Maria-sama ga Miteru Volume 32 Chapter 2

 

 

 

 

The wooden spoon that comes with the ice-cream has a shape like a tennis racket.

 

 

 

 

 

So too the magnifying gla.s.s that her grandmother uses to read the newspaper, the ladle used for serving rice and the small hand-mirror she carries in a pouch. She hadn't been conscious of it until just now, but they all had the same basic shape as a racket.

 

 

 

 

 

The screen door was like the strings of the racket. So too was the lattice over her neighbor's ventilation ducts. Now she had moved on to noticing racket strings.

 

 

 

 

 

(Is this some kind of illness?)

 

 

 

 

 

Flopping down over her desk, Katsura sighed softly.

 

 

 

 

 

Some time ago she had been cleaning this very cla.s.sroom. At that time, despite the vast differences in shape and materials, she had thought that the plastic dustpan resembled a tennis racket. And now this problem seemed terminal.

 

 

 

 

 

"What's wrong, Katsura-san?"

 

 

 

 

 

She raised her head to see who had called out to her and Toudou Shimako-san was standing in front of the lockers at the rear of the cla.s.sroom, looking her way.

 

 

 

 

 

"What do you mean?"

 

 

 

 

 

"Are you feeling unwell?"

 

 

 

 

 

Shimako-san had a slightly anxious expression. She was still a beautiful person no matter what expression she had on her face, but Katsura still felt sorry for causing her to worry.

 

 

 

 

 

"Ahh, no, I'm fine."

 

 

 

 

 

Hastily shaking her head, she smiled to show she was well. Her illness may have been terminal, but it was a problem with her mind not her body. So even if she was taken to the sick bay, she didn't think they would cure her.

 

 

 

 

 

"Shimako-san, have you been there all along?"

 

 

 

 

 

Because there was practice for tomorrow's graduation ceremony and other such things, afternoon cla.s.ses were called off. Now, after lunch, they were the only two that remained in the cla.s.sroom - and until just recently Katsura had thought that she was the only one. The third years may have been having private farewell parties in their cla.s.srooms but the first and second years were expected to go home immediately or, if they had a reason to stay, to move directly to their destination.

 

 

 

 

 

"All along? Umm, no? I had just come from the staff room and stopped in here to pick up some of my things."

 

 

 

 

 

Shimako-san opened her locker and took out her coat.

 

 

 

 

 

"Are you going to the Rose Mansion?"

 

 

 

 

 

"Yeah. There's some odd-jobs to be done."

 

 

 

 

 

She'd just been at the staff room and was now going to the Rose Mansion. As you would expect, Rosa Gigantea was busy.

 

 

 

 

 

"As for me,"

 

 

 

 

 

She hadn't been asked, but Katsura opened her mouth.

 

 

 

 

 

"I'd arranged to go home together with my onee-sama. But it seems like her cla.s.s is doing something, so I'm waiting until they're done."

 

 

 

 

 

She hadn't been challenged by Shimako-san, but it sort of felt that way. She wanted to explain that she had a reason for staying back, and wasn't just aimlessly loitering.

 

 

 

 

 

But Shimako-san hadn't really been interested in finding out if her cla.s.smate had a reason for being in the cla.s.sroom, and had simply wanted to get something from her locker.

 

 

 

 

 

"Oh, really. That's good."

 

 

 

 

 

Shimako-san probably thought that going home together with your onee-sama would be 'good.' But for Katsura, she couldn't think about it as something 'good.'

 

 

 

 

 

"Well, I think I'll head over to the third year cla.s.srooms and see if I can find my onee-sama."

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura stood up, and left the room together with Shimako-san. In the hallway they bid each other farewell with 'Gokigenyou' and went left and right, respectively.

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura was thinking as she walked along.

 

 

 

 

 

She wondered what she would do when she got there. If she arrived while her onee-sama still had things to do, she would have to wait there. Or her onee-sama would have to hurry-up to accommodate her. That would be no good. She didn't want to cause a fuss now that it was right at the very end.

 

 

 

 

 

(But will she really be in her cla.s.sroom?)

 

 

 

 

 

Suddenly, she stopped walking.

 

 

 

 

 

A very dangerous thought had just entered into her head.

 

 

 

 

 

(What am I thinking?)

 

 

 

 

 

If her onee-sama wasn't in the cla.s.sroom, just where could she be, and what could she be doing?

 

 

 

 

 

(And who with?)

 

 

 

 

 

Stop it, stop it. If she kept thinking about that, her racket illness would worsen.

 

 

 

 

 

But would she be able to spontaneously recover from this illness if she went about her life as though she saw nothing, heard nothing and thought nothing?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just how long had she been unable to stop thinking about tennis rackets.

 

 

 

 

 

It all went back to about a week ago. Probably no more than ten days.

 

 

 

 

 

After school, they were practicing their swings at the tennis courts that seemed lonely now that the third years were no longer there. Katsura was watching over her pet.i.t soeur, Mizue.

 

 

 

 

 

For some reason, Mizue seemed different then usual.

 

 

 

 

 

Something seemed out of place, as though she was wearing different clothes, or had a new haircut. But her hair was the same as usual, and Katsura was accustomed to seeing her in the clothes she had on.

 

 

 

 

 

It wasn't what she had on, but Katsura soon realized what it was. She was using a different racket. Which changed her form when she swung.

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura was going to ask her where she got the racket. Was it a newly purchased one? Was she borrowing it from someone? If she had asked about it quickly, it probably would have been a non-event. Mizue would have answered, telling her where it was from.

 

 

 

 

 

But Katsura hesitated momentarily. Looking closely at Mizue's racket, she saw that it wasn't a new one. And in the clubroom they had a number of spare rackets, but it wasn't one of those either. But it was definitely one that she had seen somewhere before.

 

 

 

 

 

That's it. It was Katsura's onee-sama's racket.

 

 

 

 

 

Why did Mizue have it?

 

 

 

 

 

Had her onee-sama given it to Mizue? That was probably it.

 

 

 

 

 

If a senior said they wanted to give you their racket, anybody, even Mizue, would gladly accept. So that was fine. Then where was the problem?

 

 

 

 

 

(&h.e.l.lip; I get it)

 

 

 

 

 

Why did onee-sama choose Mizue to give her racket to? That was the question.

 

 

 

 

 

She fretted over it, but couldn't do anything about it. She couldn't decide whether or not to ask her onee-sama about it.

 

 

 

 

 

(Right. It's not like I'm in any position to judge her &h.e.l.lip;!)

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura startled herself.

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe this was just her reaping what she had sown.

 

 

 

 

 

About this time last year, Katsura had received a racket from the then vice-president of the tennis club, and she too had kept this a secret from her onee-sama.

 

 

 

 

 

At that time, she had been overjoyed to have elicited such an action from a beloved senior. For the students in the tennis club, it was like receiving a memento from someone you admired. Thinking that her onee-sama would have been offended by her receiving the racket, Katsura had adorned a wall of her room with it and the commemorative photo that Takeshima Tsutako had taken of them.

 

 

 

 

 

(It wasn't an affair. It's just that I admired her like an idol.)

 

 

 

 

 

But in that case, why hadn't she told her onee-sama about it. And why had she kept the racket hidden?

 

 

 

 

 

Right. Because she was feeling guilty about it. So she hadn't wanted her onee-sama to find out.

 

 

 

 

 

Understanding that, she couldn't ask her onee-sama about her feelings.

 

 

 

 

 

It was only when Katsura was placed in the opposite position that she realized just how unthinkable an act she had done.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(I give up)

 

 

 

 

 

Resting her hand against a hallway window, Katsura sighed softly.

 

 

 

 

 

Too much blood had rushed to her head, and now her legs wouldn't move as she commanded. She had rested for a little while, watching the world outside. She didn't know where she should go. Maybe she should just stay here.

 

 

 

 

 

However,

 

 

 

 

 

"Huh - Katsura-san?"

 

 

 

 

 

As she was thinking about giving up, someone called out to her. - Turning around, she saw her cla.s.smate from first-year, f.u.kuzawa Yumi-san, standing there.

 

 

 

 

 

"It really is you, Katsura-san. What's the matter?"

 

 

 

 

 

"The matter?"

 

 

 

 

 

"You were looking like you might be unwell."

 

 

 

 

 

Yumi-san peered at her, looking concerned.

 

 

 

 

 

"Ah, no, my body's fine."

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura hastily shook her head. It was like deja-vu. She saw the humor in that and smiled, which lured Yumi-san into smiling too.

 

 

 

 

 

Yumi-san's smiling face was nice. Basking in it, Katsura felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

 

 

 

 

 

"Yumi-san, you're going to the Rose Mansion from here, aren't you? You have some odd-jobs to do, right?"

 

 

 

 

 

As Rosa Chinensis en bouton, Yumi-san was friends with Shimako-san. So they would probably be doing the same thing. From Yumi-san's reaction, she knew she got it dead on.

 

 

 

 

 

"How did you know?"

 

 

 

 

 

"I have ESP"

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura said, as she held her right hand over Yumi-san's head.

 

 

 

 

 

"Ooh, you'll have to use that power to help me one of these days - "

 

 

 

 

 

"You know I'd really like to do that, but there are times when I can, and times when I can't use my powers."

 

 

 

 

 

Even as she was making such flippant remarks, Katsura was thinking that if she really did have this kind of power she would head straight to where her onee-sama was and use it on her.

 

 

 

 

 

"And you Katsura-san? Where were you off to?"

 

 

 

 

 

"Ahh, I was going to my onee-sama's cla.s.sroom."

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura had stopped here while she was trying to decide whether or not she should go, but her original objective unintentionally slipped out of her mouth. But she thought this was fine, as Yumi-san would be heading to the Rose Mansion and this was what she had told Shimako-san earlier.

 

 

 

 

 

" - Hey, Yumi-san. Isn't the Rose Mansion in the other direction?"

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura had expected they would head off in opposite directions, but Yumi-san walked off together with her.

 

 

 

 

 

"Ahh, yeah, I guess that's true."

 

 

 

 

 

Yumi-san muttered, awkwardly.

 

 

 

 

 

"I thought I'd go and see my onee-sama too."

 

 

 

 

 

"Huh?"

 

 

 

 

 

So it looks like Yumi-san would be escorting her to the third-year's cla.s.srooms.

 

 

 

 

 

"Rosa Chinensis isn't going to the Rose Mansion?"

 

 

 

 

 

"No, probably not today. But she may have gone home already."

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, right, they were doing odd-jobs, weren't they. The boutons of the retiring Roses wouldn't want to make their onee-samas do that kind of work.

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura resigned herself to the situation. Perhaps this was the will of Maria-sama. At any rate, she would walk with Yumi-san to her onee-sama's cla.s.sroom. What happened after that, would depend on what she thought when she arrived there.

 

 

 

 

 

(But)

 

 

 

 

 

Would her onee-sama be in the cla.s.sroom? As they approached the third-year cla.s.srooms, her heart started beating faster. Katsura looked down at her shoes as she walked along. At least she could say she was making forward progress.

 

 

 

 

 

"Sorry, Katsura-san."

 

 

 

 

 

Yumi-san whispered, as she stopped walking.

 

 

 

 

 

"I'll have to leave you here."

 

 

 

 

 

"Huh?"

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura had taken a few paces ahead of Yumi-san before she noticed, then stopped and turned around. Then she turned around once more, to see what it was that Yumi-san was looking at.

 

 

 

 

 

"Ahh."

 

 

 

 

 

She was a fair distance away, but it was definitely Yumi-san's onee-sama, Rosa Chinensis, ahead of them in the hallway. It looked like she was being mobbed by a group of first years, and some second years too, who were trying to get her autograph.

 

 

 

 

 

Neither Rosa Chinensis nor the girls surrounding her seemed to have noticed Yumi-san, who quickly departed. So Katsura chased after her.

 

 

 

 

 

"Yumi-san."

 

 

 

 

 

Yumi-san had finally stopped walking when she reached the stairway, probably deciding that she was completely hidden there.

 

 

 

 

 

"Huh? Why did you come back here, Katsura-san?"

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura's strength drained from her body when Yumi-san asked her this question with a blank look on her face.

 

 

 

 

 

Why did I come back here, you ask? Well, why. Probably because I was worried about you, Yumi-san, and chased after you.

 

 

 

 

 

"Well, let me turn that question back on you. Yumi-san, why did you come back here?"

 

 

 

 

 

"Hmm, well, I guess I thought that it would be better if I wasn't there, you know?"

 

 

 

 

 

"Better if you weren't there?"

 

 

 

 

 

"How can I explain it. It's not that I couldn't stand what was happening. But for the people that were asking Rosa Chinensis to sign their books, it probably wouldn't be good if her pet.i.t soeur suddenly appeared. I'm not bothered by them asking for her autograph, but they might hold back on account of me being there. So it would be rude to those that had worked up the courage to go and ask her."

 

 

 

 

 

"&h.e.l.lip; Is that so?"

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura was still trying to understand why Yumi-san had to worry about being rude as she mumbled this.

 

 

 

 

 

"It's not as though I had arranged to meet with onee-sama. If I had waited another ten minutes, I probably wouldn't have seen this. So it's okay. That I don't show up there."

 

 

 

 

 

"You're not worried about it?"

 

 

 

 

 

When she asked, Yumi-san answered 'Nope' straight away.

 

 

 

 

 

"Why not? Other students are making a fuss over your onee-sama. By not refusing them, doesn't that mean she's not completely satisfied just with you? Is that fine? Don't you want to know what your onee-sama is doing when you're not watching?"

 

 

 

 

 

If Yumi-san had left that place because of jealousy, Katsura would have understood. It was what she wanted to have heard. But she was wrong. Her friend didn't seem to be pretending to endure it at all.

 

 

 

 

 

Is that normal? Then was she strange for being jealous over a single tennis racket? Katsura had no idea.

 

 

 

 

 

"Katsura-san, what happened?"

 

 

 

 

 

Yumi-san's perplexed face was not that of Rosa Chinensis en bouton, but the Yumi-san she knew so well, and Katsura cried out and embraced her.

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura was worn-out from standing alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"There was a time when I was jealous of other girls getting close to my onee-sama."

 

 

 

 

 

Yumi-san spoke as though she was reading a weather forecast. Katsura hadn't said anything specific, but it seemed as though Yumi-san had sensed what was troubling her. Having climbed up the stairs and then exiting the building onto the emergency staircase, they could now feel the wind blowing against them.

 

 

 

 

 

"But now I don't worry about that."

 

 

 

 

 

"Why not?"

 

 

 

 

 

"Because I have faith in my onee-sama."

 

 

 

 

 

Then, after thinking for a while, Yumi-san added the following:

 

 

 

 

 

"I think things started to get better after I decided to approach her directly about things that would upset me."

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura felt a bit better, knowing that Yumi-san was worried about these things in the beginning. Time and all kinds of experiences didn't just result in a broken heart.

 

 

 

 

 

"I haven't talked to her about it."

 

 

 

 

 

So what should someone who has no time, nor experience do?

 

 

 

 

 

"What do you think will happen if you ask? If you're convinced it will open a terrible door, then you're going to feel far worse if you avoid it."

 

 

 

 

 

Even if it didn't seem as though she would end up in a position like Yumi-san's, it was the hint she had wanted.

 

 

 

 

 

"But, you know Katsura-san. If you really want to ask her, you can't run away or just bludgeon her with your feelings."

 

 

 

 

 

"...Yeah."

 

 

 

 

 

And there you have it, a completely ba.n.a.l solution to her problem. But coming from Yumi-san, it had a certain persuasiveness.

 

 

 

 

 

"Ahh, but I think seeing your onee-sama off quietly, without causing an uproar, is another way you could go."

 

 

 

 

 

Yumi-san's words. Tomorrow was the graduation ceremony, after all.

 

 

 

 

 

"But if it was you, you'd go and see her, right?"

 

 

 

 

 

"Probably. It was never usually as big a deal as I was imaging it to be."

 

 

 

 

 

I get it, the anxiety you feel from doing nothing is worse than any danger you might face, right? It was true for people a long time ago and it still seems to apply.

 

 

 

 

 

"Thanks for the advice."

 

 

 

 

 

"No, no, I'm just giving you something you can use as a reference."

 

 

 

 

 

"Yeah. I'll think about it."

 

 

 

 

 

Eventually, Yumi-san had to leave to go to the Rose Mansion. Katsura waved goodbye as Yumi-san descended the emergency staircase.

 

 

 

 

 

With the sound of Yumi-san's footsteps echoing in her ears, Katsura asked the question she had been wanting to ask for a while.

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey, earlier when you talked about 'other girls getting close to your onee-sama,' did you mean Touko-chan?"

 

 

 

 

 

"Bingo"

 

 

 

 

 

Yumi-san's voice came floating back to her through the gaps between the stairs.

 

 

 

 

 

"I see."

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura nodded to herself, then went into the school building and locked the door to the emergency staircase from the inside.

 

 

 

 

 

Rivals were probably always the biggest concern for pet.i.t soeurs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, for now, Katsura returned to the cla.s.srooms and quietly waited for her onee-sama. Before long she came out to greet her, and they left together.

 

 

 

 

 

It usually wasn't as big a deal as I imagined it was. Using those words as support, Katsura gathered her courage and asked. It was at the fork in the path in front of the statue of Maria-sama, because she had a feeling that Maria-sama had an interest in this too.

 

 

 

 

 

"About the racket I gave to Mizue-chan?"

 

 

 

 

 

Her onee-sama stood still, with a slightly conflicted look on her face.

 

 

 

 

 

"Yeah. I want to know what your feelings were at that time."

 

 

 

 

 

"My feelings..."

 

 

 

 

 

"Yes."

 

 

 

 

 

It looked as though she had never imagined that Katsura would ask her so directly. So her onee-sama was now searching for what to say. Not so that she could evade the question, but so that she could properly express herself. Eventually, she came up with a sentence.

 

 

 

 

 

"Let's see. I thought that it would be a good thing, for you. I guess."

 

 

 

 

 

"A good thing for me?"

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura was bewildered as to why she had come up in the conversation. But she had asked her onee-sama for her feelings, and if that was it then it would be wrong of her to interrupt, so she should be silent and listen attentively.

 

 

 

 

 

"I thought that if you saw Mizue-chan innocently swinging away with my racket, that you might use that racket you have that you don't use."

 

 

 

 

 

"What do you mean, the racket that I don't use?"

 

 

 

 

 

Her heart was hammering in her chest. No way, there's no way she could have known.

 

 

 

 

 

"Last year - "

 

 

 

 

 

"How do you know about the racket that Haru-sempai gave me?"

 

 

 

 

 

Ahh, she'd just ruined everything. She hadn't been able to endure it and just blurted that out. And she'd been playing dumb too. What a catastrophe.

 

 

 

 

 

In her heart, Katsura whispered.

 

 

 

 

 

Yumi-san.

 

 

 

 

 

You said it usually wasn't as big a deal as you imagined it, but you left out what happens when it doesn't go as usual. Adding that in, you'd say there's a possibility it would be a complete disaster, like now.

 

 

 

 

 

Onee-sama knew. And knowing everything, she gave her racket to Mizue-chan.

 

 

 

 

 

This must have been retribution for a selfish pet.i.t soeur.

 

 

 

 

 

But why had she done it now, when graduation was right before her.

 

 

 

 

 

Or maybe it was because she was about to graduate that she had done it.

 

 

 

 

 

"That's because."

 

 

 

 

 

Her onee-sama hesitated.

 

 

 

 

 

"Please tell me."

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura was desperate.

 

 

 

 

 

"I want to know the truth."

 

 

 

 

 

How long had her onee-sama known about it? Who had told her? What did she feel back then? What does she think about it now? She wanted to know everything.

 

 

 

 

 

For their relationship to break down on the day before her onee-sama graduated was deplorable, but she was just paying for her mistakes. It was n.o.body's fault but her own.

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura had no excuse for her actions regarding Haru-sempai's racket. If she was asked to return her rosary, she would just silently obey.

 

 

 

 

 

Thinking back on it, she hadn't even known the names of all the seniors in the tennis club when she was asked to become a pet.i.t soeur. She had said okay to the first person that had asked her. Even so, she had been nervous, and loved her onee-sama.

 

 

 

 

 

"You asked me why I knew. That's because..."

 

 

 

 

 

"That's because?"

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura pressed her. As though she was blind to her own shortcomings. She knew those well enough.

 

 

 

 

 

"Because I asked her to."

 

 

 

 

 

Was her onee-sama's response.

 

 

 

 

 

"Huh?"

 

 

 

 

 

"I knew you looked up to Haru-sempai. So I asked her. Haru-sempai didn't have a pet.i.t soeur, so she cheerfully agreed. Sure, she said. Because she liked you too."

 

 

 

 

 

On one hand, she thought that was foolish. But on the other, she could kind of understand it. Either way, she didn't think her onee-sama was lying to her.

 

 

 

 

 

"A year ago, I thought you'd be delighted by it. So I didn't make a big deal of it. But you never brought Haru-sempai's racket to our club activities. That's when I started to think that maybe I'd done something terrible. That Haru-sempai's racket was a far heavier burden than I had ever imagined. I'm sorry, Katsura."

 

 

 

 

 

"Onee-sama..."

 

 

 

 

 

Tattered tears fell from Katsura's eyes. At that time, her onee-sama must surely have been hurting. Even so, she had said sorry. When surely it was Katsura herself who should have been apologizing.

 

 

 

 

 

"Even after I graduate, as long as there are people in the club who remember Haru-sempai, you won't use that racket, will you? In that case, it's not just you that I should apologize to, but also Haru-sempai. Therefore..."

 

 

 

 

 

Therefore, she took a chance.

 

 

 

 

 

"You gave your racket to Mizue-chan...?"

 

 

 

 

 

"Yeah. I told her that she had to use it, and not just hang it up on the wall."

 

 

 

 

 

And true to her word, Mizue had used it during practice. Did that mean that for her, the racket was of no special significance.

 

 

 

 

 

"But I misunderstood once more, and caused you even more pain."

 

 

 

 

 

Her onee-sama used a finger to wipe the tears from Katsura's face.

 

 

 

 

 

"You're wrong about that."

 

 

 

 

 

Katsura shook her head.

 

 

 

 

 

"I love you, onee-sama. And thinking that, the tears came."

 

 

 

 

 

"Oh."

 

 

 

 

 

Onee-sama smiled, and this time she ran her finger over her own cheek.

 

 

 

 

 

"Then, in that case, I'm glad you told me your feelings so directly, Katsura."

 

 

 

 

 

As her onee-sama's damp hand took hold of her own hand, Katsura thought:

 

 

 

 

 

Yumi-san.

 

 

 

 

 

In the end, you were wrong about it not being a bigger deal than I had imagined, but I'm glad I took the chance to tell her about my feelings.

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes it works out better than you had imagined too.