Love Late Vol 1 Chapter 3

Chapter Three     This time I slept very deeply, a dark ma.s.s without dreams.  It seemed as if just holding that hand had calmed me down.   Upon waking up, the day was subtly bright again.  I blinked repeatedly.  It took a long while until I came back to my senses.  Ke Luo slept beside me.  Although his hand was tightly held by me, his arms encircled me.   My head was still dully aching, but the burning hot feeling had disappeared.  I had broken out into sweat that even my hair was all wet.  Absent-mindedly, I shifted away from Ke Luo’s arms and staggered into the bathroom.  I found the on and off handles for hot water and I drenched myself thoroughly in the steaming heat.   The longer I showered, the more clear-headed I became.  I gradually remembered those crazy dreams and my own loss of control.  I realized that I lost face yet again in front of Ke Luo.   I wanted to leave after getting dressed, but I felt that it would be somewhat rude.  Then I remembered his continuing insistence the night before.  I wrote a note with the message, “I’m off,” placed it on his bed, and fled.   I didn’t know if it’s because it’s difficult the first time and easier the second time around , but I recovered faster than last time; though this was nothing to be proud of.   I was in better health.  I stopped having nightmares.  I also quickly resumed to normal life.  It was no different than before.   I won’t be as weak as to get trapped in that kind of memory with no means of getting out.   Time had pa.s.sed, and they’re all dead.  Only faint shadows remained from the dark things decades ago.  They had long been tossed far behind me.   I was always walking forward, never looking back no matter what.   During noon break, I pondered in the office on what kind of pizza to order for lunch.  I was getting lazier now.  I even refused to walk a few steps to take the elevator up to the restaurant on the top floor.  Moreover, I was too lazy to think about the menu.  I might as well rely on this big, affordable flatbread to manage the solution.   My lower abdomen, which was already not firm enough, had recently continued to sag.  On top of that, I had the onset of the lazy disease.  Dragged, I didn’t want to go to the gym.  If I go on like this, my figure will deteriorate.  I was afraid that my chance of catching pretty boys would decrease.   As I was thinking of pretty boys, my mind jumped to Ke Luo’s image.  I couldn’t help but have a great attachment, making it hard to part from him.  Although I didn’t take into account of how cheap he was, I’d eaten a tiny bit of him anyway.  Looking back, the aroma lingered in my mouth, so savory.   A young man was just that good…only it’s a shame he was also a top…   “Mr. Lee, there’s someone looking for you.”   “Let him in.”   It was probably the arrival of my Italian flatbread.  With little interest, I brushed aside the doc.u.ments on my desk, clearing a s.p.a.ce ready for the box.   There was a knock on the door.  I responded by raising my eyes.  Taken off guard, I swept from the corners of my eyes over a tall and straight figure.  The young man, who stood at the door’s entrance, saw me looking up and gave a “hi,” exposing a big, bright smile.   The feeling I had was not something I could describe while in shock.  “How did you know about this place?”   “While you were sleeping, I took the opportunity to get your business card.”  Ke Luo replied happily.   “…”  This little brat.   “I had exams the past two days, so I didn’t have free time.  Today, I just happen to be pa.s.sing by after cla.s.s.”  He shook the bag in his hand.  “I bought dim sum for you to have.”   “Oh…thank you.”  I coughed, shifted a little, and shifted some more.  Seeing him, my bottom would reflexively feel uncomfortable with a sliver of coldness.   Ke Luo came over on his own and pulled up a chair to sit down beside me.  The bag was set on the desk.  From it, he took out a few boxes of Chinese dim sum .  When he opened them, they were still steaming.   I’d always been persistent in awful, dull Western food.  Upon seeing this, I became a bit objectionable, but Ke Luo had already picked up a thin-skinned, mouth-opening big dumpling directly in front of me.  As if evading a hidden weapon, I dodged again and again.  Not letting off easily, those chopsticks still unyieldingly charged over.  I had no choice but to open my mouth.  I should just take the entire thing and force myself to bite into it. It was celery-flavored shrimp dumpling 1.  I could taste the flavor of pork ball.  I absent-mindedly finished chewing and swallowed it down.  The tasty, succulent sensation still remained in my mouth.   “Delicious, right?”   I cleared my throat and was about to speak when another thing was wedged against my lips.  Being taken by a surprise attack, I had no time to speak and could only open my mouth and bite into it.   The flavor was undeniably good.  It was fresh shrimp and shark fin shao mai 2…  I was unable to control my facial expression a bit.   In my bones, I actually still liked Chinese food, but whenever I ate it, I’d always resist it to the extreme.  I was always like this toward everything of my past, the things that belong to that place.    At last, I abandoned myself to despair as I held the chopsticks, bitterly immersed in eating.  On the side, Ke Luo rested his chin and watched.  My manner of using knives and forks could be described as perfect, but me holding chopsticks was almost like holding a lethal weapon.  It was fine if I just stab into it, because it really had been far too long since I’d used chopsticks.   “You’ve gotten some over here.”  Ke Luo suddenly reached over with his finger and rubbed the corner of my mouth.   I settled my state of mind and thought to myself: even if you just lean over and lick me, nothing would happen.  It would only be a kiss.  And I was afraid you wouldn’t do it.   Who knew that he’d place that finger on his own lips and extend his tongue to lick it?   “…”   Only when I coughed a number of times did I manage to cough off the uneasiness on my face.   d.a.m.n, so this was the so-called indirect kiss…   “Mo Yan, are you free over the weekend?”   For what?  To check into a room?  This time you came to me.  Let’s discuss it properly.  First, make it clear who will be on the top and bottom before continuing.   “Let’s go swimming, okay?”   Did you think I was eighteen?  If I had a tumble, then wouldn’t I have to immediately call an ambulance?   “Okay?”  In one hold, he embraced me and rubbed against me like a small animal.   I was going to die.  Turned out he can act like a spoiled child.   “I don’t know how.”  One had to firmly resist from being pulled in when facing such charms.    “Then basketball?  Football?  Whatever you can do is fine.  If you can’t do anything, we can go bungee jumping?”   “…”  I really was thrown into bewilderment, “basket-basketball then.”   Once I responded in confusion, I felt his arms tighten.  And then his lips came near.   “Oh…”   Fortunately, he only kissed for a few seconds with his tongue reaching in for just a moment.  I could only gasp a little, not to the extent of completely forgetting myself.   “I really like you.”   “…”  I felt at odds having him say that, with my head feverish and my chest pounding.   We’re not really getting serious, right?   ***   I felt that having Ke Luo abduct me to play a game of basketball wasn’t too awful, because there were those who were older than me on the court.  It looked like there were even seventy-year olds at least.  When compared to them, I was very high-spirited and vigorous.   Although it had been a long time since I’d touch a basketball and my hands were already raw, I quickly warmed up as I played.  A group of people varying in levels, ages, occupations were running and jumping together.  The mess of a spectacle was indeed a mess, yet I gradually developed a blood-boiling sensation.   In the end, I didn’t score that much and I carelessly took an elbow to my side.  But then I was in good spirit all day long.  I didn’t think that I could be so stirred up without even relying on drugs.   I enthusiastically accompanied Ke Luo to go buy a book, a CD, a newly arrived baseball glove, and food.  Unknowingly, I was taken back home by Ke Luo.    By the time I realized it, I was already sitting at the table, looking longingly for Ke Luo to bring out the food.   The following days, besides work, were mixed up with him.  The time used to consort with old friends at the pleasure district were freed up and filled with something much better.   I accompanied Ke Luo to pick popular CDs that I stopped listening to long ago, to drive all over the place for enjoyment, to hurry and catch a movie, to play basketball while crammed together in noisy chaos with a group of people I don’t know, to follow him in ice skating, to play hockey, to nest in his apartment playing video games, and to make my own food.   It was as if I had simply turned back time, reliving the life of a young person and not feeling weary.   Together with Ke Luo, time flew by quickly.  We were obviously still tackling the crab bought from a Chinese store in preparation for dinner, and, in a blink of an eye, it already past midnight.   Spending the night together is a matter of course.  There was no one who could resist a boy like Ke Luo at all.   But the number of times of actually doing it all the way to penetration wasn’t that many.   Every time, I had to keep on turning and rolling half the day away for the sake of determining who was on top and who was on bottom.  My strength was of no use.  Once I was pinned down, I, for the most part, turned against him and made a scene; dead or alive, not letting him top.   So the most we did were just kissing and caressing, mouth and hand techniques only.   I had long been one among experts, full to the brim with ample s.e.xual experiences.  Yet, that thrilling feeling was very unfamiliar to me.   It turned out that those clearly lame romance magazines weren’t exaggerating.  My mind would go blank as we fondled each other.  The saying that with just one kiss, the entire body would burn as if being set on fire and such…was true.   That sort of feeling was unlike the decadence of the past when I had looked for people to spend the night with.  It was strange.  If spoken out, I can’t clearly explain it.   It’s almost like I was in love.   But to say we’re lovers, we’re not really so.  In love, both sides needed to understand each other, yet Ke Luo puzzled me.  Besides his hobbies and his apartment, I knew nothing else of him.   I just felt that Ke Luo was quite capable.  He arrived here not too long ago, but he was getting by quite proficiently.  Nothing stumped him.  There wasn’t a road he’d pa.s.sed once that he couldn’t recall.  Ke Luo often surprised me with bought dishes and raw food just to arrange a meal.   Of course, you could say that Chinatown had everything, but there were a lot of things not just anybody can find.  And even if it was found, you may not be able to buy it.   Although he was only a small child coming here alone, he was more at home than the majority of people here.   He had no need for me to look after him.   What made me feel more uneasy was that Ke Luo was unlike those boys I had effortlessly bought from the past.  He knew I had money, but had never asked me for anything.  He wouldn’t have much of a reaction to the expensive gifts I gave him.   That guy, Lin Jing, would always pat me in any case and say, “Lee, you treat me pretty nice.”  However, Ke Luo would only smile and say, “thank you,” not paying much mind.   A boy like this, once he wants to leave, I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to keep him from doing so.  Moreover, I really liked the feeling of him by my side and couldn’t bear to part from him.   I was old.   I had thought over how I could help him settle in this city.  I had good financial resources.  I knew quite a few people.  I can give him a lot of good opportunities.  As long as he wishes, he can have less of a struggle compared to his cla.s.smates for several years.   Fortunately, Ke Luo was also well-behaved.  Once he had the time to come find me, he’d hang out with me all day and all night without a bored expression.   Nowadays, there were already very few boys that were devoted and faithful like him.  Not to mention, he was sensible and considerate.  When I made a scene yet again on the bed, he would never get angry.    Although he was at a very young age, he already knew how to spoil me.   The more I was with him, the more I felt I had picked up a treasure, and the more reluctant I was to let go.   *** “Are there messages for me?”  This afternoon, I went out.  By the time I came back to the office at nightfall, I couldn’t help but ask my a.s.sistant.   “No.”  When she spoke, her face had on a lively dimple.  “You’ve asked me five times today.  What kind of message are you waiting for?”   “You ask too much.”  Smiling, I patted her desk with the doc.u.ments in my hand and strode off with casual naturalness.   Today Ke Luo didn’t contact me.   I had confirmed several times.  There was no problem with the phone signal.  The phone lines in the entire office, up and down, were completely clear.  The inbox wasn’t full.   Usually I didn’t need to take the initiative, and he would naturally come find me.  Even if he was busy with cla.s.ses and exams, he would take time off to make a phone call over.  This was a first to have no sign of activity like this.   I kept waiting until I returned home at night.  I really couldn’t take it anymore and, for the first time, called his number.   After a rather long time, someone picked up on the other side.  I cleared my throat:  “It’s me.”   He recognized my voice, but his att.i.tude didn’t have any special enthusiasm.  “What is it?”   I composed myself a little, “Are you busy?”   “Yeah, I bought things and am tidying up the room.”   “I haven’t seen you at all today.  I’ll go over shortly then.”  I lightly hinted in my tone.   “I’m busy.  I’ll be busy until very late.”  He rejected very clear-cut.   My face suddenly became a bit feverish, and I gave a cough:  “Then tomorrow?  It’s the weekend tomorrow.”   “I can’t.  I have a friend visiting me tomorrow.”  With a grave voice, he seemed very nervous.   “Staying at your place?”  Getting an affirmative reply, I chuckled.  I reached for a cigarette and lighter from my pocket.  “Then why don’t you come to my place tonight?”   “I can’t.”   “Accompany your friend in the day.  Don’t tell me you’re accompanying your friend at night too?”   “Yeah, for these two days.”   “…”  I lighted the cigarette and inhaled two mouthfuls.  I was silent for a moment, then I smiled and sighed, “Well then, I’ll give you a call.”   “Don’t.”   “…”  I smoked half the cigarette, but still couldn’t think of what to say.   “Is there anything else?”   “No.  When your friend goes back, you can come find me then.”   He actually didn’t answer right away and was quiet for a while.  He gave me a line:  “We’ll see.”   After the phone hung up, I was still at a loss.  It had crossed my mind before that Ke Luo would shift his affection and connect with someone else, but I’d never thought he’d change his att.i.tude that fast.  I didn’t even have the time to adjust to the change.   I smoked two cigarettes, and my heartbeat slowly calmed down.  I, then, stood on the balcony for some time.   This was nothing.  Even if he derailed a couple times, it wasn’t a big deal.  In this society, these kinds of things were common anyway.   Ke Luo was previously so attached to me.  He was such a stubborn child and wouldn’t just change heart.  He will certainly come back.   ***   During the two-day weekend, I just sat at home, waiting for a message from Ke Luo.  He actually wouldn’t let me call and bother him.  And I won’t go spoil it for him.  No good would come from that sort of straightforward, forceful method.  I had never been so stupid.   One must give the other person leeway in all things.   I waited anyway.  I was already at this age.  I won’t be impatient.  I’ll keep my composure.   These two days felt exceptionally long.  When night came, it was even raining.  I listened to the pitter patter outside, and then looked at the time on the wall clock.  I was somewhat sleepy.   Ke Luo won’t come in this kind of weather.   I had work tomorrow, so I couldn’t stay up late again like the past two days.  I let out a breath and pinched between my eyebrows.   The doorbell suddenly rang.  I was ready to go upstairs when I heard it.  I hurriedly turned around and strode over to open the door.   As I opened the door, I realized I had forgotten myself.  I didn’t even look through the front door peephole to see who it was.   In the middle of the night, in this kind of place, being shot dead was like aneveryday home-style meal .  Wasn’t this seeking death?    I was actually so impatient that I lacked caution.   The young man standing outside the door was dripping wet.  He didn’t utter a sound, but just stood at the entrance.   I felt relieved.  My body relaxed, somewhat weakened.   “Ke Luo.”   I knew he’d come back.   “How did you get so wet?”   I pulled him in.  I chattered on as I looked for a towel to dry his hair.  He just lowered his head, embraced my waist, and burrowed into my arms.   A rare intimacy – he really does like me the most in the end.   My heart wildly jumped.  I let him hold me as I dried his damp hair.  His cheeks that were drenched from the rain were cold and wet.  The ice-cold touch made me feel somewhat sympathetic.  I immediately stopped bearing grudges against him.   If he derails, he derails.  He was only a small child anyway.  Who doesn’t have a time when they can’t help it?   In an embrace, we went upstairs in the midst of thick, heavy kisses.  He wrapped around me tightly with such a great strength as if he was going to lift me up.  Being pa.s.sionately caressed like this, I almost couldn’t stand up any longer.  I turned my hand behind me, held him, and strongly sucked on his lips.   I only lost two days, yet I nearly couldn’t hold it any longer.   As expected, I was old.  I needed him to stay by my side.  I was already touched and was unable to retrieve it back.   Ke Luo kept fastening onto me, hardly relaxing, as if reluctant to even open his mouth to speak.  He severely rubbed my back and kissed my chest sore.   He rarely became so out of control.  I followed his intention by responding back.  This time, I wasn’t difficult in vying for the right to establish top and bottom.   It was fine to just make him happy.  To show my softer side for once was nothing.   The feeling of being penetrated was still agonizingly difficult to bear.  Moreover, today he had no patience.  He only rushed through lubrication and then urgently drove in.  I took deep breaths, trying to relax my entire body; yet with the waves of convulsion, I couldn’t help grabbing his shoulders.   “Slow, slow down.”   “I missed you.”   “Mm-hmm.”   “…I like you.”   “Mm-hmm…”   “I only like you…”   The rhythmic movement began.  It was so painful that I was unable to speak.  I could only adjust my breathing and touch his head.   “Don’t leave me.”   The pain hit me more than the wild pleasure.  His fragmented kisses and gentle voice made me relax significantly.  I really liked this child to the point that merely hearing his sweet speech and honeyed words would relieve the pain.   “I love you…”   “Mm-hmm.”   “Shu Nian…”   My body chilled down all at once, rigid, unable to move.   Again he hazily called out:  “Shu Nian.”   I felt like I had turned to stone as I lay stiffly, staring at him.   “Xiao Nian…”   I swallowed and raised my hand to grab his shoulder, “Who are you calling out to?”   He appeared to be awake all of a sudden.  Slightly startled, he opened his eyes.    To be called with someone else’s name in bed, this sort of deep humiliation, I had never in my lifetime experienced before.   “Which s.l.u.t are you calling out to?”   He immediately glared at me with fierce animosity, “Don’t you dare call him that!”   From my throat, I made an indistinct sound, wanting to burst out laughing, but not able to.  After a while, I hoa.r.s.ely said:  “Get out.”   He was silent for a moment.  He actually didn’t express anything else.  He simply pulled out, and then stood up.  After putting on his clothes, he opened the door and left.   So clean and efficient.   I looked at myself.  It had already completely softened down between my legs even though the fine hairs on my arms were still erect.  Leaning against the head of the bed, my entire body remained naked and rigid.  That kind of heat had long faded away.  Only the pain from the split between my legs stood out.   I took two deep breaths, laughed at myself, and let out a curse.  Then I took out a cigarette to smoke.   Yet my hands were slightly trembling.   f.u.c.k this s.h.i.tty world.   Miracle, love.  Even Lin Jing stopped believing in this long before.  This time, I actually held onto such longing.   What a big joke.   A thirty-year old man with an IQ of an eight-year old.   I lit a cigarette one after another and carried on smoking until the sky drizzled with light.   I was clear-headed.  I had just been careless this time.  If it was ten, twenty years ago, perhaps I wouldn’t have been so obsessed with him and would not have shown such a big disgrace.   I had only been momentarily confused.  It didn’t matter to me.  I had no weakness.  I was merely old.                                                          Shrimp dumpling1:                                                                         Shao mai2: