helpful and gentle, such as the b.u.t.terfly, and even those like J.R. who would risk themselves physically for a near stranger who was in trouble. Clearly there was danger in stereotyping people, though it was interesting to observe the behavior patterns which had developed to deal with a crowded, compet.i.tive environment. Even more interesting was noting those who seemed immune to the environmental pressure that ruled the others about them.

The more I thought about it, the more I began to see pieces of myself reflected in the Pervish behavior. Kalvin had commented on my actively trying to be strong ... of being cold and ruthless in an effort to hide my own feared weaknesses. Was it all that different with the bl.u.s.tering Pervects who would rather shout than admit they might be wrong? Were my own feelings of insecurity and inadequacy making me insensitive and closed to the very people who could help me?

The thought was enough to inspire me to voice my frust- rations to Edvick and ask if he had any thoughts as to alternate methods of searching the magikal community.

"I was just thinking about that, Skeeve," he said over his shoulder,' "but I didn't figure it was my place to say anything unless you asked."

"Well, I'm asking. After all, there's no shame in admit- ting you know this dimension better than I do."

That last was said as much to myself as to Edvick, but the cabbie accepted it in stride.

"Too true. Well, what I was thinking was that instead of working to get magicians to talk about potential com- pet.i.tors, maybe you should try checking the schools."

164 "The schools?"

"Sure. You know, the places that teach these spell- slingers their trade. They should have some kind of records showing who's learned what. What's more, they should be willing to share them since you're not a compet.i.tor."

That made sense, but it seemed almost too easy.

"Even if that's true, do you think they would bother to keep current addresses on their old students?"

"Are you kidding?'' the cabbie laughed. "How else could the old Alma Mater be able to solicit donations from their alumni? This may not be Deva, but do you think a Pervect would lose track of a revenue source?"

I felt my hope being renewed as he spoke.

"That's a great idea, Edvick! How many magik schools are there, anyway?"

"Not more than a dozen or so of any note. Nowhere near the number of businesses. If I were you, I'd start with the biggest and work your way down."

"Then that's what we'll do. Take me to the top Of the list and don't spare the lizards... and Edvick? Thanks.''

The grounds of the Magikal Inst.i.tute of Perv (MIP) oc- cupied an entire city block. I say grounds because much of it was well trimmed lawns and bushes, a marked contrast to the closely packed buildings and alleys that seemed to compose the majority of Perv. Stately old buildings of brick or stone were scattered here and there, apparently oblivious to the bustling metropolis that screeched and honked scant yards from their tranquility. Looking at them, one could almost read their stoic thoughts: that if they ignored it long enough, maybe the rest of the world would go away.

There was an iron fence surrounding the school in token protection from intrusion, but the gate stood wide open. I peered out the windows of the cab in curiosity as we drove 165.

up to what Edvick said was the administration building, hoping to catch a glimpse of the students practicing their lessons, but was disappointed. The people I saw were much more interested in being young-skylarking and flirting with each other-than in demonstrating their learning to a casual visitor. I did, however, notice there were more than a few students from off-dimension in their number. Either the school was much more tolerant of off-worlders than the rest of the dimension, or they simply weren't as picky about who they accepted money from. I never did get a chance to find out which it really was.

After a few inquiries, I was shown into the office of the head record keeper. That individual listened carefully to my story, though he was so still and outwardly calm that I found myself fighting a temptation to make a face at him in mid- sentence just to see if he was really p'aying attention. I have a hunch I would not do well in a formal educational environ- ment.

"I see," he said, once I had ground to a halt. "Well, your request seems reasonable. Aahz . . . Aahz ... I don't recall the name off-hand, but it does ring some sort of a bell. Oh well, we can check it easily enough. GRETTA!?"

In response to his call, a young female Pervect appeared in the office door. She glanced quickly at Pookie who was leaning against the wall behind me, but except for that ignored my bodyguard as completely as the record keeper had.

"Yes sir?"

"Gretta, this is Mr. Skeeve. He's trying to locate someone who might have been a student here. I'd like you to help him locate the appropriate file in the archives . . . if it exists. Mr. Skeeve, this is Gretta. She's one of the appren- tices here who helps us ... is something wrong?"

166 I had suddenly drawn back the hand I had been extending to shake hands with Gretta, and the record keeper had noted the move.

"Oh, nothing . . . really," I said embarra.s.sed. I quickly reached out and shook the offered hand. "It's a ... bad habit I learned from Aahz. I really should break it. You were saying?"

The record keeper ignored my efforts to cover the social gaff.

"What bad habit is that?"

"It's silly, but ... Well, Aahz, back when he was my teacher, wouldn't shake hands with me once I became his apprentice. When we first met and after we became partners it was okay, but not while I was his student. I don't shake hands with apprentices he used to say ... only louder. I hadn't realized I had picked it up until just now. Sorry, Gretta. Nothing personal."

"Of course . . . Aahzmandius!"

The record keeper seemed suddenly excited.

"Excuse me?" I said, puzzled.

"Gretta, this won't require a file search after all. Bring me the file on Aahzmandius ... it will be in the dropout file ... three or four centuries back if I recall correctly."

Once the apprentice had scampered off, the record keeper returned his attention to me once more.