Mr. Punch's Life in London - novelonlinefull.com
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[Ill.u.s.tration: NOT QUITE WHAT HE MEANT.
_Joan_ (_on her annual Spring visit to London_). "There, John, I think that would suit me."
_Darby_ (_grumblingly_). "_That_, Maria? Why, a pretty figure it would come to!"
_Joan._ "Ah, John dear, you're always so complimentary! I'll go and ask the price."]
STARTING A SYNDICATE
A Serio-Comic Interlude
SCENE--_An Office in the City._ TIME--_After Lunch._
PRESENT--_Members of a proposed Syndicate._
_First Member._ And now, gentlemen, to business. I suppose we may put down the capital at fifty thousand?
_Second Mem._ Better make it five hundred thousand. Half a million is so much easier to get.
_Third Mem._ Of course. Who would look at a paltry fifty?
_First Mem._ Perhaps you are right. Five pound shares, eh?
_Fourth Mem._ Better make them sovereigns. Simpler to manipulate.
_First Mem._ I daresay. Then the same solicitors as our last?
_Fifth Mem._ Yes, on the condition that they get a firm to undertake the underwriting.
_First Mem._ Necessarily. The firm I propose, gentlemen, are men of business, and quite recognise that nothing purchases nothing.
_Second Mem._ And they could get the secretary with a thousand to invest.
_First Mem._ Certainly. Our brokers, bankers, and auditors as before.
Eh, gentlemen?
_Fifth Mem._ On the same conditions.
_First Mem._ That is understood. And now the prospectus is getting into shape. Is there anything else anyone can suggest?
_Fourth Mem._ Oughtn't we to have some object in view?
_First Mem._ a.s.suredly. Making money.
_Fourth Mem._ Don't be frivolous. But what I mean is, should we not know for what purpose we are going to expend the half million?
_First Mem._ Oh, you mean the name. Well, that comparatively unimportant detail we might safely leave until our next pleasant gathering.
[_Meeting adjourned._
_Curtain._
IN EXTREMIS.--That man is indeed hard up who cannot get credit even for good intentions.
"WALKER!"--How unfair to sneer at the City tradesmen for being above their business, when so few of them live over their shops!
[Ill.u.s.tration: An early morning snapshot in the suburbs. Mr. b.u.mpus dresses his window.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: METROPOLITAN IMPROVEMENTS
Proposed elevated roadway for perambulators]
EXAMINATION FOR A DIRECTORSHIP
(_From "The City Man's Vade Mec.u.m"_)
_Promoter._ Are you a gentleman of blameless reputation?
_Candidate._ Certainly, and I share that reputation with a dozen generations of ancestors.
_Promoter._ And no doubt you are the soul of honour?
_Candidate._ That is my belief--a belief shared by all my friends and acquaintances.
_Promoter._ And I think, before taking up finance, you have devoted a long life to the service of your country?
_Candidate._ That is so. My career has been rewarded by all kinds of honours.
_Promoter._ And there is no particular reason why you should dabble in Stock Exchange matters?
_Candidate._ None that I know of--save, perhaps, to serve a friend.
_Promoter._ Now, be very careful. Do you know anything whatever about the business it is proposed you should superintend?
