Lyra Frivola Part 5

GRAECULUS ESURIENS

There came a Grecian Admiral to pale Britannia's sh.o.r.e-- In Eighteen Ninety-eight he came, and anch.o.r.ed off the Nore; An ultimatum he despatched (I give the text complete), Addressing it "_To Kurio_, the Premier, Downing-street." [1]

"Whereas the sons of Liberty with indignation view The number of dependencies which governed are by you-- With h.e.l.las (Freedom's chosen land) we purpose to unite Some part of those dependencies--let's say the Isle of Wight."

"The Isle of Wight!" said Parliament, and shuddered at the word, "Her Majesty's at Osborne, too--of course, the thing's absurd!"

And this response Lord Salisbury eventually gave: "Such transfers must attended be by difficulties grave."

"My orders," said the Admiral, "are positive and flat: I am not in the least deterred by obstacles like that: We're really only acting in the interests of peace: Expansion is a nation's law--we've aims sublime in Greece."

With that Britannia blazed amain with patriotic flames!

They built a hundred ironclads and launched them in the Thames: They girded on their fathers' swords, both commoners and peers; They mobilized an Army Corps, and drilled the Volunteers!

The Labour Party armed itself, invasion's path to bar, "Truth" and the "Daily Chronicle" proclaimed a Righteous War; Sir William Harcourt stumped the towns that sacred fire to fan, And Mr Gladstone every day sent telegrams from Cannes.

But ere they marched to meet the foe and drench the land with gore, Outspake that Grecian Admiral--from somewhere near the Nore-- And "Ere," he said, "hostilities are ordered to commence, Just hear a last appeal unto your educated sense:--

"You can't intend," he said, said he, "to turn your Maxims on The race that fought at Salamis, that bled at Marathon!

You can't propose with brutal force to drive from off your seas The men of Homer's gifted line--the sons of Socrates!"

Britannia heard the patriot's plea, she checked her murderous plans: Homer's a name to conjure with, 'mong British artisans: Her Army too, profoundly moved by arguments like these, Said 'e'd be blowed afore 'e'd fight the sons of Socrates.

They cast away their fathers' swords, those commoners and peers,-- Demobilized their Army Corps--dismissed their Volunteers: Soft Sentiment o'erthrew the bars that nations disunite, And Greece, in Freedom's sacred name, annexed the Isle of Wight.

[1. Transcriber's note: The phrase "To Kurio" was transliterated from the Greek as follows: "To"--Tau, omega; "Kurio"--Kappa, upsilon, rho, iota, omega.]

THE ROAD TO RENOWN

If it still is your luck to be left in the ruck, and of fame you're an impotent seeker, If you fruitlessly aim at a Senate's acclaim when you can't catch the eye of the Speaker, If whenever you rise you observe with surprise that the House is perceptibly thinner, And your eloquent pleas are a sign to M.P.'s that it's nearly the time for their dinner:

Should you sigh for the heights where the eminent lights, in the region of letters who shine, are; Should your novels and tales have indifferent sales and your verses be hopelessly minor, Should the public refuse your attempts to peruse when you try to instruct or to shock it, While it adds to the spoils of its Barries and Doyles, and increases the h.o.a.rds of a Crockett:

If you're baffled, in short, by the fame that you court, and your name's overlooked by the papers,-- There's a road to success without toil or distress, or nocturnal consumption of tapers: By adopting this plan you're a prominent man, and no longer a painful aspirant: You must come on the scene as a bold Philh.e.l.lene, and a foe to the Turk and the Tyrant!

You'll orate to the crowd on the heritage proud which by Greece is bequeathed to the nations (You can gain in a week an acquaintance with Greek by a liberal use of translations), And the names that you quote with the aid of your "Grote"

and a n.o.ble a.s.sumption of choler, Will attest that you feel that excusable zeal which belongs to an eminent scholar.

You will prate before mobs of Lord Salisbury's jobs and the villainous schemes of the Kaiser, Which will make them believe you've a plan up your sleeve if they'd only take you for adviser; You may cheerfully speak of a.s.sisting the Greek 'gainst the foes that his country environ: 'Tis improbable quite you'll be wanted to fight, and the phrase will remind them of Byron.

If you can't get a place in Society's race, and you have to confess that you're beaten, Yet I hope I have shown you may make yourself known by espousing the cause of the Cretan: You will sell all your works by denouncing the Turks, and the public will hasten to read 'em, When in reverent tones you are mentioned as "Jones, the Defender and Champion of Freedom!"

L'AFFAIRE (CHAPTER ONE)

It was a little Bordereau that lay upon the ground: The Franco-Gallic Government that doc.u.ment it found, And straightway drew the inference, though how I do not know, Some Jew had sold to Germany this dreadful Bordereau.

'Tis all (they said) a Hebrew trick---a treasonable plan-- And, now we come to think of it, why Dreyfus is the man!

At any rate (they argued thus), it is for him to show That he is not the criminal who sold the Bordereau.

Some hinted at another man, whose autograph it bore-- But this was Dreyfus' artifice, and proved his guilt the more: No motive for the horrid deed confessedly he had: And crimes which are gratuitous are nearly twice as bad.

They caught that Jew (did Government) and charged him with the sale; They proved his guilt--or said they did--and shut him up in gaol; And then, their case to justify and show their verdict true, They took and baited every one who called himself a Jew.

These incidents an uproar caused like Donnybrook its Fair: Wherever Frenchmen met to talk 'twas Pandemonium there: And anywhere except in France you'd argue from events That Ministers had rather lost the public confidence.

Then spake the German Government (and here I must deplore The fact that they had not presumed to mention it before): "Although," they said respectfully, "we would not interfere With any Angelegenheit outside our proper sphere--

Why make this quite-essentially-unnecessary fuss?

This compromising doc.u.ment was never sold to us: Potztausend!" said the Chancellor, "upon my honour, no!

We have not got and do not want your precious Bordereau!"

This rather struck the Ministers, in Paris where they sat: They took and read the Bordereau: they had not yet done that.

'Twas found to mention obvious facts which any one might know-- No horrid revelations lurked within the Bordereau!

And did they set poor Dreyfus free, the due amends to make, Regain the public confidence by owning their mistake, And cease for popularity by sordid means to bid?

These are the things they might have done; but this is what they did:--

They said, those Gallic Ministers, "Undoubtedly it's true The doc.u.ment has not been sold, and is not worth a _sou_; But as the man's in prison now, why, there he's got to stay-- _Que voulez-vous_?" they simply said, "it is a _Chose Jugee_!"

This artless little narrative is specially designed To ill.u.s.trate the workings of the Gallic statesman's mind; And till they change those processes and mould their ways anew, It is not yet in Paris that I want to be a Jew.

UNSELFISH DEVOTION

Ye Concerts who plan for the welfare of Man and compose his occasional quarrels, Whom we properly deem to be teachers supreme in the sphere of Political Morals, May you win the renown that your efforts should crown and reward your a.s.siduous labours In arranging the cares and embarra.s.sed affairs that afflict your unfortunate neighbours!

Should a potentate go for his national foe, and, as soon as he's thoroughly licked him, Should he dare to demand a concession of land from his prostrate and paralyzed victim, It is then you arise and his arm you arrest when his harvest is ripe for the reaping, And a people oppressed may in confidence rest when it's safe in Diplomacy's keeping.

It is you who protest in a horrified tone at a hint of Integrity's danger, And the victor is shown that a Concert alone is of Law and of Fate the arranger: With a warlike display of your fleets in array and of Maxims (both empty and loaded) You establish it plain that his notions of gain are immoral and also exploded!

Let the blasphemous cry that it's done with an eye to your ultimate personal profit, That your chivalrous task is but worn as a mask till occasion allows you to doff it, Let the caviller say that the victim to-day is preserved from a final disaster, And is saved from the j.a.ps that to-morrow perhaps he may furnish a meal for their master:

Yet I cannot believe that what Concerts achieve is by reasons ulterior dictated, I am perfectly sure that their motives are pure (by themselves it is frequently stated); By themselves we are taught that they never in thought could the Good with the Selfish commingle-- What they do is designed for the good of mankind with an eye that is simple and single!

For whomever--_e.g._, let us say the Chinee-- you have freed from the fear of invasion, Should he presently seem in a posture to be which is open to Moral Persuasion,-- How you take him in hand, a philanthropist band!

how you toil to improve his condition, With a n.o.ble disdain of the trouble and pain of a wholly unselfish Part.i.tion!

For it grieves you, of course, when--ignoring the force which the doctrine of Mine and of Thine has-- E'en Integrity's self you must lay on the shelf (I allude, not to Europe's but China's)!