Men, Women, and Ghosts - novelonlinefull.com
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She knew very well that she was tired and nervous that afternoon, and that, if she could reason quietly about this little neglect of d.i.c.k's, it would cease to annoy her. Indeed, why should she be annoyed? Had he not done everything for her, been everything to her, for two long, sweet years? She dropped her head with a shy smile. She was never tired of living over these two years. She took positive pleasure in recalling the wretchedness in which they found her, for the sake of their dear relief.
Many a time, sitting with her happy face hidden in his arms, she had laughed softly, to remember the day on which he came to her. It was at twilight, and she was tired. Her reels had troubled her all the afternoon; the overseer was cross; the day was hot and long. Somebody on the way home had said in pa.s.sing her: "Look at that girl! I'd kill myself if I looked like that": it was in a whisper, but she heard it.
All life looked hot and long; the reels would always be out of order; the overseer would never be kind. Her temples would always throb, and her back would ache. People would always say, "Look at that girl!"
"Can you direct me to--". She looked up; she had been sitting on the doorstep with her face in her hands. d.i.c.k stood there with his cap off.
He forgot that he was to inquire the way to Newbury Street, when he saw the tears on her shrunken cheeks. d.i.c.k could never bear to see a woman suffer.
"I wouldn't cry," he said simply, sitting down beside her. Telling a girl not to cry is an infallible recipe for keeping her at it. What could the child do, but sob as if her heart would break? Of course he had the whole story in ten minutes, she his in another ten. It was common and short enough:--a "Down-East" boy, fresh from his father's farm, hunting for work and board,--a bit homesick here in the strange, unhomelike city, it might be, and glad of some one to say so to.
What more natural than that, when her father came out and was pleased with the lad, there should be no more talk of Newbury Street; that the little yellow house should become his home; that he should swing the fantastic gate, and plant the nasturtiums; that his life should grow to be one with hers and the old man's, his future and theirs unite unconsciously?
She remembered--it was not exactly pleasant, somehow, to remember it to-night--just the look of his face when they came into the house that summer evening, and he for the first time saw what she was, her cape having fallen off, in the full lamplight. His kindly blue eyes widened with shocked surprise, and fell; when he raised them, a pity like a mother's had crept into them; it broadened and brightened as time slid by, but it never left them.
So you see, after that, life unfolded in a burst of little surprises for Asenath. If she came home very tired, some one said, "I am sorry." If she wore a pink ribbon, she heard a whisper, "It suits you." If she sang a little song, she knew that somebody listened.
"I did not know the world was like this!" cried the girl.
After a time there came a night that he chanced to be out late,--they had planned an arithmetic lesson together, which he had forgotten,--and she sat grieving by the kitchen fire.
"You missed me so much then?" he said regretfully, standing with his hand upon her chair. She was trying to sh.e.l.l some corn; she dropped the pan, and the yellow kernels rolled away on the floor.
"What should I have if I didn't have you?" she said, and caught her breath.
The young man paced to the window and back again. The firelight touched her shoulders, and the sad, white scar.
"You shall have me always, Asenath," he made answer. He took her face within his hands and kissed it; and so they sh.e.l.led the corn together, and nothing more was said about it.
He had spoken this last spring of their marriage; but the girl, like all girls, was shyly silent, and he had not urged it.
Asenath started from her pleasant dreaming just as the oriflamme was furling into gray, suddenly conscious that she was not alone. Below her, quite on the brink of the water, a girl was sitting,--a girl with a bright plaid shawl, and a nodding red feather in her hat. Her head was bent, and her hair fell against a profile cut in pink-and-white.
"Del is too pretty to be here alone so late," thought Asenath, smiling tenderly. Good-natured Del was kind to her in a certain way, and she rather loved the girl. She rose to speak to her, but concluded, on a second glance through the aspens, that Miss Ivory was quite able to take care of herself.
Del was sitting on an old log that jutted into the stream, dabbling in the water with the tips of her feet. (Had she lived on The Avenue she could not have been more particular about her shoemaker.) Some one--it was too dark to see distinctly--stood beside her, his eyes upon her face. Asenath could hear nothing, but she needed to hear nothing to know how the young fellow's eyes drank in the coquettish picture. Besides, it was an old story. Del counted her rejected lovers by the score.
"It's no wonder," she thought in her honest way, standing still to watch them with a sense of puzzled pleasure much like that with which she watched the print-windows,--"it's no wonder they love her. I'd love her if I was a man: so pretty! so pretty! She's just good for nothing, Del is;--would let the kitchen fire go out, and wouldn't mend the baby's ap.r.o.ns; but I'd love her all the same; marry her, probably, and be sorry all my life."
Pretty Del! Poor Del! Asenath wondered whether she wished that she were like her; she could not quite make out; it would be pleasant to sit on a log and look like that; it would be more pleasant to be watched as Del was watched just now; it struck her suddenly that d.i.c.k had never looked like this at her.
The hum of their voices ceased while she stood there with her eyes upon them; Del turned her head away with a sudden movement, and the young man left her, apparently without bow or farewell, sprang up the bank at a bound, and crushed the undergrowth with quick, uneasy strides.
Asenath, with some vague idea that it would not be honorable to see his face,--poor fellow!--shrank back into the aspens and the shadow.
He towered tall in the twilight as he pa.s.sed her, and a dull, umber gleam, the last of the sunset, struck him from the west.
Struck it out into her sight,--the haggard struggling face,--Richard Cross's face.
Of course you knew it from the beginning, but remember that the girl did not. She might have known it, perhaps, but she had not.
Asenath stood up, sat down again.
She had a distinct consciousness, for the moment, of seeing herself crouched down there under the aspens and the shadow, a humpbacked white creature, with distorted face and wide eyes. She remembered a picture she had somewhere seen of a little chattering goblin in a graveyard, and was struck with the resemblance. Distinctly, too, she heard herself saying, with a laugh, she thought, "I might have known it; I might have known."
Then the blood came through her heart with a hot rush, and she saw Del on the log, smoothing the red feather of her hat. She heard a man's step, too, that rang over the bridge, pa.s.sed the toll-house, grew faint, grew fainter, died in the sand by the Everett Mill.
Richard's face! Richard's face, looking--G.o.d help her!--as it had never looked at her; struggling--G.o.d pity him!--as it had never struggled for her.
She shut her hands, into each other, and sat still a little while. A faint hope came to her then perhaps, after all; her face lightened grayly, and she crept down the bank to Del.
"I won't be a fool," she said, "I'll make sure,--I'll make as sure as death."
"Well, where did _you_ drop down from, Sene?" said Del, with a guilty start.
"From over the bridge, to be sure. Did you think I swam, or flew, or blew?"
"You came on me so sudden!" said Del, petulantly; "you nearly frightened the wits out of me. You didn't meet anybody on the bridge?" with a quick look.
"Let me see." Asenath considered gravely. "There was one small boy making faces, and two--no, three--dogs, I believe; that was all."
"Oh!"
Del looked relieved, but fell silent.
"You're sober, Del. Been sending off a lover, as usual?"
"I don't know anything about its being usual," answered Del, in an aggrieved, coquettish way, "but there's been somebody here that liked me well enough."
"You like him, maybe? It's time you liked somebody, Del."
Del curled the red feather about her fingers, and put her hat on over her eyes, then a little cry broke from her, half sob, half anger.
"I might, perhaps,--I don't know. He's good. I think he'd let me have a parlor and a door-bell. But he's going to marry somebody else, you see.
I sha'n't tell you his name, so you needn't ask."
Asenath looked out straight upon the water. A dead leaf that had been caught in an eddy attracted her attention; it tossed about for a minute, then a tiny whirlpool sucked it down.
"I wasn't going to ask; it's nothing to me, of course. He doesn't care for her then,--this other girl?"
"Not so much as he does for me. He didn't mean to tell me, but he said that I--that I looked so--pretty, it came right out. But there! I mustn't tell you any more."
Del began to be frightened; she looked up sideways at Asenath's quiet face. "I won't say another word," and so chattered on, growing a little cross; Asenath need not look so still, and sure of herself,--a mere humpbacked fright!
"He'll never break his engagement, not even for me; he's sorry for her, and all that. I think it's too bad. He's handsome. He makes me feel like saying my prayers, too, he's so good! Besides, I want to be married. I hate the mill. I hate to work. I'd rather be taken care of,--a sight rather. I feel bad enough about it to cry."
Two tears rolled over her cheeks, and fell on the soft plaid shawl. Del wiped them away carefully with her rounded fingers.
Asenath turned and looked at this Del Ivory long and steadily through the dusk. The pretty, shallow thing! The worthless, bewildering thing!
A fierce contempt for her pink-and-white, and tears and eyelashes and att.i.tudes, came upon her; then a sudden sickening jealousy that turned her faint where she sat.