Myles Away From Dublin Part 13

All the Same.

What I have written has been at the dictate of plain reason. But since when did plain reason get anybody elected to a job with a salary? If and when I run for office, I promise every elector who votes for me a farm of not less that 500 acres, equally suited for tillage or pasture.

a sum of 25 a week for life, without deduction of income tax.

a Rolls-Royce car, and a Mini for the missus; malt and f.a.gs ad lib; top jobs in the civil service for all the children; directorship of the Bank of Ireland.

no more wet, dirty, weather; free copies of all banned books.

That should bring the votes in all right. But heavens! I nearly forgot something. I also offer the elector the editorial chair of this newspaper.

How do you rate?.

A Minister of State made a p.r.o.nouncement on this subject after a public dinner recently. ('After a public dinner' is good, for he took good care to have the dinner before he squawked.) He said: 'This business of rates is under consideration by the Government. I don't know what to make of it.'

Those who have any dealings with public departments will know what is meant by the phrase 'under consideration'. It means that absolutely nothing whatsoever is being done about something that is acerbating the public temper to the point of open revolt. The hidden, petted, shrouded Minister does not have to worry. He pays no income tax on his salary as a TD. He knows nothing of petrol tax, for he is whisked from here to there in a Mercedes car owned by the State at absolutely no charge. Now and again in public address he lectures the citizen on the necessity for being austere, girding his loins, the necessity for stopping smoking (where an enormous chunk of State revenue resides) and what Patrick Pea.r.s.e died for. The admonitions one gets from this cla.s.s of politician-on-the-make make one sick. Therefore why not get sick? Me I just don't know how to do it on the printed page!

Back to Rates.

Probably no reader of these notes is immune from the horrifying demand that arrives on the doorstep twice a year. PAY UP Or Else. It has no relation to your income, your birth or origin, your commercial worth, the colour of your face ... nothing. Pay up to the County Council, or the Urban Council, or you'll be sold up. Your bed will be put to auction. The chair in which By the Same Author.

- THE BEST OF MYLES.

AT SWIM-TWO-BIRDS.

THE HARD LIFE.

THE DALKEY ARCHIVE.

THE THIRD POLICEMAN.

THE POOR MOUTH.

STORIES AND PLAYS.

KEATS AND CHAPMAN and THE BROTHER.

THE HAIR OF THE DOGMA.

FURTHER CUTTINGS FROM CRUISKEEN LAWN.

end.