More Toasts Part 113

A suit for damages was being tried not long ago in one of the divisions of a Southern city court. A country lad, seventeen or eighteen years of age, was put on the stand to testify. He gave his testimony in so low a tone that the judge, pointing to the jury, said to him:

"Speak so that these gentlemen can hear you."

"Why," said the witness, with a beaming smile, "are these men interested in the case, too?"

"Judge, Your Honor," cried the prisoner at the bar, "have I got to be tried by a lady jury?"

"Be still!" whispered his attorney.

"I won't be still! Judge, I can't even fool my own wife, let alone twelve strange women. I'm guilty!"

In western Georgia a jury recently met to inquire into a case of suicide. After sitting through the evidence, the twelve men retired, and, after deliberating, returned with the following verdict:

"The jury are all of one mind--temporarily insane."

THE JUDGE (to jury, who have retired several times without agreeing)--"I understand that one juryman prevents your coming to a verdict. In my summing up I have clearly stated the law, and any juryman who obstinately sets his individual opinion against the remaining eleven is totally unfitted for his duties."

THE SOLITARY OBJECTOR--"Please, m'lud, I'm the only man who agrees with you!"

_A Time Exposure_

A judge's little daughter, who had attended her father's court for the first time, was very much interested in the proceedings. After her return home she told her mother:

"Papa made a speech, and several other men made speeches to twelve men who sat all together, and then these twelve men were put in a dark room to be developed."

During an address to a body of law students ex-President Taft pointed out that too much care cannot be taken in the selection of the jury.

In this connection he told of an intelligent-looking farmer who had been examined by both defense and prosecution and was about to be accepted, when the prosecutor chanced to ask:

"Do you believe in capital punishment?"

The farmer hemmed and hawed and after a moment's reflection replied:

"Yes, sir, I do, if it ain't too severe."

THE COURT--"Considering that you are the wife of the prisoner, do you think you are qualified to act as a juror in this case?"

THE LADY--"Well, your honor, if you will only give me a chance, I think I can convince the eleven other jurors that he's guilty."

A tailor who had been wrongfully accused of murder, and who had an excellent defense, seemed very dejected when brought up for trial.

"What's the trouble?" whispered the counsel, observing his client's distress as he surveyed the jurymen.

"It looks very bad for me," said the defendant, "unless some steps are taken to dismiss that jury and get in a new lot. There isn't a man among them but owes me money for clothes."

JUSTICE

There is no virtue so truly great and G.o.dlike as justice.--_Addison_.

A Sunday-school teacher had been telling her cla.s.s of little boys about crowns of glory and heavenly rewards for good people.

"Now, tell me," she said, at the close of the lesson, "who will get the biggest crown?"

There was silence for a minute or two, then a bright little chap piped out:

"Him wot's got t' biggest 'ead."

KINDNESS

I think I know what kindness is tonight.

It is a woman standing by a light.

It is a smile when life seems mostly grim.

It is a hope when hope has grown quite slim.

It is a hand that's gentle, firm and cool.

It is calm sense when you think like a fool.

It is a word of cheer when cheer is gone.

It is a lowered blind at garish dawn.

It is a steady presence all the day That pushes lagging, dragging hours away.

I think I know what kindness is tonight.

It is a woman standing by a light.

--_Joseph Andrew Galahad_.

The Red-Cross idea that children should be encouraged to breed white mice in order that they might be handed over to doctors for the purpose of medical research, and which recommended these white mice, particularly, on the grounds that they so endeared themselves to the children, can only be paralleled by a story General Baden-Powell once told at a Boy Scout meeting. There was a boy, he related, who went to bed one night without having done his "kind act." Just as he was beginning to feel rather miserable about it, he heard a mouse in a trap in the room.

"What do you think he did?" asked the General, and the audience promptly replied: