Morituri: Three One-Act Plays Part 24

Boy, don't be so hard in the mouth.... Do you think I don't know you are in love?...

Fritz.

In love? Ah, good G.o.d!

Major.

Just think, my boy, only a year and a half ago, you came to me one fine day and explained to me that you wished to engage yourself to Agnes....

You know that I have not the slightest objection to Agnes. She will make an excellent Frau von Drosse.

Fritz.

Indeed? Do you believe it?

Major.

But your twenty-one years and, ah, good G.o.d!... You still carry about with you most merrily the eggsh.e.l.ls on your back--as the infantry carries the knapsack. You hadn't the slightest idea of what are commonly called "women"--of course, I don't count barmaids and such people.... So I said to you: "My boy, let this interview be buried--and above all, so far as Agnes is concerned.... Do as your father and your grandfather did! Get some experience and--then come again." Don't you remember that?

Fritz.

I should think I did remember it.

Major (_smiling_).

And now, it seems to me, you have had some experience.

Fritz.

Oh, yes, there is no denying that.

Major (_still smiling_).

You have in the end had a so-called "pa.s.sion," or are stuck in the middle of it; which of the two I don't know. Yet to judge from the discontinuance of your letters, the latter is the case.... Since we are here together as two men, I will not expostulate with you further....

You know perhaps the story of that abbe who, in society, once excused the absence of his bishop with the words: "Monseigneur est en r.e.t.a.r.d a cause d'amour." To a certain extent, this holds good in every case....

But in spite of that, on your mother's account, don't do it again. That is my advice to you.... There! And now we'll enter at once upon the matter itself.... Just see, Frau von Lanski is, it will be admitted, a very charming woman, but----

Fritz (_impetuously_).

Father, how do you come to refer to Frau von Lanski?

Major.

There, there, there, only take it calmly, only take it calmly.... I know just what there is to know about such affairs, and I don't by any means wish to pry into your secrets ... But so far as the grand pa.s.sion is concerned, be calm.... I can cure you again ... Be quite calm.

Fritz.

That I can well believe, father, if only you have the time necessary to do it.

Major (_smiling_).

Well, why haven't I?

Fritz.

Because, in twenty-four hours, I shall be a dead man.

Major.

(_Springing up, and taking him by the shoulder_.) Boy!

Fritz.

Father, I did not wish to tell anything. I came here only to take farewell of you in silence. But you have drawn it out of me, father.

Major (_flying into a pa.s.sion_).

So, there's a scandal.... You had to carry it to the point of making a scandal--you d.a.m.ned fool! (_More calmly_.) Lanski has challenged you?

(Fritz _nods a.s.sent_.)

Major.

Well, yes--and it is well known--Lanski is a dead shot. He is perhaps the best shot anywhere hereabouts.... But still your wrist is in good order. How can one throw the thing away like that? I have fought three duels, and two of them under difficult conditions--eh--and--there, see here! How can one say such a thing? How can one, man?

Fritz.

Father, the affair at this moment is in such a state that, after all, I don't know whether I shall be granted a duel!

Major (_hoa.r.s.ely_).

I don't understand that, Fritz.

Fritz.

Then don't ask me!... I can't say it, father.... I had rather bite off my tongue. (_Pauses_.)

Major.

(_Goes to the door on the left, opens it, looks out, and closes it again_.) Now speak! (_Wildly_.) Speak or----

Fritz.

For me, father, there is no more any "or." ... Whether you turn me out or not, it is all the same.

Major (_softly, grinding his teeth_).

Do you wish to drive me mad, boy?