Love In The Suds: A Town Eclogue Part 5

What are my puffs, and what my gains to him?

If poor and proud, can he of right complain That wealthier men and wittier are as vain?

Why must he hint that I am past my prime, To blast my fading laurels ere their time?

Death to my fame, and what, alas, is worse, 'Tis death, d.a.m.nation, to my craving purse; Capacious purse! by PLUTUS form'd to hold, (The G.o.d of Wealth) the devil and all of gold.

Insatiate purse, that never yet ran o'er, But swallows all, and gapes, like h.e.l.l, for more.

And yet, alas! how much the world will lye!

They call me miser; but no miser I; He, brooding o'er his bags, delighted sits, And laughs to scorn the jests of envious wits; If fast his doors, he sets his heart at rest, And dotes with rapture on his iron chest; No galling paper-squibs his spirits teize, But ev'n the boys may hoot him if they please.

He scorns the whistling of an empty name, While I am torn 'twixt avarice and fame;

IMITATIONS.

Sordidus ac dives, populi contemnere voces Si solitus: populus me sibilat: at mihi plaudo Ipse domi, simul ac nummos contemplor in arca.

While I, so tremblingly alive all o'er, Still bleed and agonize at every pore; At ev'ry hiss am harrow'd up with fear, And burst with choler at a critic's sneer.

Rack'd by the gout and stone, and struck with age, Prudence and Ease advise to quit the stage; But Fame still prompts, and Pride can feel no pain; And Avarice bids me sell my soul for gain.

Bring NYKY back, O Muse! by verse divine, The Trojan-Greeks were once transformed to swine.

By verse divine B----TTI 'scap'd the rope: Now love is known, what may not lovers hope!

Ev'n as with _Griffins_[33] stallions late have join'd With blood-hounds goats may litter, as in kind;

IMITATIONS.

Ducite ab urbe domum, mea carmina ducite Daphnim: Carminibus Circe socios mutavit Ulyssei: Carmina vel coelo possunt deducere lunam.

Nunc scio quid sit amor---- ---- ---- quid non speremus amantes?

Jungentur jam _Gryphes_ equis, aevoque sequenti c.u.m canibus timidi venient ad pocula damae.

Torva leaena lupum sequitur, lupus ipse capellam, Te Corydon, O Alexis: trahit sua quemque voluptas.

NOTES.

[33] Unnatural monsters, familiar only with the poets.

Nay wanton kids devouring wolves may greet, And wolves with loving lyonesses meet.

By different means is different love made known.

And each fond lover will prefer his own.

Strange lot of love! two friends, my soul's delight, Men call that M----r, this a Catamite!

Yet bring him back; for who chaste roundelay Shall sing, now B--ST--FF is driv'n away?

Who now correct, for modest Drury-lane, Loose Wycherly's or Congreve's looser vein?

With nice decorum shunning naughty jokes, Exhibit none but decent, dainty folks?[34]

Ah me! how wanton wit will shame the stage, And shock this delicate, this virtuous age!

NOTES.

[34] NYKY was employed by ROSCIUS to correct the Plain-dealer of Wycherly; which he accordingly attempted, and inscribed the attempt to his patron, "as a tribute of _affection_ and esteem for his many shining and _amiable_ qualities." "The licentiousness of Wycherly's muse," says this modern corrector, "rendered her shocking to us, with all her charms: or, in other words, we could allow no charms in a tainted beauty, who brought contagion along with her." Of the play of the Plain-dealer, in particular, he intimates that it had been long excluded the theatre; because, to the honour of the present age, it was immoral and indecent: that on a close examination, he found in it excessive obscenity; that the character of Manly was rough even to outrageous brutality; and that he thought it necessary to work the whole materials up again, with a mixture of alloy agreeable to the rules of modern refinement! SEE PREFACE TO B---- FF'S PLAIN-DEALER.

What a champion for decency and delicacy, morality and humanity! What improvement may not sterling wit receive from the mixture of such alloy! What an idea may we not hence acquire of modern refinement!

How will _Plain-dealers_[35] triumph, to my sorrow!

And PAPHOS rise o'er SODOM and GOMORRAH!

NOTES.

[35] A character thus admirably depicted by Wycherly, in the scene between Manly and Plausible.

_Manly._ I have more of the mastiff than the spaniel in me, I own it: I cannot fawn, and fetch and carry; neither will I ever practise that servile complaisance, which some people pique themselves on being masters of.---- I will not whisper my contempt or hatred; call a man fool or knave by signs and mouths, over his shoulder; while I have him in my arms: I will not, as you do----

_Plausible._ As I do! Heaven defend me! upon my honour! I never attempted to abuse or lessen any one in my life.

_Manly._ What! you were afraid?

_Plausible._ No: but seriously I hate to do a rude thing. No, faith, I speak well of all mankind.

_Manly._ I thought so: but know that this is the worst sort of detraction, for it takes away the reputation of the few good men in the world by making all alike! Now I speak ill of many men, because they deserve it.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

APPENDIX.

Certain circ.u.mstances, to which the author of the foregoing piece was an utter stranger, having happened about the time of its publication, and given rise to rumours equally false and foreign to the party; it appears that Roscius, or some of his friends, was pleased to insert the following queries in the Morning Chronicle of July 2d.

"Candour presents her compliments to Mr.----, she begs his pardon,---- to Dr.---- _Kenrick_, and desires to ask him a few simple questions; to which, if he be the _Plain-dealer_ he pretends, he will give a plain and direct answer.

_Query_ I. Whether you are not the author of the eclogue, ent.i.tled, _Love in the Suds_, as well as of the letter prefixed to it?

II. Whether you did not mean, though you have artfully evaded the law, by affecting the translation of a cla.s.sical cento, to throw out the most scandalous insinuations against the character of Roscius?

III. Whether you were not likewise the author of an infamous, anonymous paragraph in a public paper; for which that paper is under a just prosecution?

IV. Whether you have not openly acknowledged notwithstanding, that you really entertained a very different opinion of Roscius?

V. Whether any cause of dispute, that might subsist between you and Roscius, can authorize so cruel, so unmanly an attack?

VI. Whether the brother of Roscius did not personally wait on you to require, in his name, the satisfaction of a gentleman, which you refused him?

CANDOUR."

To these queries, the author judged it expedient to make the following reply in the same paper of July 4th.

To CANDOUR.

MADAM,