Mr. Midshipman Easy Part 10

"c.o.c.k your locks!'-"Take good aim at the object!' "Fire!"-"Stop your vents!" The only one of the combatants who appeared to comply with the latter supplementary order was Mr Easthupp, who clapped his hand to his trousers behind, gave a loud yell, and then dropped down; the bullet having pa.s.sed clean through his seat of honour, from his having presented his broadside as a target to the boatswain as he faced towards our hero. Jack's shot had also taken effect, having pa.s.sed through both the boatswain's cheeks, without further mischief than extracting two of his best upper double teeth, and forcing through the hole of the further cheek the boatswain's own quid of tobacco. As for Mr Easthupp's ball, as he was very unsettled, and shut his eyes before he fired, it had gone the Lord knows where.

The purser's steward lay on the ground and screamed - the boatswain spit his double teeth and two or three mouthfuls of blood ut, and then threw down his pistols in a rage.

"A pretty business, by G.o.d," sputtered he; "he's put my pipe out. How the devil am I to pipe to dinner when I'm ordered, all my wind Iscaping through the cheeks?"

In the meantime, the others had gone to the a.s.sistance of the purser's steward, who continued his vociferations. They examined hi-in, and considered a wound in that part not to be dangerous.

"Hold your confounded bawling," cried the gunner, "or you'll have the guard down here: you're not hurt."

"Han't hi?" roared the steward: "Oh, let me die, let me die; don't move me!" "Nonsense," cried the gunner, "you must get up and walk down to the boat; if you don't we'll leave you-hold your tongue, confound you. You won't? then I'll give you something to halloo for."

Whereupon Mr Tallboys commenced cuffing the poor wretch right and left, who received so many swinging boxes of the ear that he was soon reduced to merely pitiful plaints of "Oh dear!-such inhumanity-I purtest-oh dear! must I get up? I can't, indeed."

"I do not think he can move, Mr Tallboys," said Gascoigne; "I should think the best plan would be to call up two of the men from the cooperage, and let them take him at once to the hospital."

The gunner went down to the cooperage to call the men. Mr Biggs, who had bound up his face as if he had a toothache, for the bleeding had been very slight, came up to the purser's steward.

"What the h.e.l.l are you making such a howling about? Look at me, with two shot-holes through my figure head, while you have only got one in your stem: I wish I could change with you, by heavens, for I could use my whistle then-now if I attempt to pipe, there will be such a wasteful expenditure of his Majesty's stores of wind, that I never shall get out a note. A wicked shot of yours, Mr Easy."

"I really am very sorry," replied Jack, with a polite bow, "and I beg to offer my best apology."

During this conversation, the purser's steward felt very faint, and thought he was going to die.

"Oh dear! oh dear! what a fool I was; I never was a gentleman-only a swell: I shall die; I never will pick a pocket again-never-never---G.o.d forgive me!"

"Why, confound the fellow," cried Gascoigne, "so you were apickpocket, were you?" "I never will again," replied the fellow in a faint voice. "Hi'll hamend and lead a good life-a drop of water--oh! lagged at last!"

Then the poor wretch fainted away: and Mr Tallboys coming up with the men, he was taken on their shoulders and walked off to the hospital, attended by the gunner and also the boatswain, who thought he might as well have a little medical advice before he went on board.

"Well, Easy," said Gascoigne, collecting the pistols and tying them up in his handkerchief, "I'll be shot but we're in a pretty sc.r.a.pe; there's no hushing this up. I'll be hanged if I care, it's the best piece of fun I ever met with." And at the remembrance of it Gascoigne laughed till the tears ran down his cheeks. Jack's mirth was not quite so excessive, as he was afraid that the purser's steward was severely hurt, and expressed his fears.

"At all events, you did not hit him," replied Gascoigne: "all you have to answer for is the boatswain's mug,-I think you've stopped his jaw for the future."

"I'm afraid that our leave will be stopped for the future," replied Jack. "That we may take our oaths of," replied Gascoigne. "Then look you, Ned," said Easy; "I've lots of dollars-we may as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb, as the saying is, I vote that we do not go on board."

"Sawbridge will send and fetch us," replied Ned; "but he must find us first." "That won't take long, for the soldiers will soon have our description and rout us out. We shall be pinned in a couple of days."

"Confound it, and they say that the ship is to be hove down, and that we shall be here six weeks at least, cooped up on board in a broiling sun, and nothing to do but to watch the pilot fish playing round the rudder and munch bad apricots. I won't go on board. Look'ye, Jack," said Gascoigne, "have you plenty of money?"

"I have twenty doubloons, besides dollars," replied Jack. "Well, then, we will pretend to be so much alarmed at the result of this duel that we dare not show ourselves lest we should be hung. I will write a note and send it to Jolliffe, to say that we have hid ourselves until the affair is blown over, and beg him to intercede with the captain and first lieutenant. I will tell him all the particulars, and refer to the gunner for the truth of it; and then I know that, although we should be punished, they will only laugh. But I will pretend that Easthupp is killed, and we are frightened out of our fives. That will be it, and then let's get on board one of the speronares which come with fruit from Sicily, sail in the night for Palermo, and then we'll have a cruise for a fortnight, and when the money is all gone we'll come back."

"That's a capital idea, Ned, and the sooner we do it the better. I will write to the captain, begging him to get me off from being hung, and telling him where we have fled to, and that letter shall be given after we have sailed."

They were two very nice lads-our hero and Gascoigne.

CHAPTER XVIII.

In which our hero sets off on another cruise, in which he is not blown off sh.o.r.e.

GASCOIGNE and our hero were neither of them in uniform, and they hastened to Nix Mangare stairs, where they soon picked up the padrone of a speronare. They went with him into a wine shop, and with the a.s.sistance of a little English from a Maltese boy, whose shirt hung out of his trousers, they made a bargain, by which it was agreed that, for the consideration of two doubloons, he would sail that evening and land them at Gergentif or some other town in Sicily, providing them with something to eat and gregos to sleep upon. Our two midshipmen then went back to the tavern from which they had set off to fight the duel, and ordering a good dinner to be served in a back room, they amused themselves with killing flies, as they talked over the events of the day and waited for their dinner.

As Mr Tallboys did not himself think proper to go on board till the evening, and Mr Biggs also wished it to be dark before he went up the ship's side, the events of the duel did not transpire till the next morning. Even then it was not known from the boatswain or gunner, but by a hospital mate coming on board to inform the surgeon that there was one of their men wounded under their charge, but that he was doing very well.

Mr Biggs had ascended the side with his face bound up. "Confound that Jack Easy," said he, "I have only been on leave twice since I sailed from Portsmouth. Once I was obliged to come up the side without my trousers, and show my bare stem to the whole ship's company, and now I am coming up, and dare not show my figure head." He reported himself to the officer of the watch, and hastening to his cabin went to bed and lay the whole night awake from pain, thinking what excuse he could possibly make for not coming on deck next morning to his duty.

He was, however, saved this trouble, for Mr Jolliffe brought the letter of Gascoigne up to Mr Sawbridge, and the captain had received that of our hero.

Captain Wilson came on board and found that Mr Sawbridge could communicate all the particulars of which he had not been acquainted by Jack; and after they had read over Gascoigne's letter in the cabin, and interrogated Mr Tallboys, who was sent down under an arrest, they gave free vent to their mirth.

"Upon my soul, there's no end to Mr Easy's adventures," said the captain. "I could laugh at the duel, for after all it is nothing-and he would have been let off with a severe reprimand. But the foolish boys have set off in a speronare to Sicily, and how the devil are we to get them back again?'

"They'll come back, sir,' replied Sawbridge, "when all their money's gone." "Yes, if they do not get into any more sc.r.a.pes. That young scamp Gascoigne is as bad as Easy, and now they are together there's no saying what may happen. I dine at the Governor's to-day; how he will laugh when I tell him of this new way of fighting a duel!"

"Yes, sir, it is just the thing that will tickle old Tom." "We must find out if they have got off the island, Sawbridge, which may not be the case."

But it was the case. Jack and Gascoigne had eaten a ye good dinner, sent for the monkey to amuse them till it was dark, and there had waited till the padrone came to them.

"What shall we do with the pistols, Easy?" "Take them with us, and load them before we go-we may want them. Who knows but there may be a mutiny on board of the speronare? I wish we had Mesty with us."

They loaded the pistols, took a pair each and put them in their waists, concealed under their clothes, divided the ammunition between them, and soon afterwards the padrone came to tell them all was ready.

Whereupon Messrs Gascoigne and Easy paid there bill and rose to depart, but the padrone informed them that he should like to see the colour of their money before they went on board. Jack, very indignant at the insinuation that he had not sufficient cash, pulled out a handful of doubloons, and tossing two to the padrone, and asked him if he was satisfied.

The padrone untied his sash, put in the money, and with nuny thanks and protestations of service, begged our young gentlemen to accompany him; they did so, and in a few minutes were clear of Nix Mangare stairs, and, pa.s.sing close to his Majesty's ship Harpy, were soon out of the harbour of Valetta.

Of all the varieties of vessels which float upon the wave, there is not, perhaps, one that bounds over the water so gracefully or so lightly as a speronare, or any one so picturesque and beautiful to the eye of those who watch its progress.

The night was clear, and the stars shone out brilliantly as the light craft skimmed over the water, and a fragment of a desert and waning moon threw its soft beams upon the snow-white sail The vessel, which had no deck, was full of baskets, which had contained grapes and various fruits brought from the ancient granary, of Rome, still as fertile and as luxuriant as ever. The crew consisted of the padrone, two men and a boy; the three latter, with their gregos, or night great-coats with hoods, sitting forward before the sail, with their eyes fixed on the land as they flew past point after point, thinking perhaps of their wives, or perhaps of their sweethearts, or perhaps not thinking at all.

The padrone remained aft at the helm, offering every politeness to our two young gentlemen, who only wished to be left alone. At last they requested the padrone to give them gregos to lie down upon, as they wished to go to sleep. He called the boy to take the helm, procured them all they required, and then went forward. And our two midshipmen laid down looking at the stars above them for some minutes, without exchanging a word. At last Jack commenced- "I have been thinking, Gascoigne, that this is very delightful. My heart bounds with the vessel, and it almost appears to me as if the vessel herself was rejoicing in her liberty. Here she is capering over the waves instead of being tied by the nose with a cable and anchor."

"That's a touch of the sentimental, Jack," replied Gascoigne; "but she is no more free than she was when at anchor, for she now is forced to act in obedience to her steersman and go just where he pleases. You may just as well say that a horse, if taken out of the stable, is free, with the curb, and his rider on his back."

"That's a touch of the rational, Ned, which destroys the illusion. Never mind, we are free, at all events. What machines we are on board of a man-of-war! we walk, talk, eat, drink, sleep, and get up, just like clock-work; we are wound up to go the twenty-four hours, and then wound up again; just like old Smallsole does the chronometers."

"Very true, Jack; but it does not appear to me, that hitherto you have kept very good time; you require a little more regulating," said Gascoigne.

"How can you expect any piece of machinery to go well, so d.a.m.nably knocked about as a midshipman is?" replied our hero.

"Very true, Jack; but sometimes you don't keep any time, for you don't keep any watch. Mr Asper don't wind you up. You don't go at all."

"No; because he allows me to go down; but still I do go, Ned." "Yes, to your hammock-it's no go with old Smallsole, if I want a bit of caulk. But, Jack, what do you say-shall we keep watch tonight?"

"Why, to tell you the truth, I have been thinking the same thing-I don't much like the looks of the padrone - he squints."

"That's no proof of anything, Jack, except that his eyes are not straight: but if you do not like the look of him, I can tell you that he very much liked the look of your doubloons-I saw him start, and his eyes twinkled, and I thought at the time it was a pity you had not paid him in dollars."

"It was very foolish in me, but at all events he has not seen all. He saw quite enough, Ned." "Very true, but you should have let him see the pistols, and not have let him see the doubloons." "Well, if he wishes to take what he has seen, he shall receive what he has not seen-why, there are only four of them." "Oh, I have no fear of them, only it may be as well to sleep with one eye open." "When shall we make the land?" "To-morrow evening with this wind, and it appears to be steady. Suppose we keep watch and watch, and have our pistols out ready, with the great-coats just turned over them', to keep them out of sight?"

"Agreed-it's about twelve o'clock now-who shall keep the middle watch?" "I will, Jack, if you like it." "Well, then, mind you kick me hard, for I sleep devilish sound. Good-night, and keep a sharp look-out."

Jack was fast asleep in less than ten minutes; and Gascoigne, with his pistols lying by him all ready for each hand, sat up at the bottom of the boat.

There certainly is a peculiar providence in favour of midshipmen compared with the rest of mankind; they have more lives than a cat-always in the greatest danger, but always escaping from it.

The padrone of the vessel had been captivated with the doubloons which Jack had so foolishly exposed to his view, and he had, moreover, resolved to obtain them. At the very time that our two lads were conversing aft, the padrone was talking the matter over with his two men forward, and it was agreed that they should murder, rifle, and then throw them overboard.

About two o'clock in the morning, the padrone came aft to see if they were asleep, but found Gascoigne watching. He returned aft again and again, but found the young man still sitting up. Tired of waiting, anxious to possess the money, and not supposing that the lads were armed, he went once more forward and spoke to the men. Gascoigne had watched his motions; he thought it singular that, with three men in the vessel, the helm should be confided to the boy-and at last he saw them draw their knives. He pushed our hero, who woke immediately. Gascoigne put his hand over Jack's mouth, that he might not speak, and then whispered his suspicions. Jack seized his pistols-they both c.o.c.ked them without noise, and then waited in silence, Jack still lying down, while Gascoigne continued to sit up at the bottom of the boat. At last Gascoigne saw the three men coming aft-he dropped one of his pistols for a second to give Jack a squeeze of the hand, which was returned, and as Gascoigne watched them making their way through the piles of empty baskets he leaned back as if he was slumbering. The padrone, followed by the two men, was at last aft,-they paused a moment before they stepped over the strengthening plank, which ran from side to side of the boat between them and the midshipmen, and as neither of them stirred, they imagined that both were asleep-advanced and raised their knives, when Gascoigne and Jack, almost at the same moment, each discharged their pistols into the breast of the padrone and one of the men, who was with him in advance, who both fell with the send aft of the boat, so as to enc.u.mber the midshipmen with the weight of their bodies. The third man started back. Jack, who could not rise, from the padrone lying across his legs, took a steady aim with his second pistol, and the third man fell. The boy at the helm, who, it appeared, either was aware of what was to be done, or seeing the men advance with their knives, had acted upon what he saw, also drew his knife and struck at Gascoigne from behind; the knife fortunately, after slightly wounding Gascoigne on the shoulder, had shut on the boy's hand-Gascoigne sprang up with his other pistol-the boy started back at the sight of it, lost his balance, and fell overboard.

Our two midshipmen took a few seconds to breathe. "I say, Jack," said Gascoigne at last, "did you ever-" "No, I never-" replied Jack. "What's to be done now?"

"Why, as we've got possession, Ned, we had better put a man at the helm-for the speronare is having it all her own way."

"Very true," replied Gascoigne, "and as I can steer better than you, I suppose it must be me."

Gascoigne went to the helm, brought the boat up to the wind, and then they resumed their conversation.

"That rascal of a boy gave me a devil of a lick on the shoulder; I don't know whether he has hurt me-at all events it's my left shoulder, so I can steer just as well. I wonder whether the fellows are dead."

"The padrone is, at all events," replied Jack. "It was as much as I could do to get my legs from under him-but we'll wait till daylight before we see to that-in the meantime, I'll load the pistols again."

"The day is breaking now-it will be light in half an hour or less. What a devil of a spree, Jack!"

"Yes, but how can one help it? We ran away because two men are wounded-and now we are obliged to kill four in self-defence."

"Yes, but that is not the end of it; when we get to Sicily what are we to do? we shall be imprisoned by the authorities-perhaps hung."

"We'll argue that point with them," replied Jack. "We had better argue the point between ourselves, Jack, and see what will be the best plan to get out of our sc.r.a.pe."

"I think that we just have got out of it-never fear but we'll get out of the next. Do you know, Gascoigne, it appears to me very odd, but I can do nothing but there's a bobbery at the bottom of it."

"You certainly have a great talent that way, Jack. Don't I hear one of those poor fellows groan?" "I should think that not impossible." "What shall we do with them?" "We will argue that point, Ned-we must either keep their bodies, or we must throw them overboard. Either tell the whole story, or say nothing about it."

"That's very evident; in short, we must do something, for your argument goes no further. But now let us take up one of your propositions."

"Well, then, suppose we keep the bodies on board, run into a seaport, go to the authorities, and state all the facts, what then?"

"We shall prove, beyond all doubt, that we have killed three men, if not four; but we shall not prove that we were obliged so to do, Jack. And then we are heretics-we shall be put in prison till they are satisfied of our innocence, which we never can prove, and there we shall remain until we have written to Malta, and a man-of-war comes to redeem us, if we are not stabbed or something else in the meantime."

"That will not be a very pleasant cruise," replied Jack. "Now let's argue the point on the other side."

"There is some difficulty there-suppose we throw their bodies overboard, toss the baskets after them, wash the boat clean, and make for the first port. We may chance to hit upon the very spot from which they sailed, and then there will be a pack of wives and children, and a populace with knives, asking us what has become of the men of the boat!"

"I don't much like the idea of that,' said Jack. "And if we don't have such bad luck, still we shall be interrogated as to who we are, and how we were adrift by ourselves.

"There will be a difficulty about that again-we must swear that it is a party of pleasure, and that we are gentlemen yachting."

"Without a crew or provisions-yachts don't sail with a clean swept hold, or gentlemen without a spare shirt-we have nothing but two gallons of water and two pairs of pistols."

"I have it," said Jack-"we are two young gentlemen in our own boat who went out to Cozo with pistols to shoot sea-mews, were caught in a gale, and blown down to Sicily-that will excite interest."

"That's the best idea yet, as it will account for our having nothing in the boat. Well, then, at all events, we will get rid of the bodies; but suppose they are not dead-we cannot throw them overboard alive,-that will be murder."

"Very true," replied Jack, "then we must shoot them first, and toss them overboard afterwards."

"Upon my soul, Easy, you are an odd fellow: however, go and examine the men, and we'll decide that point by-and-bye: you had better keep your pistol ready c.o.c.ked, for they may be shamming."

"Devil a bit of sham here, anyhow," replied Jack, pulling at the body of the padrone, "and as for this fellow you shot, you might put your fist into his chest. Now for the third,' continued Jack, stepping over the strengthening piece-"he's all among the baskets. I say, my c.o.c.k, are you dead?" and Jack enforced his question with a kick in the ribs. The man groaned. "That's unlucky, Gascoigne, but however, I'll soon settle him," said Jack, pointing his pistol.

"Stop, Jack," cried Gascoigne, "it really will be murder." "No such thing, Ned; I'll just blow his brains out, and then I'll come aft and argue the point with you."

"Now do oblige me by coming aft and arguing the point first. Do, Jack, I beg of you-I entreat you."

"With all my heart," replied Jack, resuming his seat by Gascoigne; "I a.s.sert, that in this instance killing's no murder. You will observe, Ned, that by the laws of society, any one who attempts the life of another has forfeited his own; at the same time, as it is necessary that the fact should be clearly proved, and justice be duly administered, the parties are tried, convicted, and then are sentenced to the punishment."

"I grant all that." "In this instance the attempt has been clearly proved; we are the witnesses, and are the judges and jury, and society in general, for the best of all possible reasons, because there is n.o.body else. These men's lives, being therefore forfeited to society, belong to us; and it does not follow because they were not all killed in the attempt, that therefore they are not now to be brought out for punishment. And as there is no common hangman here, we, of course, must do this duty as well as every other. I have now clearly proved that I am justified in what I am about to do. But the argument does not stop there-self-preservation is the first law of nature, and if we do not get rid of this man, what is the consequence?-that we shall have to account for his being wounded, and then, instead of judges, we shall immediately be placed in the position of culprits, and have to defend ourselves without witnesses. We therefore risk our lives from a misplaced lenity towards a wretch unworthy to live."

"Your last argument is strong, Easy, but I cannot consent to your doing what may occasion you uneasiness hereafter when you think of it."

"Pooh! nonsense- I am a philosopher." "Of what school, Jack? Oh, I presume you are a disciple of Mesty's. I do not mean to say that you are wrong, but still hear my proposition. Let us lower down the sail, and then I can leave the to a.s.sist you. We will clear the vessel of everything except the man who is still alive. At all events we may wait a little, and if at last there is no help for it, I will then agree with you to launch him overboard, even if he is not quite dead."

"Agreed; even by your own making out, it will be no great sin. He is half dead already-I only do half the work of tossing him over, so it will be only quarter murder on my part, and he would have shown no quarter on his." Here Jack left off arguing and punning, and went forward and lowered down the sail. "I've half a mind to take my doubloons back," said Jack, as they launched over the body of the padrone, "but he may have them-I wonder whether they'll ever turn up again."

"Not in our time, Jack," replied Gascoigne. The other body, and all the basket lumber, &c., were then tossed over, and the boat was cleared of all but the man who was not yet dead.

"Now let's examine the fellow, and see if he has any chance of recovery," said Gascoigne. The man lay on his side; Gascoigne turned him over and found that he was dead. "Over with him, quick," said Jack, "before he comes to life again." The body disappeared under the wave-they again hoisted the sail. Gascoigne took the helm, and our hero proceeded to draw water and wash away the stains of blood; he then cleared the boat of vine-leaves and rubbish, with which it was strewed, swept it clean fore and aft, and resumed his seat by his comrade.

"There," said Jack, "now we've swept the decks, we may pipe to dinner. I wonder whether there is anything to eat in the locker."

Jack opened it, and found some bread, garlic, sausages, a bottle of aquadente, and a jar of wine.

"So the padrone did keep his promise, after all." "Yes, and had you not tempted him with the sight of so much gold, might now have been alive." "To which I reply, that if you had not advised our going off in a speronare, he would now have been alive." "And if you had not fought a duel, I should not have given the advice." "And if the boatswain had not been obliged to come on board without his trousers at Gibraltar, I should not have fought a duel." "And if you had not joined the ship, the boatswain would have had his trousers on." "And if my father had not been a philosopher, I should not have gone to sea; so that it is all my father's fault, and he has killed four men off the coast of Sicily without knowing it---cause and effect. After all. there's nothing like argument; so, having settled that point, let us go to dinner."

Having finished their meal, Jack went forward and observed the land ahead; they steered the same course for three or four hours.

"We must haul our wind more," said Gascoigne; "it will not do to put into any small town; we have now to choose whether we shall land on the coast and sink the speronare, or land at some large town."

"We must argue that point," replied Jack. "In the meantime, do you take the helm, for my arm is quite tired," replied Gascoigne: "you can steer well enough: by-the-bye, I may as well look at my shoulder, for it is quite stiff." Gascoigne pulled off his coat, and found his shirt b.l.o.o.d.y and sticking to the wound, which, as we before observed, was slight. He again took the helm, while Jack washed it clean, and then bathed it with aquadente.

"Now take the helm again," said Gascoigne; "I'm on the sick list." "And as surgeon-I'm an idler," replied Jack; "but what shall we do?" continued he; "abandon the speronare at night and sink her, or run in for a town?"