Love's Suicide Part 23

Brooks picked up the check for our food, insisting that he somehow owed me so much more. I'd never expected, nor would I ever ask him for child support. We'd share responsibilities for our daughter, even if we weren't ever together as a couple.

Once we paid and got in the car, it only took B five minutes to fall asleep. Brooks had offered to drive to give me break, even though he was the one that hadn't slept. We'd been driving for a good ten minutes before he pulled over in a gas station parking lot. When he didn't get out, I knew he had something to say. "What is it?"

Brooks turned to look at me. He wasn't crying and didn't seem upset, but something was off. "You know, I kept your letters, even after I moved back home and found out you had a family. I don't know why, but I couldn't come to terms with throwing them away, because it felt like I was throwing away our love." He looked directly into my eyes and brushed the back of his hand over my cheek. I closed my eyes when he did it. "I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling Kat, but when I'm with you, I feel like nothing has changed between us. Now we have a little girl. I mean, Jesus Christ, we made a baby together. She's so freaking perfect, too. I look at her and I see both of us. I can't be angry with you, because all I wanted for so long was to be a part of your life again. I get that you're married and he makes you happy. I can respect that. I won't push or ask you for something that you can't give me, but I have to know the truth. I have to know if what you said to me in all those letters was true. Do I still have your heart, or did you already give it to someone else? When you look at me do you see me as a threat or is it something entirely different? Kat, I can't see you every single day and not want to touch you. It's been one and I'm already freaking out, because I'm having to take you home. Just tell me to back off."

I reached over and touched his injured arm. He looked at me and I leaned in closer. I could feel his breath on my face and a hint of his cologne. I didn't want to cheat on my husband, or say things that would cause more harm than good.

It had been twenty-four hours since Brooks came back into my life and in that time I'd experienced every kind of emotion. I was mentally and physically drained and he was too.

We were so close.

My eyes started to close, as if I was letting myself fall from a high building. He wanted to know and I had to tell him. "I'm not afraid of you Brooks. I know you'd never hurt me. You love her already, I can see it in your eyes. I've watched you holding her and falling for her. Somehow she already knows you're special."

"You're avoiding my question."

"You don't want the truth."

He looked away, a.s.suming the truth was that I didn't want him. "I think you just said it."

He pulled out of the parking lot and headed in the direction of my house. Every couple of seconds he would clench his jaw, meaning he was holding his tongue from saying something he would regret. Sometimes I hated that I knew him so well.

When we turned onto the road where my house was on, he finally decided to address our upcoming schedule. "So tomorrow, can I come by the same time?"

"Yeah. It's Sunday. We usually go to church, but we're back before one. You can come over anytime after that."

"And you're going to tell Bobby about my parents coming?"

"Yes, but just so you know, the house is mine. I had it built when I was separated from Bobby. It was part of my trust money. I own it free and clear."

Brooks looked at me real quick with a smile on his face. "I should have known you'd spend it wisely. Your mom and dad would be happy about that."

"I think so too. They'd want B to have a home that she loved. I always loved where we lived. The only hard part was watching another child moving in after they were gone. Hopefully B won't have to deal with something so tragic."

Brooks agreed, "Yeah. You don't have to worry about me going anywhere. Due to my injury, I'm no use in the field. All I do nowadays is train recruits on procedures. I feel more like a school teacher than a soldier."

"You're safe. That's all I care about."

I looked out the window, realizing we only had a few more minutes together. "It's going to be nice seeing you again every day. I really missed you."

I touched his arm. "I missed you, too."

He pulled into the driveway and I saw Bobby's truck. He was home waiting for his girls to arrive. I knew I couldn't stand around talking to Brooks, so I had to grab B and go inside.

Brooks hopped out of the driver's seat. He opened the back door and started unfastening her clips. It took him a few seconds to figure the b.u.t.tons, but he managed to do it with little effort. When he climbed out of the back, he was holding her and kissing her on the cheek.

Then I heard him say something so beautiful. "I love you, bug."

I tried to hold back my emotions, knowing it would upset Bobby if I went inside crying.

Brooks handed me our daughter and started to walk toward his truck. He came running back just as I'd turned around, forgetting to give me my keys. When our hands touched I felt that electric jolt hitting me again. Our eyes met and instead of saying goodbye, I said something entirely different. "I meant every word that I wrote in those letters, Brooks. I could never completely give my heart away, not when it was with you the whole time."

Realizing what I'd just said, I turned and started moving quickly up the stairs to my porch. I couldn't look him in the eyes, or see his face. I certainly didn't want to stand there waiting to hear how he responded. The cat was out of the bag. I'd made it one day and I knew that Brooks wasn't going to just give up on us like he said. If he was willing to sleep with me on the night before I married his brother, I feared what he was willing to do for me and our daughter. Brooks was a good man. He put others before himself. He'd never known what it was like to have a child. He didn't know what unconditional love was like. Now that he was feeling that love radiating through him, all bets were off.

I opened the door and walked in to find Bobby on the couch. Five beers sat on the table next to him and I could tell they were empty. He looked rough, like he hadn't showered, or even changed all day. The expression on his face was horrifying, as if he heard and known everything I'd said to Brooks. I put B in her bed before coming out into the living room. Just as I was sitting down in the chair next to him, he startled me by standing up. I watched his tall body come to be standing in front of me. "How was your night? Did Mommy and Daddy have fun together?"

"It wasn't like that, Bobby. It was about B and you know it."

He let out a phony air-filled laugh. "Yeah, you keep sayin' it, but I think I know you a little better than that. So where'd you go?"

"We went to the indoor play park in Columbia."

"And let me guess, you and pretty boy soldier played catch-up. Did you plan out your future together, because G.o.d knows you had plenty of time to."

I felt bad for staying out so long, and even worse for being guilty of a lot of things he was accusing me of. I had spent the day with Brooks and we did talk about our feelings. As far as making plans to be together, it hadn't been said out loud, albeit I wasn't doubting Brooks' intentions. He wanted me and I knew I'd only be able to fight it for so long. "He was with his daughter, Bobby. It wasn't about me and him. I told you that I didn't have to go."

"Yeah, you said a lot of things. So, I'm just wonderin' how long this is goin' to continue? Is he going to file somethin' with the court? Do I need to start watchin' my back?"

"What are you talking about? Watching your back?"

He got real flip. "Yeah, like that marksman is goin' to shoot me dead, watch my back."

I stood up and walked into the kitchen. "Brooks would never kill someone. Don't even talk like that."

He pulled another beer out of the refrigerator. "That man wants you, Katy. It ain't a secret. He's goin' to ride this out for as long as it takes. You're the only one with blinders on here."

"Blinders? Bobby, listen to yourself." I sat down at the table. "Brooks just wants to be a part of his daughter's life. Right now, he wants to see her every day. It won't last forever. He's going to get a bigger place so he can start keeping her overnight and..."

I felt something hitting the back of my head and my face slammed into the table. "He's not keepin' her overnight and that's final. You tell him that, Katy. He thinks he can walk right in here and do what he wants with my daughter, he's got another thing comin'."

I was already crying and shaking profusely. Bobby mixed with alcohol and pain was a bad concoction. "We can't keep him from seeing her and you know why. Please just calm down." I kept my hands over my head to prevent another blow.

He grabbed my face and squeezed my cheeks together like a child being scorned by their parents. "Don't you dare tell me what to do. I'm done doin' s.h.i.t for you, Katy. If I find out you're screwin' around with him, you'll be sorry. You're my wife, you hear me?"

He let go of me and I covered my face with my hands. The sting was still there, reminding me of all the other times he'd lost his temper and took it out on me. I should have seen it coming, and been prepared for more.

With my little one asleep a couple rooms over, I knew I couldn't make him anymore mad at me. I shook my head. "I'm not messing around with him, Bobby. I swear."

He got back in my face one more time. "Let me find out you're lyin', Katy."

I cried harder. "I'm not, I swear. I'm with you, Bobby. I'm only with you."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me against his chest. I was petrified that he was going to throw me across the room, but instead he started crying.

I was in trouble and I didn't know what to do. The only thing I did know was that Brooks couldn't find out. If he did, he'd kill Bobby with his bare hands and then we'd never be able to be together, because he'd go to jail.

Chapter 33.

That following morning I was in no shape to be able to face Brooks. My cheek was bruised and even though I had a small cut on the back of my scalp that I knew I could hide, my head was pounding from it.

Bobby got up and went to work, instead of church. Before he left he acted as if nothing had ever happened. I swear, when he was drinking, he lost all sense of himself and became a monster.

I sat in the kitchen looking at Brooks' information that he'd left for me the first night he'd come over. I suppose he'd started jotting it down because I wasn't home at the time. When I showed up, Bobby threw it away, so I dug it out of the trash the next day.

I looked down at my phone and started dialing the number. Since I wasn't sure if it was a landline or a cell phone, I had to call it instead of leaving a text.

"Sergeant Valentine speaking."

I laughed, hearing him announcing his name. I guess I wasn't used to it. "Hey, it's me, Katy."

"You don't have to say your name. I don't have a slew of women calling me on this number."

I felt my cheeks reddened, but realized he had been leaving his information because he wanted to meet his daughter, not see me. "Oh. Well, I'm calling to tell you that today won't be good to come over. Bobby made plans and I didn't know it."

I knew he was disappointed.

"Man, I got off early in hopes to spend extra time there." He paused. "It's cool. I'll figure out something else to do. I guess I can always start looking for places. My roommate in the barracks isn't going to want me bringing a kid to spend the night."

"I'm sorry, Brooks. I don't want you to feel like I'm keeping her from you. I'd never do that."

"It's fine. I know you wouldn't keep her from me."

"So, I better get going. It's early and I need to get B ready for Sunday school."

"Can you take a picture and send it to this number? I'd love to be able to show the guys."

My heart started to patter, feeling his love and excitement for her. I closed my eyes and tried to not get emotional. "Sure."

"So, I guess I need to hang up now?"

I sat down in the kitchen chair, not ready end our conversation. "What do you do on your days off?"

"I hook up with random chicks that love a man in a uniform."

Before I could freak out, he started laughing. "I'm kidding, Kat. Although, there are women that would pretty much do anything for a man in fatigues, I only have eyes for one girl."

"Stop it, Brooks. Today is not a good day to joke around." He felt comfortable around me again and it made me happy, but I couldn't let statements like that get to me.

"Sorry. Are you alright? You seem kind of snappy. Did your being with me last night cause problems with you and your husband? Was it what you said last night?"

I was quiet, contemplating on what I should tell Brooks.

"Talk to me. Am I overstepping? If I'm causing you problems, we can make other arrangements. I mean, I'll miss being able to see you, but I understand."

"I'm fine."

"I know it's been a while, but I'm pretty sure there's something you're not telling me."

I wanted to tell Brooks the truth. Lying to him hurt me, because it reminded me of the pain that I'd caused him.

"Would it be okay if we just talked tomorrow? I've got to go get ready for church."

"Yeah, sure. I'll call you in the morning."

After we hung up I looked over at the clock. Even though I had plenty of time, I knew I wasn't going to leave the house. The last thing I wanted was to have to explain to my pastor that I walked into a door. He'd know the truth and it would cause even more problems with Bobby and me. I didn't see my husband for another couple of hours. He showed up at the house around eleven with a bouquet of flowers and a card. When he came in he handed it to me and kissed me on the head, as if I would have instantly forgiven him. "Sorry I lost my temper last night, Katy. You need to understand what it's like to watch you with him." He sat down at the table across from me. "I don't want you hangin' out with him anymore."

"He's my oldest friend," I argued.

"I don't give a s.h.i.t. I don't want you alone with him, ever. Do you understand me?"

I stood up and walked over to the sink. "You can't ask me to stay away from Brooks. That's not fair."

Bobby came up behind me and pulled my hair back so he could shove his face in mine. He'd been drinking again, already this morning. I could smell it on his breath. "I wasn't askin'. He stays away, or I'll make d.a.m.n sure he doesn't get near that little girl again."

His threat rubbed me the wrong way. I swung around while my hair was still in his hand. My shove didn't do much except get him even angrier. He pushed me hard against counter. "Bobby, please. You don't want to do this. Let's just sit down and talk."

My pleas meant nothing. He took his hand and shoved it against my throat, staring me right in the face. As he talked, I could feel his spit hitting me. I tried to squirm free, so I could grab something to defend myself with. "Keep fightin' me, Katy. You're goin' to be sorry."

I finally got free and ran towards the table. The only thing I could grab was the bouquet of roses. I took ahold of the petals and swung the th.o.r.n.y sides at his face. When he tried to pull away, I shoved them in harder, drawing blood.

He grabbed a paper towel to a.s.sess the damage that I'd done to his face and I hauled a.s.s into B's room. Once inside I locked the door and leaned over to catch my breath. He immediately started beating on the other side. "Let me in, dammit."

B stood up and started crying in her bed. Bobby was scaring her and I didn't know what to do. Thankfully, I still had my phone in my pajama pants pocket. I was digging my own grave, albeit desperate to get away from him before he could hurt me.

"Sergeant Valentine."

I was crying. "Brooks."

"Kat? What's wrong?"

I looked toward the door and saw it starting to burst. I knew he couldn't get to me in time, so I closed my eyes and prepared for what was coming next. "If something happens to me I want you to take her far away from here."

"What are you talking about?"

Bobby busted through the door and seeing me on the phone made him even more angry. "Is that him? You think he can save you?"

I took the phone and put it back in my pocket, shielding myself with my arms, hoping Brooks could hear and that he'd save me before something terrible happened. "Please don't hurt me."

He grabbed me by my hair and pulled me out of the room, leaving B crying on her bed. Once we were in our bedroom, he shoved me down forcefully on the bed and sat on my legs so I couldn't move. I could hear B screaming and I was so afraid for her.

My face was being shoved into the covers and I was wondering if he was going to suffocate me. He yanked down my pajamas pants and all I could hear was my baby crying in the other room. "Bobby, please. I didn't do anything wrong. You don't want to hurt me, I know you don't."

He froze and I swung my body around and backed up on the bed. After yanking my pants back up, I stared in horror, waiting for him to jump on me again.