Manners and Rules of Good Society Part 25

At large "at homes" the hostess should receive her guests at the drawing-room door, and shake hands with each on arrival. The drawing-room door should remain open, and she should stand within the doorway.

At small teas, the drawing-room door should not remain open, and the hostess should receive her guests within the room, as at "morning calls."

The guests should arrive from a quarter-past four until half-past five or six o'clock. The guests are not expected to remain the whole three hours specified, and are at liberty to remain as long or as short a time as they please. The earliest arrivals are generally the first to leave.

When the hostess judges it expedient to do so, she introduces one or two of the ladies to each other, either in a formal manner (see Chapter II.), or in a semi-formal manner, by saying, "Mrs. A., I don't think you know Mrs. B."; but she should not say this unless quite certain that Mrs. B. desires the acquaintance of Mrs. A., or that Mrs. A. has no objection to knowing Mrs. B.[5]

It is rather the exception than the rule to make general introductions on these occasions. Introductions should only be made when the hostess is aware that the persons introduced would be likely to appreciate each other, or for any reason of equal weight.

The guests should go to the tea-room with any gentlemen of their acquaintance present, or in the case of ladies with each other, if they have not done so on arrival.

This move to the tea-room is usually made in the intervals between music, recitations, etc.

Occasionally, the hostess introduces one or two of the gentlemen present to the ladies of highest rank for the purpose of sending them into the tea-room.

A lady should place her empty cup on any table near at hand, unless a gentleman offers to put it down for her. It is optional whether a lady removes her gloves or not, and many prefer not to do so.

At large "at homes," the hostess remains at her post the whole of the time, and hardly ever sits down. At small "at homes," she should move amongst her guests, conversing with them all more or less. When there are daughters, they should a.s.sist their mother in entertaining the guests.

When ladies are acquainted, they should take an opportunity of speaking to each other. It is usual for ladies to move about the rooms at afternoon "at homes" to speak to their various friends and acquaintances; and they are by no means obliged to remain seated in one spot unless desirous of doing so.

When music is given at afternoon "at homes," it is usual to listen to the performance, or at least to appear to do so; and if conversation is carried on, it should be in a low tone, so as not to disturb or annoy the performers.

It is not necessary to take leave of the hostess at afternoon "at homes," unless she is standing near the drawing-room door when the guest is pa.s.sing out, or unless she is a new acquaintance, and the visit a first one at her house, when it would be polite to do so.

When it is late, and but a few guests still remain, these few should make their adieus to the hostess.

At these afternoon teas or "at homes," the hostess should not ring to order the door to be opened for the departing guest or for her motor-car to be called, as at "morning calls." The guests make their way to the hall, and the servants in attendance call up the motor-cars as they are asked for.

Motor-cars should always be kept in waiting at afternoon "at homes," as ladies are sometimes unable to remain longer than a quarter of an hour.

The guests either remain in the hall or in the dining-room until they hear their motor-cars are announced.

=Gratuities= should never be offered to servants at these entertainments, or, in fact, at any entertainment whatever.

=Afternoon Concerts.=--When afternoon concerts are given, invitations should be issued on the usual "at home" cards, which can be purchased with the words "at home," etc., already printed, or they are printed to order, with the name and address of the hostess. The name of the person invited should be written above the name of the hostess at the right-hand corner of the card.

The date under the line "at home" should be in the centre of the card beneath the name of the hostess; the hour should be written at the left-hand corner, and the letters R.S.V.P. The printed address should be at the right-hand corner.

The names of the performers should be added at the bottom of the card at the right-hand corner.

The hour usually fixed for a concert is 3 o'clock.

The hostess should receive her guests at the drawing-room door, when they should at once seat themselves. The seats should be arranged in rows down the centre of the room, and sofas and settees should be placed around the room.

The programme of a concert is divided into two parts, and at the conclusion of the first part the guests should repair to the dining-room for refreshments, which are served as at large "at homes."

=Afternoon Dances.=--Invitations to afternoon dances should be issued on "at home" cards in the manner already described. "Dancing" should be printed in the corner of cards, and the hour of "4 to 7" o'clock subst.i.tuted for that of "3" o'clock. The words "afternoon dance" should not be written on an invitation card, and there is no other received form of invitation for afternoon dances than the one already given.

Afternoon dances are very popular at watering-places, military stations, small towns in the vicinity of London, etc., but are seldom given in London itself.

Refreshments should be served during the whole of the afternoon, from 4 to 7, as at large "at homes."

The ladies should remove their jackets or wraps in the cloak-room, but retain their hats or bonnets; the hostess should receive her guests at the drawing-room door, as at an afternoon "at home."

=Bridge Teas= occupy an important place in social life. They are a convenient form of entertainment, as they allow of a small number of guests being invited, even as few as eight persons being considered a reasonable number of players to invite, while twenty-four is distinctly an outside one. The average number is in most instances sixteen, all told.

The play usually commences at 3.30, sometimes earlier, and continues until 7.30, allowing an interval for "tea" at 4.30.

The invitations to these informal gatherings are either issued in friendly notes or on visiting cards. If on the latter, the words "at home," day, and date are written under the name of the hostess, while "Bridge, 3.30," or "3 o'clock" is put in the corner of the cards opposite the address.

The hostess arranges beforehand the places the guests are to occupy at the different tables; this is done that the good players may play together. When all have arrived, the hostess tells her guests where to sit, and is herself one of the players. On taking their seats they cut for partners. She does not invite guests to look on, as it would necessitate her not playing, but talking to them while they remain; besides conversation is discouraged, as it distracts the attention of the players from the game.

The ladies retain their hats, but remove their coats, furs, etc., on arrival.

FOOTNOTES:

[5] See chapter "Conversing with New Acquaintances," in the work ent.i.tled "The Art of Conversing."

CHAPTER XX

"AT HOME" DAYS

=An "At Home"= day signifies that a lady is at home to her friends and acquaintances on one particular day in the week. She should intimate this fact by printing upon her visiting cards the days on which she is at home. Thus: "Thursdays in March," or "Thursdays in March and April,"

or any day of the week she thinks proper to name. These cards she should leave in person on those who are not at home when she calls, or they can be sent by post. Those she finds at home she should inform that her "at home" day is "Thursday." She should not leave her visiting card in this case, only two of her husband's cards, and the "at home" day should not be written upon them.

On the "at home" day, calls should be made from three to six, or from four to six. The first comers should leave before the afternoon tea hour and should limit their call according to the degree of intimacy existing, remaining from a quarter of an hour to an hour, as the case may be.

=A Hostess or her Daughter should pour out the Tea= on these "at home"

days when tea is not served in the dining-room as at "at homes," which should be done when the number of visitors is very considerable.

The popularity of a hostess is tested on these "at home" days by the number of visitors who call during the afternoon, and when "at home"

days are not a success, socially speaking, she should discontinue them after a certain time, and should subst.i.tute an occasional "at home."

It depends not a little on the social standing of the lady who has an "at home" day and upon the locality in which she lives, as to whether the "at home" day is a failure or the reverse. In the outlying districts of town it has its advantages, when to make a call amounts to almost a journey, and when acquaintances are few in the immediate neighbourhood.

Again, it has its advantages when ladies are much occupied during the week, and when their time is given up to an engrossing occupation, charitable or artistic, at home or away from home, literary or scientific, at studios, museums and public inst.i.tutions, etc., work undertaken for their own amus.e.m.e.nt, profit, or advancement, or for the benefit of others. To these ladies an "at home" day is a convenience.

One day in the week is all they can allow themselves apart from their important engagements, and to them quiet privacy and leisure are indispensable. Fashionable ladies consider an "at home" day to be a great tax upon their time and inclinations. Their engagements are too numerous to admit of giving up one whole afternoon in every week on the chance of people calling. Not only long-standing but impromptu engagements preclude this sacrifice. It would be a breach of politeness not to be at home to callers on an "at home" day, and many things might occur to necessitate absence from home on that particular afternoon. If, however, absence is unavoidable, a relative might take the place of the hostess on the "at home" day in question.