More Toasts Part 78

"Have you ever had any experience in handling high-cla.s.s ware?" asked a dealer in bric-a-brac of an applicant for work.

"No, sir," was the reply, "but I think I can do it."

"Suppose," said the dealer, "you accidentally broke a very valuable porcelain vase, what would you do?"

"I should put it carefully together," replied the man, "and set it where a wealthy customer would be sure to knock it over again."

"Consider yourself engaged," said the dealer. "Now, tell me where you learned that trick of the trade."

"A few years ago," answered the other, "I was one of the 'wealthy-customer' cla.s.s."

Experience is a dead loss if you can't sell it for more than it cost.

Experience converts us to ourselves when books fail us.--_A. Bronson Alcott_.

I know The past and thence I will essay to glean A warning for the future, so that man May profit by his errors, and derive Experience from his folly; For, when the power of imparting joy Is equal to the will, the human soul Requires no other heaven.

--_Sh.e.l.ley_.

EXTRAVAGANCE

"What made you a multi-millionaire?"

"My wife."

"Ah, her tactful help--"

"Nothing like that. I was simply curious to know if there was any income she couldn't live beyond."

The man who builds, and wants wherewith to pay, Provides a home from which to run away.

--_Young_.

FAILURES

BROWN--"Back to town again? I thought you were a farmer."

GREEN--"You made the same mistake I did."--_Judge_.

There are people who fail because they are afraid to make a beginning.

Who are too honest to steal, but will borrow and never pay back. Who go to bed tired because they spend the day in looking for an easy place. Who can play a tune on one string, but it never makes anybody want to dance. Who would like to reform the world, but have a front gate that won't stay shut. Who cannot tell what they think about anything until they see what the papers have to say about it.

A first failure is often a blessing.--_A. L. Brown_.

To fail at all is to fail utterly.--_Lowell_.

He only is exempt from failures who makes no efforts.--_Whately_.

FAME

After an absence of four years a certain man went back to visit his old home town. The first four people he met didn't remember him and the next three didn't know he had been away.

"That antagonist of yours says he is going to leave footprints in the sands of time."

"He won't," replied Senator Sorghum. "His mind is in the clouds. He is an intellectual aviator. When he comes down he will leave a dent, not a footprint."

Nor fame I slight, nor for her favors call: She comes unlooked for, if she comes at all.

--_Pope_.

For what is fame, but the benignant strength of one, transformed to joy of many?--_George Eliot_.

Fame is the fragrance of heroic deeds.--_Longfellow_.

FAMILIES

A Kansas man is reported to be the father of thirty-two children.

It is not known whether he will apply for admission to the League of Nations or just let America represent him for the present.--_Punch (London)_.