Missing Friends Part 3

Queenslander: "To be sure that is an empty bottle. But if you are willing to sell, you take them all up to that large hotel you see there.

They give you half-a-crown apiece for them."

I then asked, "Which one is most costly, 'dead mariner' bottle or clear bottle?"

Queenslander: "Oh, that fellow--'dead mariner'--very dear; three shillings, I think."

"Heavens! here, we have made our fortune already, Thorkill," cried I.

"Three shillings apiece for these bottles and two-and-sixpence for those. And it appears any one will buy. Are we not lucky?"

"Oh, but," said Thorkill, "I shall never feel justified in taking half of all that money. It was your idea. I should never have thought of it.

I shall be very thankful to receive just a pound or two."

"Oh, no," cried I, "you shall share half with me whatever I get. But, excuse me for saying it, you are so unpractical. Why are we not up and stirring? Why are we sitting here yet? Remember time is money in this country." Then I ventured to ask the Queenslanders if in the town there was any one whom I might ask to a.s.sist us in carrying the bottles ash.o.r.e.

"Oh, yes," they all cried, as if with one mouth. "You go up in town and get hold of a couple of black fellows, and then you take them all up that street you see there. Any one will buy them there."

Thorkill remained on board keeping watch over the bottles, while I went ash.o.r.e to see what I should see.

Just as I came to the end of the long jetty I saw standing there an aboriginal and three Gins. They were about as ugly a set of blacks as I have ever since seen in Queensland, and I was quite horrified at their appearance. The man had on a pair of white breeches, but nothing else.

The Gins were also so scantily dressed that I am afraid of going into details of their wearing apparel. All of them had dirty old clay pipes in their mouths, which they were sucking, but there was no tobacco in them. The gentleman of the party saved me the trouble of accosting him, as he came towards me and inquired my name. Then he informed me that his name was Jack. He next introduced me to the ladies, who, it appeared, all had the same name--Mary. Of course I fell in with the humour of this arrangement at once. It seemed to me a delightfully free and easy way of making acquaintance. They all spoke a lot to me, which I did not in the least understand, and I did the same to them no doubt. They asked me for tobacco, which I had not got; but it appeared that all was grist that came to their mill, for they asked in succession for matches, pipe, "sixpence," and I do not know what else, and even wanted to feel my pockets! Of course I did not like this familiarity, so I began to explain to them that I wanted them to work--to carry burdens from the ship. That was soon made clear to them. Then the "gentleman" of the party was very particular to know what I would pay him. I had thought to get them to carry the bottles up, and, having sold them, to pay them out of the proceeds; but as he seemed anxious to make a fixed bargain, I said, "I give you one bottle." In case he should have refused that, I intended to have gone on further, and to have offered a "dead mariner,"

but to my joy he accepted the offer with evident satisfaction, which again more thoroughly convinced me of the value of my bottles. I and the black fellow with his three Gins accordingly went back to the ship, where Thorkill sat keeping watch over our treasure.

I loaded the four blacks with four bags, in each of which were two dozen a.s.sorted bottles, and now we started for town in earnest. I thought it beneath my dignity to carry any bottles myself. I had exhorted so many of the immigrants that it was our duty to one another to try to make a good impression when we first landed, that the least I could do I thought would be to set a good example. Therefore I was faultlessly got up, in my own opinion, or at least as well as the circ.u.mstances of my wardrobe would permit. Still, my attire was not very suitable to this country, and indeed, when I think of it now, I must have cut a strange figure. I had on my black evening-dress suit, which so far would have been good enough to have gone to a ball in, but my white shirt, I know, was of a very doubtful colour, for I had been my own washer-woman, and it was neither starched nor ironed. Then my tall black hat, of which I was so proud when I got it, had suffered great damage on the voyage, and brush it as I would, any one might easily have seen that it had been used as a foot-stool. My big overcoat, I, according to the most approved fashion in Copenhagen, carried over my arm. In one hand I had my handkerchief, with which I had to constantly wipe the perspiration off my face, because it was very hot. Still, I felt myself a tip-top dignitary as I stalked along in front of the four blacks, who came, chattering their strange lingo, behind me.

We marched up to the main street, and I saw at once a hotel, that pointed out to me from the ship as the place in which to sell my bottles. In the bar were two or three gentlemen, of whom I took no notice. Behind the bar stood the barmaid, whom I profoundly saluted, also in Copenhagen fashion. I had what to say on the tip of my tongue, and indeed I have never forgotten it since. So I spoke to the barmaid thus: "I have bottles I will sell to you. Will you buy? Three shillings every one." She looked bewildered, not at me but at the gentlemen in the bar, as if she appealed to them for a.s.sistance, and they began to talk to me, but I did not understand them at all. I could feel myself getting red in the face, too, but I manfully made another effort. I called in the blacks and ordered them to deposit their load inside the door. Then I said with great exactness, "I--do--not--ferstan--thee--thou--ferstan --me. I--sell--this--clear--bottles--to thee--for three shillings every one. This--dead--mariner--I--sell--three--shillings--and sixpence every one. Will thou buy?" Meanwhile I had taken out of the bags two samples, a clear and a dark bottle, and placed them on the counter, and I now looked inquiringly around me.

Oh, the mortification which became my portion! The girl seemed to faint behind the bar, and the gentlemen made not the slightest excuse for laughing right out in my face. What they said I do not know, but it was clear they did not want my bottles. I felt insulted, and I determined to pay the blacks off and to leave the bottles here until I could find a German Queenslander to whom I might explain my business, and who might help me to sell them. So I took the clear bottle which stood on the counter, and handed it to the black as payment for his service. He looked viciously at me and said, "That fellow no good bottle."

I said, "Very dear bottle that." Then I decided to satisfy him at any cost, and gave him the other one, too, and said, "Very dear bottle this, dead mariner."

Now began a scene as good as a play. The blacks appealed to the gentlemen, and the gentlemen howled with laughter, and I wished myself a thousand miles away. What did they laugh at? Why did these scampish blacks not feel satisfied after having received double payment? What did it all mean? More people came in and seemed amused and happy, but I was not in the swim. Something was wrong. But what was it? I began to suspect that my bottles could not be so very valuable, as the blacks had thrown both the bottles out into the gutter. Anyhow, for me to stand here to be made a fool of would not do, so I went out of the bar and down the street. But to get away was no easy matter. In fact I found it impossible. The coloured gentleman with his three ladies were in front of me, behind me, and on both sides, crying, howling, yelling, cursing, and appealing to every one who pa.s.sed, or to those who came to their doors, "That fellow big rogue. That fellow no b---- good. He b---- new chum. He say he give me bottle, he give me no good b---- bottle; dead mariner no b---- good." This was more than human nature could stand. I threw my overcoat and belltopper into the gutter, and went for the black fellow straight. I got on the top of him in a minute, but the battle was not nearly won by that, because the black ladies were tearing at my coat-tails, which just formed two fine handles for them.

They split my coat right up to the shoulders, pulled my hair, and belaboured me in a general way. Now came a policeman and grabbed me by the neck. All the "ladies" ran for their lives out of sight, but I suspect their spouse was too bruised to follow their example. Anyhow, he stuck to his guns yet, and while the policeman tried to march us both down the street, he kept appealing to him, declaring his innocence, and my villainy. That I should have spent the next few days in the watch-house I am sure enough, had not an elderly man stepped out of the crowd of onlookers and spoken to the policeman. Then he addressed me in German. I learned then, through much merriment on his part and heartburning on my own, that empty bottles are in Queensland just so much rubbish. Indeed, after the policeman let me go, he took me round to the backyard of the hotel, and there I saw bottles lying by the thousands, some broken and others sound, ready to cart away. But how was I to have known that? Was it easy to guess that a bottle, which might pa.s.s for twopence English money in Copenhagen nearly as readily as cash, would here in Queensland have absolutely no value? It is like all other things one knows, easily explained: here there being no distilleries or breweries for making liquors of any kind, they are all imported, hence empty bottles become a drug in the market.

But I was not out of trouble yet. The German who had in so timely a manner come to my rescue, seeing the state of mind I was in, tried to console me by offering me a gla.s.s of spirits. I accepted his offer very readily, I admit, and coming into the bar again, which so vividly reminded me of my former shame and all the indignities heaped upon me, I poured out a whole tumblerful of raw brandy--which I should not have done, considering that I came from a ship on which nothing of that sort was served out. But I will draw a veil over the rest of this miserable day. Not but that the worst is told. Intemperance was never my weakness, but I will leave the reader to fill out the picture, and to think of me as I returned to the ship, bleeding, torn, and battered, and there I had to face poor Thorkill, who, in his mild surprise and disapproval, was to me more terrible than if he had stormed and raged ever so much.

CHAPTER IV.

GAINING COLONIAL EXPERIENCE

Having returned to the ship after the incidents related in the last chapter, and having somewhat soothed my agitated feelings, and changed my apparel, Thorkill and I were under the necessity again of returning on sh.o.r.e; which we did, and had no difficulty in finding the depot or place prepared for the reception of the immigrants. I had yet scarcely noticed anything on land, but we saw now at a glance that the town was very small, or perhaps it would be more correct to say that the town was large but thinly inhabited. In Queensland we generally estimate the size of a place by the number of public-houses which it contains, and in Bowen there were three of these inst.i.tutions. Gra.s.s was growing luxuriantly enough in the main street, and altogether it did not, as we came along, strike us that people here seemed remarkably busy. But when we came down to the depot, the scene was changed.

The depot was a large building, or series of buildings, without particularly good accommodation, but it had the advantage that there was plenty of room for everybody. I felt quite glad to again see the familiar faces of the other immigrants, although we had only been separated a few hours. There was a large kitchen attached to the place, and a vast quant.i.ty of bread and beef and potatoes had been left there, more than could possibly be eaten by those present. Two or three butchers among the immigrants, too, were quite in their element here, cutting up the bullocks, and all the girls seemed to have formed themselves into a committee in order to dress the meat in various appetizing ways. But what seemed the most encouraging feature of all was to see thirty or forty saddle-horses "hung up" outside the fence and their owners walking about among the men offering them engagements. The girls were also in great request. A number of English ladies stood about the yard, or went in and out of the kitchen. They all seemed to want the girls who were doing the cooking, and what between the English ladies who kept trying to attract their attention, their own sweethearts--who had now the first opportunity since they left Hamburg to speak to them--and the preparation of food for six hundred and odd people, they certainly had enough to do. It was comical to watch them. Among the men the scene was but one degree less animated. They might, I am sure, all have been engaged that first day if they had liked. A number were engaged, and over and over again were offers made to them of further engagements, until at last they turned their backs to the Englishmen who seemed almost to implore some of them to sign agreements. They were all offered the same terms--thirty pounds for twelve months, and rations.

The girls got only twenty or twenty-five pounds a year, but there seemed to be very little difference between the agreements. The Queenslanders would go for the biggest and most able looking of the men first, and when they had secured them, engage the others with the same terms. I saw my "boss" down there, and went home with him for supper. I was received with the greatest kindness by his family, and he himself could not have looked more friendly if I had been a long-lost relation. He proved to be a contractor, and had also a carpenter's shop and showroom attached to his place. He took me into the shop and showed me several things, and asked me could I make this or that? There was nothing in the shop that a boy who had served two years of his life in Copenhagen could not make, but when I said "yes," he seemed greatly pleased with me, and patted me on the back. We could not understand each other very much. After tea, I was shown into a neat room, where stood a nice bed, a chest of drawers, table, chair, &c. This was to be my abode.

My "boss," however, returned at once and gave me to understand that he wished me to go with him up to town, and have a general look round. He gave me first of all a pound sterling, which had the effect of greatly raising my spirits. Then he took me from the one public-house to the other, and that made me still more hilarious, especially as he would not allow me to change my pound; and at last he took me to a store, where a German presided behind the counter over a lot of ready-made clothes.

Through the German as interpreter, he told me that he would advise me to buy some new clothes after the Queensland pattern, and that he would advance sufficient of my wages to cover the cost. I bought then white trousers, a crimean shirt, a big slouch hat, and a red belt, and put all on at once. This is the orthodox Queensland costume in the bush, but in my own eyes I looked a regular masquerader, as I now swaggered down among the immigrants in my new transformation. I was quite a hero among them at once, being able to boast of my splendid appointment, and I believe I had to relate twenty times that evening what I had had for my supper at my master's place. I might, perhaps, tell it to the reader, because it seemed to me at that time most astonishing, although it really--with very little variation--is the ordinary food everybody eats all over the country, as soon as one comes away from the single man's hut in the bush.

In the morning we generally had fried steak, white bread, and b.u.t.ter. No beer or schnapps are ever put on the table in this country, but instead of that one drinks tea by the quart at every meal. At dinner-time the ordinary menu will be some sort of roast meat and vegetables, with a pudding after. At supper one will get more meat and vegetables, and more bread and b.u.t.ter and tea. It is all very good, but there is a frightful sameness about it. I used at first to long for one of those plain yet delicious dishes which the Danish housewives make at home. But I do not believe English people would eat it, if it were put before them. They seem to think that anything which is not a solid junk of roast beef must be un-English. I have almost come to the same way of thinking myself.

But that evening in the depot we did not criticise the bill of fare. The immigrants all thought they were going to fare in the same sumptuous way. Poor fellows, they did not, as a rule.

Next day, Thorkill came to me with sparkling eyes, and told me he had been so fortunate. A gentleman from Port Mackay, a sugar planter, had engaged him and twenty-five others, all for thirty pounds a year, and they were to sail again for the plantation next day. He understood it was not far away. We might be able to see one another occasionally. He had told the planter that he had studied agriculture, and the planter had said he was a good fellow.

"These--Englishmen--are--so--kind,--I--am sure--he--is--a--nice--man.

Perhaps he will make something of me by and by, when I can talk English."

Poor Thorkill; I see him in a single man's hut on a plantation among twenty-five others, or with his hoe on his shoulder coming and going to the fields. He went away the next day, and I fully expected he would have written to me, but he did not. I did not know his address, and I did not hear of him again until three years after, when I met him on the diggings.

As many of the immigrants were going away--they did not themselves know where--in another day or two, it was suggested by some one that there should be a theatrical display at the depot in the evening; and the idea was taken up with enthusiasm by some of the leading spirits among us. It had, before I arrived that morning, been agreed that the play should be a French pantomime. For the information of any one who might never have seen anything of the kind, let me say that it was a one act farce, in which the persons act by pantomime alone. Ca.s.sander is an old man; his daughter Columbine loves Harlequin, a young man who always dances about Columbine when Ca.s.sander does not see them. Then there was Pierrot, the foolish but funny man-of-all-work, who is set to catch Harlequin, but is always "bested"; and the staid old lover whom Ca.s.sander wishes Columbine to marry. Not much rehearsal was needed to play the piece, and the dresses were also easily made up on short notice. It had further been decided in my absence that I was to play Harlequin, but I objected very much. At last I was forced into it in a manner, because I was a pretty fair dancer at that time, and they had n.o.body else. What consoled me greatly was, that I was to wear a black mask, so that I knew that if my feelings should get the better of me while on the stage, that I might make as many faces behind the mask as I liked. The whole town was to be invited, and we gave five shillings to the bell-crier to announce through the streets that some renowned artists had arrived at the depot, and were going to give a grand performance that night at seven o'clock.

We worked away hard that day in rehearsals, fitting of dresses, stage making, quarrelling, and in a few other things which are indispensable on such occasions. In the evening the whole building was crammed full of English people; there were even some ladies. Our own people had all back seats. Everything went well. Our orchestra consisted of three violinists. There were scores of musicians among us, but these were the best, and were used to play together. Then the blanket which served for a curtain went up, and we began to act our parts. Everything went well excepting that Pierrot, whose face was chalked over, began to perspire very much, and the chalk came off; but that was nothing. It was reserved for me to spoil the whole proceeding. It came about this way: the fellow who played Columbine was a big, flabby-looking chap, and he looked very nasty indeed in women's clothes. As it was my part to dance about Columbine and make love to him--or her--as you please, I had also to s.n.a.t.c.h kisses from him about a dozen times during the evening, but of course I understood he knew sufficient of acting not to inflict the punishment of real kissing on _me_. The first time, however, when my turn came, he turned his face full upon me, and the osculation could be heard all over the room. This happened two or three times, and every time people laughed and applauded; but it made me regularly wild. So as he tried it again I tore the mask off my face before I had time to think, and cried: "Look here, if you do that again I won't play." That brought the house down with great applause and homeric laughter; but I got so upset over it that it was impossible for me to go on the stage again, and the play came to an abrupt end.

The only one of all the immigrants that remained at the depot after a fortnight was over, was a sickly little individual whom everybody on board had been in the habit of pitying or jeering at, as the case may be, and who now seemed quite unable to obtain employment. He was then sent up to Townsville, to try there, and as I happen to know what became of him, and as his short career affords a striking instance of what perseverance will do for a man in Queensland, I will state how he fared.

It appears that he at last obtained employment in the ---- Hotel in Ravenswood, to help the girls in the kitchen at cleaning knives, plucking fowls, and the like. He had to sign an agreement whereby he bound himself to remain for three years. The wages for the first year were ten pounds, for the second fifteen, and for the third twenty pounds. These are the smallest wages I have ever heard of in this country for a white man, but our friend thought nothing of that, and stuck to his work. He could cut hair and shave; I think he had been in a barber's shop at home. When he brought the guest's shaving-water in the morning, he would always offer his tonsorial services at the same time.

Of course he would be paid. When he was paid, he would generally say, "You have not got a few old clothes you do not want?" Then most people, as he looked so poor and insignificant, would either give him a lot of clothes, or some money to buy with; and it was pretty well known in that town where one might buy second-hand clothing for cash. If a guest went away from the hotel, he would always be there hat in hand, holding the horse. If one said to him, "Will you come and have a drink?" he would answer, "No, thank you, sir; please, I would rather have the money." In that way, while everybody called him "poor fellow," he was scooping in sixpences, shillings, and even half-crowns every day. As he gave satisfaction to his master, he was promised, as a make-up for his small wages, that if he stayed the three years out, he should have as a present permission to build a barber's shop alongside the hotel, and be charged no rent. He did stay the three years out, and although I was in his confidence as little as anybody else, I am very sure he had then his three years' wages in his pocket and a good deal more besides. Then he had built a small shop alongside the hotel. It was very small, but it was in the proper place for doing business; and he began at once a roaring trade. Sixpence for a shave, a shilling for hair-cutting, and half a crown for shampooing! He had also ready-made clothes for sale, hop beer, ginger beer, fruit, saddlery, and much more. People who had anything for sale might go to him and be certain that he would offer them a cash price for whatever it was. He opened his shop at seven o'clock in the morning and shut it at twelve o'clock at night. On Sundays, indeed, he was supposed to shut for three or four hours; but one had only to knock at his door to bring him forward. Meanwhile, I do not believe his old master, or any one else, could have obtained credit from him for a sixpence. The usual thing in his shop was to see half a dozen men sitting in his back room waiting to be shaved or shampooed, and half a dozen standing by the counter in the front room, while he would jump like a cat among them trying to serve them all at once. But now I see I have made a mistake. I have written that "his short career affords a striking instance of what perseverance might do for a man in this country." That might be true if the story ended here, but it does not. He was a great miser. His princ.i.p.al food, as he himself a.s.sured me, was the rotten fruit in the shop. When a banana or an apple became quite unsaleable, he would eat it. He had no a.s.sistant in the shop, and could, therefore, never possibly take any outdoor exercise. At last he fell sick, and the doctor told him he must go out on horseback every day, and have plenty of nourishing food. He never bought a horse, and he never altered his way of living. At last, when it was too late, he got somebody to stand in the shop for him, for he was then too weak to stand there himself; and he died in the back room a week after. But even the day before he died I saw him sitting in the shop trying to direct the a.s.sistant and keeping control over the money-box. I heard how much he had made, but I forget. Anyhow, it was thousands, and all made in a few years!

Now I will relate what happened to me the first Sunday I pa.s.sed in Queensland, and to do that I must recall to the reader's memory another of my shipmates, the naval Lieutenant A. He had got married as soon as we came ash.o.r.e, to the young lady who I always understood was his intended wife, and they had already rented a little house and made themselves very comfortable. On the Sat.u.r.day, he came to me and told me that he had carried a letter of introduction from home to a gentleman who was one of the first civil servants in Bowen. This gentleman he had seen, and as an outcome of the interview, he had been invited to come with his wife to the Englishman's place on Sunday forenoon to be introduced to his family, and that Mr. and Mrs. ----, as well as A. and his wife, were all then to walk to a large garden which lay a mile or so outside the town. He promised himself great pleasure and much advantage from the acquaintance, and as a special favour to me, he said: "Now Mr.

---- said to me that I might invite one of our shipmates to come with us, and I shall invite you." I thanked him very much for the honour he did me.

"You understand," said he, "that I would like very much to make a good impression, not only for myself, but for our country too. I am not in the least afraid to invite _you_, still excuse me for reminding you that this man has much influence in Brisbane, and I have no doubt he could make it worth your while too to be on your best behaviour."

When he was gone, I began to look over my wardrobe, and found that I could yet make a brave show. Still, I had a great doubt in my mind whether it would not be the more correct thing to dress myself in my Queensland clothes--that is, the slouch hat and the moleskins. But as I did not seem to know myself in them at all, I decided that it was best to make the most of the clothes I had with me from home, although it was not without some misgivings that I came to this conclusion. My swallow-tail coat had been torn, and although it was mended by a tailor, it was not good enough to wear again on such an occasion, but I had a nice new jacket I had bought in Hamburg, also a beautifully got-up white shirt and white waistcoat. As to the belltopper, it was done for.

No more should I go into society in that belltopper, and the Queensland hat seemed only fit company for the crimean shirt and the moleskins. I therefore went and borrowed a tall hat for the purpose from among the immigrants, and as I came back with it, I bought a pair of gloves for half a guinea in a shop.

The next forenoon, punctually at eleven o'clock, I was outside of A.'s house in all my glory. A. and his wife were gone, however, and I then bent my steps towards the house to which I had been directed. As soon as I came near, I saw A. standing outside the house talking to a gentleman, whom I at once understood to be the man who had invited us. He looked a gentleman all over. Yet the same indescribable sort of swagger which I had noticed in everybody else I had yet met in the country seemed also to hover about him. I might here observe that this swagger is not exactly native to this colony. It is only put on for the benefit of new arrivals. As I came up A.'s friend stood with his feet wide apart, and was in the act of lighting a meerschaum pipe. A ma.s.sive gold chain hung across his well-nourished stomach. I could see that if I had not dressed myself to my best ability, I should have made a grave mistake. Although I had scarcely lifted my eyes to him yet, I noticed these details as A.

introduced me to him, while I saluted him as we always salute one another in Copenhagen. Perhaps I was just a little more than usually polite. My hat was at my knee as A. said, "Mr. ----, Mr. ----." But the Englishman did not seem remarkable for his politeness. On the contrary, I felt very angry at his behaviour. He never changed his position in the slightest degree; he seemed only to give a sort of self-satisfied grunt, "How de do, how de do."

There is no mistake about it, I began to wish I had not come. It was not as though I had not been polite enough; I felt certain both that I could make a bow with anybody, and that I had saluted and been saluted by greater dignitaries before than he. Why then should he slight me?

thought I. Was it the custom in this country to invite people on purpose to insult them? They began to speak to me, and I understood that the ladies who were to take part in the excursion were inside finishing their toilet, and would be out directly. A. could see, no doubt, that I was not pleased, and of course he could also guess the reason. He had been in England too, and was well versed in English customs, so he said to me, "It is foolish of you to feel offended because Mr. ---- did not take his hat off to you. Indeed, it was you who looked ridiculous. I am sure you never yet saw any one take off his hat to another in this country. It is not an English custom. Indeed it is specially distasteful to English people. So do not do it again. Of course it did not matter."

When I heard that I was in humour again. I could forgive every one so long as they did not offer me a wilful insult. But was it not strange, thought I? And there he stood, as easy as could be, smoking his pipe in the street. Well, there is nothing like it, after all. What is a man without his pipe? I had mine in my pocket, but I had never dreamed of taking it out till now. I did not know what to make of things, but I thought that if such training as I had received was at fault, perhaps it would be well to imitate those whose training was correct. So I took my pipe out of my pocket and borrowed a match from Mr. ---- to light it with. Mine was only a clay pipe, and I could scarcely help laughing to myself meanwhile, because it seemed to me very strange. But I was determined now to show I knew English manners, and so I puffed away.

Just now Mr. ----'s wife came out of the gla.s.s doors on the verandah.

She had also dressed to make a good impression, because she was rustling with silk and satin, and shining with gold brooches and chains all over.

The doors were opened for her by a servant, and Mrs. A. was also there.

As Mrs. A. told me afterwards, they had watched me through the gla.s.s doors while I was saluting the husband, and probably the Englishwoman was at that moment under the impression that I intended to go down on my knees before her. But if she thought that, all I can say is that she was mistaken. I was not going to look ridiculous this time. She made a bow to me something of the sort, as I take it, that one of the Queen's maids of honour have to practise before her majesty--a most profound obeisance. But I stood brave. With my feet apart, in English fashion, I puffed away at my pipe, and nodded at her, saying, "How de do? How de do?"

At this juncture of affairs, I became aware that n.o.body seemed pleased.

The lady drew herself up and seemed surprised. Her husband appeared to regard me with a lively interest. So did two women in a house opposite.

A., in a sort of consternation, repeated the formula of introduction. I felt the blood surging to my face, and my courage fast forsaking me.

Then it occurred to me that as I myself had not the least idea what the words "how de do" meant which I had employed in saluting her, that perhaps it was not a proper expression before a lady, and that it would have been better if I had said something of which I did understand the meaning. So as A. repeated the form of introduction, Mr.---- and Mrs.----, I said with great desperation, "Good day, missis."

Then I swallowed a whole mouthful of tobacco smoke (it is such strong tobacco one smokes here, and I had not been used to more than a cigar on rare occasions), and then--I must--expectorate. For the life of me I could not avoid it, but where to do it, whether in front of me or behind me, I did not know, and so I compromised and spat to the side. While all this occurred I felt as guilty as any criminal condemned before a judge, and still where it came in I did not know, because had not A., on whose English experience I wholly relied, told me scarcely ten minutes before, that "to take the hat off to one another was not an English custom--that it was, indeed, specially distasteful to English people"?

What then could I think? You may judge of my feelings when A., now shaking with rage and entirely forgetting himself, exclaimed to me in Danish, "You are an unmannerly dog. Has no one ever taught you yet to take your hat off to a lady? There he stands, smoking a stinking pipe right in her face."

Oh, yes! oh, yes, indeed, my humiliation was at its highest point.

Quarrelling in our own language, and ready almost to fight! Mrs. ---- disappeared indoors again. Mrs. A. dared not follow her, but walked down the street a little, not knowing where to put herself, and Mr. ---- becoming more and more boisterous with me for an explanation. It did not last long, but long enough--quite. Then I went and sat, regardless of all appearance, on the verandah, while A., with much humility, tried to explain the matter to our host. Mr. ---- did not quite seem to relish the joke. He came up to me and informed me with much gravity that A. had explained the matter to his satisfaction. "But," said he, "you will certainly find that in this country it is the custom to salute a lady with a great deal more politeness than you used just now towards my wife. It is a lesson, I a.s.sure you, sir, you cannot learn too quickly."