More Toasts Part 115

"And then the pretty American girl seized his right hand and kissed it. Colonel Fabry stood near by. He strolled over and said to Lieutenant de Tessan:

"'Heavens, man, why didn't you tell her that you bit him to death.'"

According to Dr. Bramer, the savages of Brumari Island never kiss each other. Judging by their photographs, we don't blame them.

A girl was asked to explain why men never kiss each other, while women do. She replied:

"Men have something better to kiss; women haven't."

A kiss is a peculiar proposition. Of no use to one, yet absolute bliss to two. The small boy gets it for nothing, the young man has to steal it, and the old man has to buy it. The Baby's right, the Lover's privilege, the Hypocrite's mask. To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid charity.

KNOWLEDGE

_Self-Knowledge_

To be conscious that you are ignorant is a great help to knowledge.--_Disraeli_.

_Superfluous_

"What's that you're goin' to give Bill?"

"An anesthetic. After he takes it he won't know anything."

"Lor', Bill don't need that, he don't know anything now."

Knowledge is not happiness, and science But an exchange of ignorance for that Which is another kind of ignorance.

--_Byron_.

LABOR AND CAPITAL

"What's the difference between capital and labor?"

"If I had to work and turn three-fourths of my wages over to you, that would be labor."

"Yes?"

"On the other hand, if you had to work and turn three-fourths of your wages over to me, that would be capital."

LABOR AND LABORING CLa.s.sES

JOHN--"You work hard. How many hods of mortar have yuh carried up that ladder today?"

BILL--"Hush, man. I'm foolin' the boss. I've carried this same hodful up an' down all day, and he thinks I've been workin'."

Said a teacher of much erudition, "I deplore the poor workman's condition."

When he learned what they earned, His profession he spurned, And became a high-paid mechanician.

"And how is your husband keeping?"

"'E ain't keeping; 'e's on strike, and I'm doing the keeping."

BOSS--"No; we have all the men we need."

LABORER--"Seems like you could take one more, the little bit of work I'd do."--_Judge_.

FARMER--"I'll give you $5 a month and your board!"

APPLICANT--"Aw, shucks! What do you think I am, a college graduate?"

Wilson Barrett used to tell an amusing story against himself. At a time when he had a lot of workmen redecorating his private residence, thinking to give them a treat, he asked if, after work one evening, they would like to have seats to go and see him play in "The Lights o'

London," at the Princess's Theater.

They said they didn't mind if they did, and being given complimentary tickets, all went on a Sat.u.r.day night to see their employer's performance.

At the end of the week Barrett's eye caught sight of this item against each workman's name on the pay-sheet: "Sat.u.r.day night. Four hours'

overtime at Princess's Theater, eight shillings."

LABOR-SAVING DEVICES

A New Orleans man tells of a visit he once made to a small, although important, place on the Caribbean coast of Colombia.

At that time, it appears, his knowledge of South America was limited, and he viewed the sights with a keener interest than he does today.