Misalliance Part 18

MRS TARLETON. Then how did you find out?

GUNNER. From her papers after she died.

MRS TARLETON. _[shocked]_ Is Lucy dead? And I never knew! _[With an effusion of tenderness]_ And you here being treated like that, poor orphan, with n.o.body to take your part! Tear up that foolish paper, child; and sit down and make friends with me.

JOHNNY. Hallo, mother this is all very well, you know-- PERCIVAL. But may I point out, Mrs Tarleton, that-- BENTLEY. Do you mean that after what he said of-- HYPATIA. Oh, look here, mamma: this is really--

MRS TARLETON. Will you please speak one at a time?

_Silence._

PERCIVAL _[in a very gentlemanly manner]_ Will you allow me to remind you, Mrs Tarleton, that this man has uttered a most serious and disgraceful falsehood concerning Miss Tarleton and myself?

MRS TARLETON. I dont believe a word of it. If the poor lad was there in the Turkish bath, who has a better right to say what was going on here than he has? You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Patsy; and so ought you too, Mr Percival, for encouraging her. _[Hypatia retreats to the pavilion, and exchanges grimaces with Johnny, shamelessly enjoying Percival's sudden reverse. They know their mother]._

PERCIVAL. _[gasping]_ Mrs Tarleton: I give you my word of honor--

MRS TARLETON. Oh, go along with you and your word of honor. Do you think I'm a fool? I wonder you can look the lad in the face after bullying him and making him sign those wicked lies; and all the time you carrying on with my daughter before youd been half an hour in my house. Fie, for shame!

PERCIVAL. Lord Summerhays: I appeal to you. Have I done the correct thing or not?

LORD SUMMERHAYS. Youve done your best, Mr Percival. But the correct thing depends for its success on everybody playing the game very strictly. As a single-handed game, it's impossible.

BENTLEY. _[suddenly breaking out lamentably]_ Joey: have you taken Hypatia away from me?

LORD SUMMERHAYS. _[severely]_ Bentley! Bentley! Control yourself, sir.

TARLETON. Come, Mr Percival! the shutters are up on the gentlemanly business. Try the truth.

PERCIVAL. I am in a wretched position. If I tell the truth n.o.body will believe me.

TARLETON. Oh yes they will. The truth makes everybody believe it.

PERCIVAL. It also makes everybody pretend not to believe it. Mrs Tarleton: youre not playing the game.

MRS TARLETON. I dont think youve behaved at all nicely, Mr Percival.

BENTLEY. I wouldnt have played you such a dirty trick, Joey.

_[Struggling with a sob]_ You beast.

LORD SUMMERHAYS. Bentley: you must control yourself. Let me say at the same time, Mr Percival, that my son seems to have been mistaken in regarding you either as his friend or as a gentleman.

PERCIVAL. Miss Tarleton: I'm suffering this for your sake. I ask you just to say that I am not to blame. Just that and nothing more.

HYPATIA. _[gloating mischievously over his distress]_ You chased me through the heather and kissed me. You shouldnt have done that if you were not in earnest.

PERCIVAL. Oh, this is really the limit. _[Turning desperately to Gunner]_ Sir: I appeal to you. As a gentleman! as a man of honor!

as a man bound to stand by another man! You were in that Turkish bath. You saw how it began. Could any man have behaved more correctly than I did? Is there a shadow of foundation for the accusations brought against me?

GUNNER. _[sorely perplexed]_ Well, what do you want me to say?

JOHNNY. He has said what he had to say already, hasnt he? Read that paper.

GUNNER. When I tell the truth, you make me go back on it. And now you want me to go back on myself! What is a man to do?

PERCIVAL. _[patiently]_ Please try to get your mind clear, Mr Brown.

I pointed out to you that you could not, as a gentleman, disparage a lady's character. You agree with me, I hope.

GUNNER. Yes: that sounds all right.

PERCIVAL. But youre also bound to tell the truth. Surely youll not deny that.

GUNNER. Who's denying it? I say nothing against it.

PERCIVAL. Of course not. Well, I ask you to tell the truth simply and unaffectedly. Did you witness any improper conduct on my part when you were in the bath?

GUNNER. No, sir.

JOHNNY. Then what do you mean by saying that-- HYPATIA. Do you mean to say that I-- BENTLEY. Oh, you are a rotter. Youre afraid--

TARLETON. _[rising]_ Stop. _[Silence]._ Leave it at that. Enough said. You keep quiet, Johnny. Mr Percival: youre whitewashed. So are you, Patsy. Honors are easy. Lets drop the subject. The next thing to do is to open a subscription to start this young man on a ranch in some far country thats accustomed to be in a disturbed state.

He--

MRS TARLETON. Now stop joking the poor lad, John: I wont have it.

Has been worried to death between you all. _[To Gunner]_ Have you had your tea?

GUNNER. Tea? No: it's too early. I'm all right; only I had no dinner: I didnt think I'd want it. I didnt think I'd be alive.

MRS TARLETON. Oh, what a thing to say! You mustnt talk like that.

JOHNNY. Hes out of his mind. He thinks it's past dinner-time.

MRS TARLETON. Oh, youve no sense, Johnny. He calls his lunch his dinner, and has his tea at half-past six. Havnt you, dear?

GUNNER. _[timidly]_ Hasnt everybody?

JOHNNY. _[laughing]_ Well, by George, thats not bad.

MRS TARLETON. Now dont be rude, Johnny: you know I dont like it.

_[To Gunner]_ A cup of tea will pick you up.

GUNNER. I'd rather not. I'm all right.

TARLETON. _[going to the sideboard]_ Here! try a mouthful of sloe gin.

GUNNER. No, thanks. I'm a teetotaler. I cant touch alcohol in any form.

TARLETON. Nonsense! This isnt alcohol. Sloe gin. Vegetarian, you know.