Mr. Punch Awheel Part 14

Ill.u.s.tration: GENTLE SATIRE--"I say, Bill, look 'ere! 'Ere's a old cove out record-breaking!"

Ill.u.s.tration: MOTOR MANIA.--

_The Poet_ (_deprecatingly_). "They say she gives more attention to her motor-cars than to her children."

_The b.u.t.terfly._ "Of course. How absurd you are! Motor-cars require more attention than children."

Ill.u.s.tration: SOUR GRAPES

_First Scorcher._ "Call _that_ exercise?"

_Second Scorcher._ "No. _I_ call it sitting in a draught!"

Ill.u.s.tration: NOT TO BE CAUGHT.--

_Motorist_ (_whose motor has thrown elderly villager into horse-pond_).

"Come along, my man, I'll take you home to get dry."

_Elderly Villager._ "No, yer don't. I've got yer number, and 'ere I stays till a hindependent witness comes along!"

Ill.u.s.tration: _Pedestrian._ "I hear Brown has taken to cycling, and is very enthusiastic about it!"

_Cyclist._ "Enthusiastic! Not a bit of it. Why, he never rides before breakfast!"

Ill.u.s.tration: GROTESQUERIES

_Words wanted to express feelings_

When your motor refuses to move, twenty miles from the nearest town.

Ill.u.s.tration: SO INCONSIDERATE

"Jove! Might have killed us! I must have a wire screen fixed up."

BROWNING ON THE ROAD.

Round the bend of a sudden came Z 1 3, And I shot into his front wheel's rim; And straight was a fine of gold for him, And the need of a brand-new bike for me.

Ill.u.s.tration: "IF DOUGHTY DEEDS MY LADY PLEASE"

"Mamma! Mr. White says he is longing to give you your first bicycle lesson!"

A WISH

(_By a Wild Wheelman. A long way after Rogers_)

Mine be a "scorch" without a spill, A loud "bike" bell to please mine ear; A chance to maim, if not to kill, Pedestrian parties pottering near.

My holloa, e'er my prey I catch, Shall raise wild terror in each breast; If luck or skill that prey shall s.n.a.t.c.h From my wild wheel, the shock will test.

On to the bike beside my porch I'll spring, like falcon on its prey, And Lucy, on _her_ wheel shall "scorch,"

And "coast" with me the livelong day.

To make old women's marrow freeze Is the best sport the bike has given.

To chase them as they puff and wheeze, On rubber tyre--by Jove, 'tis heaven!

THE BIKER BIKED

Henpeck'd he was. He learnt to bike.

"Now I can go just where I like,"

He chuckled to himself. But she Had learnt to bike as well as he, And, what was more, had bought a new Machine to sweetly carry two.

Ever together now they go, He sighing, "This is wheel _and_ woe."

Ill.u.s.tration: "WHERE IGNORANCE IS BLISS," &c.

_He_ (_alarmed by the erratic steering_). "Er--and have you driven much?"

_She_ (_quite pleased with herself_). "Oh, no--this is only my second attempt. But then, you see, I have been used to a _bicycle_ for years!"

Ill.u.s.tration: MISUNDERSTOOD

_Donald_ (_who has picked up fair cyclist's handkerchief_). "Hi! Woman!

Woman!"