Love and Rockets Part 20

"Dance with me, angelfish!"

Again, she took my wingtip fingers in hers. We twirled together. I felt a heat from her that excited me. Music played from concealed speakers all over the room. Spotlights tracked us, created intersecting beams of color and shadow, but the best part were the twin sensations of floating and of Estela holding onto my hands. I never wanted the moment to end.

"This is what I live for," she said. "These are the times when I feel the most free."

"I understand," I said.

She smiled into my eyes. "I think you do."

"A good creature, for all she is Terran," Aunt Raciel murmured in our language as she wobbled by.

Estela let go of me and disappeared into a ma.s.s of Soteians cl.u.s.tered upside down around the central chandelier. They burbled with laughter as she organized them into a game. I caught my aunt near the wall of stars.

"Did you feel a shock when you touched the Terran girl?"

Aunt Raciel peered at me and her thin cheeks puckered. "No, dear. I am too old to be interested in dalliances." Her large brown eyes were curious. "Is she meant for you?"

"Of course not!" I exclaimed. "She is Terran. I am Soteian."

"Ah, but look at your color. You are emerald green. That is a healthy sign. Now that Aiech.e.l.l is wed, you can take your pleasure where you choose. If she makes you happy, why not?"

I looked at my skin. It was as green as the old female had said. I hadn't been this shade since the last time I had fallen in love.

"It is just the party," I protested. "I am enjoying myself." And in truth, I was. I would never have thought that I would, having lost Ndera.

With mock irritation, Aunt Raciel pushed me, and I tumbled away from her. "Don't be a fool, Ergal. Twenty parties would not have cheered you up. If there is something about that Terran, you ought to allow yourself to find it out."

I felt shy about pursuing Estela. The Terran had a job to do, encouraging everyone to have a good time. I was only one of the crowd, I reminded myself. Still, every time her eyes met mine, I saw a curiosity there and-did I imagine it?-a warmth that was reserved just for me.

I was deeply happy. I had seen more beauty today and felt more strong emotions one after another than in several years combined. My relatives shooting around the room did look like the angelfish in the tank wall, and as brilliantly colored. Our wings, for once, were wings, giving us thrust, helping us angle sharply to veer away from the walls, and making great, cupping sails to hover lazily in one place. When parts floated that didn't usually float, I observed things I had not noticed before, such as the three ladies who were carrying children. The bulges of their pregnancies seemed exaggerated in size and ma.s.s when they angled into a turn. I had never seen them as beautiful as they were in that moment. Flying transformed my perspective. I reveled in my new knowledge, and all thanks to Estela.

That shock of energy had intrigued me. In fact, it was like a caress. I had never felt anything like it before, not during any affair with one of my many ladies, or when I thought I was in love with Ndera.

I found myself in a circle with Ndera and Aiech.e.l.l. They held to each other by feet hooked backward, swinging one another's ma.s.s through the air with a thrust of their wings and laughing. I thought I would feel pangs of agonized loss, but I was surprised to note how much my feelings had blunted. I was in love with a nebula, a sensation, and a new way of looking at things. I had found a joy of my own in the freedom.

"Thank you, brother," Ndera said, caressing my face with her wing. She and Aiech.e.l.l sailed away. I watched after them, wondering why I did not feel sorrow.

"Don't worry," Estela whispered, as she came to swoop around me like a lizard of prey. "You will make someone a wonderful husband one day."

She fluttered away. This time I pursued her, hoping to catch her alone by the gla.s.s wall overlooking the nebula. I must speak to her. I must know what she felt.

Instead, I heard the soft chime come again. Estela and other employees hastened to each of us in turn, making certain we were upright when the gravity slowly returned. I felt the pressure grind against me, forcing me to the floor. My weight almost caused my slender feet to buckle underneath until I made them remember they did this every day. I am not ashamed to say I felt deep sorrow at the loss.

Estela touched down like a bubble and glided to me. "Are you all right?"

"I am wonderfully well," I a.s.sured her. "I would live for that, too." I flapped my shoulders to cool my face. "How well you guided us! Those who would fear were led to forget it. You made us all feel as if it was easy to fly."

She held up the folds of her garment. "You are made for it," she said. "I wish that I was. This is just a costume."

"I had forgotten. Your limbs move like ours, but they aren't shaped the same." I was consumed with curiosity. "I have never met Terrans before. May I see you?"

She let out a small sigh, and her eyes dropped from mine. "May I have privacy, lord?"

I felt terribly abashed. But I couldn't help myself. "Of course," I said. "Is there somewhere else you wish to go?"

She glanced around. Nothing of an opaque nature presented itself. "I think we'd have to go into the servers' tunnel."

But that was busy with Terrans and other species coming and going with food and other supplies.

"Come here," I said. I stretched out my wings to their farthest extent and made a cylindrical tent around her. Reluctantly, she complied.

The garment unfastened at shoulders, wrists, and ankles and slid to the floor. Without the enveloping cloth, her frame was pale, skinny, and bony. Where we have manipulative digits concealed in the ma.s.s of hair on our chests, she had soft, round protruberances whose slight movements mesmerized me. In truth, a Terran's body was shaped like a Soteian's without wings. If she held her arms up and behind her, her skeleton would be very much like mine but for the backward feet. I had heard of the 'seeding theory' of the universe. Was there truth in it? Were we actually long-distant kin? I wanted to touch her, draw her to me, and feel the lines of her body against mine. I leaned closer.

Her face turned scarlet, which I knew was not a look of pleasure. Humiliation was writ large on her face. I was abashed and sorry, but also fascinated. I had observed something about her midsection, the same as some of the Soteian guests. "I apologize. You may dress again. You are beautiful, too. You . . . you are with child?"

She kept her chin thrust out as she stooped to retrieve the ma.s.s of red cloth. "Yes. That's not covered by my contract. I am going to have to work extra to pay for him when he is born."

I burbled sympathetically. "How long is your contract to run?"

"Four years," she said. "He will be born here. That's not so bad. There are good doctors on board, and tutors for pa.s.sengers' children. He'll get a good education."

"Then, what?"

I realized my inquiry was getting personal, but I did not know how to change the subject. She did it for me.

"What now for you?" she asked, covering her embarra.s.sment as she refastened the drape at her shoulders.

"Nothing," I said. Once again, I felt the emptiness of the years to come stretch out ahead of me. "I belong to the advisory council of several companies, which all run perfectly well without me. I have provided for the ladies who have and are going to have my children. I have two sons, and a daughter on the way."

"How nice for you," she said, as I unfolded my wings and set her free. "What would you do if you could?"

I respected her strength. I had just embarra.s.sed her, and she was still trying to draw me out. I glanced over her shoulder, and was rendered breathless by the view. I touched her gently on the shoulder, careful not to touch her skin.

"More of those," I said, sweeping my wings widely toward the window. "Between the soaring and the stars, I have never felt so alive." I looked at her warmly. "And you. You have been my guide to things strange and exciting and wonderful. I will forever be your 'angelfish.' "

Estela laughed. She leaned forward to press her lips upon mine. I felt that shock again.

Impulsively, I wrapped my wing around her. "Come and see the stars with me, Estela. It would not mean the same if you were not with me to help me understand the wonders before my eyes. I want you to be with me forever. Can you not feel it when we touch? That electricity? It was happy chance that put us here together."

Estela looked at me sadly. "It isn't real. You only felt the excitement of the moment." With a graceful turn, she whirled free of my wing. "I have to go."

I reached for her, but she eluded me. "What would it take to buy you free?" I blurted.

"Absolutely not," Estela said. Her cheeks went red again. "Then you would own me." She strode away from me. I followed, desperation weighing as heavily on me as gravity.

"I would give your freedom to you," I begged. "As wages. To be my guide in this universe. You have seen so much more than I have. I have only a few years ahead of me. By the time I am gone, your son will be grown and we will all have enjoyed the beauties of this galaxy, both large and," I gestured toward the fish tank, "small. Show me. Please." I caught her fingers again with my wingtip and held it firm. The wave of sensation flowed through me. "You can't tell me you don't feel that, as I do. You gave me joy, and I have fallen in love with you."

She turned and searched my eyes. "I do feel it. If we met at another time and place, I would say the same to you, but you are just reacting to the excitement of the moment. You are a wonderful person. There is no one else I would have enjoyed sailing the stars with more than you, but I can't go with you."

"Do you really want to stay?" I asked. Others were staring. I dropped my voice. "I plan to explore the universe in the years I have left. Come with me. What would it take? How much have you saved? Could you buy yourself free without me?"

"No," she said. The corners of her mouth pointed downward. "It wouldn't be possible. I don't have enough. I would be tempted. But I advise you not to do it." She laid her hand on my chest, and I grasped it with those fingers. Her eyes appealed to me. "Really. I'm not unhappy here. People get emotional at weddings. I've seen plenty of spur-of-the-moment proposals at these events. In the morning you'll be sorry for the impulse." The bitter expression on her face hurt me. I must be doing exactly what other males had in the past, but I knew it was different for me. She was meant to be mine. I looked deep into her eyes.

"I can save you from this. Can you bear four more years of humiliation?"

"Which you added to, if you recall, lord," Estela said, holding her chin high.

I was ashamed. I had. I had allowed my curiosity to overwhelm good sense and regard for her decency. "I am sorry. I am no better than anyone else. But I meant what I said. I love you, and I want you to come away with me."

Estela put on a hard face. "Go on. Enjoy your party. I have to dance for the bride and groom." She didn't look at me again.

I knew I was right. Having her by my side was the missing part of my life. Ndera was beautiful and loving. She could have given me splendid children, and we might have had years of pa.s.sionate coupling, but when this cruise ended she and Aiech.e.l.l were going back to Soteial forever. The heavens above our world were dull compared with what I beheld from the gla.s.s portal. I knew more was out there to see. And I wanted to fly again, but only if I could fly with Estela.

I knew why she refused my offer. She had no doubt been promised such things again and again by other guests who were beguiled by her charm and grace in such an emotionally-charged atmosphere. She was a functionary of this cruise line, another means of eliciting enjoyment from the pa.s.sengers in exchange for the exorbitant fares charged by the travel company, as much as the food service, the accommodations, and the music. She had come to understand how fleeting was the attachment of pa.s.sengers to the staff that served them. I didn't want her to serve me. I wanted her by my side, as an equal. I had made a mistake, but I would not make another one.

"You could get her fired," my aunt said, appearing at my side. "Then she would be free."

"No! That would just insult her more than I already have."

"You'll have to give her the means to float away from you if she chooses."

"I will give her her own ship if she wants." In fact, I liked the idea, now that it had occurred to me. I had plenty of money. "I will travel as a pa.s.senger. Then she can drop me where she wants if she tires of me."

My aunt opened her mouth to an amused O. "This is the most intensity I have seen in you since your first son was born. It is a shame that you can have no children with this one."

"I will be the father of her son," I said. I threw my sails back and marched firmly into the circle of onlookers watching Estela dance.

With the false wings of red cloth she was as graceful and powerful as the nebula. She threw herself into the dance as if pouring out her life. Aiech.e.l.l and Ndera, wings pressed together, were rapt. I glanced at them briefly, but my gaze was drawn by Estela. I loved every line of her. What did it matter that we had been born under different stars? Our souls both longed to range. I wanted to see the universe through her eyes.

When the music came to a halt, Estela dropped into a graceful curtsy before the happy couple.

"That was wonderful," Ndera said. "Thank you for giving us this gift. Your presence has made our wedding day even more joyful than I dreamed."

Estela listened for a moment to the translator in her throat, then rose to bow in the Soteian style, her arms waving at her side. "I am honored," she said.

I strode forward. I hesitated a moment, but with one more look at Estela's sweet face, I pressed on. "I have an announcement to make, my brother and sister."

Aiech.e.l.l turned to me. "What is it, Ergal?"

"I want this Terran female to marry me."

Estela rounded on me as fiercely as a Soteian woman might. She curled her hands on her hips. "What if I don't want to marry you?"

"Then you will lose your job," I said calmly. "Did you not say that your contract requires you to follow any order given you by our guests?"

Her mouth dropped open. "Yes, but . . ."

"If you obey my instructions, you will be my wife, and we can fly away together. If you do not, you will be breaking your contract, and will have to leave this ship anyhow. So you may as well come with me. What do you say?"

She gawked at me. Murmurs rushed through the crowd. Suddenly, a fleshy, pinkish-skinned Terran male, clad in black except for the white front of his tunic, appeared in the circle of Soteians. He pressed his hands together and dipped his head. His eyes were a watery blue with black dots at the center. I had met him before. He was Vondyk, the event planner for the cruiser.

"Is there some trouble here, my lords and ladies?" he asked in an unctuous voice.

"Yes," Aiech.e.l.l said, waving an imperious wing. "My brother requests to marry this Terran female. By the terms of our agreement with your shipping line, she must comply, but she is resisting."

"But you can't marry one of our . . . !" the man began, then raised his shoulders. "Eh . . . well, it is in our contract. Any order. But, marriage? Did she . . . ask for this to be made an instruction?"

"You insult her," I said, spreading my wings out to their fullest extent. My skin turned a fearsome blue. "I am the one who asked!"

The male retreated slightly.

"Well, eh, then she has to obey," he said. "You hear that, Estela?"

"Yes, Vondyk, I do."

A small look of satisfaction spread on Estela's face. I saw that some of the unhappiness she had suffered here had been because of him. I did not read Terran expressions well yet, but I was learning.

"Do you mean it?" Vondyk asked me. I puffed myself up.

"I do. In fact, I insist," I said. "But I would rather have the lady agree. What do you say, Estela? Will you marry me?"

She studied me. The indecision in her eyes fled, to be replaced by the former warmth. The corners of her mouth turned upward. "You leave me no room but to agree, don't you, Ergal?"

"None at all, I hope," I said.

"Well, Estela?" the male said, fixing a look I knew was anger upon her.

I held out my wingtip to her. She came to take it. The shock resounded through me. I could tell that she felt it, as well. Her eyes were wide with wonder.

"This must all be done properly," my mother said, pushing through the crowd. "My second child is getting married, too! The stars are lucky for me today!"

"And for me," I said, as Estela came to press against me. My mother approved! I was relieved. All our friends and relatives gathered close, pushing the now red-faced male out of the circle. Aiech.e.l.l stood at my side, and Ndera sidled up to support Estela.

Queen Denoa's eyes glowed with pleasure as she recited the marriage ceremony the second time. Her skin was yellow-green, but mine had dulled to a somber tone. This was a deep and sacred undertaking.

Then came the moment of life-sharing. It would be ceremonial, since Estela was not a Soteian. I brought my wings forward and gathered Estela to me. Our mouths joined with a pa.s.sion I had never experienced before. I felt her body with all of mine, exploring and enjoying it as if she was an unknown galaxy. Her small hands caressed every centimeter of my flesh.

"I will always love you," Estela murmured. "Whatever time we have will be enough." I swore to myself that I would do right by Estela, for the years I had left. When at last we parted, I would make certain she was provided for. For now, we had years of exploring the stars and one another. I looked deep into her eyes. She beamed at me.

I felt the warmth coming from her infuse me again. To my astonishment, her face turned from gold to pale green. I saw my own skin fade to half its original hue. Impossible! Yet, when I let her go, the tone remained in her cheeks. It faded slowly, but I knew that she had changed, and so had I. My family let out exclamations of amazement.

"Could it be possible that we have life-shared?" I asked my mother.

Denoa gazed at us with delight. "It would seem so, my son."

"I told you she was meant for you!" my aunt cackled, poking me in the back with her wingtip.

"How long is a Terran life?" I asked Estela.