Miles To Go Part 20

But she had never believed that. It was her birthright as an American to believe that everything she wanted was there for the taking. You only had to want it enough. And be willing to do what it took to get it. That was what had gotten her so far in the FBI.

Rennie felt her mind clear and her muscles relax in the heat.

She cut off the shower and reached for a towel.

Hannah Marcus lay in bed in her room. It felt like heaven.

She had bathed and eaten and slept. All of the things that formed that first step in her return to humanity. Now all she needed was a cup of coffee and the New York Times. And a smoke.

After being gently grilled by what seemed like every conceivable agency of her government, she was finally left to herself. So concerned were they for her, she had to wonder if they were worried she might sue them. A year and a half of her life lost. Gone. Disappeared. Life taken as payment for the sins of her government. Had they been negligent? And how much was that worth? Anything at all? Confinement had caused her to take stock. Day in and day out she'd had to ask if she was worth saving.

But whenever she asked herself what made a life worthwhile, she was unable to come up with a satisfactory answer. Or maybe she was just unwilling to confront how selfish she had been.

Now, relishing the sensation of her naked limbs under the cool, rough sheet, she doubted anything would be different when she got home. How could it be? Could a woman change her nature? And did she even want to, becoming some self-sacrificing bleeding heart? She couldn't contemplate the mysteries of her life, could only delve into sensation, so long lost. Before her confinement she had always slept nude. She didn't feel quite comfortable doing so now, but she needed something familiar.

Tension tweaked at her consciousness. Thoughts of Rennie kept intruding. She tried to keep them out, knowing she had no power to get what she wanted. She wondered if Rennie was even still in the country. Her promise in the woods returned to her and she kept an ear tuned to any movement at her door. But she knew it was only the FBI guard shifting his position in the hallway, probably dying of boredom.

It was hot in the room, almost unbearably so. She threw off the sheet and climbed out of bed. She threw back the curtain and opened the door to her balcony. Fresh air streamed into the room. She found it strange how free she felt, standing nude at the open door in the darkness looking out over the city. The moon was ma.s.sive, low and shining so much light that she covered her eyes with her hand and stepped back into the room for fear she might be seen. She knew she should sleepshe was to fly home early the next morningbut this first taste of autonomy was too delectable to let pa.s.s.

She slipped on the thin robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door and peered through the peephole into the hall.

She could see the middle-aged agent who looked like he was fighting to keep himself awake leaning against the opposite wall, chewing on the cuticle of his thumb. She eased open the door.

"Hi. I was just wondering, do you think there is any way you could have someone get me a couple of beers?" The agent just stared. "Listen, I'm having trouble sleeping and I thought it might help me relax."

The agent looked annoyed under his nearly inscrutable expression. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks," Hannah said as sweetly as she could and closed the door, locking it. She could hear the agent talking faintly and was already dreaming of a cold bottle and the feel of the alcohol seeping into her tired limbs. She lay down again on the bed, the moonlight streaming over her body. She didn't know how much time had pa.s.sed when there was a light tapping at the door. For a moment she entirely forgot about her request and rushed to the door fully expecting to see Rennie standing before her. The agent held two brown bottles, a smirk on his face.

"I'm a miracle worker. They're even cold."

The door barely closed, Hannah twisted off the cap of the bottle with a corner of her robe. She took a long pull on the beer, a light and crisp Russian lager. Too perfect. She let the robe slide from her body to the floor, enjoying the heat and the light breeze through the open door of the balcony.

She stood again at the moonlit door, careless now of being seen, her arms wide as if to bring everything before her into a deep embrace. An old Van Morrison tune strayed into her head and she moved in time to the gentle rhythm her mind was thrumming to, pa.s.sing in and out of the moonlight.

Rennie leaned against the rail on her balcony. She wore a pair of khaki shorts and a tight white V-neck T-shirt. She knew what she was going to do. Only four or five feet from her balcony was Hannah's. So close. She could see that Hannah's balcony door was open. They were on the seventh floor. A good number if you believed in that kind of thing. Rennie didn't, but inexplicably her hand rose to the St. Catherine medal at her throat.

She peered at the busy street far below. A long way down.

Cars, lights red and white, clogged at a stoplight. She could have been anywhere, any city. After everything she had been through, this would be easy, right? She wouldn't allow the thought that this was madness reach the part of her brain that kept her safe.

Rennie took a deep breath and climbed over the railing, her heels on the narrow ledge, facing Hannah's balcony. One chance.

She leaned forward, her heels still on the ledge, her fingers tightly curled around the railing, her body arced over the gap, now seemingly vast. Rennie felt a moment of indecision and pulled herself back in. Hannah was probably asleep, long ago succ.u.mbed to exhaustion.

No.

Rennie had said she would find a way and she could feel Hannah's pull, strong and deep, like a lodestone. She leaned forward again, reaching out with one hand for the opposite railing, deeply aware of the void just beyond her toes. She bent her knees, feeling the strength in her legs, sure of it, and leapt.

The s.p.a.ce between the balconies seemed endless, a gaping chasm she felt she was being pulled into, when her left hand finally smacked the top of the railing and grasped it. Her other hand followed and grabbed a vertical rail. Her body swung down fast and slammed hard against the concrete of the balcony. Before her weight settled and stilled, she swung one leg up and caught her foot on the ledge. Pulling herself up, she became aware of the almost blinding moonlight. She wondered why she hadn't noticed it before. Her body pulsating with the exhilaration of the jump, she climbed over the railing and onto Hannah's balcony.

Peering through her door, Rennie saw Hannah, naked, her body awash in the moonlight, swaying to some phantom rhythm.

Rennie unb.u.t.toned her shorts, letting them drop to the balcony floor, and slipped off her T-shirt. She stepped into the room.

Hannah, her back to her, was still moving in a slow, languorous dance. Then she turned and opened her eyes.

Hannah stopped. Rennie moved in close. They stood, just inches apart, for a long, seemingly endless moment.

An image flashed into Rennie's mind. The two of them sitting side by side at a table on a sidewalk, suffused with deep red wine, the sound of the surf in the distance. Just as quick, the image was gone and she moved into her, her hipbones above Hannah's.

They both kept their hands at their sides, their bodies barely touching. Rennie dipped her head to Hannah's neck and they both began to move, light and slow, the slightest sway. Finally, Rennie reached out to her and placed a hand on her ribs. So thin.They continued moving and Hannah raised her face to Rennie's. Their lips met. Rennie took Hannah's mouth, full and open, with her own. At first slowly. A long, lazy kiss. And then their tongues came together and they began to gulp at one another. In the moonlight they stood, breast to breast, all mouth and hands and skin.

Hannah moved to the bed and lay down, pulling Rennie with her. Rennie eased down on top of her slowly, wanting the moment to last, to take in the feeling of every inch of their bodies meeting, flesh clamoring for flesh. They met then, hip to hip, and a sound escaped from their throats at the same moment, such a simple, basic human need, raised to the level of the sacrosanct. It had never been this way for Rennie, so right. Every nerve ending felt glutted with sensation. They kissed again, this time close and tight, their lips alternating above and below, their lips fitting, their bodies fitting exquisitely. Rennie lay to her side and trailed her hand between Hannah's b.r.e.a.s.t.s.

"Don't wait. I need you now."

Rennie touched her then. Hannah was ready. As ready as she could ever be.

They moved together. Climbing, climbing, slow and fine and smooth and deep, taking their time. Until Hannah pulled Rennie close and held her so tight their muscles seemed to meld. Rennie found herself drowning in the moment and buried her face into Hannah's neck, tasting her sweat. They held each other for a long time, Rennie draped across Hannah, until their breathing evened.

Rennie could feel the soft thump, thump, thump beneath Hannah's ribcage, in time with the beat she felt against her hand.

She hated for the thump to subside. She didn't want to move.

Wanted to stay inside her forever. Hot ceding to warm.

Hannah shifted and she was turning, slipping from under her and Rennie felt herself opening, laying back, her limbs slack and taut at the same time, offering herself. She felt Hannah's open mouth at her neck, her hand moving slow and sure, along her thigh, across the sharp bone of her hip. And then that desperate perfect curve, past bone where all grew soft.

The control that always made her feel so strong, that nothing could take her down, relaxed and her muscles softened and she allowed Hannah to touch her. From far away she could hear a small thin sound. It was almost a whimpering, a creature newly born and using its lungs for the first time. And then the small voice became more insistent, stronger, and Rennie recognized it as her own.

Hannah held her, sure and strong, until her body's tremors subsided. After a time, Hannah raised her face from where it rested in the cleft between Rennie's b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Her eyes were filled with fire, her body again tense.

"Don't tell me this will be the only time."

Rennie felt captured by her look and then her mind began to function again. How could she give any a.s.surances knowing that the heavy-handed grasp of their government would do everything it could to smother this thing between them? But so much that had seemed impossible had shown itself to crumble under unrelenting effort.

"It won't." Rennie smiled. "It won't be the last time."

"I have to believe you."

They lay together for hours, limbs entwined. Hannah slept deeply as Rennie dozed. It was the first time she had truly rested.

At first, she was afraid to close her eyes. Afraid of the images that might rise up and ruin the moment. Her mind, for once, offered her a reprieve and as she held Hannah, fighting against sleep, she slipped away to a place so deep it was beyond dreams, a place of peace she had never visited. Hannah, even in her slumber, held her close until, finally, Rennie drew away from her before daylight. She kissed her lightly on the forehead, taking in her scent.

She dressed on the balcony, shivering, the heat of the night finally broken. Just inside the balcony door, she looked at Hannah one more time as she lay sleeping. Then she turned and buoyed herself for the leap back.

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