Mr. Punch's Life in London - novelonlinefull.com
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[_Inquiry closed._
INSCRIPTION FOR STREET LETTER-BOXES.--"From Pillar to Post."
HOW THE TRUTH LEAKS OUT!
SCENE--_Hyde Park. Time: Five o'clock._
_Friend._ Any news? Anything in the papers?
_Government Clerk._ Can't say. Haven't been to the office to-day, my boy.
WHY should a chimney-sweeper be a good whist player? Because he's always following soot.
BUSINESS.--_Inquirer_ (_drawing up prospectus_). Shall I write "Company"
with a big C?
_Honest Broker._ Certainly, if it's a sound one, as it represents "Company" with a capital.
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Shave, or hair cut, sir?"
"_Corns_, you fool!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: NOT FOR JOSEPH!]
[Ill.u.s.tration: PROOF POSITIVE
_Old Lady._ "Do they sell good 'sperrits' at this 'ouse, mister?"
'_Spectable-looking Man_ (_But_--). "Mos' d'schid'ly, look't (hic) me, mad'm--for shev'n p'nsh a'penny!!"]
THE SINKING FUND.--The Royal Humane Society's income.
SHREWD SUGGESTION.--It often happens, when the husband fails to be home to dinner, that it is one of his _fast_ days.
THE SCHOOL OF ADVERSITY.--A ragged school.
NEVER WASTE YOUR TIME.--Waste somebody else's.
MEN OF _THE_ TIME.--Chronometer makers.
A MAN IN ADVANCE OF HIS TIME.--One who has been knocked into the middle of next week.
THE DEAF MAN'S PARADISE.--The Audit Office.
SITE FOR A RAGGED SCHOOL.--Tattersall's.
STUFF AND NONSENSE.--A City Banquet, and the speeches after it.
[Ill.u.s.tration: ZOOLOGY
"That's a porkypine, Sarah."
"No, it ain't, Bill. It's a orstridge!"]
THE FISH MARKET.--Flounders were of course flat, but to the surprise of everyone they showed an inclination to come round towards the afternoon, and there were one or two transactions in whelks, but they were all of a comparatively insignificant character. Lobsters' claws were lazy at the opening, but closed heavily; and those who had a hand in them would gladly have been released if such a course had been possible.
"THE BEST POLICY."--That with the largest bonus.
FALSE QUANt.i.tY.--Short measure.
