Manners and Rules of Good Society Part 31

When driving in an open or close carriage or motor-car it is quite immaterial whether the owner occupies the right-hand or the left-hand seat. The seat she occupies depends upon which side she enters, as the lady driving with her should enter before her and should seat herself on the furthest seat.

A visitor should always enter the motor-car or carriage before the hostess.

When three ladies enter a motor-car or carriage the young unmarried lady should take the back seat and the two married ladies should occupy the front seat; this is a matter of courtesy on the part of a young lady due to married ladies and not strictly demanded by etiquette.

A husband should sit with his back to the horses, or by the side of the chauffeur in the case of a motor-car, when a lady is driving with his wife.

A gentleman should be the first to get out of a motor-car or carriage, with a view to a.s.sisting the ladies to do so.

As a rule the hostess should leave the carriage or car after her guest and not before her, unless it is more convenient to do otherwise.

When a lady is merely calling for an acquaintance to take her for a drive, she should not descend from her car or carriage for the purpose of allowing her to enter it before her.

In the afternoon young ladies may drive alone in the public thoroughfares, unaccompanied by married ladies. It is permissible for a young lady to drive alone in the Park or in the streets. A married lady can, as a matter of course, drive unaccompanied.

It would be unconventional were a lady to drive alone with a gentleman in his motor-car, unless he were nearly related to her, or unless she were engaged to be married to him.

It is usual for the owner of a carriage to sit with her face to the horses; when a married lady is driving with her she should sit beside her. When young ladies are driving with her in addition to the married lady they should sit with their backs to the horses.

When a lady is driving with her husband, and a young lady accompanies her, she should not offer the front seat to the young lady, but should retain it herself, and even should the offer be made, a young lady should not avail herself of it.

=Riding.=--As regards riding in town, the hours for practice in the Row are from 8 to 10 a.m. in summer and 9 to 11 a.m. in winter, for inexperienced riders and beginners; young ladies ride with a riding-master or with a riding-mistress, or with a relative, as the case may be.

The hours for riding in the Park range from 9.30 to 10.30 a.m.

It is thoroughly understood that a lady may ride in the Park alone--that is, unaccompanied or unattended--for the purpose of joining her friends.

It is argued, in these days of woman's emanc.i.p.ation, that no possible harm or annoyance can arise from the fact of a lady riding unattended, beyond the always possible chance of an accident.

Although great lat.i.tude is now allowed to young ladies with regard to riding alone, many parents still prefer that their daughters should be attended by their grooms.

Two ladies frequently ride together, unaccompanied by a gentleman and unattended by a groom.

CHAPTER x.x.xIII

BOWING

As regards the recognition of friends or acquaintances, it is the privilege of a lady to take the initiative, by being the first to bow. A gentleman should not raise his hat to a lady until she has accorded him this mark of recognition, although the act of bowing is a simultaneous action on the part of both lady and gentleman, as a lady would hardly bestow a bow upon a gentleman not prepared to return it.

The bow between intimate acquaintances takes the character, when given by a lady, of a familiar nod in place of a stiff bow.

=When a gentleman returns the bow= of a lady he should do so by distinctly taking his hat off and as quickly replacing it, not merely raising it slightly, as formerly, and if he is an intimate acquaintance or friend, he should act in a similar manner.

In France and on the Continent generally, the rule of bowing is reversed, and the gentleman is the first to bow to the lady, instead of the lady to the gentleman.

Between ladies but slightly acquainted, the one of highest rank should be the first to bow to the other; between ladies of equal rank it is immaterial which of the two bows first.

=A lady should not bow= to persons only known to her by sight, although she may frequently have seen them in the company of her friends.

A lady should bow to a gentleman, either a friend or acquaintance, even when he is walking with either a lady or gentleman, with whom she is unacquainted.

Gentlemen do not raise their hats in recognition of each other, but simply nod, when not walking with ladies, save when a vast difference exists in rank or age.

When a gentleman meets another--a friend of his--walking with a lady or ladies, with whom he himself is unacquainted, he should raise his hat and look straight before him, not at the lady or ladies.

A lady should not bow to another who, being a stranger to her, has addressed a few remarks to her at an afternoon party, as the fact of meeting at the house of a mutual friend does not const.i.tute an acquaintanceship, and does not authorise a future bowing acquaintance.

Ladies, as a rule, are not too ready to bow to those whom they have merely conversed with in a casual way. In the first place, they are not quite certain of being remembered, and nothing is more disconcerting and disagreeable than to bow to a person who does not return it through forgetfulness of the one who has given it, or through shortsightedness, or through actual intention. Short-sighted people are always offending in the matter of not bowing, and almost every third person, comparatively speaking, complains of being more or less short-sighted; thus it behoves ladies to discover for themselves the strength and length of sight possessed by their new acquaintances, or the chances are that their bow may never be returned, or they may continue to labour under the impression that they have received a cut direct; thus many pleasant acquaintances are lost through this misapprehension, and many erroneous impressions created.

=A bowing acquaintance= is a difficult and tiresome one to maintain for any length of time, when opportunities do not arise for increasing it.

The irksomeness of keeping it up is princ.i.p.ally experienced by persons meeting day after day in the Park or on public promenades, riding, driving, or walking, more especially when it is tacitly understood that the acquaintance should not develop into a further acquaintance.

It would be considered discourteous to discontinue a bowing acquaintance which has once been commenced.

To know a gentleman by sight through having frequently seen him at b.a.l.l.s and parties, does not give a lady the right to bow to him, even though she may have stood beside him for some twenty minutes or so on a crowded staircase, and may have received some slight civility from him.

A lady who has received a little service from a stranger would gladly acknowledge it at any subsequent meeting by a pleasant bow, but as bowing to a gentleman argues an acquaintance with him, and as in such cases as these an acquaintance does not exist, etiquette provides no compromise in the matter. Therefore, if a young lady takes her own line, and rather than appear ungracious bows to a gentleman who has not been introduced to her either directly or indirectly, it is a breach of etiquette on her part; and as to do an unconventional thing is not desirable, the innumerable little services which ladies receive in general society are not further acknowledged beyond the thanks expressed at the moment of their being received.

=Bows vary materially=: there is the friendly bow, the distant bow, the ceremonious bow, the deferential bow, the familiar bow, the reluctant bow, and so on, according to the feelings that actuate individuals in their intercourse with each other.

When a bowing acquaintance only exists between ladies and gentlemen, and they meet perhaps two or three times during the day, and are not sufficiently intimate to speak, they do not usually bow more than once, when thus meeting in park or promenade.

CHAPTER x.x.xIV

THE c.o.c.kADE

=c.o.c.kades are worn= by servants in livery of officers in the army and navy, and all those who hold His Majesty's commission; also of lords-lieutenants and deputy-lieutenants.

Retainers of the Crown are ent.i.tled to the use of the c.o.c.kade as a badge of the reigning dynasty.

The fact that c.o.c.kades are now so frequently worn by men-servants may be accounted for thus:

Deputy-lieutenants are far more numerous now than was formerly the case; almost every country gentleman is a deputy-lieutenant, and consequently his servants are ent.i.tled to the use of the c.o.c.kade. The privilege of appearing in uniform at levees instead of in Court dress has been and is an incentive to many to seek for and obtain the appointment of deputy-lieutenant. Again, all justices of the peace claim the use of the c.o.c.kade as being "Civil retainers of the Crown"; and although there is no clearly defined rule on this head, according to the late Sir Albert Woods, Garter-King-at-Arms, it has long been tacitly conceded to them.

The custom of livery servants wearing c.o.c.kades dates from the commencement of the eighteenth century, and was at first purely a military distinction.