Mr. Punch's Cockney Humour Part 1

Mr. Punch's c.o.c.kney Humour.

by Various.

NOTE

c.o.c.kney humour smacks, of course, of the town and makes up in smartness and shrewdness what it lacks in mellowness. The c.o.c.kney is as a rule a conscious humorist; you laugh _with_ him very often, whereas you nearly always laugh _at_ the rustic humorist.

George Du Maurier concerned himself a good deal with c.o.c.kney character, but he was not in sympathy with the c.o.c.kney; generally he had an obvious contempt for him, and most of his jokes turn on the dropped H, the misp.r.o.nounced word, and educational deficiencies. He portrays some of the c.o.c.kney's superficial characteristics; he despises him too much to be able to get at the heart of him and reveal his character.

Take Phil May's pictures and jokes, and the difference is at once apparent. He was fully alive to the c.o.c.kney's deficiencies of manner and culture; now and then he quite genially and without the least touch of scorn or self-complacency makes fun of them; but he really gives you the c.o.c.kney character. Take, for instance, such a picture as his "Politics and Gallantry," his "I say, 'Arry, don't we look frights!" his "Informal Introduction"--(the self-consciousness of the girl's expression, and the blatant pride of the man's)--here, and in almost any of his drawings you turn to, you have the absolutely natural c.o.c.kney; his types are full of character and so true and free from condescension that not only are we moved irresistibly to laugh at them, but the c.o.c.kney himself would be the first to recognise their truth and to laugh joyously at them too. We may say pretty much the same of Charles Keene, of Mr. Raven-Hill, of Mr.

Bernard Partridge, and of others of the "Punch" artists represented here, who ill.u.s.trate the essential c.o.c.kney character, and do not go on the easy a.s.sumption that dropped H's and misp.r.o.nounced words and aggressive vulgarity are the beginning and the end of it.

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MR. PUNCH'S c.o.c.kNEY HUMOUR

"All's swell that ends swell," as 'Arry remarked when he purchased a pair of "misfits."

'ARRY AND 'ARRIET'S FAVOURITE ITALIAN POET.--'Ariosto.

MOTHER WIT.--_First Coster._ I say, Bill, wot's the meanin' o' Congress?

_Second Coster._ A shee heel. Female of conger.

A LONDONER'S RURAL REFLECTION.--The Hayfield is better than the Haymarket.

'ARRY'S LAMENT

"A public meeting was held at Hampstead last night to protest against the tampering with the Heath by tube railway promoters."--_Daily Paper._

Wot! Toobs on 'appy 'Amstid?

A stytion at _Jack Strors_?

I 'old the sime a bloomin' shim An' clean agin the lors, Leastwyes it oughter be-- If lors wos mide by me No toobs yer wouldn't see On 'appy 'Amstid.

Wy, wheer are we ter go, Liz, Ter git a breath of air?

Yer'll set yer teeth agin the 'eath When theer's a toob up there.

A pinky-yaller stytion By wye o' deckyrytion-- I calls it desecrytion, 'Appy 'Amstid.

Oh! sive us 'appy 'Amstid!

It's Parrydise, you bet!

Theer ain't no smoke ter 'arm a bloke.

Nor yet no s.m.u.ts as yet.

An' so I 'opes they'll tell This bloomin' Yanky swell Ter send 'is toobs ter--well, Not 'appy 'Amstid!

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE WILD WILD EAST

_First Coster._ "Say, Bill, 'ow d'yer like my new kickseys? Good fit, eh?"

_Second Coster._ "Fit! They ain't no _fit_. They're a _haper-plictick stroke_!"]

NOTE BY A c.o.c.kNEY NATURALIST

The common blackbeetles (_Scarabaeus niger_) which so abundantly infest the culinary regions of c.o.c.kaigne are alleged to be agreeable, although profuse, in flavour, provided they be delicately larded before crimping, and then frica.s.seed or simply fried. Care should specially be taken not to injure their antennae, which, when crisp with egg and breadcrumbs, exquisitely tickle the palate of the gourmet, and provoke him to the liveliest of gastronomic feats. There lurks in vulgar minds a savage prejudice against these interesting insects, by reason, very likely, of the popular impression that at times they have been manufactured into Soy. But this may be a.s.sumed to be mere idle superst.i.tion, and Soyer, the great _chef_, wisely set his face against it, remarking, as he did so, "_Honi Soy qui mal y pense._"

Among the warblers which abound in the vicinity of the metropolis, one of the most interesting is the little mudlark (_Alauda Greenwichiensis_) whose plaintive cry may nightly be heard upon the sh.o.r.e of the river, where these little creatures congregate in flocks, and pick up any grub which they may chance to meet with.

Doubts have been entertained by sundry c.o.c.kney naturalists whether the pyramids of oyster sh.e.l.ls, which in the early part of August used to be noticed in the streets, should be regarded as a proof of the migratory habits of the mollusc. That the oyster is a sluggard and objects to leave his bed seems pretty generally admitted; but that he is endowed with the power of locomotion has, fortunately for science, been placed beyond a doubt. Whether oysters shed their sh.e.l.ls when they are crossed in love is a point on which the naturalist is still somewhat in the dark.

SELF-EVIDENT.--It must have been a c.o.c.kney who said that St. Bees came from St. 'Ives.

A DEAD LETTER.--Too often H.

[Ill.u.s.tration: "I say, Bill, 'ere comes two champion doners! Let's kid 'em 'at we're hofficers!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: EPSOM UP TO DATE.

_'Arry._ "Ain't ye comin' to see the 'orse run for yer money?"