Manners and Rules of Good Society Part 34

CHAPTER x.x.xVIII

CHAPERONS AND DeBUTANTES

An unmarried lady, unless she be a maiden-lady of a recognised age and standing, cannot act as an orthodox chaperon; but, on the other hand, a young married lady could do so with the greatest propriety, as could a brother from the age of eighteen; of other relatives it is not necessary to speak.

Young ladies are now frequently asked to dinner-parties without a chaperon, a hostess const.i.tuting herself chaperon for the occasion.

Dances are also given to which it is understood chaperons are _not_ invited, the hostess again acting in that capacity, but at large b.a.l.l.s and dances chaperonage is considered indispensable for young ladies. At theatres and evening concerts chaperonage is distinctly required; but at morning concerts and _matinees_, companionship rather than chaperonage is needed.

As regards morning hours. Young ladies may now walk together in the Park and elsewhere; ride together, attend cla.s.ses together or alone, go to luncheon or afternoon tea alone or together at the houses of friends and acquaintances, quite unaccompanied by a chaperon. They may also visit at country houses without a chaperon, the hostess performing this duty.

At all out-door gatherings, such as garden-parties, tennis-parties, cricket-matches, golf-meetings, etc., the chaperonage required is of the slightest, and for which any might be made available.

CHAPTER x.x.xIX

PRESENTATIONS AT THE VICEREGAL COURT, DUBLIN CASTLE

The Drawing-rooms at Dublin Castle are held by the Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland and his wife, in St. Patrick's Hall, at 10.15 o'clock p.m.

=A Lady who desires= a presentation at the Viceregal Court must be presented by a lady who has herself been presented thereat, and it is necessary that she herself should be present on the occasion, save under exceptional circ.u.mstances. A lady is not allowed to present more than _two_ ladies, except in special cases to be sanctioned by His Excellency.

=A Lady who proposes being presented= at a Viceregal Drawing-room must send to the Chamberlain's office by five o'clock, three days previous to the Drawing-room, a card with her name and address both in town and country, and the name and address of the lady by whom she is to be presented distinctly written thereon, and stating which Drawing-room she wishes to attend, to be submitted to the Lord-Lieutenant and his wife for their Excellencies' approval. Also two Presentation Cards must be obtained at the Chamberlain's office two days before the Drawing-room--if they have not previously been sent by post--and must be filled in with the necessary particulars, and taken to the Castle on the evening of the Drawing-room, one to be delivered to the official stationed in the Corridor, and the other to be handed to the Chamberlain, who will announce the name. It is requested that the names may be very distinctly written upon the cards, that there may be no difficulty in announcing them.

=A Lady attending= a Viceregal Drawing-room, who has been already presented at the Viceregal Court, must leave at the Chamberlain's office, three days previous to the Drawing-room, a card with her name and address, both in town and country, distinctly written thereon, and stating which Drawing-room she wishes to attend. She must bring with her two similar cards on the evening of the Drawing-room, one to be given to the official in the Corridor, and the other to the Chamberlain, who will announce the name.

A lady on entering the Castle on the evening of a Drawing-room towards ten o'clock, finds the hall lined with soldiers, and repairs at once to the cloak-room to leave wraps, etc., and to have her train dexterously arranged over one arm by a female attendant. She then proceeds up the grand staircase, lined with servants in gorgeous liveries, and enters the Corridor, where one of the Presentation Cards is given up to the official in attendance, and she pa.s.ses down the Corridor into the Long Drawing-room, where a barrier of wood, enclosing a s.p.a.ce, is erected at the end. One of the gentlemen of the Household lifts this barrier at intervals to allow of a certain number pa.s.sing through to the Throne-room, at the door of which her train is let down and arranged by men-servants. If she is to be "presented," the Chamberlain tells her to take off her right-hand glove, and, if royalty is present, informs her that she must make three bows, and says, "Three bows, please." She gives up her second Presentation Card to him, and he calls out her name, and it is pa.s.sed along to His Excellency by the gentlemen of the household.

The Lord-Lieutenant and his wife stand on a das, he standing in front of the Throne, which is a grand chair of State, and on either side--in what are known as the "Pens"--are grouped the visitors staying at the Castle, those who have the private _entree_, and the members of the Household. The name of the lady who makes the presentation is also called out. The lady presented advances, the Lord-Lieutenant shakes hands with her, but does not now kiss her on the cheek; she then makes him a bow, and bows to his wife, who bows in return. She then retires back to the door leading into the Long Drawing-room, where her train is replaced over her arm. She then proceeds to St. Patrick's Hall, or to the Picture Gallery.

=Ladies who attend= the Drawing-room only bow to the Lord-Lieutenant and his wife; he bows to them, but he does not shake hands with them or kiss them. In Ireland men invariably accompany their wives to the Drawing-room, having previously attended the Levee; they pa.s.s along the base of the semi-circle, and make their bows at the same time as do the ladies.

When all have been received and have a.s.sembled in St. Patrick's Hall, a procession is formed, the Lord-Lieutenant walking first, followed by his wife, whose train is carried by pages. The visitors staying at the Castle follow next, and then the members of the Household, the band stationed in the gallery playing "G.o.d Save the King" the while. All those present form up in two lines to make a pa.s.sage for the procession to pa.s.s through, and bow low to His Excellency and his wife as they pa.s.s.

A supper is not given, only light refreshments of every description.

These refreshments are arranged on long tables on one side of St.

Patrick's Hall, and at the lower end, under the gallery, tables are placed for tea, coffee, wine, etc. On the opposite side of the hall red-cushioned seats are placed, and the company promenade in and around the Picture Gallery and St. Patrick's Hall during the remainder of the evening.

Ladies wear full Court dress as at Buckingham Palace, and gentlemen uniform or Court dress.

=Levees.=--Every n.o.bleman or gentleman who proposes to attend a Levee, and who has not yet been received at the Viceregal Court, must be introduced by a n.o.bleman or gentleman who has himself been previously presented thereat.

=A Gentleman who proposes= to be presented must send to the Gentleman Usher's office by five o'clock, two or three days before the Levee, a card with his name and address, both in town and country, and the name and address of the gentleman by whom he is to be presented distinctly written thereon, to be submitted for the Lord-Lieutenant's approval. He must also obtain two Presentation Cards from the Gentleman Usher's office, and must take them to the Castle on the day of the Levee, the one to be given to the official in the Corridor, and the other to be handed to the Gentleman Usher, who will announce the name to the Lord-Lieutenant.

Any gentleman who proposes to attend a Levee, having been previously presented, must also take two cards with him to the Castle on the day of the Levee, with his name and address, both in town and country, clearly written thereon, to be given up as before mentioned. Again, a gentleman who, having previously attended the Levee, proposes attending the Drawing-room, is requested to bring with him _one_ card, with his name distinctly written upon it, to be left in the Corridor. All those ent.i.tled to the private _entree_ at Dublin Castle, and availing themselves of the privilege, are permitted to be accompanied only by their wives and unmarried daughters.

Gentlemen wear Court dress or naval and military uniforms, or the uniforms of Lords-Lieutenants of Counties, or of the Royal Irish Constabulary, etc. The Academical habit cannot be worn except when presenting an address from a university. Foreign orders and decorations cannot be worn at the Court of Dublin by British subjects without special authority under His Majesty's royal licence.

The right-hand glove should be removed before Presentation.

Gentlemen who, having previously attended the Levee, are desirous of accompanying the ladies of their families to the Drawing-room, are requested to apply to the Chamberlain's office for an Attendance Card, which should be brought to the Castle on the evening of the Drawing-room and given up in the Corridor.

Presentations in London do not count as Presentations at the Viceregal Court.

CHAPTER XL

HOSTESSES

=The Art of receiving Guests= is a very subtle one, difficult to acquire; but when acquired and thoroughly mastered it confers upon a mistress of a house an enviable reputation--that of being a perfect hostess.

With some this is in-bred, and grace and composure and all the attendant attributes which are to be found in this type of hostess sit naturally upon them; but the individuals so gifted represent the few rather than the many. A far greater section of society has to rely upon experience to teach them this useful accomplishment, while with others time alone can aid them in overcoming natural reserve, and want of confidence in themselves, which stand in the way of their a.s.suming this character with anything like success. Those ladies who are innately thoughtless and careless in this respect, neither time nor experience can mould, and what they are at the commencement of their career, they remain to the end of the chapter--very indifferent hostesses. There are varieties of hostesses, according to individual capabilities, and who are known amongst their friends by these appellations: first ranks the perfect or "charming hostess," either t.i.tle suits her equally well; next to her comes the "good hostess," she is followed by the one who is "not a good hostess"; and the rear is brought up by the one who is decidedly "a bad hostess." Amongst the salient points which distinguish the perfect or charming hostess are perhaps, foremost, a certain facility of putting each individual guest at ease, conveying that the welcome she accords is a personal if not an especial one. Simultaneously with these agreeable impressions is conveyed a sense of the hostess's genial qualities; her charm of manner, her graciousness and her courteous bearing evincing so plainly that she is entirely mistress of the situation: these qualities insensibly react upon the guests, and evoke a corresponding desire to please on their part.

=The perfect hostess= possesses yet another advantage, viz. a readiness of speech, a faculty of saying the right thing at the right moment and to the right person, and of identifying herself, so to speak, with the susceptibilities of each of her guests.

=The good hostess= is essentially what is known as a considerate hostess; she makes up for the brighter qualities in which she is lacking by her extreme consideration for her guests. In the charming hostess this consideration is eclipsed by her more brilliant powers of pleasing, it permeates all she does, while in the good hostess it is her strongest point, and upon which is founded her claim to the name. The lady who bears the undesirable reputation of being "not a good hostess" is not "good" in a variety of ways; she means well and does her utmost to succeed, but by some contrariety of the laws which regulate domestic and social affairs, the results of her efforts are always the reverse of what she would have them be. The lady who is not a good hostess sometimes suffers from shyness and reserve which renders her stiff in manner when she would most desire to be cordial, silent when she would be most loquacious, and awkward when she would be at ease.

As there are many reasons why ladies prove to be good hostesses, so there are many reasons why they prove bad hostesses, selfishness and want of consideration for others contribute to these, as do procrastination and a vague idea of the value of time. Ladies with such faults and weaknesses as these produce very much the same impression upon their guests, although, perhaps, one is a little less culpable than is the other.

=The selfish hostess is a bad hostess=, because, providing she is amused, she is utterly indifferent as to whether her guests are amused or not, her own pleasure and gratification being of paramount importance. Instead of being in readiness to receive her guests she descends late to the drawing-room to welcome them, and is indifferent as to whether there is any one to greet them or not.

=The procrastinating hostess=, although she is equally in fault, yet, as she hastens to excuse herself, when lacking in politeness to, or consideration for her guests, her excuses are sometimes admitted; but the selfish hostess, if she deigns to excuse herself, does so with such a palpable show of indifference as to her guests' opinion of her actions, that the excuse is oftener than not an aggravation of the offence. A lady who has no regard for time goes to her room to dress at the moment when she should be descending to the drawing-room; or she remains out driving when she should be returning; or she puts off making some very important arrangement for the comfort or amus.e.m.e.nt of her guests until it is too late for anything but a makeshift to be thought of, if it has not to be dispensed with altogether. Everything that she does or projects is on the same scale of procrastination; her invitations, her orders and engagements, are one and all effected against time, and neither herself nor her guests gain the value or satisfaction of the hospitality put forth. The bad hostess walks into her drawing-room when many of her guests are a.s.sembled, either for a dinner-party or afternoon tea, and shakes hands in an awkward, abashed manner, almost as if she were an unexpected guest instead of the mistress of the house.

The host is not at his ease; he is provoked at having to make excuses for his wife, and the guests are equally constrained.

If the host is of a sarcastic turn of mind, he never refrains from saying something the reverse of amiable to the hostess on her entrance.

"My dear," he will perhaps remark, "you are doubtless not aware that we have friends dining with us this evening." This remark renders the guests even more uncomfortable and the hostess less self-possessed, and this is often the prelude to an inharmonious evening, with a host whose brow is clouded and a hostess whose manner is abashed.

=The mode of receiving guests= is determined by the nature of the entertainment. A welcome accorded to some two or three hundred guests cannot be as personal a one as that offered to some ten to thirty guests.

Whatever disappointment a hostess may feel she should not allow it to appear on the surface, and should not be _distrait_ in manner when shaking hands with her guests. At large or small gatherings disappointments follow in the course of events, and very few hostesses can say that they have not experienced this in a larger or smaller degree at each and all of their entertainments.