Maine: A Novel Part 25

aFoster, go help Dad,a Patty said.

He did as she said. Father and son returned a few moments later, though Fosteras hands were empty.

aHe said he had achieved perfect balance and would topple if I took anything,a Foster reported.

aOkay,a Patty said. aWell, it was nice of you to ask.a aWhen can we see the bears eating out of the Dumpsters?a Foster asked.

Maisy covered her eyes with her hands, as if the bears were right there on the porch. aI donat want to see them at all, please!a she said, and everyone laughed.

A few moments later, Maisy started shuffling from one foot to the other.

aYou need to hit the bathroom again, bug?a Josh asked.

Maisy shook her head no, and then nodded yes.

aDad, you gotta help me get my suit off!a she said.

aOkay, okay, let me put everything down.a Ann Marie thought of how they were just as likely to go to Josh as to Patty. She had never wanted Patrick to understand the children like she did, preferring that the mystery of child-rearing be mostly her domain. Perhaps that had been a mistake, but it still seemed strange for a father to take his daughter to the bathroom, especially when the mother was standing right there.

aLittle Daniel and Regina are coming up for dinner,a Patty said now.

aOh?a aThey just called me in the car to say so. They called you, too, but it went to voice mail.a aWell, thatas wonderful,a Ann Marie said. aWhat should we have?a A debate ensued over whether to drive up the coast toward Kennebunkport or to stay at home and cook hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill.

Ann Marieas spirits were high. Here was her family, swirling around her, just as she liked, only beginning a week away at their summer home. She knew that it would go by in a flash, but even so she said a silent prayer, asking G.o.d to help her enjoy whatever time they had left.

Kathleen.

On the fifth of July, Kathleen went to her sleeping daughter and gently shook Maggieas shoulder. Through the open bedroom window, she could hear the sound of the surf, seagulls calling to one another.

aMags, wake up, weave got to go,a she whispered.

aGo where?a Maggie asked, her eyes still closed.

aHome. Iam taking you back to New York.a Maggie opened just her left eye. aWhy are we leaving in the middle of the night?a aItas seven thirty in the morning,a Kathleen said.

Now Maggie opened the other eye, and said, aFor you, seven thirty in the morning is the middle of the night. Whatas going on?a aIall tell you in the car,a Kathleen said. aHop in the shower. I want to get out of here before Ann Marie wakes up.a aDid you do something bad to her?a Maggie asked.

aNo, as a matter of fact, I didnat. Now come on!a Kathleen had been up all night trying to decide how she should handle the situation. Should she write Ann Marie a note letting her know that her secret was safe, and then stick around for a couple more days to make things look normal to everyone else? Should she try to get that a.s.shole Steve Brewer in private, and tell him that if he didnat keep his mouth shut, head have her to answer to? Or should she simply go away, sending Ann Marie the silent message that the whole silly episode could now vanish too? Kathleen decided that if the roles were reversed, shead want Ann Marie to leave.

She had never felt protective of her sister-in-law before. It was a strange sensation. It felt nice when you saw yourself evolving a bit; it felt better than any b.i.t.c.hy comeback or snide remark ever could. She wished Arlo were there so they could discuss it.

She had called him before she went to sleep, but instead of mentioning Ann Marie she said, aI took a step back tonight and I finally realized Maggie really doesnat want to live with us.a aAnd how do you feel about that?a he asked.

She thought this over. aSad. Scared. Thankful.a aSheas going to make it,a he said.

aI know.a aRemember that thereas a gray area between having her live with us and having her all alone,a he said. aYou can go back and forth for a while. Maybe she can bring the baby out here for the summer. Weall figure it out.a aYes.a aYou raised a really smart, tough daughter,a he said. aA girl like you.a Kathleen thought to herself that Maggie was nothing like she had been at that age. It had taken Kathleen so much longer to find herself, because she had spent twenty years trying to be someone else. Maggie had gotten straight to the good stuffa"her chosen career, her city, even the men she dated were exactly what she wanted. You had to give them that, though not much else. Kathleen felt proud, even as she knew it might have less to do with her parenting skills and more to do with the time. Maggie had been born at a point when girls were told they could do anything. G.o.d knows that hadnat been the case for Kathleen, never mind Alice. She imagined the world her granddaughter might inherit, incrementally better than the one they lived in now. The thought of it excited her more than she might have expected.

The previous night, she had grudgingly gone along with Maggie to watch the Fourth of July fireworks in Portsmouth after dinner. Within minutes of their arrival, Maggie had to pee, and so they went to the Porta-Potty lines, and got into what looked like the shortest one. They stood there, barely speaking. At the restaurant, Kathleen had once again pleaded her casea"Maggie should move to California and live with her. Once again, Maggie had refused. She had been a bit mean about it, really. Kathleen worried that this was Aliceas influence. She had to remind herself about all the hormones that were coursing through her sweet daughteras body.

aYour place is a pigsty,a Maggie had said, as Kathleen paid the bill. aI canat imagine a worse house for a baby to crawl around in.a aBabies donat exactly come out of the womb crawling,a Kathleen said.

aFine. I canat imagine a worse house for a baby to live in, crawling or not. Gabe was afraid to sleep there, for G.o.das sake.a A moment later Maggie apologized, but the damage was done.

Her house wasnat that bad. Was it?

aSo sorry to have offended that darling Gabe with my filth,a she said.

They didnat talk in the car on the way to Portsmouth. But standing there by the portable toilets, Kathleen said, aWhen my brother was at Notre Dame, he and a few other guys once got suspended for tipping one of these over while a friend of theirs was inside.a aThatas awful,a Maggie said.

aYeah. Pat was kind of a bad boy before Ann Marie came along and sucked all the fun out of him.a aI donat know if Iad call that fun,a Maggie said.

aGood point,a Kathleen said.

aI can kind of picture Chris doing that,a Maggie said.

aI know. Itas scary, but I know.a She put an arm around Maggie.

Maggie nodded. She held on until it was her turn to go in.

aDonat you dare tip me over,a she said over her shoulder as she moved toward the stinking plastic enclosure.

aWell, you shouldnat have called my house messy,a Kathleen said, and stuck out her tongue.

She stood there, watching the crowd for what seemed like ages. Teenage couples kissed, and gaggles of girls ran around giggling. Young parents chased their offspring down the path, and older parents read books on blankets in the gra.s.s, eating pizza or submarine sandwiches wrapped in tinfoil while their children texted away on cell phones. A group of high school kids competed to see who could shove the largest number of glow sticks into his or her mouth. Well, that was charming.

Kathleen glanced over at the Porta-Potty Maggie had gone into. What was taking her so long? She wondered if something was wrong. She pictured a gunman lurking behind the flimsy door, covering Maggieas mouth with a gloved hand.

She shook off the thought.

When her children were small, shead experience a miniature panic attack at least once a week, thinking one or the other of them had been s.n.a.t.c.hed. In the grocery store, she would turn her head this way and that, looking for Chris, her heart pounding, imagining the most gruesome possibilitiesa"and then, a moment later, there head be, clutching a package of Oreos, which she gladly let him have as a sort of reward for not getting kidnapped and ruining both their lives.

Kathleen looked down at her watch. When she looked up, she noticed her brotheras friend, Steve Brewer, standing two lines over. She hoped he wouldnat see her. She wasnat interested in making small talk with anyone who would consciously choose to socialize with her brother and sister-in-law.

Right on cue, she saw Ann Marie come through a wall of people. She was wobbling, and she looked plain drunk. Not tipsy, or just over the limit. Drunk. Some tiny part of Kathleen had softened to her sister-in-law this week. It had probably started with Ann Marie trampling Aliceas tomato plants, and her all-out meltdown around the priest. You couldnat exactly wish more unhappiness on somebody who was so clearly coming undone, even if she was your mortal enemy.

Ann Marie approached Steve with a smile and said something to him. She fingered his lapel. Her face was dangerously close to his, as if they were two lovers about to kiss. As the thought struck Kathleen, she saw her sister-in-law lean forward and plant her lips on his.

aOh my G.o.d,a Kathleen said out loud, putting a hand over her mouth, feeling almost giddy, as if she were watching the season finale of her favorite soap opera. Her sister-in-law was having an affair with her neighboras husband. It was almost too good. She had a momentary vision of all of them squeezed together, watching the fireworks, and hearing herself say, So, Ann Marie and Stevea"when did you two get together?

She remembered when she had found out about Paulas infidelity all those years ago, Ann Marie self-righteously saying, aI think youad better take it up with your husband.a How stupid she had felt then. How powerless. And now this. Maybe if you only waited long enough, all your lifeas wrongs would right themselves one way or another.

But then, quite suddenly, Steve pulled away. She couldnat hear what he was saying, but she understood from his expression that he had been taken by surprise, and not in a good way. The two of them exchanged words, and he stormed off, leaving Ann Marie standing in place, in tears. Some gentleman, abandoning a clearly intoxicated woman in the middle of a crowd.

Kathleen instantly felt sorry for Ann Marie. It was the excruciating expression on her face that did it, a look of embarra.s.sment, shame. Kathleen felt a sense of pride, realizing that that was all she wanted. Not to hold it over Ann Marieas head as some sort of threat, but just knowing that Ann Marie herself knew she was not perfect.

At that moment, Ann Marie saw her. s.h.i.t. Kathleen almost hoped she would walk away, but instead Ann Marie came toward her.

aOh G.o.d, please, Kathleen, donat tell Patrick what you just saw.a Ann Marie spoke in a rush, sounding desperate.

Kathleen had to remind herself that Ann Marie was drunk; that was probably part of it. She felt like being kind. Not her Kelleher self but that other, better version of her she thought she had left behind on the farm.

aI didnat see anything,a she said. aIam just waiting for Maggie to get out of that disgusting bathroom. Sheas been in there for ages.a Ann Marie looked skeptical.

aPlease,a she said again. aI can explain what that was.a Maggie finally came out of the Porta-Potty then, thank the universe.

aHere she comes,a Kathleen said, waving to her. She wanted to make it clear that she posed no threat. She put on her sweetest voice, the type shead use with a school superintendent she wanted to charm. aNow, where are you guys sitting and what did you bring for dessert?a The rest of the night whizzed by, Kathleen feeling almost giddy. For all time, she would now be the bigger person. G.o.dd.a.m.n, it felt good. She talked to that slimy Steve about golf and the Grateful Dead (these middle-aged Dead Heads could surprise you with their Brooks Brothers polo shirts and Nantucket Reds). She talked to his wife about a trip they were planning to San Francisco. She praised the gloppy, over-sweet dessert, and she oohed and aahed over the fireworks until Maggie grabbed her sleeve and said, aYouare kind of freaking me out, Mom. It seems like youare actually having fun.a While Maggie showered, Kathleen finished packing. She hadnat brought much. She had worn the same faded T-shirt of Arloas for the past three days.

Eventually, Maggie came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, a wall of steam floating around her.

aDid you make the bed in your room?a Maggie asked.

aYes!a aDid you wash the sheets?a aNo. What is it with you and the sheets? Do you think I was performing an animal sacrifice in my sleep or something?a Maggie sighed. aIall meet you downstairs.a Kathleen found Alice in the kitchen washing dishes, already dressed in a dark blue pantsuit, her makeup done to perfection, her black bob sleek and in place. She looked like she was going to a funeral.

aWeare taking off,a Kathleen said.

Alice frowned. aOh? Where to?a aIam driving Maggie back to New York.a aIs that right?a Kathleen opened the fridge and pulled out a pitcher of water. Beside it, dripping onto a saucer, was a tea bag.

aMaybe you should start living a little and stop reusing the tea bags, Mom.a aWaste not, want not,a Alice said. aSo, has Maggie come to her senses about Gabe? Are they getting back together?a aNo, thank G.o.d.a aHow can you say that?a Alice asked. aItas always better for a child to have married parents. Do you know what children call other children who donat have fathers?a aItas not 1951, Mom.a aYes, Iam aware of that.a Alice paused. aIf sheas not going to make up with Gabe, whatas the point of going back there?a aTo start getting ready, I guess,a Kathleen said.

Alice fiddled with the spray nozzle on the sink.

aNow this thingas acting funny, as well as the disposal. And Ann Marie has succeeded at scaring Father Donnelly away from the place for as long as sheas still here.a Neither of them mentioned the reason. Kathleen wasnat sure whether she cared that her mother had given the property away, but she knew her siblings were upset. The whole situation was absolutely bizarre, Alice at her most Alice-like.

aSpeaking of Ann Marie, will you give her a message for me?a Kathleen asked.

aThat depends.a Aliceas tone was cautious, as if Kathleen were some traveling salesman asking her if she was in the market for an overpriced vacuum cleaner.

aOn what?a aThe message! You canat expect me to agree to say something before I even know what it is.a Kathleen shook her head. aOh my G.o.d. Okay. Tell her I was finally ready to leave the beach and get out of her hair.a aI donat understand.a aJust tell her.a aFine.a In the car, Kathleen told Maggie about the kiss. She had to. In fact, she was surprised she had been able to hold it in for that long.

aYou canat tell Arlo,a Maggie said.

aWhy not? Heas not going to spill the beans.a aI know, but once youave told me, and then him, itas a hop, skip, and a jump and youare telling Aunt Clare, and then itas out to the family. And thatas dangerous.a aWhy are you such a Goody Two-shoes?a Kathleen asked, genuinely curious, though she knew Maggie was probably right.

aPromise me,a Maggie said.

aOkay, I promise. Sheesh.a aI still donat really understand why we left so abruptly,a Maggie said.

aIt was time,a Kathleen said. aIam not going to try to talk you into moving in with me anymore.a aYouare not?a aNo. Youave done a great job of convincing me that my house is a s.h.i.t hole and no self-respecting person would ever want to live there with us.a aIam sorry.a Kathleen smiled. aItas okay. Youare an amazing young woman, Maggie. And if what you want is to stay in New York, then I support that.a Maggie stuck out her bottom lip. aThank you.a They listened to the radio for a while until the station faded out of range.

aArenat you even going to mention how virtuous Iam being about this Ann Marie situation?a Kathleen asked.

Maggie didnat respond.

Kathleen turned to look at her. She was fast asleep. She brushed a dangling strand of hair behind Maggieas ear and kept driving.

When they arrived in Brooklyn, there was a huge box blocking the door to Maggieas apartment. Kathleenas first thought was that it was from Gabe. She looked at the address label.

aIt says itas from Bugaboo,a she said. aWhat the h.e.l.l is Bugaboo?a Maggie looked embarra.s.sed, and Kathleen pictured a s.e.x swing or something crazy like that.

But Maggie responded, aItas a gift from Aunt Ann Marie.a aTell me she didnat buy you a dollhouse.a aNo! Itas a stroller.a aA stroller.a aYeah, a really trendy one, I guess. It cost like six hundred bucks.a aOh, well that sounds practical. Nice of her to let you know what it cost.a aShe didnat let me know. I saw it in the catalog.a Kathleen felt her goodwill toward Ann Marie slipping a bit. She would probably end up telling Clare about the kiss, but that was all. No one else. Clare wouldnat tell anyone besides Joe.

They heard footsteps on the staircase behind them then, and a moment later a gorgeous young thing with mile-long legs was saying h.e.l.lo.

aMaggie!a she said. aYouare back!a Kathleen remembered the first time she had visited her daughter at college, how pleased and rea.s.sured she had felt to see that Maggie had built her own community there, full of friends Kathleen had never laid eyes on. Now Maggie had done the same here in New York. Her daughter was okay on her own. In fact, she thrived on independence, just like Kathleen herself.

aRhiannon, hi. This is my mom. Mom, Rhiannon lives next door. Sheas the one who drove me up to Maine.a aOh,a Kathleen said. aItas nice to meet you.a aLikewise,a the girl said. aIave heard a lot about you.a Kathleen wasnat sure she liked her tone.

aHowas everything been around here?a Maggie asked.

aSame old, same old. I went to Governoras Island for the first time yesterday.a aCool,a Maggie said. aListen, I should have called you sooner, but Iave been kind of a mess, as you might imagine.a It was strange how easily these words came out of her mouth when she was talking to an acquaintance in the hallway. It was something she hadnat yet said to Kathleen.

aIam sorry for how I reacted when you told mea"a Rhiannon interrupted. aOh no, Iam sorry. I never should have said that. Iad just had too much to drink. I didnat think it through.a aYou probably saved me from begging him to take me back with that piece of information,a Maggie said.

What the h.e.l.l were they talking about?

The two of them hugged. Rhiannon put a hand on Maggieas belly.

ah.e.l.lo there, teensy neighbor,a she said.

So Maggie had told her first. Kathleen tried not to let this bother her.

Inside the apartment, she asked, aWhat was that about?a Maggie sighed. aShe works in this restaurant, and Gabe and I went one night for dinner. Apparently while I was in the bathroom, he grabbed her b.u.t.t and tried to kiss her.a Kathleen nodded. In a way, she wished she still drank, because then she might have downed half a bottle of gin and driven over to that little s.h.i.tas apartment, and egged his car, or calmly asked him to come down to the street and then beaten the c.r.a.p out of him with her purse. Ah, the good old days.

aHe pretty much sucks,a Maggie said.

aYeah,a Kathleen said.

She was somewhat relieved, realizing that Maggie was smart enough not to go back to him. But she felt sad for her daughter too. Through her child, she would be linked with Gabe for the rest of her life. They had so much to sort out, but most of the questions probably wouldnat even be clear until they were in the midst of it, never mind the answers.

aCan I ask one thing?a Kathleen didnat wait for Maggie to say yes. aWas this an accident, or did you get pregnant on purpose?a aSomething in between those two,a Maggie said. aI guess you could say I sort of tempted fate. I was stuck. I needed a push, one way or the other. That probably sounds insane.a aItas going to be okay,a Kathleen said, maybe more to herself than to Maggie.

Maggie nodded. aIt has to be.a For lunch they ate tomato soup and peanut b.u.t.ter crackers, the closest thing to an actual meal that Maggie had in her cupboards. Maggie sorted through her mail and pulled the stroller from its box. They watched sitcom reruns on television, though Kathleen wasnat paying attention. She was thinking instead about what came next.

At three oaclock, Maggie had to get on a conference call for work, so Kathleen decided to take a walk around the neighborhood. Brooklyn Heights was beautiful, with its rows of perfectly preserved brownstones and federal houses. She walked to the Promenade, where the view of the Brooklyn Bridge and the Manhattan skyline never ceased to take her breath away. She almost felt jealous that she herself hadnat discovered it as a twenty-something. She could see why Maggie didnat want to leave.

They were hungry again by six. They ordered Thai food. While Maggie went downstairs to pay the deliveryman, Kathleen took the chance to really look closely around her daughteras apartment. She had thought the place was cute the first time she saw ita"a jewel box, she had said. But that was years ago, when she was envisioning it as just a little hideaway for Maggie alonea"a room of oneas own, where she might write two or three great novels before moving on to a sprawling country house out west with her stable and appropriately aged husband.

Now Kathleen examined the tiny kitchen, with the window so drafty there was really no reason to close it. The refrigeratoras long orange power cord was strung up over a series of nails toward the ceiling and plugged in across the room. The bathroom door never closed properlya"half an hour earlier, the doork.n.o.b had come off in Kathleenas hand. The dust that streamed in from outside could never be controlled, not even by an a.n.a.l-retentive neat freak like her daughter. And there was the issue of those five flights of stairs. Five!

Maggie had said she could put a crib and a changing table in the living room, but that hideous yellow stroller Ann Marie had sent was already taking up a quarter of the s.p.a.ce, so there went that idea.

When Maggie came up the steps with a large paper bag in her arms, Kathleen said, aI think we need to find you a new apartment. Something bigger.a aI can barely afford this one,a Maggie said.

aWhy donat you sit down?a Kathleen said. aThereas something I want to say.a Her daughter looked nervous, but she set the bag of food on the coffee table and sat on the couch.