Mr. Punch's Life in London - novelonlinefull.com
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A BLUNDER-BUS.--One that takes you to Holborn when you want to go to the Bank.
EPITAPH FOR A STOCKBROKER.--"Waiting for a rise."
BOARD WAGES.--Directors' fees.
[Ill.u.s.tration: STOCK EXCHANGE
_Ill.u.s.trated by Dumb-Crambo, Junior_]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Carrying over]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Market firm]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Arranging for a fall]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Market falling]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Preparing for a rise]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Home securities flat]
A NEW WAY TO GET A FRESH APPEt.i.tE
(_A real bit from life at a City company's dinner_)
_Young Visitor._ Really, sir, you must excuse me. I am compelled to refuse.
_Old Alderman_ (_with profound astonishment_). What, refuse these beautiful grouse? It's impossible!
_Young Visitor._ It _is_ impossible, I can a.s.sure you, sir. I cannot eat any more.
_Old Alderman_ (_tenderly_). Come, come. I tell you what now. Just take my advice, and _try a cold chair_.
DESIGN FOR A PAPER-WEIGHT.--The portrait of a gentleman waiting for the _Times_.
THE BEST "FINANCIAL RELATIONS."--Our "uncles."
AT THE ANGEL COURT KITCHEN.--_Stranger_ (_to Eminent Financier_). Why did you call that man at the bar "the Microbe"?
_Eminent Financier._ Because he's "in everything."
GROUND RENTS.--The effects of an earthquake.
[Ill.u.s.tration: FOLLOWING THE FASHION.--_Baked-Tater Merchant._ "'Ow's trade! Why fust-rate!! I'm a-goin' to conwert the bis'ness into a limited liability comp'ny--and retire into private life!!!"]
SONGS OF THE STREETS
UPON THE KERB
Upon the kerb a maiden neat-- Her watchet eyes are pa.s.sing sweet-- There stands and waits in dire distress: The muddy road is pitiless, And 'buses thunder down the street!
A snowy skirt, all frill and pleat; Two tiny, well-shod, dainty feet Peep out, beneath her kilted dress, Upon the kerb!
She'll first advance and then retreat, Half frightened by a hansom fleet.
She looks around, I must confess, With marvellous coquettishness!-- Then droops her eyes and looks discreet, Upon the kerb!
Definition of "THE HAPPY MEAN."--A joyful miser.
TO PEOPLE DOWN IN THE WORLD.--Try the new hotels: they will give you a lift.
WHAT is the best thing to do in a hurry? Nothing.
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Sarah_ (_to Sal_). "Lor! ain't 'e 'andy with 'is feet!"]
PUNCH'S COUNTRY COUSIN'S GUIDE
THE METROPOLIS IN THE _MORTE SAISON_
