Modern Icelandic Plays Part 30

_Halla._

Why don't you say that I killed my child? That is what you meant to say.

You know I did it.

_Arnes._

My cursed mouth.

_Halla._

You judge me. How can you? You don't know what it means to bring a life into the world. It grows heavier day by day like the snow of winter.

If we had had spring and sunshine! But the times were hard and food was scarce. I did a good deed when I laid my child out in the cold. Far less suffering that than life!

_Arnes._

I do not judge what you did.

_Halla._

No, you thought I was an angel who was longing to be your harlot. You can go with a lighted candle into my soul and search it. You will find no remorse there. What could we have done with a child, if we had been forced to flee? Should we have left it with strangers? And how do you think it would have fared? A child of felons, scorned by all!

_Arnes_ (_broken-hearted_). I did not know that my words would hurt you so much.

_Halla._

Do you think I did it with a light heart? I have given birth to two children, and cruel was the pain, but I would rather bear ten children than live that night over again. When I had carried my child out into the cold, my mind gave way. In my ravings, I thought the child lay by my side, and above us was a flock of birds-- pitch black. I bent over it to shield it, and the birds pecked into my back, into my lungs they pecked.

(_Stops short from emotion._)

_Arnes._

Would I were dead!

_Halla (calmer)._

I wished for the death of that child long before it was born. (_Goes to Tota._) But this my little springtime child I have never wished ill. The first time I felt her life, it seemed a token of forgiveness that I was allowed to become a mother again, and when she came into the world, the sun was shining, and the sky was blue and warm. (_Kisses her._)

_Arnes._

My tongue got the better of me. (_Puts his hand on his heart._) There is a devil dwelling in me. (_Stands motionless._) I love you.

_Halla (turns toward him)._

Have you not done hurting me yet?

_Arnes (crushed)._

No matter what I say, you think I mean ill.

_Halla._

I shall not speak to you again. (_Sits down to her work._)

_Arnes._

Nor will you have to listen to me any more. I am going down to the lowlands, and there they can do with me what they like.

_Halla._

If you tell them of our hiding-place, they may let you off more easily.

_Arnes._

Even that you believe I could do!

_Halla (rising)._

If you cared for me as much as you say, you would be good to me instead of bad.

_Arnes._

Love has made you good and me bad. (_He is silent._) Do you remember the time Kari and I went up the glacier, and he fell down into a crack? He told you I had been so frightened that I shook all over. It was not for his life I feared; I feared my own thoughts.

_Halla (terrified by a dawning apprehension)._

What do you mean?

_Arnes._

I have often wished Kari dead.

_Halla._

It is not true!

_Arnes._

It is. Do you understand now that I must go away from here? I no longer dare to live with you two, and neither do I dare to live alone.

_Halla._

I wish you had never crossed our path.

_Arnes (following up his own thoughts)._

If Kari had not been so trusting as he is, I don't know what I might not have done; but he had such faith in me. You don't know all the words the Tempter can whisper in one's ear. I thought Kari had been happy so long that it would be only fair if he had to die now. It seemed to me that you and I were more akin in our souls, that we had more of the wilds in us. I felt it was he alone that stood between us two.

_Halla._

I forbid you to say another word. All your thoughts are lies. If Kari had died, I should have followed him. You would have had my corpse, not me. And if I had learned that you were the cause of his death, I should have killed you while you were asleep. I have given my all to my husband, even my conscience. I can go on living, even if he should not always care so much for me, but when I no longer love him, then I die.