Lyre and Lancet Part 25

_Pilliner_ (_to himself_). By a later train? Then, how the deuce did his clothes----? Oh, well, however it was, it don't concern _me_.

_Tredwell._ Very good, Sir Rupert. (_To himself, as he departs._) If I'm not precious careful over this job, it may cost me my situation!

_Spurrell._ Sir Rupert, I've been thinking that, after what's occurred, it would probably be more satisfactory to all parties if I shifted my quarters, and--took my meals in the housekeeper's room.

[Lady MAISIE _and_ Lady RHODA _utter inarticulate protests_.

_Sir Rupert._ My _dear_ sir, not on any account--couldn't _hear_ of it! My wife, I'm sure, will say the same.

_Lady Culverin_ (_with an effort_). I hope Mr. Spurrell will continue to be our guest precisely as before--that is, if he will forgive us for putting him into another room.

_Spurrell_ (_to himself_). It's no use; I _can't_ get rid of 'em; they stick to me like a lot of blooming burrs! (_Aloud, in despair._) Your ladyship is very good, but---- Well, the fact is, I've only just found out that a young lady I've long been deeply attached to is in this very house. She's a Miss Emma Phillipson--maid, so I understand, to Lady Maisie--and, without for one moment wishing to draw any comparisons, or to seem ungrateful for all the friendliness I've received, I really and truly would feel myself more comfortable in a circle where I could enjoy rather more of my Emma's society than I can here!

_Sir Rupert_ (_immensely relieved_). Perfectly natural!

and--hum--sorry as we are to lose you, Mr. Spurrell, we--ah--mustn't be inconsiderate enough to keep you here a moment longer. I've no doubt you will find the young lady in the housekeeper's room--any one will tell you where it is.... Good night to you, then; and, remember, we shall expect to see you in the field on Tuesday.

_Lady Maisie._ Good night, Mr. Spurrell, and--and I'm so very glad--about Emma, you know. I hope you will both be very happy.

[_She shakes hands warmly._

[Ill.u.s.tration: "I'M SO VERY GLAD--ABOUT EMMA, YOU KNOW."]

_Lady Rhoda._ So do I. And mind you don't forget about that liniment, you know.

_Captain Thicknesse_ (_to himself_). Maisie don't care a hang! And I was a.s.s enough to fancy---- But there, that's all over now!

_In the Verney Chamber._

_Undersh.e.l.l_ (_in the dressing-room, to himself_). I wonder how long I've been locked up here--it seems hours! I almost hope they've forgotten me altogether.... Some one has come in.... If it should be Sir Rupert!! Great heavens, what a situation to be found in by one's host!... Perhaps it's only that fellow Spurrell; if so, there's a chance. (_The door is unlocked by_ TREDWELL, _who has lighted the candles on the dressing table_.) It's the butler again. Well, I shall soon know the worst! (_He steps out, blinking, with as much dignity as possible._) Perhaps you will kindly inform me why I have been subjected to this indignity?

_Tredwell_ (_in perturbation_). I think, Mr. Undersh.e.l.l, sir, in common fairness, you'll admit as you've mainly yourself to thank for any mistakes that have occurred; for which I 'asten to express my pussonal regret.

_Undersh.e.l.l._ So long as you realise that you have made a mistake, I am willing to overlook it, on condition that you help me to get away from this place without your master and mistress's knowledge.

_Tredwell._ It's too late, sir. They know you're 'ere!

_Undersh.e.l.l._ They know! Then there's no time to be lost. I must leave this moment!

_Tredwell._ No, sir, excuse me; but you can't hardly do that _now_. I was to say that Sir Rupert and the ladies would be glad to see you in the droring-room himmediate.

_Undersh.e.l.l._ Man alive! do you imagine anything would induce me to meet them now, after the humiliations I have been compelled to suffer under this roof?

_Tredwell._ If you would prefer anything that has taken place in the room, sir, or in the stables to be 'ushed up----

_Undersh.e.l.l._ Prefer it! If it were only possible! But they know--they _know_! What's the use of talking like that?

_Tredwell_ (_to himself_). I know where I am now! (_Aloud._) They know nothink up to the present, Mr. Undersh.e.l.l, nor yet I see no occasion why they should--leastwise from any of _Us_.

_Undersh.e.l.l._ But they know I'm here; how am I to account for all the time----?

_Tredwell._ Excuse me, sir. I thought of that, and it occurred to me as it might be more agreeable to your feelings, sir, if I conveyed an impression that you had only just arrived--'aving missed your train, sir.

_Undersh.e.l.l_ (_overjoyed_). How am I to thank you? that was really most discreet of you--most considerate!

_Tredwell._ I am truly rejoiced to hear you say so, sir. And I'll take care nothing leaks out. And if you'll be kind enough to follow me to the droring-room, the ladies are waiting to see you.

_Undersh.e.l.l_ (_to himself_). I may actually meet Lady Maisie Mull after all! (_Aloud, recollecting his condition._) But I can't go down like this. I'm in such a horrible mess!

_Tredwell._ I reelly don't perceive it, sir; except a little white on your coat-collar behind. Allow me--there it's off now. (_He gives him a hand-gla.s.s_) If you'd like to see for yourself.

_Undersh.e.l.l_ (_to himself as he looks_). A slight pallor, that's all.

I am more presentable than I could have hoped. (_Aloud._) Have the kindness to take me to Lady Culverin at once.

_In the Chinese Drawing-room. A few minutes later._

_Sir Rupert_ (_to_ UNDERSh.e.l.l, _after the introductions have been gone through_). And so you missed the 4.55 and had to come on by the 7.30 which stops everywhere, eh?

_Undersh.e.l.l._ It--it certainly does stop at most stations.

_Sir Rupert._ And how did you get on to Wyvern--been here long?

_Undersh.e.l.l._ N--not _particularly_ long.

_Sir Rupert._ Fact is, you see, we made a mistake. Very ridiculous, but we've been taking that young fellow, Mr. Spurrell, for _you_ all this time; so we never thought of inquiring whether you'd come or not.

It was only just now he told us how he'd met you in the Verney Chamber, and the very handsome way, if you will allow me to say so, in which you had tried to efface yourself.

_Undersh.e.l.l_ (_to himself_). I didn't expect him to take _that_ view of it! (_Aloud._) I--I felt I had no alternative.

[Lady MAISIE _regards him with admiration_.

_Sir Rupert._ You did an uncommon fine thing, sir, and I'm afraid you received treatment on your arrival which you had every right to resent.

_Undersh.e.l.l_ (_to himself_). I hoped he didn't know about the housekeeper's room! (_Aloud._) Please say no more about it, Sir Rupert. I know now that you were entirely innocent of any----

_Sir Rupert_ (_horrified_). Good Gad! you didn't suppose _I_ had any hand in fixing up that b.o.o.by-trap, or whatever it was, did you? Young fellows will get bear-fighting and playing idiotic tricks on one another, and you seem to have been the victim--that's how it was. Have you had anything to eat since you came? If not----

_Undersh.e.l.l_ (_hastily_). Thank you, I--I _have_ dined. (_To himself._) So he _doesn't_ know where, after all! I will spare him _that_.

_Sir Rupert._ Got some food at Shuntingbridge, eh? Afraid they gave you a wretched dinner?

_Undersh.e.l.l._ Quite the reverse, I a.s.sure you. (_To himself._) Considering that it came from his own table!

_Pilliner_ (_to himself_). I _still_ don't understand how his clothes---- (_Aloud._) Did you send your portmanteau on ahead, then, or what?

_Undersh.e.l.l_ (_blankly_). Send my port--? I don't understand.