Beyond Redemption 14 Chapter 12

—ABZAHLUNG HINAUS

Aufschlag once suggested to Acceptance, during one of their rare private conversations, that a close connection existed between Doppels and the wild albtraum who'd haunted the nightmares of mankind, feeding off their deepest fears, since the dawn of time. Doppels, like the albtraum, neither ate nor slept, instead feeding off those whose minds they'd sprung from. Aufschlag had tortured Doppels and albtraum in his experiments, and explained that, though neither were truly human, both still bled. And, he added as if he'd learned something Acceptance couldn't have just told him, they most certainly felt pain.

For two days Acceptance lay in the corner of Konig's chambers. Coiled about his wounded heart, he coughed blood and the fragments of broken teeth swallowed during his beating. If not actually safe, at least he felt sheltered here, since the temple's marauding cleaning crews ignored Konig's rooms. Konig—that untrusting and paranoid b.a.s.t.a.r.d—hated the idea of anyone entering his chambers when he wasn't present. So Acceptance huddled, bleeding into the gathered dust bunnies, waiting for his body to heal.
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The skin around Acceptance's missing left eye swelled for a day and then collapsed and crusted closed with dried blood. It felt like something twisted and festered within that wet trap. He shied away from thinking about it, terrified his fears would manifest as truth. His once-proud nose lay crushed and broken, smeared slightly to the left. He could barely breathe through its remnants. Of his teeth, only a few molars, and some shattered fragments jutting from his gums like claws, remained. Those few jagged splinters caught and tore at his tongue and lips.

For two days he spoke not a word. His jaw had been broken by Trepidation's heel. Much like the nose, it now suffered a p.r.o.nounced leftward leaning. He dared not imagine what he looked like and the mirror refused to show his reflection. Instead, Konig's reflections gathered and, when Konig and the other Doppels couldn't see, mouthed words Acceptance could not hear. He saw fear in their eyes, hatred . . . and something else. Willingness, perhaps?

Mirrors, he thought as he lay healing, are paths to the past and future. Glimpses at who we are. Reminders of who we were. Forewarnings of who we will become.

If Konig's reflections knew fear, it was because they saw a future where Acceptance became the central personality in this incestuous orgy of one.

Their willingness he was less sure of.

By forcing Abandonment and Trepidation to administer the punishment, Konig drove a wedge between the Doppels. Konig knew no version of himself would ever forgive such treatment, because forgiveness wasn't in his nature. Never again would the three Doppels plot against Konig. Acceptance had learned the lesson Abandonment had always known: trust no one.

Failure may be a harsh teacher, but you tend not to forget its lessons.

In the days he lay bruised and bleeding he had time to replay the events and choices bringing him here. One moment kept returning to his thoughts: the sight of Konig raising his hand toward the Doppels, desperate to belong. Acceptance had reckoned Abandonment the likely successor, but he'd been wrong. Abandonment and Trepidation were naught but the manifestation of petty fears. Konig most desired acceptance. Konig's self-hatred and desperate need to belong would be his undoing.

I may be broken, but Konig still craves what I offer; he craves what I am. I will have my vengeance. I will be Konig!

When Acceptance could once again stand he rejoined his Doppel brothers. They avoided eye contact like beaten dogs—and here I thought I'd suffered the beating!—and pretended nothing had happened. Acceptance's stolen eye swam in a jar of cloudy brine on Konig's desk. Displayed as a reminder, no doubt.

All three Doppels meekly offered opinions as commanded. Had Konig a sense of humor they would have dutifully laughed at his jokes. Beneath the meek façade, Acceptance plotted murder, both Konig's and the Doppels'.

Abandonment must die first. His relentless sermonizing on the wisdom of distrust struck far too close to home. With Abandonment gone, Konig would turn more to Trepidation, who would preach fear. Though Konig's fears would protect him for a while, they would in time wear him down. Eventually his desire to be accepted would bring him back to Acceptance. Then, when Konig needed the Doppel most, Acceptance would take from him the heavy mantle of leadership.

Doppels don't die easily. If they did, Konig would probably have killed them rather than suffer their existence. Acceptance saw no way to make Abandonment's death look like a mishap or accident. And yet it was important Konig not suspect he was behind this. Acceptance, carefully watching the mirror when no one looked, realized he must find some means of communicating with the reflections. They could be useful.

It didn't take the reflections long to show him what he wanted to see: a brief flash of vision when no one else watched. Acceptance saw himself lure Abandonment to the mirror. As Trepidation stood terrified in the background, the reflections dragged the kicking and screaming Abandonment into the mirror.

It made perfect sense. Abandonment, due to the nature of who and what he was, could never have what Acceptance had: allies.

Now he had only to find the right moment to use his newfound friends.