My Neighbor Raymond Part 59

"Oh! no, my dear; the ball is to be at Madame de Pontchartrain's; she has a superb salon, where three sets can dance a quadrille at once.

Besides, it's more proper at night to be where the bride can conveniently be put to bed!"

"What's that? put the bride to bed? I fancy that that's my business."

"No, my dear; don't you know that it's the custom for the bride's near relations to take her to the nuptial chamber and undress her and put her to bed?"

"You will do me the kindness to abridge all that ceremonial, which I consider utterly ridiculous, as much as you possibly can. It seems to me to be the bridegroom's place to undress his wife and put her to bed--or to postpone putting her to bed if he and she please. They are entirely at liberty to suit themselves."

"Oh! brother, think of what decency demands!"

"My dear girl, some people are so decent that they end by being indecent; just as some people are so bright that they end by making fools of themselves. Extremes meet; too great strictness breeds debauchery, just as extreme rigidity of morals often ends in their entire subversion. _Summum jus, summa injuria._ The savages who live in countries where they are not ruled by civilized man should have pure morals, since they follow the inspiration of nature; and yet that extreme purity which leads them to go naked and to conceal nothing from one another resembles a refinement of libertinage among us. Diogenes, who wanted to be a wise man, was nothing better than a fool; and Crates, who considered himself a philosopher, was simply disgusting; and how many writers there are who, by dint of trying to rise to the sublime, fall into bathos! and scholars who, while striving to be profound, are simply ludicrous! and actors who, in their efforts to be natural, appear absurd! and dancers who fall to the ground because they try to jump too high! The moral of all this is that we should seek a happy medium in everything, and that when a husband and wife have complied with the behests of the law and of religion they should be allowed to go to bed without having somebody else place them solemnly between two sheets; which, in my opinion, is better adapted to offend decency than to gratify it."

"I am very sorry, my dear, but the custom----"

"I tell you, if I were in love with my wife, I would make short work of this custom! but let us say no more about it; I will submit to whatever you say."

"Very well; dress yourself and come to breakfast."

I felt that I must dress myself with care; the least one can do is to try to make himself presentable on his wedding day. Although Pelagie had said that she would have married me just the same if I had been old and ugly, I liked to think that she would notice the difference. I was soon ready; unless he is a conceited fop, a man cannot spend much time over his toilet, and I did not, like Raymond, reflect for a quarter of an hour where I should place a pin or how I should arrange the ends of my cravat. Speaking of my neighbor, I regretted that he was not at Melun; he would have a.s.sumed the duties of best man, and would certainly have invented something new; but it would probably have resulted to my disadvantage, so perhaps it was as well that he was not there.

My nephews came jumping and prancing into my room, to tell me that breakfast was waiting; they were already in their gala costumes, and were so wild with delight that we could not hear ourselves talk. Happy age, when the least novelty, the slightest change in the daily habits, the idea of a party, a wedding, a grand dinner--of anything, in fact, that suggests confusion and disorder--causes intoxicating delight! We ought to retain longer the characteristics of childhood.

I found Deneterre in full dress. He came to me, embraced me, pressed my hand with a satisfied air, and said to me in a half solemn, half comical tone:

"Well! you're one of us now!"

I looked at him with a smile, and stifled a sigh which would have been a rude answer to his congratulations.

"Come, let's eat, and eat heartily!" said my brother-in-law, taking his seat at the table. "You need to lay in some strength to-day, my dear boy."

So the chapter of jests had begun; but it was likely to be brief in a small place, where remarks with a double meaning were frowned upon. At all events, they might say what they pleased; I was determined to accept everything with a good grace. But I thought it well to follow Deneterre's advice and eat heartily; that was the best thing for me to do until night.

"Let us hurry," said Amelie; "it's almost eleven; we mustn't keep your wife waiting, dear Eugene."

"Of course not; that would not be polite; I am ready to start."

"Come, Deneterre, have you finished?"

"For heaven's sake, give me time to swallow!"

"Oh! how long it takes you to do anything! Do put on the children's hats!"

"What! are you going to take them to the mayor's office?"

"Certainly."

"That's all folly; it won't amuse them, and they'll crowd the carriage; it's much better not to take them till we go to the church."

"But I insist on their going now! Do you suppose that I dressed them up just to leave them at home?"

"But I tell you we can come back and get them in a little while."

"And I tell you that I propose to take them now."

"There won't be any room for them."

"You can hold them on your knees."

"So that they can kick me and soil the ladies' dresses!"

"They'll keep quiet."

"It would be something new!"

"Oh! how you tire me with your arguments!"

"You are a most obstinate creature!"

The clock struck eleven, and I put an end to the discussion by announcing that I was going; my sister and her husband did the same, and we took the little boys. I was very sure that that would be the result.

The two carriages were in front of the house; the coachmen wore white gloves and had huge bouquets. All the neighbors were at their doors or windows; a wedding in a small town is such a momentous event! it furnishes a subject of conversation for more than a week.

We took five minutes to go about as far as the length of one of the shorter boulevards in Paris; the horses were not used to coaches, and their drivers drove very slowly in order that they might seem to be starting on a journey. We arrived at last and were shown into the large salon, where the intimate friends and the distinguished personages invited to the first ceremony were a.s.sembled. I did not see my bride, and started to go in search of her; but I was detained; I could not be allowed to enter her bedroom yet.

"She's coming," said Madame de Pontchartrain; "be patient, my dear Dorsan, you will soon see her."

I had no difficulty in being patient; still, I wished that it was all over. I was beginning to be deathly tired of the compliments everyone paid me, to which I soon ceased to be able to reply, because everyone said the same thing.

At last Pelagie appeared, escorted by her aunt and my sister. Her dress was magnificent, and her face even prettier than usual. The compliments began anew. I listened to them now with more pleasure; the presence of a pretty woman always suggests compliments to me, and I was not displeased by the admiration my bride aroused.

I hastened forward to take her hand; she kept her eyes fixed on the floor and seemed to have resolved not to raise them during the day. I led her toward the door and to the carriage, heedless of the remonstrances of her aunt and my sister, who called after us:

"That isn't right! wait! wait! It isn't your place to take her hand!

You're disarranging the programme!"

I cared not a whit for the programme. Madame de Pontchartrain almost lost her temper; my sister calmed her by attributing my heedlessness to my excessive love. We entered the carriages, which process took nearly ten minutes, because, in the first place, no one would get in first, and then no one would take the rear seat. I had to hold myself hard to refrain from pushing them all into the carriages--the ceremonious idiots, who stood an hour on the steps! Poor lovers, who marry in the provinces, how your tempers are tried! At last we were all seated.

Deneterre was compelled to walk with the children, who had already torn the tr.i.m.m.i.n.g of three dresses and stained several white satin shoes with mud. Really, the little rascals were most amusing!

We arrived at the mayor's office. As there is seldom a line of people waiting to be married in provincial towns, we were not obliged to wait an hour for our turn. The ceremony was performed quickly enough, and I was married according to law; there was no drawing back.

To reach the church we had to repeat the same nonsense with respect to the carriages; it took even longer to arrange the order of march, for several people had joined us at the mayor's office, and the procession was swelled by three sedan chairs and two Bath chairs. My wedding had stirred the town to its centre; the church was filled with people, and we could scarcely force our way through the crowd. Those who were not of the wedding party had come to criticise, those who were, to admire; and the idlers, loiterers, working girls, matrons, and old women, to say their say concerning the bride and groom.

Everybody knows what a marriage is, for it is easy to procure the pleasures of marriage in Paris. I will not therefore go into the details of mine; it resembled others as to form, and several times I heard some such words as:

"That's a pretty couple; they are both very good-looking."

A body always likes to hear such remarks.