Lysistrata Part 13

CALONICE

I've a wreath for you too.

MYRRHINE

I also will fillet you.

LYSISTRATA

What more is lacking? Step aboard the boat.

See, Charon shouts ahoy.

You're keeping him, he wants to shove afloat.

MAGISTRATE

Outrageous insults! Thus my place to flout!

Now to my fellow-magistrates I'll go And what you've perpetrated on me show.

LYSISTRATA

Why are you blaming us for laying you out?

a.s.sure yourself we'll not forget to make The third day offering early for your sake.

MAGISTRATE _retires_, LYSISTRATA _returns within_.

OLD MEN.

All men who call your loins your own, awake at last, arise And strip to stand in readiness. For as it seems to me Some more perilous offensive in their heads they now devise.

I'm sure a Tyranny Like that of Hippias In this I detect....

They mean to put us under Themselves I suspect, And that Laconians a.s.sembling At Cleisthenes' house have played A trick-of-war and provoked them Madly to raid The Treasury, in which term I include The Pay for my food.

For is it not preposterous They should talk this way to us On a subject such as battle!

And, women as they are, about bronze bucklers dare prattle-- Make alliance with the Spartans--people I for one Like very hungry wolves would always most sincere shun....

Some dirty game is up their sleeve, I believe.

A Tyranny, no doubt... but they won't catch me, that know.

Henceforth on my guard I'll go, A sword with myrtle-branches wreathed for ever in my hand, And under arms in the Public Place I'll take my watchful stand, Shoulder to shoulder with Aristogeiton. Now my staff I'll draw And start at once by knocking that shocking Hag upon the jaw.

WOMEN.

Your own mother will not know you when you get back to the town.

But first, my friends and allies, let us lay these garments down, And all ye fellow-citizens, hark to me while I tell What will aid Athens well.

Just as is right, for I Have been a sharer In all the lavish splendour Of the proud city.

I bore the holy vessels At seven, then I pounded barley At the age of ten, And clad in yellow robes, Soon after this, I was Little Bear to Brauronian Artemis; Then neckletted with figs, Grown tall and pretty, I was a Basket-bearer, And so it's obvious I should Give you advice that I think good, The very best I can.

It should not prejudice my voice that I'm not born a man, If I say something advantageous to the present situation.

For I'm taxed too, and as a toll provide men for the nation While, miserable greybeards, you, It is true, Contribute nothing of any importance whatever to our needs; But the treasure raised against the Medes You've squandered, and do nothing in return, save that you make Our lives and persons hazardous by some imbecile mistakes What can you answer? Now be careful, don't arouse my spite, Or with my slipper I'll take you napping, faces slapping Left and right.

MEN.

What villainies they contrive!

Come, let vengeance fall, You that below the waist are still alive, Off with your tunics at my call-- Naked, all.

For a man must strip to battle like a man.

No quaking, brave steps taking, careless what's ahead, white shoed, in the nude, onward bold, All ye who garrisoned Leipsidrion of old....

Let each one wag As youthfully as he can, And if he has the cause at heart Rise at least a span.

We must take a stand and keep to it, For if we yield the smallest bit To their importunity.

Then nowhere from their inroads will be left to us immunity.

But they'll be building ships and soon their navies will attack us, As Artemisia did, and seek to fight us and to sack us.

And if they mount, the Knights they'll rob Of a job, For everyone knows how talented they all are in the saddle, Having long practised how to straddle; No matter how they're jogged there up and down, they're never thrown.

Then think of Myron's painting, and each horse-backed Amazon In combat hand-to-hand with men.... Come, on these women fall, And in pierced wood-collars let's stick quick The necks of one and all.

WOMEN.

Don't cross me or I'll loose The Beast that's kennelled here....

And soon you will be howling for a truce, Howling out with fear.

But my dear, Strip also, that women may battle unhindered....

But you, you'll be too sore to eat garlic more, or one black bean, I really mean, so great's my spleen, to kick you black and blue With these my dangerous legs.

I'll hatch the lot of you, If my rage you dash on, The way the relentless Beetle Hatched the Eagle's eggs.

Scornfully aside I set Every silly old-man threat While Lampito's with me.

Or dear Ismenia, the n.o.ble Theban girl. Then let decree Be hotly piled upon decree; in vain will be your labours, You futile rogue abominated by your suffering neighbour To Hecate's feast I yesterday went-- Off I sent To our neighbours in Boeotia, asking as a gift to me For them to pack immediately That darling dainty thing ... a good fat eel [1] I meant of course;

[Footnote 1:_Vide supra_, p. 23.]

But they refused because some idiotic old decree's in force.

O this strange pa.s.sion for decrees nothing on earth can check, Till someone puts a foot out tripping you, and slipping you Break your neck.

LYSISTRATA _enters in dismay_.

WOMEN

Dear Mistress of our martial enterprise, Why do you come with sorrow in your eyes?

LYSISTRATA

O 'tis our naughty femininity, So weak in one spot, that hath saddened me.

WOMEN

What's this? Please speak.

LYSISTRATA

Poor women, O so weak!

WOMEN

What can it be? Surely your friends may know.